I do not regret the day we met
When all my courage I had mustered.
It makes me smile when I remember
First conversation we had ever.

I walked over to you, nervously
And I seemes to not know how to speak.
But we did have such a pleasant talk
That I forgot to ask for your name.

I do not regret the day we met
You have become to me a good friend.
Each time we talk I smile to myself
Relieved that at last, I know your name.

When you're in love defying fate comes so easily
Bound into your own hand-crafted fantasy
The difference between angels and demons becomes your discrepancy
And day light becomes the darkest thing to see
But we still love like tomorrow
Nothing's going to become different
We're not just going to wake up
And suddenly be ignorant
We're already way too far
There's no more blood just a scar

And maybe I'm afraid
To lift this double-sided blade
Oh I want you so painfully
You're the angel God sent me

And all I could do is make a demon of you
'Cause helping you's the only thing I couldn't do
Took a knife to your innocence and went right through
And now I can't get over you
Because I'm the one who's mistaken
But I'm the only one who can see
The beast I made of this beauty
Because I made a demon of
The angel that God sent me

And now I want to go back in time
I'll make whatever sacrifice
Even if it costs my life
Because my love run through his veins
And that's what made all the pain
Because I bound him up in chains

So light me up in a burst of flames
Because I'm the one to blame
I've covered my angel in tainted stains
Just never cry out my name
And I'll be okay

And now I can't get over you
Because I'm the one who's mistaken
But I'm the only one who can see
The beast I made of this beauty
Because I made a demon of
The angel that God sent me

Our Lady of Chains

I'm here
But the party hasn't started

A crowd is congregated and conversing
But the party hasn't started

Shitty music is playing
But the party hasn't started

Too few women in their crop-tops, their bandeau's, their strips of cloth- are drinking miniscule amounts of flavored poison and are trashed at 930
But the party hasn't started


At this prohibition-esque Middle American Sausage Festival
I consider-
Has the party actually started, and I'm on the outside?

Am i not in the congregation
Can i not jive to the shitty music
Do i not dig the slutty girls and their attempts to act trashy, in control, and cute at the same time

If so, why?
Am i not young- free- alive?

I'm here
But the party hasn't started.

You’ll give me a look
And I’ll give you a word
You’ll give me a question
And I’ll tell you a story
You’ll give me time
And I’ll give you ghosts
We’ll draw each other blueprints
Mapping out every escape route
You deal in ideas and
I deal in letters
In unfulfilled promises, stolen art
What could have beens and prose
At first my words are beautiful
So you’ll give me a heart
In return, I’ll give you a poem about a heart
You’ll give me affection
I’ll take your kisses and your smiles
I’ll take your mornings and your cigarettes and your compliments
And I’ll love you so much
That I’ll write you into my story
I’ll give you your space
I’ll give you my ears, my blind eye
If you want to bury your head, baby I’ll be your sand
After all, we were both just looking for a safe place to land
You’ll give me your heart
Over and over and over again
But I’ll always want more
I’ll always want you to understand
That the thing you love is just a piece
That I am a thousand times the things you think I think I can be
That I love everything a little
But will never settle
On any one path
I want to follow you everywhere
Just to prove to you that I can be everywhere
Do everything
And you’ll get tired of that
I want to be everything you’re not
Just to prove that I still exist outside of us
You’ll get sick of trying so hard to figure me out
Just when you’re ready to leave I’ll decide to show you everything
Things will be good again for a few days
But then we’ll start saying sorry again
We’ll give and give and give
But every gift will be a size to small
The wrong color
So close to right that we’ll walk around with blistered feet and smiles too tight
Loving each other in clashing colors
It won’t be long before we start to miss each other whenever we’re near each other
It won’t be long before it hurts more than we’ve decided it’s worth, but still
I’ll probably always miss you a little

“I don’t hear your words because my thoughts are to much and the blood rushing through my veins has come to a stop. I’m still as time moves in slow motion and people around me are causing commotion and though people are moving they are all so silent and I can’t hear anything anyone says. And in moments like these my clogged veins make my body tremble and all that’s left are the rain drops that fall from my eyes. I have created my own storm inside me that no one can see but they all have caused. So in the pause I think what is left for me? Nothing.”

