It's 2am in December and my windows are all open.
Trying to remember what it's like to feel..
I'd smoke another Newport, but I've smoked so many
that it hurts to inhale normal air,
especially the crisp winter air
that's pouring into my apartment,
sleep seems futile..
There's an empty bottle of cheap pinot lying next to me,
a half-finished PBR, from the thirty I bought myself
and I haven't thought of you in a while.
My mind wanders to that alleyway in the heart of Columbus,
dark and deserted,
the sounds of lovers off in the distance,
my boyfriend calling my name, searching
but I can't hear him.
I can only hear you...
You see love, I haven't thought of you,
haven't let myself back to that place
because I met a nice boy,
who told me nice things,
asked nicely if he could touch me, in nice places
before he did so,
and it was nice...
So I waited and he waited,
took things slowly for once,
convinced him it was worth it,
that I, was worth it,
so when he told me, it was beautiful
and I told him right back.
it was beautiful,
"I love you"...
And don't you dare question me, love
for I love him,
because he thinks I'm wonderful,
hasn't seen the scary parts that I'd showed you,
doesn't believe I'm as broken as I say,
He tells me I'm perfect...
that night in Columbus, Ohio still haunts me,
the night you rode a bus for sixteen hours to get to,
that moment we're screaming at each other,
I'm telling you that I hate you, and I know you've never cared
why are you even here? I HATE you...!
You kiss me.
Like your sole purpose in life... was to kiss me.
Like you'd been waiting forever..
You kiss me
like you were created by God
for the final moment
where your lips would dance with mine,
and fireworks would fly
from your fingertips
as they brushed across my cheeks,
turning tears into vapor,
unspoken truths into song,
longing into love,
you kissed me.
Kissed me, and saved me from being stone..
That night, you told me everything I'd ever longed for you to tell me.
Told me about your terrifying family,
and the reasons you were better off being alone.
I wept into your arms as you told me you loved me,
that you had given me every single thing you could,
how you were sorry it wasn't enough.
And I told you all the sad things I'd lived through,
all the boys who never learned my name,
all the nights I'd never had a home,
the day I wished I was dead..
And you stroked my hair, told me not to cry,
wiped the tears from my cheeks,
while I told you that all you had to do was ask,
that I'd come back for you.
All you had to do was tell me to come back, for you.
And that night,
in that tiny apartment, 700 miles from home
you made love to me,
kissed me softly,
whispered sweet nothings until I fell asleep on your chest...
You became home, my love,
You were my home.
The next day,
you got on a Greyhound bus back to where you came from.
Didn't look back.
And I went back to that little apartment,
never looked back down that alleyway,
and once more,
Life was good
The sun was setting with a sweet cold breeze of Autumn’s day
The smell of withering lawns across the neighborhood
The sound of children rocking back and forth on swings
A beautiful girl and a loyal friend
Life was good
The leaves die through the weeks
The year passes as each leaf falls
And so does a memory
That once was in my head
I thought I had a beautiful girl
I thought I had a loyal friend
All I had was a razor
Sticky with my own blood
Keeping me company
Until this year ends
So musical notes fall upon my heart like raindrops
I can only breath again when the music finally stops.
It moves my very being like a sunset on a summer night
but yet it leaves me frozen at a sudden dreamlike sight.
I feel each note as it patters gently on my heart
I hardly notice when it stops and when it will start.
It rips a scar across my weary soul but heals as it goes,
the energy I gather from the notes is easy to show.
I can climb a frightening mountain in the rain,
as long as I have the warming music to ease my pain.
We should all have notes that fall unto us in time
like words that always fall into sweet and dazzling rhyme.
is immense confusion
and often I seek
but when I try my luck
to earn fast buck
I log on
Three thousand five hundred
his labor's price
his labored prize
he hands over to his father
who knows better than to spend it
rewards of son's toil
bitter and sweet!
