there were invisible lines that always divided us,
when the distance was there and the trust was nowhere to be seen
why did you choose me if you didn't like who i was?
why did you tell me we would last this time if we didn't stand a chance?
i hope you weren't driving around in his car while i was thinking of you at home
and now i see him crash and your heads collide and you think of me
or else he's on one knee asking for your forever and you think of me
no i mean you're eighteen and he probably smokes too much weed
and i won't even remember you in five years time

You cover your heart in bands of steel,
A high security vault not open for viewing,
And is that the best thing?
Because surely it must get lonely being so closed up from the things most people enjoy,
Surely you must regret not knowing how it feels to let go,
You must be tired,
From standing so tall,
Your stance not wavering,
Surely you must want to break free,
Lie down,
And not be afraid,
Because you've gone too long without a shoulder to rest your head on,
Here I am,
Offering you mine.

Old, adorable little houses,
girls dressed up in chiffon blouses,
all the songs we used to sing out loud at night.
It could of been the way you looked at me,
or the fact that we're made perfectly.
When I'm with you, everything's alright.

Long, wasted rides in subway cars.
Looking up in Brooklyn to see the stars.
Hand in hand, we made up our own team.
It could of been the alcohol,
or the way you tell stories you already told...
but something got a hold of me.

Wine boxes & bottles stacked in the room.
Papers and books of things we need to do,
all the clothes I stole from your closet.
It could of been the sunshine that day,
but I think it's you who made the clouds go away,
and I'm so happy I have you to call my best.

We took cabs to unfamiliar places.
Kissed boys with hot, and not so hot faces.
By your side is where I want to stay.
It could of been the smoke in the air,
or the way we dance and forget to care
but some how we always found our way.

Tripping & stumbling into the room.
Smelling like candy & juicy perfume.
Some how, people always notice us.
It might be the way we laugh out loud,
or the way your smile stands out in a crow.
This is forever, that you can trust.

Other people's stoops where we took refuge,
doing all the things we were told not to.
We danced in the rain and laughed so loud it hurt.
It could be the wine, the booze of the beer,
but when they ask me my answer is clear
I say; "I like me better when I'm with her."

As I sit here alone,
thoughts of you fill my head.
I go over and over
what you meant to me,
what you still mean to me.
You touched my heart,
like no one before.
Our memories totally surround me,
with every waking moment -
they are the last things I feel
before I retire at night.
Dreams of you weigh
on my mind and wake me.
This is when I miss you the most.

Our lives are on different paths now.
You are taking time
to figure out what you truly want,
even though I already know,
but have no control over it.
My wants rest in your hands.
So, I tread forward,
pretending that all is well,
while inside, I feel like I am dying
without your love -
your love that supported me;
your love that sustained me.
your love that completed me.
Now, I am lost without it.

You have asked
if we can still be friends?
I knew this would be
hard for me to do,
even after all of the hurt.
So, I took some time
to mend my heart,
and I learned  to forgive you -
with open arms
I welcomed you back.

Things are going well,
however, I remain so guarded.
I know that I must be this way,
so as not to be misled.
You tell me that you understand.
Yet, truly, do you realize
that I have given you one last chance -
one last chance to remain a part of my life?
This is all I can afford to give you anymore.

I am trying to move forward each day,
by taking small steps,
instead of one giant leap.
Sometimes I feel like
I am making progress;
other times, I feel like I am failing.
Time is all I have during my transition.
One day, all wounds shall be healed.

Time will tell what becomes of us.
One thing I know for certain is,
even though I am moving forward,
you will always feel
my spirit close by -
this same spirit
that will always care for you
and wish you well.

Vicki A Zinn
2008

please have a lovely day
do not let worry or stress get in the way
do not forget to take today as a gift
and if you need a little something of a lift
think of everything that makes you smile
because tears dry up so fast, they can't stay more than awhile
and there's no reason to be afraid
we're luckier than most, we've been given another day
free of charge and completely our own
the Earth is so delighted to be our home
to house us and give us energy and life
don't let that stupid person holding the knife
keep it in your back and tug you around
sad people are one's who relish on a frown
but do not give them permission to cause you anything less
because let me tell you, you do deserve the best
to jump and to
                feel like you can
                                        FLY!
to be happier today
                than you were yesterday
                                         because you are
                                                       ALIVE!