These are the words
of someone who has truly lost all hope
and all will to live.

These are the words
of someone who has bled so many times,
her scars will never fade.

These are the words
of someone who's been depressed for so long,
there is no way out.

These are the words,
of someone who's reaching out for help,
and no one's there to reach for her hand;

as she drowns in her own sorrows for the last time.

x
                                                             ­       Do you remember
                                                             ­            the last time
                                                             ­       you said the words
                                                             ­                   "I
                                                             ­                 Love
                                                             ­                 you"
                                                             ­                   ?

                                                             ­       +          +          +

    I don't

    I don't remember

    I don't remember
    the last time
    that I said
    "I
    Love
    you"

    I don't remember
    when I said it
    or to whom
    or why

    And now I can't escape this
    rotting feeling
    that this isn't a memory
    we should ever out-grow
    That this isn't a memory
    we should ever out-live
    That this isn't a memory
    we should ever get
    too far away from
    Now that I realize it's gone
    I feel adrift and lost without it
    like a greenhorn just realizing
    he's lost sight of shore
    for the first time

    The sudden realization
    that I couldn't remember
    that I've lost this memory
    that it must've been so long
    since I last said it
    to anyone
    for any reason
    that I've lost it completely
    sits so alien and unreal in me
    That I could've ever lost something
    so important
    something
    that has always just
    been there
    before
    something
    that should just be a backdrop
    to the rest of my life
    now gone
    and I didn't even notice it
    didn't miss it at all
    until now
    It's as if I suddenly realized
    one wall of my house was missing
    exposing us
    letting in the whether
    and I can't even remember
    when it happened

    And this is all only preamble
    just the lead-in
    to the real question
    Why?
    Why can't I remember?
    Why have I forgotten?
    Why has it been so long since I last said it?
    Why haven't I said it?
    Why did I ever stop?

    What am I waiting for?

I would rather be a good man,
Than a scholar, any day.
So fuck all of the capitalists,
With their wages of higher pay.

I don't need a massive house,
Or a load of fancy shit.
I only want a simple life,
That is non-materialistic.

You need to learn, that man can't buy,
Some friendship or her love.
And memories are all we take,
When we depart for home above.

While you're out blowing money,
I'll just stick to spending time.
Taking journeys and adventures,
Capturing pictures in my mind.

See all I ever want,
Is a life of love and joy.
And to someday raise a daughter,
Who would someday meet a boy.

I could only be so lucky,
In fact, forever I'd be pleased,
If the boy she someday met,
Resembled younger me.

I know I'm not the greatest,
There's no arguing that.
But, I'll remain a gentle soul,
A true and simple fact.

So, call me a lazy slacker,
Perhaps I'll never strike it rich.
But, I'm always kind and caring,
And, I'll never act a bitch.

You can try to judge me,
And tell me how I'm wrong.
But, this one here is my life,
And I will live it 'til I'm gone.

Remember, even young Lloyd,
Knew that Gabriel rocks.
And he did what he loved,
And he loved to kickbox.

But see, the music and fighting,
Were mere entertainment and sport.
Instead, he pursued love,
From sweet Diane Court.

Now at night I sometimes dream,
To be slightly Dobler-esque.
Learn to strive for what I want,
Then cast aside the rest.

'cause money may try to alter,
The way people act and seem,
But, no currency will ever affect,
The fact that I am me.

The snuggled smoke that flourished through the wrapped trees of distress,
Surpassed the frenzied flowers that my lover had once possessed.
Neither rain, nor comforting words nestled the neglect of those tears,
Who hid behind the books and the consumption of countless, crazed fears.

Amazed and awed what lies through the window of those memorable drives,
Only to end up with the inevitable filth that dripped from her eyes.
I constantly searched for things to drown out the waves of misery,
To keep her head above the washing water and vicious visionary.

Perhaps, myself, to acclaim her sensible wants and needs,
And to lay the pebbles on top of the dusty path of weeds.
Certain that this was the becoming of a new beginning,
To love a person more than myself, discovering a silver lining.

Time became our fearless friend, yet our worst enemy,
Through the constant battles of her past memory.
Becoming unstitched from each other’s blanket that was once sewn,
Left I to cherish the warmth spent and loaned.