So much mud to play with
my mother tells me to leave it alone
yet I play with the mud
while she looks for our home
She keeps crying
then wipes her eyes
I asked her what's the matter mummy
but she won't tell me why
I miss my friends
but don't miss my school
teachers their were strict
and sometimes cruel
Mummy tells me my grandmother has gone away
so I ask her when will she be back
then she cries again
and tells me one day
I wonder if mummy is playing games with me
for this is not the place I lived
but I wonder why my toys are here
I wonder why mother cries so
By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris
As empires fall, brought to there knees
I know you will be down on it
this is why I love humankind
for maggots can never merit them
You and planet are deemed dangerous
so the sun will swallow you
just as you do
So let empires fall
let me hurt them for you
who are you kidding sluts
as empires of Babylon fall
Your terror of hate is over
I reached that final day
you will take it up to the hilt
as if you were some serious gay
What a dusty subject
waiting to turn to dust
like my mother Earth
and the last of me
When you are gone
I will leave a marker
tell those that care
Humans lived here
By Christros Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris
music enters my mind
words come out
spill on this paper
bleed onto my hands
work on your body,
work in the shop
that gotdame weight,
sorry i don't use Gods name
in my viens, you'll see my blue blood side.
Come deeper into my lungs,
you'll see my deep breathing sacs.
Dont go deeper, you'll see my brain
mine. Those words are mine,
and they will stay that way
until I decide when is best to tell you.
Tell you, feel you, I wont use you.
Don't fear the love given upon you.
to keep the beating,
MIA. What? you've never seen me in action?
or is it missing in action?
Do those mean the same thing?
What about Heaven and Hell,
Do those mean the same thing?
One can't exist without the other, so
I guess so.
I stand on my on guesses,
you can persuade me easily,
if you have hard evidence that means something.
Don't waste my time,
I'm on a schedule.
Interrupt and you'll be sorry.
But I invited you, remember?
I said to come swim in my veins,
that doesn't mean I'll let you out though.
Be careful, once your in there,
It's hard to come unattached to some
one big eyed, big sass, big assed
Opps, dont like my language?
To bad for you, I'm not sorry,
You must have just been overprotected
and under responded too.
Honey, I do what I want with your permission or not.
Don't do that, it makes me too hot.
like the world is ending.
Jump on my shoulders lets go for a ride.
AK-47, you know what that means?
It means, I got one and you don't,
It means don't dink around.
Love me or don't.
Don't string me like some puppet.
I'll rip through your mastery,
and show the world the fake you are.
and see that really,
your not as bad as me.
- we are sitting on a bench near an office complex.
2. you are opening and closing my eyes like a valentine’s day card.
3. the cheap, themed paper slips we handed out as children.
4. you are pulling me apart, but i don’t unravel, i rip like fibers.
5. a heart shaped sticker, a seal without the saliva.
6. sometimes when i start to get upset with you i make myself stop thinking and focus on the rise and fall of your chest.
7. i can’t see you.
8. i’m alone in an auditorium and my off-tune singing is bouncing off your walls.
9. you never tell me directly that you’d rather be dead, but the only seatbelt you ever when we ride in the car is me.
10. i am made of the glass to keep glass from shattering and falling into your arms.
11. you are a defibrillator kept in an angry red case.
12. you only cradle me while i am awake and every time i cradle you, you end up asleep.
13. beer and snapple shots, you are singing along with the falsetto of it all.
14. you are my summer. you are my secondhand smoke. you are my sweet citrus skin falling into the sink. you are my sunshine.
15. i am not only.
16. it is not then, it is not now, but it is closer to february. i am a half a heart, hot red sticker faded to winter pink stepped on somewhere in a church parking lot.
17. neither of us know.
It rained in the city today,
and for the first time I didn't rush to tell you how badly I wished I were with you.
How badly I wished to be curled up next to you,
watching a movie,
laughing at your stupid jokes,
talking about the memories and the people from home.
I wonder if that means something.
I find it funny that I used to count each month as something special,
now we just round up to the closest year (two).
I wonder why you can't hear me when I talk to you,
why you can't do simple things like text me back,
or call me on the phone.
