contracting breaths
between the sentences
of those faceless giants
that surround me
without a comprehensible sound
lost
and not quite yet
found
you'll come around,
but only once I've given in
sin, skin, and cigarettes
fleeting hope
and looming regrets
in overcast limbo

fool me once
shame for life
you said you'd never hurt me
but the pain came twice

tell her that she's alone
that she deserved it
she's on her own
well I won't let you take
her voice away
she likes to fuck
but you like to pray
kiss and makeup
because there is plenty else to hate
and your ignorance is out of date

your loneliness is just a phase
but hakuna matata is just a phrase
and happily ever after
is just a ghost in the wall
high, tripping, and falling
into ink
into dreams
into distant fucked up haze
of your forgiveness
which I am expected to accept
even when you took away
until there was nothing I had left
an intolerable possibility
that I should be so willing to receive
your gold paved poor intentions

pour them
into my poor eroded throat
just to be evoked
from a bottomless pit
where my insides should be

no clear beginning or end
to myself, or identity
like a blurry negative
or a softly fallen tree
keep the change
the empty promises
the debt and the punishment

but I'm breaking the mirror
and not the habits I loathe
dissociation
a celebration and emancipation
from the tunnels of my mind
winding and finding
yourself
so undone

this is a war that can't be won
without losing

We created a world of false accusation
Love soon became only partial remission
You took my freewill, as well as my vision
In return I gave my utmost provision
Of hasty provocation
And less than mindful incision
Into your every thought, and each passing decision
I often sat down, but for once I had risen
Asked, "Why are crawling on the floors of this prison?"

Could not stand one more night under your supervision
There was no longer room for revise and revision
And life doesn't offer any hefty commission
For complying to someone - always asking permission

Our twisted sheets became more like a distasteful collision
Fingers tense as they ached for division
While nails dug deep with careful precision
Yes, sometimes we held hands
And sometimes we held our tongues
Gone quiet with desperate premonition

He was out the door, slammed shut in 2004
and he couldn't get back in even if he wanted to
because the lock broke after he moved out to Hadar
the arm pit of Haifa, and wouldn't tell me where he was
as a punishment for my banishing him.

A friend saw him on Masada street.
In the end that proved to be his street
oh, the time I had for friends, in the hot Mediterranean sun
dinners in cramped living rooms with laughter and wine and always
houmus.  You can't eat a meal without it, and prints of art on the wall
and the cement floor, and the too many cats

So he'd crash in, do something that had to be done, insult me, and leave
and this was it
I sat in that big apartment with he fancy black cement floors and smoked
cigarettes and took the bus to the cat shelter to clean 25 cat boxes in a cold water
bath tub and set them out to dry in the sun
and hang discarded clothes on a fold out clothes rack, each cat got a shirt to lie on
and instant coffee and chocolate at 4:45 PM and cigarettes as cats walked around in the
sunset

But at home, sometimes I'd try to get him back, if I could
But he could always be so much more mean, poking at the tender spots
without remorse and I learned, not to fight back
Just to collapse and cry as the door slammed or he said something
and then stormed out, absolutely not caring

There were my friends, here I have no time for friends,
and I talked to him and prepared for a time when I'd go back and
have no time for friends again
Everything would be work, work, get yourself back on track
you've lost so much time

But here, too, the losses are deep and I sit in my own apartment, with
carpet and a dishwasher, that I could only have dreamed of having then
and my own car in the parking lot,  and

People make me cry.  
People where I work, people I mistook for friends
and it's better now, I now, if I can only follow through
to seek no revenge
but just to mourn
Because the world can be more cruel and cold and uncaring
than I can ever imagine
there's no competing
it's better to sit and cry here, too

The morning I awoke and saw you had gone, my heart sank
At first I felt nothing, but as the realization took over me, despondence ensued
I should have known
I tumbled down the steps alone again
Alone
Again
As if I should have expected it in some new exciting way
I dragged my feet into the kitchen
"You're out of milk"
I looked up. You stood there smiling
Smiling at me as if I were something to smile at
I should be the one smiling
You stayed
Suddenly, I did not feel so alone

Presumptively, I split the pall
Into sections never dared at all
And stared blandly into the gloom
As aimless faces filled the room
I took my daily dose of sludge
People's heart unwilling to budge
Wallowing in perpetual self-torment
Wheels and pockets hell-bent
I in shame and they in delusion
Bowing my head in grim conclusion
Shaken by the resignation
Shattered by good intention
Branded home set cynical
Set each state apart, clinical
Knowing that the failure's done
The apathy has all but won
And glimmers here and ever there
Only serve to shed more tears
To set the day to see this win
The daily glory, the new begin
The path is there, the meal is set
Partake it now lest we forget.

