I am not a strong person.
self medicating with cigarettes
long nights of smoke and mirrors
liquor and dilated pupils
my days turn to nights before I know
the light is summer
yellow and warm behind your skin
you smile and cheeks
forget me my troubles
what am I standing on
everything is waves
you are a wave and I am a wave
caressing together the sandy shores
what hasn't curled over yet
That summer when I first found love
And blindly let myself with ease
All I could feel during those eight weeks
Were his worn, soft lips and summer breeze.
Those eight weeks were a whole new life
For a cynic like I was back then
First time opening my fragile soul
Not to a woman, but another man.
I was afraid I must admit
As my feelings grew towards yet a stranger
But in time he got closer
And I felt safe from any danger.
But new in this world I didn't assume
That the real danger is a broken heart
And when he left all I could do
Is escape from the pain trough my art.
But that's past. My heart is healed
I managed to go trough all that pain
There will come other and others will leave
But the first love will always remain.
* * *
And for the end one thing left
Most pains faded but one did not
I still love. I still remember
But I'm afraid that he forgot.
Why do we often see ourselves as cracked mirrored monsters
and soul-less entities that are worth less than the next ?
How does this ring true to the infinite beauty that you know lies within your self.
In the form of cells and dna...in the form of your ethereal creation...in the hug you give some one...
It is not the mistrust of yourself that seeps into your pores but it is the mistrust of a world in which 'an honest lie' is called advertising and a commended joy.
We have no morals , no code of conduct , we are free to chose yet condemned to no choice unless we ourselves decide that it is so.
For nothing is , until we deem it.
The sun is not a sun until i say so , at least not to me.
I am a universe unto myself and a god unto my own being,
i am creation's destruction.
Even if we don't always feel it , we always are it.
There is, a colder side to the summer but only so we know what cold is and what hot can be.
We are no more nor less than the ant, than the bumble bee.
the waiting in hallways
lined up on the wall
with eyes following the chatterbox and her
flowing train of rabid listeners
who hang themselves ritualisticly on her
shallow water illustrations
swimming on this thin tide of unpublished lip candy
her bubblegum words are commentary
upon which her followers build temples
to the unfit mothers of televangelists
the chatterbox spills her loud thoughts
on the sun warmed concrete
as the summer lawnmower navigates
around santa and his late december reindeer
and the children's labyrinth of christams morning plans
while i sunbath nearby
she gathers her spilled thoughts
and races away proudly proclaiming that'
my poems are too short for the pulitzer
so she is ready for her laurels
and a fast road to academia
with a neatly packaged version of her inner perversions
spread like sex and lip candy
on the local coffee shop bookshelf's
for the pretty college girl with glasses to drink from
Well I was born in the heat of the summer
And I was born in the bounty of fall
I was born in the depths of the winter
But I won't be buried at all.
I was forged in the noise of the factory
I've rolled on the roughest of seas
I fought bravely on many a death ground
but never been brought to my knees.
I've climbed the tallest of mountains
And I have laid drunk in the street
Yes I've brought in many a harvest
And I will not know defeat.
I'm the countless that went on before me,
The countless who have yet to come.
The will to survive, the blue in your eyes,
What you pass along to your son.
No. I’m not a beautiful person. I am not the gentle sunset whose pink light glows and lingers. I am a Monday morning, I am the bombs that explode outside your door; I am a piece of glass broken from an old bottle. My body cries on a daily basis. I fall from cloud nine with an unmistakable crash, and I would apologise for my dull sadness, but I can’t find the words to say. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that I don’t belong around these people. I belong to all the sleepless nights and the tossing and turning. The way the bright city lights and the summer nights mix and the darkness in my soul and the happiness on my face causes an earthquake. You don’t see the buildings collapse but you hear them crumble.
Turn the corner, the snow descends
A crowd has gathered, all dressed in white
Not one weeps, they know what you have done
They simple stand and stare at what could have been
The snow falls faster, the scene changes again
Now under an open sky, the moon so high and bright
All is quiet, no children of men
Here in this cold Summer, I remember,
Once warm and soft, now frigidly stiff
Memories of black and white, colour photographs of a forgotten Love
Faded beyond recognition, here, in this long hallowed night
fog grows heavy
on winter's breath
we loved in the bushels
of new fallen leaves
and our whispers were snippets
of warm summer breezes.
we're no longer dead,
never while we're together
feeding life into
once so vacant-
your brother hung himself
off the boat next to your house
and i downed my throat with sleeping pills
and made pretty red patterns
across my arms.
that was before we met,
when December was a wasteland
of death endeavors
but we gave this month a new name,
a new identity
that trembles with the "i love you's"
and the "remember when's"
our cheeks hollow from
warm slubby kisses
You came into my life,
Without a single hello,
Never thought you were the one,
To be my hero.
I don't know why,
I don't know how,
But all I know,
You're a part of my life,
Without I even realised,
Until you're gone,
Gone for months.
You said you missed me,
Felt like there was a sunshine in me,
A bright star above my bed,
A firefly on my head,
Summer breeze on my cheeks,
Calling my name as you speak.
The melody of your words were so true,
Felt like falling in love with every you,
We hope to meet in reality,
But the reality is just a fantasy,
That looks like a dream to me.
You were tangled with your past,
With the flashback that comes fast,
Trying to move on even when it hurts,
Trying to forget when it seems impossible.
All you need is space,
All you need is time,
I know it is hard,
I'm sorry for not understanding enough
I don't know what's happening
I don't know how you feel
I don't know what you want
I don't know how to read your mind
Am I too complicated?
Or I was just too over-reacted
Didn't you cry when I say goodbye?
Don't you say it was all a lie
I could't wait for you to be mine,
See you for the first time,
Now I just have to set in mind
To let you go for this last time.
If you weren't you and i wasn't me...
Some way some how this could be...
That what ever us missing must be the key...
Lost in that one summer of glee...
What once was passion turned to misery...
No more us, there was no more we...
Lived through spite and hypocrisy...
Every now and then I wonder how could this be...
I lost the person I was once before, but not anymore you see...
So hear my plea...
I apologize in advance but I must go off in search of me...