Roses aren't red
Violets aren't blue
Because theres no more color
In a world without you
Glimmers of hope,
You give me a lot.
And whenever i see you,
My forehead gets hot.
I get weak in the knees.
I could just die.
But then we get to talking,
And I get lost in your eyes.
A forbidden feeling
I indulge in too much.
A flickering light,
Thats hot to the touch.
Those relationships stink.
But ours is quite different
Well what do you think?
Thats the thing.
We can never talk about this.
For our relationship,
Remember that word,
It means I still have a chance.
And that needs to be heard.
Now my head is a mess.
But you won't know.
Your lounging in the warmth,
And I'm shivvering in the snow.
I want a conclusion,
Is it a happy ending?
So do you like me or not?
Can we quit the pretending?
But i can't ask you this.
Ive said this before.
Im going on and on,
Im becoming a bore.
But theres so many questions,
As i lie in my bed,
"Did i say the right thing?
What goes in your head?
What goes in your head?
What goes in your head..."
Now you all know,
What goes on in MY head,
Now i can sleep,
Knowing this has been said.
Time crumbles over the years, eroding
under the weight of "I should have been
theres", and "backwhens", and "I miss
yous". And, as it erodes, it leaves the
bittersweet smell of what was, complete
with a little taste on memory on the back
of your tongue that will never quite go away...
"The problem is..."
"that it is'nt us who see people differently from you,
but you see things different from us. We are not the problem you are.
You see the basest humans when we paint majestic creatures,
we tell stories of superheroes with no faults,
we expect our boyfriends to mirror night skies in their comfort,
and speak like Kerouac. Kiss our scars like white girl tumblr pictures."
"People like you," he says;
"...Dont ever kill yourselves. You're used to the disappointment. Your used to kissing your boyfriends sweaty upper lips and smelling...just that. You clean up the puke on bathroom floors without complaining because you know what people look like from the inside. That's why your art will never be good. Thats why today in class when I asked you to paint a human body cut open, you drew a colorless man with his organs splaying out of him, and goddamn" he laughs..
"I have to fold petals into my boyfriends armpits just to stand the sight of him
our fucking is'nt fucking,
its lovemaking. Supposedly.
When I tell this story later,
I'll leave out the spit and saliva and how the human body
aint that pretty, especially gay sex. Even 6 ft 3 chiseled muscle of it, ill write metaphors about his eyes and similes to his fists,
you will tell us about the humaness of his breath and how
it annoyingly kept you up at night,
you will speak of storms but not of the ones in his eyes.
The ones in your belly
when he farts during sex and you will
describe every putrid detail, like the fact that waking up in the morning aint so pretty,
morning breath is something we dreamers leave out in movies. And, it must be exhausting
living here seeing things how they really are, but atleast when you expect disappointment, theres room for surprise.
People like me expect the good and are disappointed when its pissed on."
not a single
c r eeeeak ing
that will always
Find the words to say
Let the tears rain
Let them pour down your face
And wash your pain away
The sun will come out
I need something to believe in today
Jealousy is a cruel thing
A green monster who loves to play
The thought of it stings
Didn't notice the fear overcoming me
Now my sanity is going under me
I know what you like to drink to
The bottles blue
Yeah, you love the taste of Bombay
Theres a bottom to that bottle
And your already halfway
I won't lose if life's a game
I'll gamble it till I have no more blood to pay
I promised myself I'll make the pain go away
I smoked a cigarette this morning,
inhaled tobacco and other toxins,
exhaled feeling like my mother.
Forty five meets nineteen
you'd think theres some fine in-between
no there isn't.
I swear I'm trying to dive out of this skin
to plunge into the fountain of youth,
I carve holes inside of my skin to pull myself out them
the holes always heal.
I wish for the reverse affect of a flower,
a backwards growth process,
for my petals to loosen and transform back into
or a bud, I don't want to be full grown.
Between multiple moves, broken vases and torn out pages,
I lost myself.
Nineteen going on forty five sometimes,
because there is no other option.
I'd never be one to preach maturity,
because I'm not so sure I even have that.
A backwards cycle of a flower,
how I yearn for you,
but lack of petals just comes with lack of knowledge.
Searching for myself under a microscope,
some call out my name, I don't respond as often as I should.
I'll take another drag
and let mistakes slip through my fingers,
maybe this time I won't feel so much like my mother.
Maybe, its time I tell you,
maybe its time to speak up.
I'm no longer in a stage where,
your voice pops up in my head,
and makes me wonder where you are.
what you're doing.
Your name no longer sends me into
fits of remorse, nor anger.
The harshness of what you now think of me,
no longer stops me in my tracks.
I don't ask myself what you would think,
because I know you don't care,
and also, I don't need you to.
I'm my own person and you wanted to change that.
You wanted to change me.
Recreate me to fit the image,
of what you always dreamed.
No longer do I ponder upon decisions,
based on how your feelings would apply.
No. I'm no longer a slave to your feelings.
Now, I'm simply me.
I do what I want, how I want, and when I want it,
and theres no one to stop me.
I indulge in nicotine, and don't get the third degree for it.
I'm accepted as I am and I like it.
I'm no longer yours to control, and I'm in love with it.
a room filled with people
and blaring lights
we're all one in a dark room.
mellow movements with the music,
there we were.
there you were.
hands on each other
our fingers locked my body to yours,
theres no point in hiding
no point in denial
there would be a point to let go
you did and so did i.
there you were,
just for tonight
as it dances in me like we danced in this room.
i watched you as you walked away
still lingering for another second,
another moment to hold on to.