that the pain
from a heartbreak
can be devasta-
like the sting
of a waspt
at every little vain.
it is poison to the soul
and your heart
is pounding strong
trying to fight
the devil's work.
in your head
in your thoughts
you try to analize
what went wrong:
was it you?
was it her?
is there anyone to blame
or was it just God
and one of his jokes?
i don't mean to say
that we are entertainment
for the Lord,
i'm just thinking
how i'll see it
when im old
and think of how foolish
it was to think
that the older i got
the easier it would be.
what is love?
The smokey planetarium of the loner's thoughts
Spins round and round, as death, he lives
Drunken with his despair, he replaces all the stars
With gleaming clumps of barb-wire and broken wings.
They scratch at the planetarium's roof.
Itching the him toward the railing,
Whispering sweet nothings about the enticement
Of insomnia mixed with a little infinite slumber.
I was riding high until some thoughts passed by.
Saw a few pictures and memories flooded the very limited space in my head
Levees feel like they're about to break through tear ducts, yet still afraid to cry.
But now, at this point there's been many I shed
Very sensitive connections kept us together.
You couldn't speak English, but still spoke through your action
Came by my side during storms that I could not weather.
I wish I knew how fast your time was passing
Sometimes I took your companionship for granted
Often not investing thought in the moment.
Stood by me, even when life.. I couldn't stand it
Now I'm thinking about your fate and how I wished I could've controlled it
Anytime I was home, you made me conscious of your calls
Whenever I was in my own bed you made sure to join me
It's as if now, without you, I'm getting withdrawls.
A bond beyond brotherhood draped in comfortability
The week I house sat for my mom, will remain with me always
Laying on the floor depressed, not only because you were dying
Still get choked up, knowing we showed each other love, before your next phase
But to keep you alive, some witnissed to see how hard I was trying
Weeks later after I moved, I woke up in Nevada thinking "where'd Austin go?"
I swear I felt you, and thought you were there, even though it may've not made sense
Know you're still in my heart, and were always so blissfully pleasant to hold.
I still feel you, and will always make room for your presence
You were the one cat I knew that would actually just into my arms from the floor, on command.
You held on, never scared as if you didn't wanna let go
Literally wrapped your paws around my neck in a hug-like embrace, or should i say - little hands.
Spent more time together than most of the humans I know
I miss you buddy, and the feelings haven't changed.
Some may think caring this much about an animal is strange.
Truth is we're all animals, and I'll see you at the next stage <3
Used to come naturally for me, until my world turned upside down
Failed my college English course
Started writing poems, cut through my issues like butter
Flowed from my brain like a one way train to a promised land
I don't even know what to write about anymore, I've become so dead
It kept me alive, I'd get these thoughts and have to put them down
On a napkin, on my hand, wherever I could at the time
They were my release
I don't know what to write anymore
But I'll keep on trying
Because maybe I'll write something
To solve this problem too
I don't know if I'm more afraid of the future or the past.
I don't capitalize "I" if I'm feeling low.
When I call myself the ocean,
it means I'm crying.
Half my phrases are made up
about things I see
but don't understand.
I'm a jungle-gym.
Thoughts climb me
pull out my hair
Nestle in my ear drum
Sing until my fair skin
shines in snow.
I don't know why you still matter.
Why gravity hasn't taken you
smashed you on the side of its bowl
served you to your mother.
I don't know why
I still know what your door
sounds like when its opened
or slammed shut.
I'm scared because I couldn't handle it last year.
I'm scared because
the Christmas tree in the school's court yard
looks just like the one from my hospital window
I'm scared that you're dying.
I'm scared that I lost so many
that I dyed my hair purple
and yet you still don't see me.
I'm scared because September
lives in Seattle
and he's the only one okay with
me not shaving my legs.
it feels as though
everything is miles away
I've never been a runner
and I don't know how to drive a car
I don't know how I'll get there.
