.......................................................

Nobody knows why,
'tis a mystery indeed -
How they know
How to grow
From such an odd
Little seed.

How they shoot
From a sprout,
And get so
Very tall.
Oh, nobody knows.
Nobody
At all.

But they do,
And they do
When they grow,
And they know
As they spread
Out each root
And then grow,
Grow, and grow.
So wide, so tall,
And so very high,
So  high
They play tag
With a very high sky.

And they blossom
With flowers
Of red, green and blue.
Petals bright as the poppy
And hollyhock too!
And they reach
Out their branches
And fill them
With leaves,
And then they do something
Nobody believes.

They sneeze
And they sneeze
And they whisper achoo!
They cough,
And they wheeze
All the wintertime through.

For though they love
Springtime,
And Summertime too,
Autumn and Winter
Makes them all go
Atchoo!

Oh, I do not know why,
I haven't a clue
Why the Wheeze Trees
Like these trees
Like to Atchoo.

I guess it's just something
That they like to do.


Copyright © 2012 Richard D. Remler

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"Young cat, if you keep your eyes open enough,
Oh, the stuff you will learn! The most wonderful stuff!"
-Dr. Seuss (Seuss-isms)
.............................................................­.....................................

.................................................................­..................

Welcome, welcome one and all,
We're pleased to have you here
To commemorate and to celebrate
Our Grand reOpening this year!

Feel free to seek out and explore
Those wonders you've been searching for,
Where hearts and minds run hand in hand,
Through Pigwiggen Petting Zoo's Wonder Land.

.....................................................

Relish every opportunity,
And have faith in possibility!
Stare down adventure , eye to eye!
Don't let your chance meander by!

We've crisscrossed the world religiously,
And we've brought mysteries for you to see!
We've excitement lurking 'round at every bend.
We're a kaleidoscope of discovery from end to end.

.................................................

We've added several new exhibits
You may soon want to explore...
Creatures you've only imagined,
And have never seen before.

Such as the Wicketicketapi -
From the dunes of Rakmon-tai.
Or the Zeeped-Creep-ed Kamel,
Or our famed Pflittleflufly.

...................................................

Or the Shoebird, who, the experts say,
Will resent you in most every way,
Unless you've brought it chewing gum
That tastes just like Jamaican rum.

But please, let us carefully review
The bylaws of our petting zoo.
Read each and every single word,
Of which we've pleasantly conferred.

.............................................................­

The Mountain Lion enclosure there
Is in dire need of some repair,
So, please, indeed, do not climb in,
Until we know your next of kin.

Please do NOT feed the alligator,
And please do NOT comb their hair.
For if you do, they'll bedazzle yours,
In their effort to be fair.

....................................................

If you find you've taken a wrong turn,
We've Orangutan's from bow to stern,
And they've been waiting for you patiently
Just underneath their puzzle tree.

And should you feel your visit odd,
Please give our Dust Bunnies a nod.
They're sure to entertain and please,
They may even make you sneeze.

..........................................................

And though the Piranha Pond may seem rather grim,
Please feel doubly free to take a swim.
Relax a spell, and enjoy your stay.
They're certain to relish in the play.

Please do NOT pet the porcupines
Until they've had their tea.
They've been rather grumpy lately,
So it might pay to let them be.

.........................................................

Please do not finger-feed the Tarantulas,
For they've been up all night,
And they are weary as a wildebeest,
And so dread this morning light.

Our Scorpions from Zimbabwe
Oh, they love to come on out and play.
So feel free to hold and pet each one,
For they so relish in the fun.

.......................................................

And our snapping turtles from Eastern Brunei,
Are simply, merely saying hi.
So hug them warmly, kiss and tell
Them just how well they've kept their shell.

Please be reminded, safety first,
And enjoy your wonder unrehearsed.
And jump headfirst into the fray
Of the wonder awaiting you today!

Copyright © 2012 Richard D. Remler

.............................................................­.....................
“Foolproof systems don't take into account
the ingenuity of fools”
~ Gene Brown
.............................................................­......................

..........................................................

Far beyond the
Cool waters
Of Barbuckle Bay.
Over hilltops,
Through valleys.
Oh, much further away
Than the Dunes of Sakee
Or the Gulf of Sha'han.
Lives a strange little
Foozle-haired,
Freckle-faced man.

Now, he's always been
A rather odd fellow, you see.
He's never cared much
For neighbors,
Or had company.
And he's always been
Sort of strange,
In a strange sort of way.
And you'd have
Right well agree'd
Had you seen him today.

Because he seemed
A right twitty,
Rather knitty for him.
He was just out in his yard
Looking puzzled and prim.
With his big purple suit
And his big purple tie,
And his big purple hat
Almost touching the sky.

