I’m rummaging through the sounder parts
Of my brain trying to find
The important parts of
Where I touched you and where I felt you
How I touched you and how I felt you
Like old photos
I’m trying to configure every speck
Of color in your eyes that I saw when you looked
Into the sunset through the window –
There were blues and greens
And everything in between
When I roll over
To lie face down in bed
My sheets smell like the warm parts of your neck
So I reach down to grab your hand
And lace our fingers together
Like grape vines
But all I end up with
Is a fistful of duvet
This morning I woke up with the echoing
Of your voice calling me “honey”
Tonight I will fall asleep with the echoing
Of your voice saying my name
In the morning I will warm up
With a cup of coffee
And with the image in my head
Of how bright your eyes become
And wide your smile gets
When you talk about the ocean
And how the barnacles would get stuck to your feet
And how beautiful
The colors of the sunset
Looked against the evening sea
that the pain
from a heartbreak
can be devasta-
like the sting
of a waspt
at every little vain.
it is poison to the soul
and your heart
is pounding strong
trying to fight
the devil's work.
in your head
in your thoughts
you try to analize
what went wrong:
was it you?
was it her?
is there anyone to blame
or was it just God
and one of his jokes?
i don't mean to say
that we are entertainment
for the Lord,
i'm just thinking
how i'll see it
when im old
and think of how foolish
it was to think
that the older i got
the easier it would be.
what is love?
Because of that moment, you were led here,
If that had not happened, this wouldn't be
Everything happens, making other things clear
Just never woulda guessed that you'd be so important to me
Simple little actions, fingertip movements, linked us into conversation
An open bridge was built that night for our souls to travel across freely
Emotionally jumped into each others' soulful arms, without hesitation
Each message read was like a piece of our heart that we were inadvertently stealing
Every time your face popped up on my screen,
My heart would nearly skip a beat
Right now, many miles lay inbetween
But in roughly two weeks our bodies will finally meet.
Already in you I've let myself be vulnerable, comfortably
The pictures we paint with words depict something I can really see
I feel each slightest touch as if you were here enveloped in me, effortlessly
We've already raised each others' spirits and expanded frequencies
I think about you being here, or me there, frequently.
Thinking of hugging you instills a kind of peace in me,
Call it tranquility...simple pleasantries..call it anything..
~So long as it involves love~
You say I've done so much for you
But words are never enough.
Just symbols, to represent, stuff
Independent to the perspective
I just hope I symbolized meaning that was effective
How much I care.. I really meant it
Because if I didn't mean the content, I wouldn't have sent it
Hearts on the sleeves with arms extended
For any wound in your soul I wanna mend it.
Anything on your mind you can come to me and vent it.
I at least have a little bit of time left, I wanna come to you and spend it.
We're gonna have to take advantage of time spent, so to not regret it
Already deep within me you are embedded,
Talked so much in a short period, just know everything was true when I said it
Just as it is in the current, riding waves of light that'll promise us at least one night.
Frigid, snowy weather,
yet warm together~
It's our endeavor to better ourselves,
And I'll always be there for you when you need help.
I tend to move in stealth, but I make myself known.
My daydreams, embraced by you feels so at home.
If you're ever down, feeling alone
I'm here, pick up the phone, no matter the time zone
I'll send my electrified vibes flying through the air faster than a drone
some say it's tossed around too much,
But I say too little
They put rules and complications on it,
trying to find an answer to the riddle
I told you I could say it to strangers
But it's hard, romantically speaking,
as if there's impending danger.
But if the feeling's true we shouldn't waiver
For there's no guaranteeing there'll be a later
Even though right now I'm feeling blue,
I have nothing but love for you,
You make me think of brighter colors
Meshing energies like long lost lovers
I was riding high until some thoughts passed by.
Saw a few pictures and memories flooded the very limited space in my head
Levees feel like they're about to break through tear ducts, yet still afraid to cry.
But now, at this point there's been many I shed
Very sensitive connections kept us together.
You couldn't speak English, but still spoke through your action
Came by my side during storms that I could not weather.
I wish I knew how fast your time was passing
Sometimes I took your companionship for granted
Often not investing thought in the moment.
Stood by me, even when life.. I couldn't stand it
Now I'm thinking about your fate and how I wished I could've controlled it
Anytime I was home, you made me conscious of your calls
Whenever I was in my own bed you made sure to join me
It's as if now, without you, I'm getting withdrawls.
A bond beyond brotherhood draped in comfortability
The week I house sat for my mom, will remain with me always
Laying on the floor depressed, not only because you were dying
Still get choked up, knowing we showed each other love, before your next phase
But to keep you alive, some witnissed to see how hard I was trying
Weeks later after I moved, I woke up in Nevada thinking "where'd Austin go?"
I swear I felt you, and thought you were there, even though it may've not made sense
Know you're still in my heart, and were always so blissfully pleasant to hold.
I still feel you, and will always make room for your presence
You were the one cat I knew that would actually just into my arms from the floor, on command.
You held on, never scared as if you didn't wanna let go
Literally wrapped your paws around my neck in a hug-like embrace, or should i say - little hands.
Spent more time together than most of the humans I know
I miss you buddy, and the feelings haven't changed.
Some may think caring this much about an animal is strange.
