Please
Stop
Repeating
How much a disappointment I am sometimes.
When I don't get good enough marks,
When I don't get into the board you want me to,
When I fumble in piano recitals.
Because I am,
Equally sad,
Broken,
Confused,
If not more than how anyone feels.
But I know,
It's for my good,
You hope to achieve what you couldn't yourself.
I just wish I could tell you somehow,
I'm working hard,
Very very hard,
To be the best daughter I can.
But please be patient,
I'm getting there.
Tumbling down further
into the deepest parts of your
heart
Flowing through your arteries
and your veins
and your mind
Pacing through your brain
hoping and praying maybe
you will think of me
Think of me
on the loneliest nights
and the darkest days
Because I know you don't know
and I know I can't
tell you
But I love you
and I care
and I'm so sorry
It's raining cats and dogs
and my heart is racing
and my mind is going to
explode soon
if I don't tell you
how much I love you
I am falling for you hard
and darling, I know it
could never be
because you are you and
I am me
and you're perfect
and I'm nothing but atoms derived
to fall in love
deeper and deeper
only for you
Of all the words ever concieved
The tongue of an angel can't tell
She sighs in her sleep;
Sighs in sympathy for the devil.
They wrestle and claw for the words
The right to have the name
She sighs in her sleep for the devil
The tongued angel falters this game
She won't continue the struggle
The victory she found above
Opened her sleepy eyes to me
And spoke only one syllable
Love
Alone. Closing my eyes. Voices echoe around me. Sitting and waiting for fate. Falling over myself. It's too late for anything. Cold grey skies and dark faces. I tried and failed. I see your face everyday.And I wander. If this faceless figure infront of me. Is restricted and falling, into the darkest clouds. Dry. throat, empty rib cages. Bones rattling inside the pumping heart. Held in my hand. This fucking failure will never change.
This is closure, and hidden identity. Falling apart at the seams. Wanting to be part of the bar that screams. Then waking up, not being there, in that crowd, with the loud microphone
That was handed to me. I left and ran away . Cold and bitter,. Left in the sea ,with an ex friend.And a fucking broken bone. Sharks attacked my feet, and i swam to shore, the darkness across the gold beach destroyed all meaning. Locked up in cages, broken bars and held. In those empty hospitals, where, there is a bed for a patient, In a ward, where there is bleeding, Internally or externally, coffee that tastes grit, I would die in the arms of myself, Embrace my loneliness
Force a smile ,And dive in the ocean,Live a lie, just like I just feel
Just like they tell you, in the nights darkest, cold, alone
Afraid, I would die in the midst of the concrete slowing car, Forest embers, glowing in the darkest shadows, Cars and broken faces, In this town, where nothing changes,Familiar old faces, wishing they didn't exist, Wanting to escape, and this is all that's left. Cars and broken faces, empty train rides
Solitude which leaves the magnititude of the desolation in tangles. Broken in the spiral of hope which grips my insecurities, being and believing the epitome of lies when entangled in selfish views
broken in the cages of time itself, wishing to escape
Behind this little curtain, I hide.
I do not lie, but I do not tell the truth either.
I do not flash it in your face,
but I'm afraid you may know my
secret.
If this happens, everything will turn upside down
and I need to find a paper bag,
where I'll readily stuff my face in and hide under a rock
Until maybe all magically is forgotten.
I am ready to tell you the truth, however,
although my paper is transparent, a see-through glass,
piles of white lies may start to stain it and soon,
it will be so opaque you have to dig deep into there
To finally see the face that's hiding behind.
I am not desperate or a stalker,
or you know,
the one that sends you long text messages
and waits eagerly for a short reply.
Whenever I try to forget you,
you pop into my memory and tempt me into no bounds
of imagination. It's necessary I try not to follow,
but I always end up falling in the same hole.
So please understand, that if I suddenly reveal my identity,
do not be taken aback because this is what I have to do,
for you have caused me to be slightly obsessive and
longing for even a slight bit of communication between
us. The us that I dream of, the us that happened, what of it is left?
To start anew? This is rather painful. I don't want to forget, you see.
You were so lovely and sweet. How can I erase you from my memory?
People come and go, but you stay, longer than I thought you would.
This attachment is detrimental to my being. If any longer your existence influences me,
I will stop living in the present and reality and just dream on about non-existent parallels,
wasting so much time and feelings.
Okay. So this is why I'm being so secret there. You would only talk to me that way.
Because,
you wouldn't want to talk to me.
Thank you, dear, though, for that sweet little message.
Stop being such a gentleman,
If you can help it,
and tell me explicitly,
that you want me to go
the f*ck away.
I'm in love with feeling down
The feeling stays through towns
I pass along the way, each more beautiful than the last
All of the emotional nights have found
To be just as therapeutic as the sounds
that abound in my thoughts as they race towards the past
Back to the future where they all merge
A keyboard circuit surge
An electric strum
A soul being purged
With the words I'll hum, tell, yell
But first, do you have a cig I can bum?
Don't ever tell the Goodbye.
I know it won't be easy,
So don't ever tell the Goodbye.
Don't ever tell the Goodbye.
We will let the time be lazy,
Just don't ever tell the Goodbye.
Don't ever tell the Goodbye.
Darn the time we are away,
Just erase those memories.
And the distance between us,
I'll walk to you, so you will.
That time would come,
But don't ever tell the Goodbye.
Don't let your lips part,
Part and open saying Goodbye.
We'll create it an art,
And won't ever tell the Goodbye.
My HP Poem #5
©Atul Kaushal
Shall I keep the friendship we shared?
Shall I continue to honor it by remembering what we did?
Shall I remember the first time you spoke to me
and all the fun things we did thereafter?
For some reason, you just stood a little further from me
Bit by bit,
and now, you're too far away. When I reach out my hand
You can't grab it. If this was a sinking ship,
I can't save you.
You can't save me either.
Shall I forget what used to be you and what used to be me?
Right now, you've found a newer land, a greener grass,
but you wouldn't let me step on it,
you just bid me goodbye slowly but you're being so cold.
You wouldn't tell me directly if you're simply pushing me away;
you're like a block of ice I'd slide down a hill and let it break into many pieces.
Stop being so cold, at least, but if that's what you want to be:
icy, distant and unfamiliar,
I wondered where the old you had disappeared.
I bid goodbye to her forever.
A new day will come and I will shed my old skin and
all my memories formed with it.