He was born in a log cabin
Faces lots of hardship from his childhood
He works in the farm after school to help his parent
He was a man of truth and honesty
He became a man of honour
A man full of reputation and dignity
A man who wage many wars which would have prolonged slavery
A man who propagated the end of slavery today
He tells the truth and yet people never wanted the truth
He cares and love the masses yet they loose faith in him
As a great Man he never stop his good deeds
He was hated by many because he was against slavery
As a great man he keeps pushing against slavery
He won
Free the slaves
And also free the union
A man who spoke powerful words
"With malice toward none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation's wounds."
He became the best president ever known
He hated war and destructions
Yet faced the worse crisis any president would ever seen
He later took war as the only means to free the union
Yet was murdered by people he cares about
Great men lives on
His legacy lives forever
His achievement speaks great of him
Farewell!!! Abraham Lincoln

Adam kicked the soccer ball to the front of the house.  Sam watched him chase after it, while she sipped her sweet tea.  The sound of his feet stopped and was replaced with car tires driving through the gravel road.  She stood up and walked down the steps to see who had come.  Adam cut her off before she made it around the corner of the house.
Panting and out of breath, he gasped, “Mommy…Daddy’s home.”
Sam stared at Adam, letting those two words sink in.  Adam turned around and started running back.  She stood there for a moment and then took after her son.  Thoughts were flooding her mind.  When she hugged him one last time before he left, him walking towards the plane, the letters coming home every week, his arms wrapped around her, and the sounds of him and Adam playing football in the afternoon.
Her pace slowed when she arrived to the front of the house.  Cameron’s grey truck turned off followed by another black car tuning its engine off.  Cameron hopped out of the truck and looked over at her with sorrowed filled eyes.  Adam ran up and gave him hug, but Cameron’s eyes never left hers.
A Marines officer walked up to Sam with letters in his hands.  Her heart started beating faster and could feel a hole beginning to form in her stomach.  Please…Please, don’t tell me he’s gone.  Please be a mistake, she closed her eyes and thought.
Ma’am, are you Sam Chesterfield?” the officer asked.
She opened her eyes and forced a whisper, “Yes.”
“Mrs. Chesterfield, I am sorry to inform you that your husband has died in combat.  He gave me this letter to give to you.  Here is another letter from the Department of
Defense about the funeral if you have any questions.  You have my deepest condolences, Daniel was an honorable man,” he placed his hand on her shoulder and walked away.
As he climbed into his car, Sam broke down.  She feel to her knees, letting her vision get blurry.  Cameron ran over and wrapped his arms around her, trying to calm her down.  Adam walked over and took his mother’s hand.
“Mommy…is Daddy coming home?”
Sam looked up at him.  She saw so much of Daniel in him.  Before she could answer, Cameron responded, “Your dad…well he went somewhere where he can get better.”
Adam just nodded.  “Sweetie, why don’t you and Cameron go inside.  I need to take care of some things,” she sputtered out.
As they went inside, she stared at the white envelope with her name scribbled on the front of it.  She slowly opened it and began to read,
My Dearest Samantha,
If you are reading this, you already know that I am not coming home.  I could not know or describe the pain that you are going through right.  When Adam has asked what has become of me, tell him the truth.  Let him know that his father died a hero and that I loved him very much.  I already asked Cameron to look after you and Adam, and he has promised.
Sam, please do not grieve my death for the rest of your life.  Smile and remember the good times.  Our wedding day, the first day we met, how we fell in love.  Remember all of that; watch the tapes to see my face again.  I will always love you and be with you, no matter what.  I know that it may be hard at first on your own, but you are a strong woman and can do it.  You and Adam are my life’s love and happiness.  I will always be with you two in heart.
There is another letter in here for Adam to read.  I want you to give it to him when you think he is ready to read it.
I love you with all of my heart.
Love,
Daniel

Abandoned in place,
Time erased,
Sky in our arms,
Stars on the lake.

Fire on the beach,
Sensation on the rise,
Warm in the dark,
Candles inside.

Reclamation proclamation
made way out far,
We took what was forgotten
and made it ours.

The Aces check their sleeves,
Hearts rippling across the breeze.
The Queen arises
Slowly,
Torn dress ripped at the knees.

The Jack saw his fill
And quickly took his leave.
Stood trembling in a doorway,
Mind struggling to believe...

The King was an alcoholic,
It was widely known to be so,
Each eve he would sit solemn,
Wine in hand and sword on show,
Clapping to the Jokers' japes
As he danced and sang
About love and fate.
But how was the King to know?
Not two rooms away
His wife had lain,
With a smile and a spade.
Creating a cuckold and a fool...

The Jack had had enough
And promptly marched
Into his room.
Armed with only knowledge,
To unleash the inevitable typhoon.

The winds will rise,
This house shall succumb,
Imploding inwards
Till the house is done.
And all that remains
Among ash and decay,
Broken hearts and broken spades,
Is the Jokers last laugh.
A mockingbirds call as daylight fades.

Her name was Artemis.
She had a love.
Unrequited.
Not unheard of.

His name was Janus.
He was headstrong.
Never known this love.
And hadn't known her long.

He said Hello
So simple. So sweet.
It blew her gently
Right off her feet.

His shine was effervescent.
Her eyes aglow.
Her heart was on fire.
He didn't know.

All she wanted
Was to make him stay
But he was in flight
She had to find another way

It happened so fast
It flowed so fluidly
Their tale was painful
I tell you. It ruined me.

He was with a girl.
He stroked her hair.
Caressed her face.
They were a pair.

Artemis died
Inside that night
Clutched her soul
As it lost its fight.

She only wanted
The pain to end
I've been there before
I understand.

I didn't resist
When she took me here
To the open water
The blue so clear.

At the edge of the bluff
Hand in hand
I'd do anything for her.
My mirror-twin sister, my best friend.