That creak you didn't hear
That was breaking point
I mean why would any of you hear it
You see only a facade not the core
The molten thoughts and emotion
Turmoil like you can't imagine
Yet you all dined and enjoyed the company
You couldn't know could you
I was tiptoe all weekend on the edge
Closer to it than I have been in a long time
Overloaded, all wanting a piece of me
None realising I'm running on empty
Empty other than dark thoughts
Then finally sleep came and solace
But no, for even dreams became nightmare
Screaming skulls and torture I begged for death
Only to wake to vomit shaking in fear
Unhinged and unable to face the day I retreated
Beneath the quilt, a world away for a day
Irony! The world did not notice oh no
The messages, calls none phased at my absence
Save for one. One who always knows when the black dog is afoot.
Seems to know to call
Knows how I don't know
Was it hard to stay true to your own beliefs
The strange taste collected upon your lips
Don't let it take you like everything else you own
Slowly spark the candle wax around your residue
Feel it in your bones, you would die for less than this
Just dont give in before its over, dont give up before you win
Now don't go stealing thoughts that aren't yours
I believed you to be someone but you're just another follower
A real life twitter whore, I never been blindfolded for this long before
It won't happen again because I don't see anything in you anymore
Peaceful wasn't my intention, an intervention won't prevent it, resented since the lessons stretched within your own resented presence
A matter of time before you snapped, the clocks run out and overlapped, it's said and done, Im sick of waiting, sick of cages and your traps
And I can't find the meaning to your persistence
Used to be drained of my life in order to satisfy yours
Take back whats rightfully mine, take back what I work for
After all that, you've gained nothing from stealing from the poor
as a weed around my heart.
with my veins
invading my thoughts.
As a parasite
you latch onto me
and suck away
I once was.
my thoughts sometimes keep me up until 2 in the morning.
selfish things can't let me go quite as you did.
Let's talk about sex baby...
Well tell her that I miss our little talks,
And I'm caught in the crossfire of my own thoughts
If you escaped what I've escaped, you'd be in Paris getting fucked up too
Baby, Baby, Baby oh... like baby, baby, baby no
Can you forgive the things I do, that I can't amend?
Through the causes of my mistakes,
You'll never know dear how much I love you.
Floating down a raging river,
Maybe then I can learn to swim like 13 miles away.
You left my soul bleeding in the dark,
I can't survive without your sweet love, oh baby...don't leave me this way.
Touch me and then turn away,
Never gonna give you up.
Life's too short to even care at all oh,
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa I want to be with you.
This is my love song to you.
And how can I stand here with you,
I should be over all the butterflies,
Oh, and it's only you, yeah, it's only you.
The air rushed through my lungs,
pulling with such force that my heart palpated.
Then the rain came, falling like a thousand tears;
wetting the brown dirt, darkening it like my eyes.
I let out the expression of my deepest emotions;
You took those words to the bottom of the grave.
Decay left for the animals to scavenge,
the remains of my words so brave.
I can't relinquish the surety of myself---
in all my belief in you.
You---both beautiful and ugly---
in your selfishness and sophistication.
My thoughts were undiluted...
My thoughts where pure, as my intentions.
These feelings were never about me.
They were about you.
When we are old and grey,
we’ll forget about us, now.
Forget about the shouts, the screams,
the arguments we had, and how,
We would always fix it.
Always strive until the end.
Always lie in bed together,
Each next to their best friend,
But now I cry in bed alone,
From the things that we both said.
From the thoughts I think you’re having.
From the thoughts inside MY head.
And if all you’ve done is lie to please me,
Then where is the you I know and love?
If all you’ve done is be honest and true,
We’re together ‘til fire rains from above.
I love the you I know,
But I can only love what’s on show
The worries you spout,
As we lay together in bed,
Possess no foundation but for those inside your head,
And the seemingly low self confidence,
How that so angers me,
Because your beauty - in and out - is all that I can see.
It isn’t your personality, either, that bothers me so,
but your refusal to accept yourself - to bow to the will of others so easily -
And I hope that the independence of university will give you the will to see.
The will to be...You - The Best Person In The World.
Now, don’t think that this is me criticising you:
I’m criticising me.
My constant big-headedness, self-importance and ego,
Doesn't cast a shadow upon you because you are part of myself.
And self-improvement is what I’m about,
Because you were part of me I started my task,
But as I went about trying to raise your self worth and rationality,
My mind came across something that implicated Me:
By trying to lessen your peer’s control,
I had already forfeited my role.
I had become just another judge, another parent. A Dictator.
I had become what I hated,
But you didn't know.
I was just trying to help.
I did not realise that I was acting the sculptor.
And I promise I did not think of you as clay to mold.
And don’t forget my stubbornness, laziness and fear.
They’re important too.
I was too stubborn to accept any other view,
Too lazy to even consider voicing my thoughts,
Too fearful that you would want to start anew.
Because without you, I don’t know what I would do.
So let this be the first day of the rest of our lives,
Let our conversation never end, but twist and turn and change us into better people than we could ever be alone
I don't know how to piece together anything anymore
My head is full of unfinished thoughts
Jumbled Ideas and
Half written poems
I'm busy over analyzing everything,
text messages from past lovers and trying to figure out why I have such dark thoughts running through my
head right before I'm slipping into unconsciousness
i didn't keep track of the day i count down until i get to see you because then i would spoil the surprise of seeing your eyes rest upon mine and that vision is permanently glued to my subconscious so i guess it's never a surprise when i see your eyes and i will remember them forever even when my conscious forgets them for a while