this fork in the road meets me
take the left or turn to the right
the one less travelled or the one worn down
i'm just glad that the choice is mine
i'm just glad to be standing here
so what if this should be the end?
if i could call on inspiration any time i want
this might not be the end of my journey
if i could wring out all that has been encased deep within my heart
this might not be the demise of my determination
i hope you can see that some day
maybe i have come to the limit of myself
you wanted to see me reach ever higher
but i've already got more
more than what i could have ever wished for
you say this cannot be the end of my time
but this is what i have to say
i've borrowed more than what i've been promised
i've been given a lifetime and two
where all that i've got is more than what i have ever needed
and who is to say that i haven't lived at all
when all that i've ever done is what i wanted
nothing more
and certainly, nothing less

we are spinning in a sea of cotton cloth
and swirling hues of happiness
the joy - contagious!
as you arrive
a wave of excitement hits us.
there's no need for clumsy intoxication -
we're drunk off good feelings.
this is the party of all parties
one that will never be blacked out.
you will not question what happened tonight,
but you will ask,  "was it real?"
don't worry about a ride home -
we'll sleep under the starlit sky
music booms out of the trees
we have the moon and white christmas lights
strung against the contrasting skies
to guide our dancing feet.
who cares what style?
we dance through it all -
hips sway and arms reach up to kiss open air.
never will we forget this night.
leave your phones at home,
to disconnect is the only way to  be connected.
there are no clocks -
a girl with stars in her eyes tells you,
"out with time!"
we go barefoot here,
for the moss kisses our feet so gently.
there is a piano over there, between two oak trees,
and we play our favorite songs
and partner up to half-stumble-half-waltz
to classical sounds.
when our feet grow tired
we make s'mores and tell stories
of our collective past.
do not worry,
for tonight we embrace our youth,
and toast to a brave new world.

I seem to pass time in a daydream,
Waiting for the hour to pass, the day to end, the night to be over
My movements drift by as smoke
My mind, is always on you.
They poster their images in the foreground
And try to distract me and my thoughts
But you're always there, always.
They feed on sadness and loneliness, and I find it hard to fight
But the never ending struggle adds beauty to our love
And perseverance to my cause.
You complete me
As if we were destined, mind mates as it were
I feel invincible when my mind allows your entering
And I save the strength of our union when they rip you from my thoughts.
In time I know we will be together
We will live out the future I have envisioned a thousand times.
I told you, mi amor, I will never stop loving you
And that is set in stone
But there is so much more to say
And I've yet to find all the words
I promise to you our future, our family
I vow to you that I will always try to be the best me
I swear to you I will never give up.
I will never give in.
They will never have me.
I love.
I am yours.

I hide behind a blue sky
Saw the birds flying in the current, high
Wishing for some star shine
I really love the morning time
Yet here I am inside
On the couch, with a slouch, hoping for a way out
When the door is right in front of me
But I'm convinced I'm too busy
I am climbing the digital tree
Forgetting to breathe
When I want to smell the airy breeze
Come up for air and stay there
Soul open, eyes closed, alert and aware
I imagined a place where...
I go to close the screen, but I hesitate
Is today really the day?
Couldn't I just sit here a while
Another year, read another mile
Like this, post that, fake a smile
Until I forget this epiphany ever existed
This future I've too long resisted
Now my mind and body is twisted
Unaligned and with no compromise
Or a sign things will be alright
It's a leap of faith, I read it all the time
Stay in the present, unravel the twine
Meditate often, remember your past lives
Stretch, Run, Play, repeat, then rewind
To release your fears and let in the light
To be out there and catch the sunrise
You're not alone, you know it's time to go
A moment can last forever
These pathways stay together
The brain is a place of endeavors
Where you can forget to remember
But when two halves become as one, trust inside
The words that speak from between your eyes
Let in spirit lest the ego try
To find a foothold in your mind
Start with the stars, and then the sunrise
Look up at the clouds and follow the silver line

There are things that I can never write

Words that I can never say

Whole hours or conversations lost to time



Fire burning

Agreements made

On traintracks far away from ears and eyes

Half-promises moved out of just in time



I have dodged a hail of bullets

Calling on them

Death, dishonour, jail
All fading to the knowledge that I'm here



That it was reckless, but we have to die

And they were worth it
Every single time.

it’s 2 am
we’re sitting in your car, squeezing in the front seat.
you’re holding me in your big arms
you look at me, wild eyed and restless and whisper,
“i love you. and i don’t want to lose you.”
so i looked away and fought back my tears
i held your hand, but then quickly let go.
“but you don’t intend on keeping me either. do you?”
and to that you had no response

so we continued to lay there in silence
because i know you don’t love me.
or maybe you do, and maybe it’s just in a way that i don’t understand.
we always hurt the ones that we love
so maybe you just love me too much.
i can’t wake up in the morning without you on my mind.
it troubles me to think that we might not be meant for each other.
or this entire time you are just a dream.
if you are, how could my mind ever create a creature so beautiful?
a human so perfect.

you come to me with every unbalanced emotion
but i know if i ever show up at your door,
wild eyed and restless,
you will not show me sympathy or let me in.
you will tell me to go home.

It was after the Second Anglo-Boer War. Some of the soldiers went to brothels and taverns and places as such. It reminded them of the vibes in canteens. One soldier named Jokas took the advice of several of his friends and bought a sex worker. He had been disappointed by the fact that his girlfriend married a lawyer. And so Jokas had his fun, this didn't last though for he still had the appetite for commitment.