An odd, curious grin
Covered half of his face,
And his beady eyes glowed
With an innocent grace.
He had in his hands
But one strange little box,
And the strangest thing was
That it had sixteen locks!
............................................................

A box,
Just a box...
Just a box of a box,
A box that looked
Rather like
Any other old box.
Oddishly strange
With an Ooble and Obb,
A box half the color
Of Corn-On-The-Cob,
A box that did nothing
But act like a square,
A box no more
Impressive than
Any other box there.

A coffin, a carton,
A pillar, a chest,
A package of wonders
All sorted and pressed.
An oddish compartment,
A pyxis, a case.
All filled to the brim
With the trimmings
Of grace.

As he stepped up the small hill
With his odd little box
He produced a Gold Key
From the cuff of his socks.
And as if he were mending
A hummingbirds wing
He unlocked every lock
On that odd little thing.

Not just one lock,
Or two locks,
Or three locks,
Or four locks,
Or five locks,
Or six locks,
But quite a few
More locks!
There were big locks
And small locks,
Short locks,
And tall locks,
Round locks,
And blue locks,
And some
Kangaroo locks!
.................................................
He unlocked them,
Each one,
Every lock he could see,
He double-unlocked
Every lock that could be.
He unlocked them quite slowly
When the box made a sound,
And he looked slowly around,
And then he set the box down.

He stepped one step away,
Then two steps,
Then four.
And then,
Just to be safe,
He went back twenty more
Steps, and stood there
And watched
As it gave a quick sniggle.
Then he froze
When it started to wiggle
And jiggle.

He did not move an inch,
Not a half-half an inch!
Not a half-half of half-half
Of half-half an inch.
Not a mil of a meter,
Not a singular hinch!
Not a smidgen of smidgens.
No! Not even a pinch!
He was frozen, this man,
In his loud purple tie
And his big purple hat
Nearly touching the sky.

He looked just like
The statues
In Farfarfield Park,
The one's they light up
When it starts to get dark.
The one's that try to stand still
Through the light of the day,
Always thinking, and thinking
Of something clever to say.
That is, until the box sniggled
The biggest sniggle of all,
And out from the box
Popped a big
Orange ball!
.............................................................­.......

Just a ball?
Why, indeed!
Just a big Orange ball!
This made absolutely no sense!
It made no sense at all!
What kind of a goof
Would go to such
An extreme?
To hide a big orange ball
Where it can never
Be seen?

To build such a strange box,
Not too large,
Or too wide,
And then hide
A big Orange ball
Deep inside?
What on earth were
They thinking,
The veritable lot.
For this did not make
Any sense.
Why, indeed!
It did not!

But the odd little man
In the loud purple tie
Had a sparkle of joy
In the gem of his eye.
He was not disappointed,
Not unhappy at all
As he reached down
And picked up
The big Orange ball.

He stepped back
One more step,
And grinned a silver, sly grin
As the strange little box
Seemed to blobble within.
It grrr'd a big growl
And then snarled a half,
And then out from the box
Peeked the head of a Giraffe.

It looked up.
It looked down.
It looked there.
It looked here.
It looked frightfully curious,
As it waggled each ear.
Then careful as a feather
Tossed into the breeze
The Giraffe left the box
With a demure, little sneeze.
...................................................
A silence then echoed
From here out to there,
From all the way up,
And then way, way down, where
The down meets the bottom
And then looks up to the top.
When suddenly the
Strange little box
Gave a pop.

Not just one little pop.
But a grand pop bizarre,
A pop loud enough
To bounce off from a star.
The big yard hushed silent,
Not a breath could be heard,
As out from the box
Hopped a Popple-Toffed Bird.

It hooted and tooted
And scratched at the sand,
With a dignified air,
And a touch of command.
It wore ribbons and stars,
Accolades of acclaim,
Medals and honors
That suited its name.

It flapped out its wings
And gave a Popple-Toffed cry
That bounced off and echoed
All over the sky.
When the box sort of trembled,
And skiddoodled a bit,
Then it twizzled and showered
Great rainbows from it.
....................................................
The strange little man
Shifted his strange little head,
As he gazed through a cloud
That glowed blue, green, and red.
He blinked both his eyes,
And then blinked them anew,
When he saw something most people
Never get to!

There were three Chimpanzee's chatting
Along with seven Whooping Cranes.
A checkerboarded Hedgehog
That slowly walked with a cane.
A Camel and an Ocelot
That played a round of golf.
And a Warthog and a Wildebeest
With all their blinking lights
Turned off.

There was an Oryx and a Pelican
Who were discussing, as of late,
Anything they could think of
Which their great minds could create.
There was a Gorilla reading Shakespeare,
And a Hyena with a sneeze,
Who then chased and chased and chased
All the Meerkats up the trees.