I'm afraid of trust.
I'm afraid to trust myself.
What if tall windows aren't enough?
Will the library be big enough to hide in?
Will my favorite color stay green?
What if I lose myself?
What if I don't go to India?
the only thing school has given me
and chewed off fingernails.
and horrid anxiety attacks.
and an aching stomach.
those are the only things school has given me.
To my dear —,
It's been cold for the past few days,
it's been dark a little longer,
and the sun takes it's time to rise.
The days are now slowly changing,
summer to fall,
Fall to winter,
I can't help but notice that I too am changing with it.
My heart is slowly freezing over,
my thoughts stay dark a little longer
and I to take my time to rise in the mornings, because I know you won't be there.
Everyone tells me to move on, even you.
The hardest thing that I heard you say is
"I'm not your girl anymore".
It was like a knife to the heart.
I still care endlessly
and my heart still has the same love for you.
I sit far, far away, miles apart but yet
I hope you know you are never alone.
I keep watch over you,
that my guardian angel watches over you too.
You won't ever know that I was there,
checking up on you everyday,
for as far as you know... I truly disappeared.
I'm not gonna pretend that you're alone in the nights,
I know he's there.
You're probably hanging out and making nice
and he has the nerve to ask my girl to dance
and you'll say yes,
but in my head you were always mine
and that's how I'll remember you.
As mine and me as yours.
I won't let go,
even if you have,
I'll keep the faith for the both of us right now
and if you don't come back like you're supposed to, well then..
You may be out of sight,
out of my path now
but you are never out of my mind.
I'm a man of my word and for as long as I can,
I'll make sure you are safe and sound
give you the lights,
all the lights to guide you home.
Collection from a long time ago..
To my dear —,
It's so hard to breathe these days.
Being with you was living in excess
And when you've tasted excess,
Everything else tastes bland.
Yeah, I had everything to lose
But I still loved you as if I was about to die.
It's so hard trying to keep a straight face,
showing that I'm ok,
but I am so far from being ok.
I'm all alone with no one to talk to...
I think I miss that the most,
just having someone to talk to,
someone to share each day with.
I'm scared, I really am...
The thoughts of you not coming back
grow more real each day we're apart.
I don't know how to give you this space without you forgetting about me.
I wish each and every day you'd message me, someway,
just out of the blue and say
I'm coming back,
That you never left.
Most of all;
say the words
that would bring me right back,
that would bring us right back
"I" and "Love" and " You".
I wish I had the words to tell you how you embrace my heart
How the very thought of you warms my soul
I wish you could feel through my spirit so you would know how deep love lies
How you dance through my thoughts and color me beautiful
English teachers were right when they told us always to finish our sentences. They said that fragments lead to grammatical errors and a loss of idea cohesiveness. They said that ramblings overexcite the mind of the reader into a state of faulty comprehension. Full sentences engulf the paper; there are no thoughts left behind. Maybe that's why poets are so damn sad. You see, when I started using fragments, I began to exclude ideas that were too ridiculous to put into words. Now I am haunted by the thoughts I never finished and the words I was convinced were better off silent. The fragments couldn't connect in my mind and they couldn't find their syllables and they wandered off looking for you when you could only be found in commas and periods and sentences containing only one conjunction. Fragments create halves of moments and halves of feelings and maybe if I was more careful I wouldn't have created a fragment of you. Each sentence has a subject and a verb but the ambiguity of the subject in a fragment does not mean that you were not there all along. Nowadays, it's too hard to read my writing without wanting to burn it in the fireplace. I want to watch the flames flick away the broken rhythm of our past and join the fragments into whole sentences and whole paragraphs and whole stories but I can't find the punctuation. Maybe I should have listened when my teacher told me to combine ideas and make whole. Maybe then I'd know that complex sentences do not always lead into complexities. Fragments cannot stand alone and make sense. You could not stand alone and find your sense in me.