Why must i be angry,
Why cant i be happy,
Im stuck with this disease,
It slowly eats at me,
Causing pain and suffering,
Instea of the good things im enjoying,
The pain, the evil,
Cause that is my seal,
My call, my path,
I leave behind a trail of wrath.
See it on the ground, an on their faces,
I am the thing that thrives in dark places,
I listen to the rock and the metal,
But i have no purpose and im like the kettal,
Only talked about as if im a joke,
I have a purpose, i hope you all choke,
This is my life, its not yours,
Shut up and leave or you blood will pour,
Flow down the streets, feed the rats,
Cause thats where ur body will be left at,
The forgotten place,
The evil space,
The longforgotten sorrow,
Youll find me tomorrow,
Sittin right here, not a change in mind,
But thats because they left me behind,
Suffering within my own head,
Please kill me or let yourselves be dead,
None shall survive,
None shall thrive,
Just take this from me,
And let me be,
Take my anger,
Leave me with laughter,
Im tired of being mad,
Id wrather be sad,
But i dont care,
Just dont sit there and stare.
Im stuck in a state of semi anger,
Just dont touch or youll go over,
Over the side,
Theres nowhere to hide,
Your dead now,
I dont know how,
But ur gone so it doesnt matter,
How you hit the ground, look at the blood splatter.
Stuck between two names,
Stuck between two destinies,
Will I go up in flames,
Or will I be consumed by the beast in me,
I want find my place,
In this world that empties me,
But I want to disappear without a trace,
But that I know can never be,
One or the other,
I must choose,
Should I find love with another,
Or all of it will i lose.
i could almost taste the stars, so distant, but so bright
looking down on us as we worked at rebuilding our life
your heart is heavy, blood weighed down by regret and a burning rage
theres blood on your hands, theres a gun cold and hard in my hand
you said we needed more time, i said we needed another plan
she sits at home
every saturday night
talking shit about all the people
that she doesn't like
too bad she's alone
can't say i feel bad for her
she did this on her own
theres no need to be sad for her
she comes to school every day
wishing she was in a t-shirt in jeans
cares so much about what other people say
pretending she doesn't maybe thats why she's mean
I sit there crying to just disappear so far away from you.
When you had seen me lying on the ground with a stone cold heart, with red warm tears striking my scarred face.
You wipe my tears, they stain your hands.
I scream in you arms, with your arms wrapped around me, holding me tightly.
Color fades in both our eyes.
Life surrounded by black and white.
Wanting to see again.
I kissed my unwanted savior.
It became more clear.
Color now flooding back into vision.
A light broke our bitter sweet moment, I cry as I kneel to a dead rose.
Picking up fallen memories, broken tears and shattered hearts.
I try to fix all of the pieces I have left behind.
All theres left is...
Blood, Tears and me.
I remember the sky's blue with few clouds
the first nice day the spring had allowed
Pulling up to the stop sign, as i sort of laughed
Why is this silly girl stopped in the grass
I remember you said before we left the town
"I'm gonna go see if my parents are around"
Now theres no movement i creep past the sign
to find caved in doors, and a big rig that flies
Dont Make me laugh why was my sister and me brought up
On so much domestic violence both got raped
Forced in to silence
No confessions on tape
Batterling demons with
No escaping this lions
Den hearing your
Words but you lied like
The rest of them complications in our
Family home learned
To stand alone burned
From the sceans these
Eyes were shown
Seeds but no water to
Help us grow no all I wish is I was buried so
Far below in a hole which caved in to make
Me pay for every sin
I made for this f..ked up
Life you gave my young heart crushed nothing left to save the pains ingraved im to weak trying to act brave
Death is all I seek from the cradle to the grave
Inslave my self to a being
That im only seein
In these nightmares we share f..k your pitty cos
Im a man who rarely cares barely able to stay stable on my own two
Feet traumatised victimised please let these visions die in peace hell bound on
So take another piece
..... Of my life heart love
Affection it doesnt matter any more
Theres nothing you cant
Do to me thats already
Been done ......
written in 2010
i think i can stand the world today
everythings keepng me from being in my grave
my friends and my family they treat me like royalty
and I'm going to do what it takes to get paid
i think i i wont mind this world today
i got knowledge but still on my face
my friends and family
act like honeybees
comtemplating if they should fly or stay
and we all return to our hive
and we all fight to stay alive
and our bodies break down like leaves on the ground
eventually we all give our final sting
i think ill contrast and compare today
reorganize a new way
my friends and my enimies, id like to think they learned from me
cuz theres only so much i can do or say
and we are surely all alive
we witness the birth and we cry when they die
and our society dumbs down
like radio sounds
we all become autumn leaves
I found a discarded old teddy sitting on a bench
The bench sat on platform 29
The train came and left many times
A few familiar faces I noticed on my jouney
But none caught my eye
No voice broke through my thoughts
I pick up the Ted
A label was strung about its neck with a crumpled note
I had to leave
I hate goodbyes
The teddy is symbolic in so many ways
Are words in which I would attach
Hello has been ok lately
But theres still a few old favorites still missing
If anyone sees jp about
Pleade let him know
The bear is still waiting his return
Maybe if he journeys back this way
He would pop to platform 29
If not now
Then maybe another year
and he said son
i havnt you in oh so long
how about dinner
at around 8 oclock
theres a secret sundown just for you
ill meet you there
hot footed up the flight of stairs
lighting up when he got there
i been lost at sea
hope youll forgive me
this is a shout out to the kids who haven’t cracked a smile since last summer.
To the kids who’s wrists turned to cutting boards
and stomachs intentionally went empty.
This is the anthem for saturday nights spent on the couch just asking yourself “why”
For hours spent thinking that it’s your fault your parents split and theres nothing you can do.
For the kids who drag a blade across their wrist and carve grand canyons into their wrists although its still not the same.
A song for the kids who crack their knuckles as a distraction from the glares they get from across the classroom in fifth period science.
A harmony to the kids who are trying so hard to fit in but cant seem to get the hold of the right words to stick on their tongue so instead the wrong words slip out of their mouthes and roll into a ball of embarrassment.
A five star dinner served to his four friends which left him three years later and two years later he was just one kid by himself fending off the monsters we call classmates all alone.
Another sleeping pill for the boy who prays with his eyes shut but cant sleep because his eyes have already been closed for hours.
A brace for the broken and the weak as the week drags on to the point where every word that ends in the letter y makes you want to pull your hair out.
A poem dedicated to the kids who cant fend for themselves in the jungle.
Its a hard existence.
But we can make it through.