When the skies are grey, my worries fade away
For only in the darkest of nights can I shine bright like the day
And when there is a raging storm I shall peacefully sleep
Though in the brightest of times, I will always weep
Four times lonely
Four minutes of blankness
Four deep inhales
Four breaths released
Four missed occasions
Four hundred dollars gone
Four misspelt words
Four missed friends
Four cigarettes in four minutes
Four empty bottles and ash filled trays
Four favourite songs
Four misunderstood words
Four times a death attempt
Four inches deep
Four hundred secrets
In these four walls
I saw -
I saw the pain you were going through.
The lies you were fed.
The times you were abandoned.
And the times you had fled.
I saw the times you were betrayed.
And the times you forgave.
I saw them just as well as the times you were brave.
You hid your face - building up walls brick by brick.
No one to trust .
No one had cared.
No one had listened.
This was your life. Would someone show any compassion?
No matter then pain you had felt, I stayed for the smile you hid.
Your smile that glistens.
And your cheerful deposition.
You were weird through and through, but no one else is quite like you.
i saw your ghost last night
standing at the end of my bed
tearing up the letters i'd
always intended to send
i sat up in bed and gently
reached out for you but my
hands only went straight
through you so i laid
back down while sobbing
and dreaming of the
times we spent together
and i wish that i never
pulled the trigger
I had so many chances
to give us a chance
I past you in the hallways so many times
but I shuffled by casually
and pretended you were just another boy
when you most certainly were not
oh no, not to me.
We conversed with our eyes
and they told me enough to know
that you wanted me too
I knew, oh I knew
but on that last day
I made a most detrimental mistake
and instead I decided that my nerves
were worth more than my heart.
Staring upwards towards the void of eternal blessings
The angel behind the leather mask
Just wants you to feel out the sacred nature of your transgressions
Just vibrations stuttering to a heartbeat
Tearing a hole in the sky
Teasing out the idea of turning you on
You were already lit up
igniting fire to my loins
You came in the dark and left marks
Bruising my ego to dismantle itself
You held me down like sleep paralysis
Demanding my soul to sacrifice itself to the Moon
Watching with pleasure
You were the shadows in my room
Dancing the divine candlelight
A cuckold of my imagination
as I took it lying down
This is worship
This is tribute
Descend on me
this hell im pressed to hold inside is one in a gazillion, with chances as high as that,
i hold more stake than any man
if they want a piece they have to ask
when did things decide to sustain so serious
my conscious and heart are both still on the climb
I get sick explaining when I could just sing so why do you ask why
there's a course of faith
predetermined by the situation given
you can map it out, but you'll be stuck in current time
you can try and pass out
but only so many times
once you figure it out
it's much easier to see
the key to see and succeed is to be happy
do you know how many times i've had to suffer through the same tired metaphors over and over and over again.
put down your tears and your stars
and your cigarettes and your coffee
and your waves and your skies
and your hearts and your bruises
and pick up your pen and write
something worth living for god damn it.
because i haven't read a poem from the heart in years
and all your elaborate conceits and sadness and promises
and "i love you"s and lips and dreams
are getting on my fucking nerves.
rage against the stereotypes and conventions and
rage against Petrarchan and Romantic and
Post fucking Modern love.
Don't write something because you feel like it.
Write something because you would explode if you didnt
The light is racing from our room,
seeping through the cracks under the door.
The darkness grows,
casting us into shadow.
but all things including light die in the end
utterances in the small places of my dark mind
lend themselfs to such times
i would not suffer to pass
the hour without bringing forth all the angers
and mettlesome ways that confound you
the smokes rakes against my mind,
hiding me behind my eyes.
The truth came calling
along with the clock's toll,
but who among us could answer such an ominous cry?
When the hours between midnight
and 4 am are so unforgiving.
i am filled with tears
until i can bear no more
your words kiss my mind
and i cannot return this tenderness
for it would turn to love
i am waiting these hours
in the desolate towers of cold
for the rescue of dawn
but it gives little comfort
were that i could reach out to you
but i dare not
i dare not
Edit et al: Collaboration Poem written by alyssainwonderland (http://hellopoetry.com/-alyssainwonderland/) and I (Mark John Junor); alyssainwonderland contributions are in italics
I wish that I were ten again,
Just to see the things as they were then,
Back when life had a slower pace,
And I had a much younger face.
I'd run wild and barefooted through the park,
And play kick the can 'til after dark.
And I'd outrun every firefly
That lit up my late, late Summer sky.
I wish that I were ten again,
Just to hear the way I'd say amen
Each time good Marion would swear
When I'd put a beetle in her hair.
And she'd jump and scream and call me names.
Oh, we were crazy kids with silly games.
It did not take much to make us smile,
Oh, to be ten again for one short while.
I wish that I were ten again,
Life was so very different then...
We'd turn this valley upside down,
Whenever the fair came to town.
Exploring every hidden thing
Their mysteries and magics bring.
And how they'd swell and light the night
So big and loud and fierce and bright!
And there were times that I'd skip class
Just to make trails in the tall, tall grass
Right outside Baker's General Store,
Before they called Dad into war.
Before things that I could not understand
Brought him back a different man.
A man who's heart could not recall
The child playing basketball.
That's why I'd climb that tree at my Grandma's house
As cleverly as any mouse,
And I'd climb as high as I could get,
And stay there 'til the sun would set.
And I'd watch the colors of the sky,
As the nighttime drifted by.
No, I don't mind every now and then
To wish that I were ten again...
Copyright © 2000 Richard D. Remler
"I want to feel all there is to feel, he thought. Let me feel tired,
now, let me feel tired. I mustn't forget, I'm alive, I know I'm alive,
I mustn't forget it tonight or tomorrow or the day after that."
~ Ray Bradbury (Dandelion Wine)