This letter was not meant for you
it was meant for me with you
to that crystalline time when we were two
before the shattering was through.

The mornings in 
when we lay oblivious to the shuffle and the city din
when the weight of the world was still 
not enough to budge us a single inch 
from between the linens.

So I recollect
all the fragments I thought I left
I'm not one to dwell but what else
is left for the lonely boy at the bottom of a well?

But now there are three
There's you and there's me
and there's who we could've been
And I've not spoken to him yet
as I'm not sure this specter is real
Or maybe I'm afraid to ask if he once half-lived,
was he thrown from the wheel
and tossed down the well here with you and them?

But I've fooled myself again
What I saw as a window
was only a mirror that needed mending
And what I heard as your voice
was always the wind
hurling back at me my own laments.

Beauty brutally murdered my captain
One touch, and the crew deserted
a hasty mutiny to an unknown island
Where I before with calm weathered
the waves, now the torrent upends
the bow, wrecked upon rocks
that could've been havens.

So I'm thrown from the sea to the sands
Left alive by a wiser hand than
I, doomed to make beach castles, just a man
mending the grains, seeing the slate
wiped clean again and again
forever banned from the mountain
and the densely wooded lands.

One day I'll abandon my post
cut short my careful tending
and set off from the coast
Leave behind the crooked lines
and SOS signs, the feeble moats
Face the interior, each step deep down
and further down into the jungle dark
and every fear the most
Hope beyond all Hope that all I own is Hope
and one day reach the sun, then I'll know.

And what keeps me shuffling through the dark?
The thought of you shuffling too
alone and apart
Not the thought that our end
will be as our start
but that the art
of the whole damn thing
is all we are.

[or more reasons I want to slap you right across your pretty face]

upon wakening
my brain informed my arm to
tell my hand
to pick up a pen and
tell of your voice

the first time
  i hear your particular  vibrations
your sound waves
  your signals
over the air
i almost drove off the side of the road
...now i have to close my eyes
and hold my breath
trying to hear a silent memory
  stored in a recess of my mind
your voice has a musical quality
   a warm tone
that i miss

this brings me to your perfect, hateful lips
  (really, i could do without all of this nonsense)
this very moment my heart is pounding
   right out of my chest
         my jaw clenched
                 my eyes glaring stubbornly into blank space

release me from this madness...
   i just want to get through the day
without this ridiculous longing
   just one goddamn day...

...back to your stupid lips
   i like shapes
and yours are the exact right shape
  to taunt me
you grew that scruffy sexy stuff
   just to drive me insane

i'd also like to slap you
   for informing me of your jogging habit
my imagination is quite active
   and the last possible thing i need
is the sun...
   glinting on your hair
       on your stupid muscles
i mean, seriously?
i've almost run down 18 men
  that look nothing like you
because of this insanity
   that has saturated my brain
my nerves
   my emotions
      my instincts

never in my life
   have i been slammed
with such desire
   knowing exactly
how to end this madness

but forced to remain still.
regulating breath.
letting words flow
trying to calm the mind.

but my body wants to m o v e .
my heart wants to explode
my breath wants to quicken...
my voice wants to escape...
my nails want to claw...
my teeth want to bite...

this is getting me nowhere...already i feel the new words coming

"I saw a little boy that day,
Sitting on the ground in the park.
He leaned against a big old tree,
It was already late and dark.

He didnt have a coat or sweater,
Why was he there alone?
Winter made him shiver...
Didn't they miss him at home?

Just when I wanted to walk up to him,
Save him from a cold.
The boy looked up and saw something,
It was a man grey and old.

I saw the man nearing the boy,
Not seeing him at all.
Next thing I know what happened there,
The boy made the man fall.

I didn't see it wrong
Or interpret the situation.
The boy held the man down on the ground,
My feet nailed out of complication.

He put his hand in his pocket,
With an expressionless face.
Something as simple as pocket knife,
Made it a deathly serious case.

I ran up to them as fast as I could,
Flying over the grass.
The boy making his gestures,
Only for the man's life to pass.

Blood pooring everywhere o God,
The boy stabbing so deep.
I fought to take the knife from him,
It was never his to keep.

Then finally I concurred him,
And expressions appeared.
Upon that develish face it's true,
With blood and tears all smeared.

So sir imagine how I felt,
Not understanding how this could be.
How can the world be so damn cruel,
Or sir is that just me?"

He did his duty that one day,
The little boy no harm.
Maybe one day I'll too get away,
By showing them my charm.

All people wait
They wait for the same thing
And that thing
Is something worth waiting for

Bitterness eats at me like flesh eating bug chewing at my true self

Those various moments i regret i wish i could take back i must stop the darkness from taking over.

the darkness tells me its ok to do the wrong thing well darknesss go Fuck yourself.

You can be right once in a while but you take it to far excuse my language this dark time stays  over my head.

I live a lie in reality i just want her to cut the chain first so i am free  and that one Person i once cared for who is treating his son a terrible childhood.

I have my reasons to be this way you see i try to forget by doing so i became the person i didnt want be again. the asshole who is bitter over everything i am trying to get back to normal but its gonna be a uphill battle.

The war ends with everything is normal and no chains attached to my heart.

my sister used to tell me
that april showers
brought may flowers
but it's nearly june
and there are no blossoms bursting through my ribcage
and the only thing that is
growing on me
is the harsh lumps of reality
fed in doses by sad old men.
and the only other thing
are your eyes
and the way your voice sounds
when I know you are lying
I would give anything
for the may flowers to be growing inside my head
instead of these poisonous thoughts

I can still see your smiles in my mind.
They're always there just behind when I close my eyes.
God, you're as beautiful there as you ever were.

How I miss falling into those brown eyes,
Getting lost and smiling so much that you had to ask,
What are you smiling at?
What are you smiling for?
To which I'd reply -
Nothing. Just you.

And maybe that's where I went wrong.
You weren't nothing, and it wasn't just you.
You were everything to me
And I was thinking of all that was you,
Each and every little thing that made me love you.

And it was mistakes like that
That caused me to drive you away,
Which forced you to have to walk away.

I was a fool.

I would give anything to have you back,
To have you for a second chance.
But admitting that won't change anything,
And however much I say I miss you
Will not bring you back.

It's not what you want.
I just have to learn to live with that.

she told me that
tons of people go through
the same exact thing
everyday.
and for a second,
i felt better because
i knew someone could relate.
but i was pulled right back under
as i realized that
it means im normal.
that im not unique or
different.
im the same piece of living
(im alive right?)
plastic as everyone else is.
im not anyone special,
i am just someone
who has
a lot of
issues.

It was a usual day at school
and Teacher seemed quite stern,
She glared at us and didn’t smile,
and scolded us to learn.

I sat in silence, grumpily,
twiddling both my thumbs,
And tried my best to concentrate
on multiplication sums.

Teacher sat down in her chair
with her glasses on her nose
when suddenly her scolding stopped -
We looked and she just...froze!

A spider had descended
from its home up on the ceiling,
and she just sat there transfixed
devoid of any feeling.

Her face was like a ghastly mask,
Her eyes looked up in fear
And as the spider peered at her,
one thing was made quite clear.

Teachers are also human,
They have fears like you and me,
That's what I learnt in school today,
and my heart was filled with glee!