There was a Bear in a cannon
Who tried to shoot to the moon.
And a Counting-Type Mouse
Riding on a Takaraccoon!
There was an old Alligator
Who was singing a song
About his Great Uncle Ned
Who was an Iguanadon.

The Peacocks seemed somewhat unhappy
With the Hippopotamas,
And the Penguines weren't too thrilled
With the old Rhinoceros.
A Pink Stork and an Aardvark
Resumed their exhaustive game of Chess,
And the Gnu was left alone
To sort out the entire mess.
...................................................
And then the box, it fizzled,
And let out a fine clatter,
There was a schizzle, a snap,
And a curious patter.
The box hopped and it flopped,
And it swizzled about,
When a school of Wannabee's
Tip-toed on out.

They stickled and argued
They bickered and ranted,
They quibbled and squabbled,
They complained, and incanted.
One said, "I wish I were orange,
And yellow, and green."
And one said, "I wish I were
A washing machine."
One said, "I wish I were
Something far in-between
A Tozzle-Moffed Took
And a Butterfly Bean."
Oh, those Wannabees were sure
An interesting lot
Always wanting to be something
They knew they were not.

He paused for a moment,
And smiled quite pleased,
As he watched the Baboons
Swinging from a trapeze.
And he tapped at his hat
As he walked slowly around,
Enjoying this measure
Of treasure he'd found.

A Chipmunk and Field skunk
Played Gnome Tic-Tac-Toe.
And a Flittleflufly
Tried to play a giant Obeo.
All the Giraffe's fixed their ties
So they all looked their best,
With their collar, lapel,
And their polka-dot vest.

A great silence then shrouded
The far, far and the near,
From here down to there,
And from there back to here.
Not a breeze dared to blow
Across the green of the glade,
Not a jingle, nor jangle,
Nor whisper was made.
........................................................
The hush grew and grew,
Across the whole country side,
From the Thorns of Contention,
To the old Barbados Pride.
From the hills to the valleys,
From the clefts to the sea,
From the Ikinzoo River
To the Bucklewheat Tree.

The box slowly trembled,
Then hooted a hoot,
It hopped and it twizzled
And it tooted a toot.
It thundered quite loudly,
It toppled and fanned,
When out from the box
Popped a big Marching Band.

There were Tuba's,
And French Horns,
And one Clarinet.
With some Flutes,
And some Trumpets,
And two old Cornets.
They had Oboe's and Hobos
And one Saxophone.
Two Bass Drums, and Cymbals,
And one Crazy Bone.

They trumped all their Trumpets,
And they blew all their Horns.
They tooted their Tooters,
And they flinted their Corns.
They pounded their Bass Drums
Until the stars in the sky
Whistled and whizzed
And then showered on by.
....................................................
A Pettifrog perched
On a leaf near the creek
Climbed up the cobblestone walk
For a quick little peek.
A Boggle-Nosed Snodd stayed
Clear out of the way,
And feared getting lost
In the vast dissarray.

The sky lit up brightly
With showers of blue,
Sparkles and rainbows
That just grew, grew and grew,
Waving across all
The heavens above,
Every color the odd little man
Could think of...

There were Purples and Reds,
Yellows, Orange and greens,
Sparkles of pink the shade
Of nine Halloweens.
Aqua and Crimson,
Emerald and Gold,
And a dazzling Violet
The shade of
Fizziwigg Mold.

The strange little man
Beamed with such a grand pride,
He all but glowed golden
From deep down inside.
As he knelt down to his box
And he gave it a tap,
And it took but a moment
When he heard a snap-snap.
.............................................................­.
The winds started spinning,
And the sky went a'swirl,
The bright rainbow colors
Started to billow and curl.
Then the Giraffe's and the
Popple-Toffed Bird gave a plop,
Swept up in the gale
That did not want to stop.

The sky tossed a thunder
Way into the breeze,
That pulled every Meerkat
Right out from the trees,
And they swam in the sea
Of red, purple and blue,
And back into the Box
With the finest adieu.

Lightning flashed with a tumult
That wandered so high
It sent echoes that spiderwebbed
The whole purple sky.
When the Penguins, the Stork,
And the Hippopotamas
Disappeared into the storm
That claimed the Rhinoceros.

The monkeys were next,
And the Great Wildebeest,
The Ostrich, the Crane
And every Chess piece.
The box reached out and
Claimed everything in the land,
From the Mongoose and the Gnu
To the Big Marching Band.
.............................................................­..........
Until nothing was left
But the strange little man
Who stood there smiling wide
With this Box in his hand.
And as if he were mending
A Tozzle'd Took's wing,
He then locked every lock
On that odd little thing.

Far beyond the
Cool waters
Of Barbuckle Bay.
Over hilltops,
Through valleys.
Oh, much further away
Than the Dunes of Sakee
Or the Gulf of Sha'han.
There still lives
A strange little
Foozle-haired,
Freckle-faced man.

