Under all your hard rock armor a hero lies in you.

You are a kind and gentle soul.

Each time they say your name I think of your kindness.

I think of your humorous self.

I think of the poetry you write that sends a shiver down my spine.

But when their words are against you I turn into the Night Killer.

I get angry and fangs come out.

They suffer more than necessary.

Just how I like it.

Nothing can come between us.

Even in death we will be together.

Because I am always dead.

Satanic! Ha, we are atheists!

I hope she likes the taste of blood.

That douchè needs to die.

I will be the one to do it.

Trust me.

Gasping for breath
Again.
How many times
Should I pretend?
Smiles and laughter
Scratches and nightmares
After.

Preening and playing
Screaming and binging
Contemplating.
Parties with liquor
Bleeding and bruising
Stupor.

Watching and curious
Withering and unconscious
shhh
Caress my broken soul
Maybe my spirit's just
Gone.

Is that what you called me?
A fucking Satanic?
I'm atheist for one
For two you must comprehend
The undeniable difference between
Insane and Satanic
Allow me to elaborate
Insanity comes from the constant
Redundant tolerance of bullshit
People like you propose
Satanism comes from the belief
That a super being with horns and wings
Can buy your soul and give you equality
I'm satanic?
Maybe I'll use you in my next ritual
Ask for the gift of sanity
So I can tolerate your bullshit some more
Before you call me satanic
Learn how insane I am
Or I'll have to show you

The magic we had, has suddenly become an uncommon visitor to our lives. A tired stranger, who's sick of being around.
He has left, and has taken many things with him. He took the spark we had at first away. That spark which never seemed to leave your shining soul.
Feels like I'm lost in this ocean of despair. And every time you speak to me the waves carry me trying to get to solid ground. I can't make it to the ground, because I can't reach it alone.
It all ended in a blink of an eye.
One time I was holding your hand, and the next one I was holding our memories which slipped my mind and flew across the air where they got lost in the valley of hopeless dreams.
And the worst part is I don't even know what I did wrong. The road suddenly took a turn without me even seeing it. That sudden turn threw me away and I bounced many times breaking my thoughts and bleeding loneliness. Many scars were left by your kisses and your sweet words. Those words which now squeeze my heart and crack my ear

Growth

From the dying firelight I stand ,
Burning embers fry my feet where I stood!
I stand in your honour,
Proud as love lives!
Life will thrive,
Nourished and nutured,
As natures' own dreams intended!

As crippled soul,
I am restrained,
Without you,
I don't love,
I want no love,
I know no love,
Other than your proviso,

Love could kill,
If I'd let her,
Hell,
I won't she has no holds,
She has no boundaries,
Strength in my honour,

No others have these causal effects,
Nobody could,
Tragic, nonetheless magic,
My claws rip at the tide of flowing love,
Scratching myself on the way!
Life is deathly in dark hallows!
Light will prevail ...no qualms!
By ladylivvi1

© 2013 ladylivvi1 (All rights reserved)
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How do I say
What can't be said
Or feel
What can't be felt?
To which you say:
"Well, how DO you feel?"

I don't know that this is real.
The fact that I have, or had,
All I could have wanted,
and yet,
I feel
Like I had nothing.

Nothing ever happened,
I never had anybody.
I asked nobody to lunch,
And gave my heart
To nobody.
Yeah that sounds about right-
No one or no body.

I had no one at my apartment,
Under the sheets
Was not a body,
Not a soul,
Not a woman,
Not nobody
Shared a pillow and a blanket.

So...
"How do I feel?"
I ask my self
And everybody,
Because if nothing happened,
With any body,
It only means that in this story
I was nobody.

Your sweet and sour disposition lights my wide eyes seemingly
I've sunken deeper into your glory
The hills you paved were treacherous
I blinked in rhythm and counted corners
Nervously, I talked to much
Your eyes would prompt me to retire
But I would never let you win
I know sometimes my Achilles Heel is out to get me
The rumor is it could be you
I'd laugh to try to disconnect from all the things I hate to love
You'd try and look into my pupils and gaze into that great abyss
The dilation keeps you hooked but I could still never let you completly in
I tried to kiss you to surrender, but that's not what you've come here for
And I convincingly stare right through you and of those subtlties you wear
All that intimacy is not what I'd prayed for
I've come for something much more complex 
So what I need to do is stop deflecting, keep it real and hold you close
I wish that I could start connecting that broken little girl whom speaks in vain
Fairytales are not an option
But for some odd reason I'm starting to change my mind
The way I think is still distorted
And for you it might be a silly game
Because all these bruises keep me guarded
And all my problems shelter all my shame
And thus my soul is not yet at rest
And my heart still runs a muck
But if you have the patience for it
It might be better than you imagined

My heart races, erratically, lacking a proper rhythm.
A rhythm that could only be rendered by another heartbeat.
My soul soars frantically, searching for yours in a forlorn prison.
I strive on, praying, yearning, not ready to accept defeat.

I gaze into your eyes, longing for some sign of affection
I see nothing, because you feel nothing towards me.
I gave you my heart, trusting you to not break it, and you denied my attention.
Look at me now! I'm dead inside! What else could I possibly be!?

Twisted nightmares from the most morose parts of my mind start to form
I imagine that I am in a hospital bed, waiting for you to say farewell
You couldn't even say goodbye? Of course not, you have no desire to mourn.
My worthless love, absolutely useless to you. I'm alone, locked in this prison cell.

But I keep optimism in my heart, and I fathom that perhaps you'll realize
How much I truly loved you, and how much I sacrificed.
My pulse diminishes, my eyes start to close, at last, it's almost time to die.
How I longed to be yours! After my death, will you be satisfied?

Before I die, I glare at the doorway, my stomach full of knots, my vision is blurry.
I think of my scars, covering my body, each representing a time when you weren't there.
I promised I would wait, I'm giving you one last chance, please hurry.
But you never show. The machine flat lines, and you finally prove that you truly didn't care.