I could drown myself with memories from last year,
the phone calls,
the harsh words,
the times when I was the one who was too busy to talk.
But I try not to.
I don't know when things changed,
when you got too busy for me,
and when I decided to care too much
and then not at all.
It rained in the city today.
And I didn't think of you,
not even a little bit,
not at all.
I told her
But she wouldn’t believe
She would for life not believe.
I can’t stay back dear
I don’t belong here anymore
They know it
And they’re waiting
They too had a day like this.
And then I started to cry
Burying my head in her breast
Holding her tight
But I don’t want to go there
I can’t for your love
Leave this place
I clung to her
Please do something
Tell me I’m dreaming
There aren’t none waiting
Your touch is true
My hugs are real
We stand here
Bound in a fate
Nothing can separate
Time up they said
The more you stay
The more you suffer
She was weeping
Only she didn't see!
sometimes i run my mouth
just to hear myself talk
sometimes i say things i don't mean
just to see if you were ever listening
and i promise you this
my mouth will be the death of me
awaken me with a kiss
the wicked witch put a spell on me
and if i do something bad
my mouth is sure to tell on me
because sometimes i can't feel
but i say something anyways
just to fill the air
just to let you know
and sometimes i get scared that if i don't talk
you'll forget me
so i'm sorry if any of the words i say
i have this horrid fear of being left
it's a silly fear
but it makes me feel rotten
so every once in a while
let me know that you care
because anxiety gets the best of me
and then it takes the rest of me
and that is when i feel
and it's terrible and you can't imagine
how hard it hits
but i can tell you that it hurts
but it's an easy fix.
A kiss is just a kiss.
Unless it's not.
Your hands are only hands,
But they're not.
Not when they're tangled in mine.
There is nothing else in my life that fills me with such joy that I think I will disintegrate
How can flesh and blood and bones
Possibly hold a feeling like that?
I tell you you're killing me
But that's what I mean.
It's not the fear that I'll lose you
That makes me wonder if I'll live for another minute.
It's the bliss that you are near me.
It's not what it sounds like-
It's not pain.
It's so much joy that my hands shake.
I don't think we were made-
Fragile as we are-
To feel things like the things you make me feel.
When you touch me,
I am unmade for a moment,
And it is exquisite.
Maybe you think I see you through pain and fear
Are only my defense
Against the idea that I could feel so safe, and so complete,
And so perfectly happy that
The smile in my heart could break every bone in my insignificant shell of a body
If it were to crash over me in full.
Maybe I'm scared of that,
Of the fact that when you look at me
Every part of me, down to the atom, thrills with electricity.
Maybe you think I hate myself, abused and tossed aside,
And that is partially the truth,
But when you look at me and smile
I love every cell of me
And they all love me back
And together we decide that nothing that can be touched with fingertips
Is possibly vast enough
Or durable enough
Or beautiful enough
To hold the feeling of looking back at you.
A kiss is just a kiss
Unless it pulls you apart by the molecule
And lets the light shine in on all the little tiny spaces between.
This body is no instrument fit to play the song I hear when I touch you.
This beating heart is no vessel for how alive I feel when you pull me closer.
I am too tall not to fall to my knees and gaze up at the lines of a face I love madly,
But I am too small to hold that love
Far too small.
That's what I mean to say.
Great old siren
standing empty on the corner
with cracked pane milky cataracts,
dusty silk gown of cobwebs
flaking paint shadows on the dead lawn
breathing out of gaping eyes
the breath of years,
a widow with pendulous chandeliers
to tell the time whispers,
always singing with the changing weather,
expanding in the heat,
or frigid metal bones creaking
inside a wooden box.
theres a monster in my head
and a demon in my soul
they're tearing me apart
with every second they take their toll
sometimes i talk to them
but i don't like what they say
they tell me no one cares
i believe it everyday
they tear at my skin
and break my mirrors
they send tears down my cheeks
and make me skip dinners
at first we were fighting
i thought they only lied
but its okay now
were on the same side
the demons want me dead
but they promised not to tell
anyway of dying
is better than leaving in this hell
i thought the demons killed me
but really i killed myself
i let the demons in
that was worse than anything else
never let your demons in
don't let your monsters rule your head
for if you ever do
you will surely end up dead