So he kept returning to the same brothel - buying the same sex worker. In time they developed feelings for each other, writing letters and sending pictures when away to see relatives... but this wouldn't be as Dennis, a friend of his, introduced his cousin to Jokas. She was nice, had a decent job and was ready to settle. Her name was Anna. So Jokas stopped going to the brothel and opted to start a life with Anna, it seemed the sensible thing to do. Jokas moved with Anna, they both went overseas. Valerie was the name of the sex worker he had feelings for, what Jokas didn't know was that Valerie had fallen pregnant. A few years later she got a job at a bistro and lived in a vacant storage room with her son, Warkos. Warkos was raised in a bistro, there he got advice about life, culture and women from drunkards, thieves, policemen, lawyers and loafers. He had little formal education. He grew up resenting life and lacked a sense of belonging. He started being mischievous when he pick-pocketed a rich businessman, when he was only seven years old.

He used getting into trouble as an outlet for his anger and loneliness. His mother didn't keep men whom he could look up to. Although she began spending a lot of time alone and didn't care much about men, since her prostitution days. At age 14 Warkos met a girl with a strange name; Tellaby. Tellaby gave his life purpose at a time when he was suicidal.

She was a pretty, decent and very respectful girl who came from a well-to-do family. Days in the park with her was his escape, it gave him a sense of normality. However he would go back to the real world, back home his mom had been enduring depression and took up smoking. She was stressed by the fact that her boss kept abusing her (emotionally and verbally). Warkos formed a gang at age 16, he recruited a few dysfunctional teens in the neighborhood who spent most of their time loafing and stealing. His dream was to make enough money to buy his mother a house, find his father - so to find function; whatever that meant.

At age 17 Warkos got arrested for drug possession. He spent only 6months in prison as he had a witness who testified that the drugs were planted. The witness was paid by his gang of course. So he served 6 months for assaulting a police officer. All the while Tellaby got herself a boyfriend, he was a functional, smart boy who had a scholarship to study overseas at Oxford University. Tellaby's family approved of the relationship and pressured her to continue seeing him.

When Warkos got out, he heard the news and attempted to stab Tellaby's new boyfriend but was stopped by Tellaby... When Tellaby chose Eric, her new boyfriend, over him it was the end of his heaven and sense of normality. Drugs he found too dangerous and started researching fraud, he met a few intelligent con-men and together they forged cheques. In just one year he had about R500 000 and bought a nice cottage for his mom in the quiet small town of Andbury. This earned him prestigious status and he met with his gang again, had his mother's old boss murdered and took over the business. He ran three brothels and about five bars in three towns. He was only in his mid-twenties when he made his first million. He had a vice, to heal his pain of not feeling loved, and to forget about the pain and the void of not knowing his father he used heroin. Of course prestige comes with a price, there was a mob which was government-owned (secretly of course), it didn't like the growing competition, so when Warkos was 27, he was shot twice in the chest, once in the shoulder. The assassin was not found when the police investigated and he left few, if any, traces. Warkos survived the murder attempt after he was rushed to hospital, the bullets missed the heart but wounded his ribs.

Being housed was no longer safe for him so with his convoy, they moved from city to city, robbing banks and restaurants. At this time his gang earned notorious status. They were dubbed The Notorious Warks by journalists. On one heist he got shot on the arm and leg but this inspired him to earn even more power... A month later he funded a Black Resistance Movement, in papers they wrote about him as, "Warkos the Invincible Horse". Funding this political movement enabled him to expand his power and fight the force that was against him. He provided guns and grenades to a sect within the movement to attack government officials and invade and batter their homes. This moved to hijacking their cars. Soon this sect of guerillas had enough power to do crime in the cities, however they secretly met to be independent and not be under Warkos.

So among them there was an informer who leaked Warkos' whereabouts, he was shot twice in one shoulder but his men took cover and they escaped. Warkos, 29 years old, was getting tired of this violent life, he abandoned his gang and had a lump sum of money sent to his mother. He even investigated the whereabouts of Tellaby and stalked her for a while. He decided to go back where he grew up, he went to the storeroom which he and his mother lived in... In it was a locker; he opened the locker and found a box which had pictures and letters from his father, sent to his mother... In one letter was a poem written to his mother, Valerie, it read:

I have been fooled by ruling men
You believe in honour and glory
but you do not see the Be Lie in "believe"
and now I feel no better than these thieves
I only find comfort in being with you, Valerie.

At that moment he cried and kicked himself for he felt he had been living a shallow life... He thought to himself that his father was a good man and that he probably wouldn't be proud of him...

The next day he did nothing but think and that's when he got shot by Eric. He had been trying to get hold of Valerie as they (Eric and Valerie) were in the country to celebrate Easter... Eric found out and because he despised him with a passion he got word out to the police but the police feared him so they had to use an intelligent strategy; Eric insisted that it be him who murders Warkos as he will have done his country a great honour. So he came as a paying customer at the tavern/bistro, all the other customers left, as well as the staff. Warkos was unmoved by this, as he was deep in thoughts. This became easy for Eric, never had anyone been murdered with such pleasure... It is documented that Warkos' last words, softly and lazily uttered, were: "Where's Tellaby?"