New moon
paves a way through darkness
washed up by waves of years past
you don't see the truth until you stand beside your shoes
nurture your passions
set down the bottle
set fire to your addictions
wake up sober
look in the mirror
be honest
you no longer need to run and pretend
mend your heart strings
come to terms with your weakness
tomorrow is another day to try again

New moon
paves a way through darkness
washed up by waves of years past
you don't see the truth until you stand beside your shoes
nurture your passions
set down the bottle
set fire to your addictions
wake up sober
look in the mirror
be honest
you no longer need to run and pretend
mend your heart strings
come to terms with your weakness
tomorrow is another day to try again

The difference between you and me is simple.
Plainer than anything I've ever seen.
Me.
I speak in truth, hold these words as sacred.
Careful with every one that passes through my lips.
You.
You speak in jest, making a mockery.
Burning your malice into the ears of all who hear.
Me.
I move gently, softer than rose petals
As sure not to catch the eye of an innocent bystander.
You.
You thrash your limbs, flail your breath to me
As your claws scrape my flesh until it bleeds.
Me.
I lack the courage to walk away, close the door
And allow you to slowly rot on your own.
You.
You are a succubus, taking all you can from me
Until I'm left wilting, longing for a touch of affection.

It's been over two decades
And you still haven't changed, Daddy.

Finally, I broke...

I picked up the sharpener
and put down the pencil
took out the blade
let my pain become a stencil
for ruby tattoos
to tally mark broken hearts
how much blood will it take
to hide the scars?

The ends of my veins
are tied off with guitar strings
to keep the sad song inside of me
but I still worry that my blood will stop flowing
because did you know
that the ocean only moves because of the moon
and my constellations are fading
these waves are waning
it is only a matter of time
before the push and pull of these tides
stops like a kid too heavy for the seesaw of truth or dare

I dare you
to tell me that feeling nothing is better than feeling pain
because the heart
is nothing more than a muscle
bench pressing suicides
trying not to flatline
playing a marching band of panic attack drum rolls
and skip-a-beat silence
It has to feel something

and I can see it in your eyes
the truth found you
I can see it in the way you hold yourself
as if your bones have been hollowed
and are as thin as eggshells
I can hear the pain in your breathing
tell me where it hurts
and I will build you a ribcage out of my scars
because they have always been more solid than my bones
in the same way that I never believed in god
but I have always known about the monsters under my bed

I heard the hope is a thing with feathers
that perches in the soul
And I can certainly feel something fluttering
Stuttering like a heart with no metronome
But the closest thing I hear to bird song
Is the A minor scale of these accordion lungs
Trying to breath slowly, sore from screaming
Breathing shallow like a drowning sea, crashing
Take deep breaths that feel like they could break this ribcage
Be careful...
But I'm not sure there's any hope left to escape
I hope I haven't given up
At least not on them
I have given up on myself over and over again
But I will always believe in my army of tired eyes
Soldiers screaming the truth while gagged with lies
Fighting a civil war against themselves and the world
I won't give up
For the kids who wear rope burn necklaces
Like medals that they still made it through
For the people who live on the edge of a pill bottle trying not to fall in
While taking drugs with a side effect of dizziness
I'll keep hoping for you
For believing that the rain is playing the percussion of washing away
That our fingertips are like maps of the paths we take
For teaching me that hope isn't a bird
It is the feeling of holding hands
That turns falling into skydiving
It's the feeling that people who are barely surviving
Will take the time to hold on to you even when they're trying to keep their entire world together
That is the definition of hope
Not the words in the dictionary
But the four lead clover pressed in the pages
That echoes
"good luck"

Presumptuous ass
Wishing Happy Birthday
To the past
It's all unfolding so unseemly and strange like reality itself imploded and was then folded and compressed like an origami universe with no beginning we can discern and we toss out all the thoughts that come first questioning and second guessing ourselves until we're simpering suffering simian simpletons acting out our lives in mock parody of what have might have been and then were thinking so much about the past that we bought a time share there to begin but we loved it so much we just had to move on in with everything ever hidden every single skeleton that we regret so much we can't bear to look at the truth about what we should do should have done differently and you see I know you miss me and you are supposed to be here right next to me sipping coffee and kicking my ass for being too promiscuous and drinking too much and wasting my finances and then we'd both laugh and I'd call you an asshole but I love you you're my brother and there's no one like you in the whole damn world and then we'd look at girls and talk about music and bullshit politicians and how to work on guns and ammunition and you knew so much about everything you were a walking store of knowledge and I miss that too cause there is never any absolutely a replacement for you and now that you're gone and after everything that happened it's hard to give a damn in a world without you.