Gertrude, Stradbrook, River and Roslyn,
off of McMillan, my thoughts froze on Osborne
A drive through the Village on slippery streets
Bought records, drained pints
                        swallowed down summer nights
Back home in Wyoming--think I'll be fine
                         'til some night, filled to gills
                          trip through streets with a stranger
                          and sing "One Great City"
                          through swollen closed throat

And I remember...

Confusion Corner, commuting through cold streets
Watched you drive as the daylight died
I narrow my Focus,
                                     you eased into traffic
The Assiniboine ran and was watched by Riel

January.
Johnson's Terminal.
London Fogs.
Took Yellow Dogs for long walks
and Exchanged now for then.

Snow up to my hips
Spent a night at St. Boniface
We cased a cathedral, your friends seemed to like me.

Lines ran from reserves, over oceans and borders.
Your hair ran down shoulders, brown waves for a blanket.

Winterpeg, Manitscoldout
Portage & Main
Shivering, smiling
at a Tavern Uniting with friends,
'til we took the King's Head...
We took the King's Head.
Long live the king.

January.
Magic Thailand.
Curry soup, curried thoughts thawing,
melting, falling from pickled brains,
                      through lips chapping

Form a Perimeter
Frame a city
Bullseye, center, a Gold gilded Boy
he leans into sky, as they sing, as I hear.
The road North Ended--November, it was.
I think, one year prior, in Robin's Donuts
on hinges that sighed metallic,
I caught your eyes--organic, unplanned--
               through fog frosting lenses
Caught them, held on
               Held your deep brown
               In my gunmetal blue

Seasons will chase--haste to follow more seasons
White streaks to green
and the Red River runs.
When they score at the ballpark,
"Go Goldeyes!" the cheer sounds
Cheer. Cheer!
The Guess Who still suck,
but the Jets completed their round trip
"Go, Jets, go!" so the cheer goes.
"Cheers!" Cheers like bells.
             Bells
           Pealing
Peeling like your sunburnt back
            Bells
          Ringing
           Striking
Bells singing long
Bells sounding loudly from Grace Bible Church
  baptizing Baltimore as it kisses Osborne

Bells ringing. Round sounds.
Round rings for fingertips touching
Bells
Round sounds that hang on my neck
and sing me to sleep every night--
remind me how badly you wanted those bells
                I denied you.

They sing "Left and Leaving"
             and show me old scars
          they ring and peal and strike
                         and sing
                         unending.

I remember April of 2008
Dropping my toque in the mud-and-slush street
            We took Pembina Highway
              Ate Vietnamese.

I remember...

Confusion Corner,
Commuting through cold streets,
Watching you drive as the daylight died
In your blue '02 Focus
Ease us back into traffic,
The Assiniboine River.
And Louis Riel.

So tell me...

Comment-allez vous, ce soir?
Je ne suis pas comme ci, comme ça.

I'd like not for you to be
Sympathetic.

I'd like for you to tell me
Just how strong I look.

Although I have no muscles
Just how strong do I look?

With all my scars & my broken heart
She loves me still.

But she knows not of sadness.

I'd like for you to look at me
& just know,

Now that our eyes have met
I've made it this far.

All
For
You

So darling,

I'd like not for you to be
Sympathetic.

I'd like for you to tell me that I'm home now
So I don't have to bleed anymore.

I'd like that a lot.

I write this book of poems
An expression of feelings,
Only words can explain,
I let out my emotions, completly let go,
Screaming silently, writing violently,
Showing nothing but telling everything.

I write these poems,
A story of my life, of my trails and battles,
A war of a life,

I write to express,
To show, to tell of a life so
important to many yet
Important to none,

I live to write
I write to live.