In the morning I help her gather her things
With clothes everywhere
Where's the underwear?
Ibuprofen please and coffee
I'm going to bruise
But I like what you do to me

Sorry no
The coffee makers broken
I'm all out of ibuprofen
It's getting late don't you think
Try Starbucks, it's probably open

Almost always your place not mine
So I can quietly leave early
But I'm not the callous type
I just can't fuck so hard for love and fail
Wake up and pretend it's alright

So thanks for spending the night
We're not bad people just real
Let's hug and kiss and lie
Say it was great
How do you feel?

and for a moment there our hands almost touched

but I didn't know what to say
it was late and we were both drunk
the sky had been dark for hours
and everyone inside the house was loud and
I could barely hear myself think

and I wanted to tell you
so much it hurt my chest
and the ice unfolded in my stomach
and killed all the butterflies

but I knew you'd never think of me
that way and so we just sat
on the railing outside some kid's house

and I swallowed all the love I felt for you
bitter and writhing and alive in my throat

and stayed silent as the sun came up

Who wants to be the one-prize
Side of the equation
With almost as the offer on the other side?

When you think
Someone's great
It's hard to think
You're great enough


Standards
Of value
Done fucked me up

Where the sky is as blue as CG special tinting reality to a sharpened point.

The seas are. As warm as the womb.AMNIOTIC shock when I dive in.
I can smell beauty in the cool trade winds. My god made paradise here
Carried it away to parts unknown.
My god.

My lover set me free many years ago but I never returned to her tender
Arms. I had forgotten her charms even while laying in her four post bed and running my hands slowly over silken skin. The thrill was gone.

She is forgiving
                       She looks at me with eyes that glisten.
In the starlight. But time is not my ally.
Soon I think she will deny me.
A lover scorned.

old makeup spilled on my floor
dirty clothes strewn on my floor

You can hardly see the carpet for all the clothes carelessly being trodden on. Blue holiday lights are strung around the mirror. I am watching Andy Warhol eating a hamburger on a new, thousand dollar laptop, slick-as-a-whistle, paid with a swipe. For the past six months, I have had less than four hundred combined checking and savings, and that number dwindles by the day. I have no groceries, but I've got fistfuls of orange prescription bottles, and I was handing pills out like candy (but they are needed, much and every day).

Where did all these bills come from?
Suddenly, it costs money to breathe.

Eating? Oh pshaw, that costs money, and the store's six blocks away.

I pout on my throne of dirty cotton, thinking I get what I ask for, when I ask, and it always comes--at a price! It's always over a hundred dollars more than I could spare and brings bad luck, moreso than a couple broken mirrors would, even if they were smashed over a the back of your mother's black cat.

"Quick! Let's do designer drugs with the paltry change given by our parents! I wouldn't feel like I wasn't nothing, nothing at all," I say, batting my eyelashes, "Wouldn't they feel proud of our feelings of entitlement to the greater things in life and consciously responsible adult-like decisions?"

I crack open my father's checking account with the swipe of a magnetic strip,
it makes me seem responsible when he sees I just use it for pills and foodstuff.

(I prove I love him and he loves me this way)

Now, together, we will buy strawberries with his money,
they must be four dollars, at the very least, then we eat like the bourgeoisie (!)

I kiss the cheeks of my reflection in the bathroom
tousling my hair, tipsy, as I touch up my face by
licking the tips of eyeliner up like a cat's little tail,
the ends of eyes, coated with eyeliner as black as
my tightest velvet pants and dark, dark heart.

We go together.

You should move to a big city
and I'll come call, prepaid, with
a voice that is thick and ripped,
chattering of sugar-white beaches
as I cross the seas all on a plane,
all the while drunk on red wine,
twirling my fingers around, with
bags under eyes, a little anemic

(I think it adds to the glamour)

We will go out to a dimly lit place
We will go out dancing then after

I will put on dab perfume under my ears and on my wrists,
I will wear black tights for pants, but first, do a little cocaine
and you will fasten the clasp on my silver necklace tonight,
while I smoke, before helping me put on my favorite fur

And we will go see Andy, at the factory
I hear he's doing something
with that Basquiat fellow (!)

I will go follow false luxuries, come with me.
I will gamble with you in Monte Carlo or Las Vegas,
just as long as you pay my rent at $695 per month,
until I die, or something else.

No matter how much
you feel is going on within you
yet more is going on
on the other side of your veil of self:

No matter how little
you think you matter
you are an entire realm;
a reality unto itself:

No matter how alone you feel,
know that you are your own Shaman,
that you are your own Savior
if only you'd let yourself be.

A captain always goes down with his ship
There is honor in that, valor
Guns blazing as you sink, defiant to the end
I never understood where they got the courage
Found a cause worth dying for
Why not be captured?
Isn't prison better than death?
Those Lords of the high seas, they always seemed so confusing to me

I think I understand it now though
Staying attached to a lost cause
Because when you invest so much of yourself in something
It is really, really hard to let it go
So despite odds that most likely will crush you
You battle on, heels dug in, back to the wall
This love is a poison, and she will be the death of you
But you continue fighting the good fights; it is all you know how to do

It has been two months

And more

Since I moved my mouth around

Your name

It clanked on my ears

And it

Tasted rusty on my tongue

Funny

How one syllable

Is so

Hard to think about saying

i talked to you a few days ago
wanted to give you more compliments
you ended it on a sour note
and this may be it
but you like it that way, for its all you know
i could read you like a book but i'd be stepping on your toes
most think slow i suppose
but nope not me
im straight happy sober not trembling while the rest are settling

and if your off with him
you're wasting your day, your time
cuz what this is, is alot further than rhyme

preventive care
its everywhere
people holding eachother back
from everything
preventive care is always there
like a scratch you cant itch or a friend you cant ditch
preventive care, it keeps you chained to the ground
but preventive care also keeps the world going round
the most important preventive care, is to brush your teeth
that, plus to eat, or else you will starve in the street
some say drinking water is a myth, i havent had time to test that out
i've been to busy preventing false care and typing what i think about
and sometimes i think that preventive care is false hope
like all care is
and on that note
about that, i'm certain