Truth is we're all animals, and I'll see you at the next stage <3
Used to come naturally for me, until my world turned upside down
Failed my college English course
Started writing poems, cut through my issues like butter
Flowed from my brain like a one way train to a promised land
I don't even know what to write about anymore, I've become so dead
It kept me alive, I'd get these thoughts and have to put them down
On a napkin, on my hand, wherever I could at the time
They were my release
I don't know what to write anymore
But I'll keep on trying
Because maybe I'll write something
To solve this problem too
To my dear —,
It's so hard to breathe these days.
Being with you was living in excess
And when you've tasted excess,
Everything else tastes bland.
Yeah, I had everything to lose
But I still loved you as if I was about to die.
It's so hard trying to keep a straight face,
showing that I'm ok,
but I am so far from being ok.
I'm all alone with no one to talk to...
I think I miss that the most,
just having someone to talk to,
someone to share each day with.
I'm scared, I really am...
The thoughts of you not coming back
grow more real each day we're apart.
I don't know how to give you this space without you forgetting about me.
I wish each and every day you'd message me, someway,
just out of the blue and say
I'm coming back,
That you never left.
Most of all;
say the words
that would bring me right back,
that would bring us right back
"I" and "Love" and " You".
how many times can i beg you
not to forget me
how many moments can i cradle
in the palm of my hand
how many situations can i find myself in
without wanting to get out of them
how many times can i think of you
and wonder if you’re thinking of me, too
how many memories can come back to haunt me
just for me to kiss every ghost
how many times can i make a decision
then turn on my heel and say;
“i’ve changed my mind”
how many people can i take for granted
until they’re not here to take for granted anymore
how many mistakes can i make
without choosing to learn from them
how many planes can i get on
without knowing if i will ever land
how many potential lovers can i come across
without ever actually wanting a lover at all
how many times can i tell you i’m sorry
without truly wanting your forgiveness
how many songs can i play
without feeling like they mean something
how many poems can i write
without even knowing what the fuck i’m trying to say
how many fears can i face
without having a back-up plan
how many times can i hope
that you will miss me
how many times can i pray
that out of sight is not out of mind
how many times can i beg
you not to forget me
please don’t forget
for i don’t know
if or when
i shall see you again.
I. I thought you were her world;
Her paperback novel
She could ponder quotes in
And crack the spine of.
But you’ve now got police orders against you
And the pain of missing you
Seers the seams of her striped-sweater heart
And though you’re trying to get into Green and Ginsberg,
She can’t see what the big deal is.
You were the Holden Caulfield
To her Jane Gallagher
But Holden never took Phoebe
To the mattress so
I guess that makes the two of you
Sid and Nancy
II. I suppose she never believed you
When you told her that you were an alcoholic.
Because alcohol burns
And though you lit her fire,
You couldn’t keep it burning.
You told her that you didn’t read
And she should have
Backed away then.
But she didn't.
Because you played accordion
And dressed like Gatsby
And she adored that for a good while.
Until you told her that you despised the Rolling Stones
And may have committed a murder.
Even then she did not back away
Because you bought her cigarettes
And hit on other girls
While she waited for you
To give her the boot.
III. She liked your accent
But it was just a sweet, endearing cover up
For a mind as empty as a gypsy’s wallet
And a rich man’s soul.
IV. You liked to give her drags
Off your E-cigarette
Because it tasted like cherry Pez
And you wanted her to see
Or rather, taste,
Kissing you was like magic
You moved on to an older broad.
Her lips met yours
You tasted like heavy booze
And she was too desperate and twisted
To really give much of a damn.
So she accepted it
And moved on.
Because you called her pretty
And made out with her in the forest,
Denim scratching denim,
Hearts hurting hearts.
VI. She didn’t know you were homeless.
Maybe she did
But she didn’t accept it.
Like an elderly doesn’t accept death at first
And attempts to bargain.
You smelled horrible…
She believed it to be a natural thing.
But you were neglecting your hygiene and with that,
Her as well.
And the only thing you cared more for than sex
Was the Sex Pistols.
VII. You asked her to take off her glasses one day
And with one look of her freckled,
Pimple-shell ridden face,
You told her she looked like Ramona Flowers
And upon googling who that was,
She nearly crapped herself in glee.
She should have taken it as a sign
When you began to find
And tiny reason to touch her in as playful a way you could.
Through tiny nudges
She should have seen the possibility of romance blossoming.
But you were 29
And she, 17.
Twelve years, practically
Between the two of you.
But your undivided ideals
Brought you only closer together.
You were an English education major,
With a III mark after your name
And Megaman on your walls.
She took one look
At the astounding possibilities,
Drew a breath and fell in love with
Every little thing about you.
Unnoticeable thing about you,
From the scar
Stretching down your spine
To the scruff on your chin…
Deeper in love with you
Than she ever had before.
And she saw a dream,
That came in on a hot summer day
With Taco Bell
Still trying to convince myself
That any of that is true.
I'm sure you put the pieces together.
I know you knew.
So why did you try to keep us together
if I was a lost cause to you?
Sorry for always comparing you,
I never gave you a chance.
You should have left me.
You should have stopped trying.
You would have never known
the secrets that I've hiding.
I know you aren't stupid.
I know I was wrong.
I shouldn't have played the game.
I shouldn't have played along.