-Azrael Always James
© Copyright 2013

Power on. Empty screen.
Turn the station to receive,
Get brainwashed by T.V.

Channel 7
-There is something in the water.
If you feel calm this is completely normal.
You are completely normal.
Drink up boys and girls,
There's no harm.
A glass a day
keeps the thoughts  at bay.-
Nevermind,
What else is on?

Channel 11
Today in the news . . . .
Only strife.-
News implies new,
Boring,
I've heard it before.

Channel 42
-Ladies and gentlemen,
Who decides what you watch?
Not the actors of the hour,
They just do their job.
They read the news
but who tells them when to stop?
In this day and age
it's difficult to figure out.
Propaganda for the people
and patriotic memorabilia,
Do you just lap it up?
We like to think not.
I like to think not.
But what we're been raised on
is a hard to shrug.
So look above that which overshadows the media
and our very state of mind.
See this for what it truly is
and ask yourself,
What is life?-
Something's wrong.
Network instability

Connection lost.
. . . . . . .
The matrix has you.
. . . . . . .
Connection reestablished.

Channel ∞
-What is life?
If you had to choose-
switch
-between knowledge-
flickers
-and a good time,-
glitching
-Which would you choose?-
red pill vs. blue pill
-Would it be right?-
red pill
-"Remember,
All I'm offering is the truth.
Nothing more."-
swallow
Input/output carrier signal disruption
Static. Zero.

Wake up.

Welcome to the Land of Upside-Down
Where sad faces smile and happy ones frown.
Place your coat on the floor and shoes on the rack,
Enter my home and don’t ever come back.
Stand up on the chair and sit on the table,
Only four legs, but it’s still unstable.
Problems arise from nothing at all
With a chance of answers being very small.
Everything is good when in fact it’s all wrong
And you hide it, pretending to be strong.
Your face tells the truth while your words deceive
Causing more pain than you’d like to believe.
Sitting on that table, your silence tells me everything
Knowing the truth makes your conveyance forever sting.
While you make sense in your confused state-of-mind
Your issues feed on my clarity and become intertwined.
So remain on that shaky table as I leave the room
This lively lying home is now your lowly loathing tomb.
As you knowingly forget your atrocious crimes
Remember in this land I see them a thousand times.
And I will remain here, snared by your Goddamned traps,
Even when the world passes on, here t’will never collapse.
Welcome to the Land of Upside-Down
Where hope lives in despair as wishful dreams drown.

10/6/2009
(c) MDC

Must I fight for peace
When I never stood a chance
Must I fight this beast
Must I kill a man
To reawaken my conviction
To cast my pain aside
Must I try to hide it
Or should I just die
Swallow every pill
To kill me slowly
Saving my demise for my one and only
Screaming out the truth silently inside
Dying a little bit every time
I wish this loud voice in my head could be silenced
But hate is love
And heaven is violence

It's the panick its the scramble
did you see that distraction
blurring out the light
did you catch that ratchet
how is this boat holding up
grasp at the clasp
i'm falling down
its a cinacle clinicle day of laughter
how did we make it this far
how did the grass stay green so long

you've always been taking up the mantle
how did you hold on for soo long
Look its a shooting star
its a far off light in the distance

Thank you my friends
thank you my love
i havent met you yet
but you've taken such good care of my heart
you've let it fall and you've built it back up
it w ill be ready for you

look at the fluttering leaves in  the winds crisp air
they are waving to  us
how did you enjoy my company when i was so selfishly involved
how did you spend your time when i was dancing abandoning any thought
i shut you out for so long

thank you for waiting
the truth though

is that i've been waiting too
i just knew youd be there for me when i found you