Old, adorable little houses,
girls dressed up in chiffon blouses,
all the songs we used to sing out loud at night.
It could of been the way you looked at me,
or the fact that we're made perfectly.
When I'm with you, everything's alright.
Long, wasted rides in subway cars.
Looking up in Brooklyn to see the stars.
Hand in hand, we made up our own team.
It could of been the alcohol,
or the way you tell stories you already told...
but something got a hold of me.
Wine boxes & bottles stacked in the room.
Papers and books of things we need to do,
all the clothes I stole from your closet.
It could of been the sunshine that day,
but I think it's you who made the clouds go away,
and I'm so happy I have you to call my best.
We took cabs to unfamiliar places.
Kissed boys with hot, and not so hot faces.
By your side is where I want to stay.
It could of been the smoke in the air,
or the way we dance and forget to care
but some how we always found our way.
Tripping & stumbling into the room.
Smelling like candy & juicy perfume.
Some how, people always notice us.
It might be the way we laugh out loud,
or the way your smile stands out in a crowd.
This is forever, that you can trust.
Other people's stoops where we took refuge,
doing all the things we were told not to.
We danced in the rain and laughed so hard it hurt.
It could be the wine, the booze of the beer,
but when they ask me my answer is clear
I say; "I like me better when I'm with her."
Some days I feel as if I should try harder to impersonate rivers. Flow along my set path,
over the bumps and rocks and irritating tree roots, and let the current take me.
Other days I want to set my own path.
Be ignited by lightening in a forest and chew through anything barring my way.
It's hard to trust fate
when you are always told
to write your own story.
there were invisible lines that always divided us,
when the distance was there and the trust was nowhere to be seen
why did you choose me if you didn't like who i was?
why did you tell me we would last this time if we didn't stand a chance?
i hope you weren't driving around in his car while i was thinking of you at home
and now i see him crash and your heads collide and you think of me
or else he's on one knee asking for your forever and you think of me
no i mean you're eighteen and he probably smokes too much weed
and i won't even remember you in five years time
My thoughts often draw pictures of love for you
So today, I listen to a shuffle of old songs
Hoping nostalgia will change the tune,
And distract me from the longing in my heart
I want to write you a love song
With the heart-rending warmth of Joan Armatrading,
The edgy complexity of Joni Mitchell
And the sweetness of James Taylor
A song of fantastical love in a mundane setting
Sweet in the loving
Bitter in its failure
I wonder why I stay when I could leave
Like the choice between bathing in the light or sinking into darkness
Who wouldn’t choose the light?
But I'm clinging to the darkness all the same.
You know this pain, and make me face it.
Holding me while I learn to accept things as they are
To trust and value fear and loss
And sing songs to celebrate my own experience
It might take a long time but maybe, after dark we’ll be laughing.
When you step on my dreams
There will be days like these
In the depth of the night
I feel your hand embrace my neck
Stroke my back
Your loving arms secure me
You take my hand in yours
You whisper in my ear
I am here with you
I won't let you die
I roll over
Open my eyes
I am alone
I want the world to know
To know
The empty promises you made
I am not afraid to bare my scares
I am heartbroken
Not by the end of us
Heartbroken by the deception
Heartbroken by the illusion of the impossible
How you lead me to believe
With words and love
That you were all I needed
That I was all you wanted
Broken trust and broken faith
Betrayed in the hardest way
I know today
I have a rocky road to walk
I am not afraid to tell the world
You hurt me through and through
I to destroyed so many trusts
You had my soul
I feel no shame in
Telling all
The rocky road ahead
I will walk with
My head held high
My intellect intact
If not my soul
My vulnerability there for all to see
My weakness and your strength
A vulnerability captured in destruction
Caught up in confusion
In the depth of the night
I feel your lips on mine
I am wrapped in your embrace
You whisper
I love you
I will catch you
When you fall
I open my eyes
I am alone
When you step on my dreams
There will be days like these
I am disgusted by your privy and lathered face, facial expressions fill the gentle void, devoid of all human concious, empathic license of intelligence, you were always smarter than me, I wonder, does that make you happy? Twisted twine and pathic phrases of gang related gore, driving me off the walls, towards and in my own stall, waiting, phrasing the right thoughts in my head, to silent to tell the meaning of the names i came up with, of the charcters of my theater peice playing soon on broadway's basement. ten spins into a spiral and i am out fast, fill the void you joker, mascarade in and all around the plaside place and face of the broken frontier town. Call it home, ring the church bells, praise fast and all around the sight of kindoms entitled, to your brain, to your thoughts, to your brilliance, to your majesty, to your all enslaving tone, the same tone you speak to me in as you console your inner golgotha, fingering me out at the river-side bluff, alluding to our own memories, mind games, drastic plays for attentions and self-preservation. So go ahead, carry on your legacy, your driving will to self impose morality and autonomy on others, you decide these things, am i right? You arise to the occasion and hold them tight to the nuse around thier necks, the same nuse and braid i called to amend all those years ago and yet still you don't trust me, after all these years you still don't trust me , what lies you summon to fight for you, bastard child of liberate and hate.