I wish I were dead
and not he
now who will look after me?
cries the woman
a heart failure
having robbed his man.
with no hint of tears in her eyes
she doesn't disguise
I part her with a hundred rupee.
The birds ... They sing such sweet melodies .... Even through the rainy & darkest days they continue their beautiful songs ... So everytime i am feeling blue .... I don't allow hope to slip away even when i might have lost who i truly am along the way.... I carry in my memory the inspiration nature brings to me so i can find myself once again ....
Feel the lush green grass
seperate your toes
cushioning your soles.
The scent of spring blossoming,
wafting around you
the sweet scent of
yellows, purples, oranges and pinks.
Invited by birdsong and butterflies,
get lost in paradise,
warm sun on your face
painting the dawn in hues
of blues and golds.
You know it feels like a silent picture show now.
I see your lips moving but the sound does not come out.
My feet feel like walking but I'm sulking in this abyss.
Oh no, Doll, you lost what you once had.
Forget what I just said about that.
Cat eyes catch you lips.
The darkest, coldest, fever glimpse.
Cross your heart and go die
Don't you touch me, do not try.
Go catch a hoe and don't come home
Because there is nothing sweet about being alone.
I got a match and I got your clothes
The things I've seen no one knows.
I never said a word about you, no.
But I'm worn down, sick, and full of loopholes.
The past is a gaping hole.
You can always try to run from it,
but the more you run,
the more terrible it grows behind you,
The edges nipping at your heels.
Your only chance is to turn around and face it.
You know this.
You believe this.
You say you can do this.
But it's like looking down into the grave of your poor poor soul,
Or a perfectly grooved spiral,
Maybe you know,
or maybe you pretend not to
But at the end that tunnel rests a
hollow point eagerly waiting in its dark chamber,
ready to take you home,
Home, sweet home.
"Dear Diary" I wrote at the top of the page. I've turned to these wretched pages because I have no one else to turn to.
I have been wanting to runaway for sometime now. I have an estranged sense of nostalgia towards places I haven't even been to.
Did you know that you shattered my heart? That a shard of organ lacerated my ribcage? & so I've concluded...
That perhaps one day, when I'm 22, I will cut my hair short and runaway to new york and try to find a big sweet apple they've always talked about.
I will disregard my birth name and I will end up tell everyone I meet that my name is Aphrodite, but I am not greek nor am I a lover. I'll write poetry. The good poetry and the bad poetry. I'll write poetry the way you left me, blank eyed and confusing. And if I fall in love again, let him be just like you.
Laugh as sentimental as 100yr old harpist.
Smile as transfixing as a dim star, on a moonless night
Eye's as beautiful as the sun..
But just as the sun, I never could stare to long.
You took my hand and lead me down
to the deepest depths of my soul
You showed me who I really am
And the things I'm capable of
You forced me to see
Just how hard I could fight
To silence your demons
That hold me so tight
I fight to stay focused
I fight to stay calm
I fight to keep myself sane
I fight to trust people, including myself
And I fight to forget your name
I'll never forget the day I found out
That everything you said was a lie
I'll never forget the feeling I had
Of wanting to curl up and die
The childish games you played with my heart
Left it a broken mess
I fight to forget you ever existed
And release the pain from my chest
I fight to be trusting
I fight to be fair
I fight to forget the pain
I fight for the chance to let myself feel
And I fight to forget your name
Help me to see
Why you did this to me
What about me led you here
I don't understand,
Forgiveness be damned,
Why you worked for all my tears
Maybe some day you'll meet a sweet girl
And she'll make you feel happy and whole
I hope, if you, do she rips your heart out
And shows you the depths of your soul
Then you'll see why the battle I fight
Is a painful and exhausting ordeal
You'll see how numb the pain can make you
And you'll fight just to be able to feel
You'll fight to feel normal
You'll fight to feel calm
You'll fight to keep yourself sane
You'll fight to know why this happened to you
And you'll fight to forget her name