Who does not mind at all
That he's fair to the wind,
And hasn't yet noticed
His eyebrows have thinned.
Who does not miss the neighbors
That never stop by.
Nor the Wobble-Winged Thrushes
That cross his blue sky.

Who never shares any word
He considers unkind,
And who never will share
Of his Wonderful Find,
Or of the Secret he keeps
Safely locked up with locks
All well and secure
In his strange little box.

Copyright © 2013 Richard D. Remler

...........................................................
"Think left and think right
and think low and think high.
Oh, the things you can think up
if only you try!"
~ Dr. Seuss
..........................................................

.................................................................­..........

I did not know him, not at all.
He was old, and thin, gray and tall,
He had a mustache on his crooked nose
And wore the most outlandish clothes.

Jamaican Flag suspenders draped
Shoulders bent and under-shaped,
With knees as knobby as a knibble pin
All wrapped in a potato skin.

He had a well-trimmed uni-brow,
I had not noticed until now,
And he was carrying something that
I think was a pineapple hat.

Now, I'd had questions, lots and lots,
Crazy theories, thoughtful thoughts!
Curiosities about the way
They ran the fourth grade today!

And Jamie said, "If your question is half as good
A question" as she understood,
I ought treat it just like any task
And take it to Professor Flask.

But Professor Flask, who I respected,
Was nothing like I had expected.
I thought he'd be wise and debonair,
Not this fellow standing there.

Perhaps he could simply not resist
The look of a Mad Scientist...
That crazy, wavy wisp of wonder
Minds are when they are warped by thunder.

But I did, I asked him anyway -
And I knew very clearly what to say,
When I seemed to catch his beady eye,
And as he tried to fix his big pink tie

He said, "Why do A's come before the Z's?
And what are Powdered Purple Peas?
Why do eyebrows brow our eyes?
Why is it we do not like flies?"

"How come fish swim in a school?
And what makes winter time so cool?
Why do my shoes make so much noise
When I've such a grandiose poise?"

'Why do Orange Giraffe's eat apple sauce?
If I'm the Captain, who's the boss?
How many times can I ask why?
And if I ask, does that mean I..."

"Don't have any of the answers and you do?
Then why do porcupine's resent the letter Q?
If I steal third base and half the track,
Will they make me give it back?"

"Can I put a cheese ball in my tea?
Why won't somebody answer me?
Will TV make my head explode
While I'm eating ice cream a-la-mode?"

"I'll take two lumps of sugar, please,
Right beside my black-eyed peas,
Before that Giraffe takes all my fame
And tries to steal my famous name."

"Do Crocodiles mind it when you comb their hair?
Or would they see it as a dare?
And do hummingbirds really hum?
I don't believe I've seen a one
Hum...'

"Why do Orange Giraffe's wear purple ties
On Tuesday, eating kidney pies.
While the Rhinoceros are promptly disavowed,
And quite simply are not allowed..."

"To wear a tie, a shoe, a hat?
Now just how very fair is that?
Do coconuts coco at all?
I think I heard they did last fall."

"However did the butter get its fly name?
It isn't made of butter. Not at all!
And the House Fly! It would so seem
If I saw one do that I'd scream."

"Do Chimpanzee's ever play Chess on a train?
Or up in a tree? Or out in the rain?
Do Ostrich Ost in late July?
And why can't a Kupi-Kumquat fly?"

Professor Flask's mustache twitched,
As though he had an itch that itched,
And through thick glasses he stared down at me
And continued on quite pointlessly...

"Why do Orange Giraffe's wear purple ties on Tuesday?
I know I've asked this twice before, but do thay?
Every one I see despises me and growls when I inch near.
All they do is laugh at me and spit and snap and sneer."

"Oh, why won't anybody tell me
The why, the how, the who, the what, the where?
I've asked and asked and asked and asked and still they
Act as though they do not even care."

Professor Flask tugged at his hair and eeked.
His long legs shook, and then he sort of squeaked.
And his foggy eyes looked a frightful mess up there,
As he started pulling out his frazzled, fraying, graying hair.

He chugged and gulped and swallowed down a laugh.
Then he chuzzled up a grin on my behalf.
He swallowed half a hiccup down,
And then wide-eyed, he looked around

And hollered out a hee-haw sound
And as if there were a treasure found,
He thumped his thumpers on the ground,
Then he howled like a basset hound.

You could have heard a peanut sneeze
When Professor Flask went hush.
He stood their looking down at me,
All spent, and worn, and flushed.

I'd wasted this entire day,
And did not know what else to say,
When Professor Flask put his pineapple hat
Back on and walked away.

Copyright © 2009 Richard D. Remler
.............................................................­.
"A clear conscience is the sure sign of
a bad memory."
~Mark Twain
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