He ripped her off
Because he knew he wouldn't get caught
"That's what she gets
for trusting us" he thought
Everywhere people will try to take away your light
impose their own darkness and make you sorry
for even trying to let to it shine
don't listen to them
they don't know better than you
but learn from them
the things you won't do
I guess he was just lost
He does things because he won't get caught
but all he really wanted was to get caught
I say "I'm just tired"
Because I can't tell you
I can't tell you how I just want to cry
All the time
Because sometimes I feel so hopeless
Because sometimes I feel so different
Because I'm strange and left out and rejected
I can't tell you how my heart is broken
That the most beautiful boy I've ever known doesn't want me
Because I can't tell you what I did
Because I don't want you to see the ugly inside of me
I can't tell you how I hate my body
That I nit-pick and try to perfect it every second of every day
Because I feel trapped in this physical shell
Because I just want to be beautiful
I can't tell you how ashamed and alone I feel
Because I'm different
Because I'm an oddball and I don't fit in with any of my many groups
Because I'm never good enough, never bad enough
Because I'm never enough
I can't tell you any of this
Because I don't think you really want to hear it
Because I don't want to burden you
Because I know I'm being stupid
Because I feel too insecure to tell anyone anything
Because I don't trust people anymore
Because you'll just hurt me
I can't tell you any of this
So instead I'll say,
"Nothing's wrong. I'm just tired."
so many reasons to hate myself
make for so little time to sleep
silent Insomnia frequents my bedside
she echoes each secret I keep
the fears that lurk in my shadow
which plague my subconscious by light
crawl out from their filthy recesses
and haunt me to tears in the night
still, I cannot express aloud
these struggles, however grim,
because to gripe and moan
would not reflect well upon Him
I know I should be fearless
yet, I can't see how I could
but in this season of contradiction
maybe turmoil leads to Good
and if Good awaits me someday
then maybe Better does, as well
and if I trust in Best Of Bests
then Insecurity can go to Hell
so here's to persevering
even when tears cloud my eyes
and pressing on toward self-acceptance
through this heavy (but thinning) veil of lies.
Day two of my A Poem A Day project. Written 5/15/2013.
I'm practically being kicked out.
No, silly,
Not out of my house or anything.
Just out of my position.
My favorite and least-favorite
position.
Well,
I would tell you all what position it is
but that's not how I work,
now do I?
I don't have much rage
I'm just crying.
No biggie.
I always cry
this time feels different
because I finally understand
that I was just filling that
position in.
That I was just
"keeping it warm"
for someone better to come along.
Technically,
they've been here the whole time though,
they were just hiding in the shadows,
lurking,
waiting,
till you were at your most
vunerable.
After all,
thats what demons are best at,
waiting.
Waiting till you need someone the most
so that they can put on a mask and
act like they'll always be there for you.
That they're your friend.
HA!
I've learned alot over the past year and
even though I may trust many,
I don't keep them close because,
you're right:
They always leave.
Even you will.
