She believes in happy things
Invisible beings with fairy wings
Fluttery butterflies make her dance
An endless game of happenstance
Eyes of wonder, transparent soul
The world is cruel but she don't know...

She greets me with smiles from ear to ear
To hold her heart I solemnly swear
Gental touch sooth the soul
In her presence I turn to gold
She holds my restless heart at bay
As she executes her innocent ways...

Her plans get lost in the making
A pouty face when shes faking
Empty cups of invisible tea
Cartoon bandages when she bleeds
Shelfs filled with eyes that stare
She loves her tattered teddy bear...

Crayon drawling of sunny skies
She draws me with big wide eyes
Read me a story, she hands me a book
It's past her bed time but she gives me that look
I tuck her in and read her asleep
And pray my love she'll always keep...

there’s a boy with a black jacket and green eyes jumping into your car
and he asks you to buy him a cupcake so you do
and he hasn’t told you his name and you haven’t told him that you stole this car
he follows you home and crawls into your bed
he tells you what his name is but you think he’s lying

so you let him tuck up to your body and tighten his arms around your shoulders
when you wake up he’s still there and it’s still dark outside
so he takes your hands and pulls you outside
you drink something that makes you feel numb
and you still haven’t told him that you stole that car
and he hasn’t paid you back for the cupcake so you sit in silence

and then you go to bed again and he’s there
when you wake up there’s a warmth pressed on top of you and hair in your face
he’s still there and you’re still not sure what his real name is
he says he has to leave soon and his voice is weak
and well, you don’t want him to leave

so one day you wake up and it’s been snowing all night
and it’s freezing and he’s not there
it takes weeks and weeks and you wondered if you dreamed him up
and you want to know why he got in your car
and why you let him get close to you
you still can’t stop thinking even when the world’s asleep

but then its 3 am and you just got to sleep and something crashes through your window
so its him, and he’s soaking wet from the rainstorm outside
he crawls into your bed and you say ‘took your time’
and you can feel him smile into your neck and he whispers so only you can hear him
‘i went away but then i remember you and i came running back’

she's sick of being made to feel
like a worthless
piece of shit

like she's not ever
good enough for anyone
or anything for that matter

she's sick

of her parents
trying to take away
everything that she loves

she's tired

of never being the best friend
of never helping enough
of never being worth it

she's exhausted

of being average
at everything
even the one thing she thought she was good at

she's sick

of her "best friend"
taking everything away from her
to leave her broken and crying

she's tired

of the one person she trusted
backstabbing her, not letting her forget
seeing her as something she tried to hard to leave behind

she doesn't want
to cry herself to sleep
every night

she doesn't want
to remember anything she did wrong
in those late hours before dawn

she can't put up with this
much longer

so she'll
wet her quill

and in that neat handwriting
the teachers always admired
she'll write the following:

"I'm sorry for being a burden"

and as her tears

r
o
l
l
down her face
and her hand shakes

she'll fold it up
in that neat fashion

she'll carefully tuck it into
her top drawer

and she'll climb
down

the stairway to hell

as a bundle of batik cloth
you carried me
slung across your shoulders
a mess of curls and hungry crying
you sing me words I don’t understand

after the rain
you sweep the fallen leaves
with one arm against your back
and the weight of shadows you could not leave
at home

sleepy faced in a bowl of morning cereal
your fingers braid my bed head
with bright blue ribbons
that intertwine our worlds together
and then apart

red faced
shoes unlaced
i stumble through the door
tripping on sentences
you say nothing
but tuck me in

back in her homeland
she left her two children
only to gain two more
and when i leave for snow this August
i will be leaving not just one mother
but two

"Ouch."



                                                      Said, she


                                                      like a curtain fearing
                                                      human hands

                                                      That peel her back
                                                      and tuck her away,
                                                      as if saying



  
                 "Yes.  You are useless."

I've never been scared in my sleep
My dreams are ordinary reenactments
Of the pain and disorder that is my life
But I do believe in nightmares
The kind you can't wake up from
I met one down the street
Last time I was brave enough
To climb out of bed

once when he was five
he made up a song
while riding on his favorite swing
and when he fell off and scraped
his shin, his brother told him
not to cry because
girls liked scars.

and that night as his father
tucked him into bed he hummed
the song he made up
while riding on his favorite swing
and fell asleep in two minutes

once when he was fourteen, he stared
out the window of a parked car for hours
gazing at the stars
and wondered if they thought he was beautiful.
that was the year he first kissed a boy

once on a blank piece of paper
he tried to write a song
but forgot how it went
and that was the year that his brother
went to college and he was
put into foster care because his mother left
and his father was too drunk
to tuck him in at night

and that was the year the boy he kissed
introduced him to the bottom of a bottle
and the taste of cigarettes
and thats how most nights went

once he began to make art
on a blank wrist and he thought
the only way to end the pain
was to break the veins that
bound him to this broken world
and when his brother came back
for christmas and saw his scars,
he didn't say anything
at all

that was the year the boy he first kissed
beat him in english class
and called him a faggot
and spit in his face

once when he was seventeen
he stole the keys to a stranger's car
humming a song he had
forgotten the tune to
and drove out into the middle of
nowhere and as he gazed
into the sky he finally understood
that the stars didn't think he was beautiful
because they were all empty inside

and so was he

Stumbling and mumbling like a bumbling idiot
Feeling like a toddler who is barely learning how to speak
The first steps, tiny baby steps
Into this territory called "love"
"Kiddy crushing, puppy loving" --
That's what they all call it.
Tongue twisters, tying my tongue into tight knots.
These feelings puzzle my brain.
Questioning every movement, every moment
Waiting patiently for everything to click together
Two halves of a whole taken apart
By those who think they are better than us
Word goes around and around
But never seems to land on the truth
Avoiding all the right answers
Even if it was right in the center,
Bolded, capitalized letters, and highlighted
Just for you.
It will slap you in the face and tell you,
"Get your head out of the clouds!"
Because you need to realize that real life is not a fairy tale,
Not a story straight from the classics.
It is not told at night before your bedtime,
Before your parents tuck you in and kiss you goodnight.
It is something learned from experience,
Something that walks in at all the wrong times.
It'll walk in through the doors when you're crying
And it could walk in during breakfast while you're making your favorite morning coffee.
It even walks out, sometimes unannounced
Even during your happiest moments.
Because that's what love is:
Unpredictable

I hope you know what you’re doing
when you leave your girlfriends, fiancées and fuck-buddies
who are dying to be more
on those weekend nights

I hope you know what you’re doing
when you flash me that grin
and buy me a drink

That you know what you do to me
when you laugh at my jokes and tuck
that strand of hair behind my ear

I hope you know what you’re doing
when you bite my lip and hold me close

I hope you know what you’re doing
when you say you’ll talk to me
later but you go home to her

unbeknownst to me

I hope you know what you’re doing
because I never seem to.