Switching on to what turns me on
sees me glint colourful through porous escapades,
a rainbow flaunting shamelessly;
driven on waves of hormonal freedom, naked
this solace of self ..Simple.

Connections' conversely complex can
risk fraught, risk need;
where loneliness  stirs, like my bare feet on sand,  
with hopeless toes that try to anchor if just for the turn of the tide
until, ears attune to whispers of the changing wind.....
Here, waiting can see chance pass by the lazy heart,
tilted, heavy
in its overcoat of reluctance....
to offer, to call for; to act.

Thankful for the silence beneath my cloak 
that welcomes, accepts,
and where freedom floats free over warring taboos locked
in rooms of unresolved pain.
Here,
most days I prevail,
in a chaos of particles swollen by heat
I'm seen spraying like hot mist speckled in rays of sunshine
that grace me a warm embrace, 
boundless,
I am charged and changed
in perpetual re-assemblance through lights and darks.

I stand aside sometimes
And await my punishment
Await my flogging
The consequences of my actions
I know I've been bad
I've lied to myself so, I have been had... by me
But that false reality, for a second, filled me with so much satisfaction
I stand aside, stand out of my own way... so I can see
The ability to be in denial to myself is one that I lack, that character is hardly me
And so, I stand aside sometimes, turn my gaze inward, and look inside at times
Correct my wrongs
The rhythm somehow kind of went off key
Re-write these songs
These bad ideas come in crowds... in throngs
These crazy things that we conjure up
That flow freely
Damn this tap
Will never stop giving
When will it dry up?

Is this what it feels like to be,
what they call,
"hanging on by a thread"?
Tenaciously clinging to some faint hope that you still want me?
My raw parts?
My shattered self?
I am grasping for
some inkling,
some sign,
some act that will show you still care.
You have left me completely numb and without good reason.

culture burned off my fingertips,
splinters, morphed into unsightly locusts
behemoths are used to scavenging.
peering at the soft light,
the seconds flew by,
humming quietly.

a voice mystified the atmosphere
the walls began to turn
reveling in my pattern sinking
deeper than paradigm.
stardust clouded the room
all was natural.

most would call it ambrosia of the mind,
when matters most at hearts is failed to be recognized.
candles whisper their oak secrets.
one would, prefer a wine tasting
licking off the fine print left behind on the fold.
illegality, temperament, bitterness.
a lifetime wouldn't be as cold.

once again, gathering my thoughts
smoked cleared the room
only lipstick was left behind on the chalice
what remained of my vision
was merely the clearest confusion.

Step, I take a breath
Turn around, who is left?
Anger pass, guilt is gone
I ran so fast, and now I’m strong
I pant no more, but breathing soars
I look, search
Try to see
Past thick masks, tall, tall trees
I turn over rocks, I avoid the bees
Slight sting, in the back of memoirs
Where are the people, where can they be
I look for their faces, why can’t I see?
Few stand where many had
Their faces glow, and I’m not mad
Those few have shown me love
But I still search for the ones who have gone
The rocks began to shake, the earth it quake
I stop looking, and I will wait.

i am a lost girl
the kind who will let you stare
into her ocean eyes for free
and swallow your compliments
profoundly eagerly
while always knowing
all nourishment is temporary

i am a lost girl
the kind who has sorrow burned on the inside
of her mouth
nothing can take the taste away
not even love not even people
who said they would stay
because she knows more than anyone
that they never do

i am a lost girl
the kind whose passion will tug on your heartstrings
so hard you will be able to feel
the vibrations throughout your entire body
long after she has left you
covered in kisses and invisible bows
stranded on an abandoned
railroad pleading
for release

i am a lost girl
the kind that knows what she wants
but does not have enough drive or self esteem
to keep  a solid grasp
for certainty has always been like sand
slowly slipping through her fingers

i am a lost girl
the kind that will settle on what little power
she has left
the kind that will sing you to sleep
if in turn you will tell her
just once
that she is beautiful regardless
of if you mean it
or not.

There is nothing worse in the world than
Yelling, I can't take the pressure
Being put on my back
Waiting
For me to collapse, because
You use those words
To break me
Down, and there is nothing giving me the strength to
Get back up.

So why can't you turn your
Anger into love
The same way I turn my
Sorrow
Into forgiveness?
Please stop
Tearing me
Down,
One yell at a time

I can feel myself
Slipping
Away