The morning started with a shower
Arms braced against the wall in a kind of supplication
Pushing hard so damn hard you want to fall
You let the water wash your  dreams and pain away

The morning started with you leaving
Saying I'm so nice as you walk out the door
I know your tired cause we didn't sleep
I remember your whispered promises that were quickly disposed of

The morning started with you lying next to me
While I played Rilo Kiley
So close I could touch you but I could tell you didn't want to be touched

"Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can’t move
Awake but cannot open my eyes
And the weight is crushing down on my lungs
I know I can’t breathe
And I hope someone will help me this time..."

I played it in a moment of honesty
My one true expression as I watched the distance grow between us
I wanted to fuck you again cause I hoped it would mean something
Thank you for teaching me that the third time is the charm and the fourth is for sleeping not fucking
It's hard to find this kind of rejection early in the morning. Thanks for staying open late to accommodate me.

The morning started with me laughing  at you when you said where's the underwear?
Writers can laugh at painful parallels and prophesy true unintentionally but not uneventfully
It doesn't help me not want to fuck you again
So we fuck again for the third time. The last time.
You kiss less when your not drunk

The morning started with some smoke and water and generic Advil
Proscribed to all the fallen like vitamins
You look good naked
Next to me
I wonder what this morning will bring?

This morning started with me inside you the second time
You made me cum inside you like you wanted something that I had to give
Maybe love maybe pain -you did like to be hurt
You didn't remember that I said I want to hurt you less cause I actually like you
I choked you cause you wanted it more than me
I feel like Kriegers robot arm sometimes
Perhaps we could just affix a cock to the arm and I could be replaced
Go on vacation to the city of lost whore sluts
I hear the buffet there is wonderful

The morning started with me inside you
On the kitchen floor
I threw you up against the wall too hard
You fell down so I took you right there
On the linoluem Under flourecent lights
You were so tight and tender and tough
You fucked me desperately like you hadn't been getting enough
Sorry for banging your head up against the fridge

The morning started with you next to me
Both of us drunk
You kissed me right
Out of the many there are few that do it
It's a weakness for me and dangerous to believe in the power of knowing through a kiss
You dry humped me like a dog on speed
It felt good
That and the kissing
I said no
I wouldn't fuck you
Like I said before
You said it had been to long
That you never did this
I said I needed to wait
That I liked you
I didn't want you to be just a fuck
Not just for you
But for me
Sometimes even seasoned whores need to feel special
I said that I'd fall too quick
You can be very persuasive

The morning started with me on the couch with your friend
We had makers and he had Jameson
He called it neat but it had Ice
I didn't say anything
You told him that you knew me for a long time and that i was gay
In retrospect it probably helped that I talked about color and carpets and paintings and poetry
I tried not laugh as we tried to pass of our little deceptive parody
Sure it was successful but what does it really say about me that he'd believe it
Oh the irony of pretending to be gay to get a girl
The things we do
He left after a long soliloquy on decorating and fashion
I think you might be like me and sometimes confuse the facts of your friends and stories with your dreams
I thought your adept practiced and surreptitious deception was endearing
I wanted to kiss you all night so I was glad he left
After he was gone I told you in the bathroom that I wanted to kiss you all night and you dropped your pants and peed in front me
You looked at me like no big deal and said what I don't care
I really starting liking you then

The morning started at the bar the night before
You sat down and smiled and flirted with me
You told me I would have to wait a year and a half to fuck you
As we drank way too much and both grew more beautiful and gracious with every ounce of liquid forgetfulness

The morning started the night before at your work when I hit on you cause you were laughing and smiling and had a little halo

The morning started like any other morning
With lies and  rejection and sweetness and passion and loneliness
If I knew I was going to be used like this
I would have used a condom
Not to just protect against the std's but to protect from intimacy
I hope I won't fail on both counts
A little worried
That's why I write this story

Azrael Always James
© Copyright 2013

When the winds die down
and the light through the trees
throws ghosts against the walls
of your cul-de-sac room,
if you could, please conjure
up an absent smiling me.

My cherry-chewed gums
from salted taffy sweets
will swiftly scuttle back
beneath your bed sheets
to nibble at your coming
and splayed, white teeth.

And the bees will continue
burrowing their hives
into the late, late fall
in my balcony flower box
because they can't let go.

In the theater, awaiting the curtain rising,
My woman looks at me and I say
Tangerines.
She punches me in the arm,
Cause once again I read her mind,
For I know she is silently making her shopping list.

In the kitchen, looking confused, she is
Thinking what the heck did I come in here for,
Smiling, I suggest a cuppa tea might be nice,
And she looks at me queerly and says
Goddamn it, stop doing  that!

Driving home she turns to me
And I say, yes, a veggie burger at Houston's
Would be a great idea for dinner.

She can't hit me cause I am doing the driving,
But she does make some laughing, teeth gnashing noises,
Which are most comical.

I am no Houdini, it's quite simple,
After 5 years, I read her like a book,
A book of my poems that she has inspired,
Entitled the Mysteries of True Love.

6:00 PM
In the sun room, smiling.
May 25, 2013

You're my frienemy,
Not an enemy,
Nor a friend.

There for me when I need you,
Glaring and competing when I don't.

Kicking each other sometimes,
and laughing along with me all the other times.

Pushing and shoving,
smiling and loving.

You're doing all this because...

You're my frienemy,
Not an enemy,
Nor a friend.

In the ever expanding reaches of the universe,
I will cradle you in my arms; bringing you into
a shimmering moat of light. You will stay there,
gold glitter raining soft upon your face---so youthful and wise.  

We are inside my most prized possession:
a hand forged jewelry box painted with silver dragons.
The light that shines inside it bleeds the inside orange---
a color far brighter then gold.

Here we lay together. Just you and I,
awaiting the unseen light to touch every part of this plain with ingenuity.
The rays catch each strand of dust; purifying it to become a perfect garden of Eden.
It grows until we are basking---the warmth of it driving away all heavy slumber and doubt.

Your hands moved---slow for they remained still too long; mine follow unseeing. 
It was then you opened your eyes---and I mine.
You were no longer blind from a dark, deadened universe.
I watched as you saw me--your clear brown irises glowing with the vision of a woman smiling in wonder.

You finally loved me---as I always will you...
...to the end of time.

I answered a call in the freezing night ....
A cold tone from a distance...
I was numb ... stunned by the news...
The picture of you cold fear dripping from my hands
My soul was screaming.. WHY YOU? WHY YOU?

Tried to recall your overjoyed laughters ..
Breaking the news of a Christmas eve together..
Only yesterday we both shared the smiles..
In a split second.. I was left alone..
My happiness was ripped my heart was broken
The visuals of a grand dinner for us two kept flashing in my head
We dined together smiling, dancing and kissing...

But Those filthy soldiers..
These blood thirsty monsters with their killing machines...
Heartless and brutal , they spared no one...
They gunned you down,
The whole platoon died in this bloody war..

Braved myself ... I took a look at the picture of you..
i took a breath I tried to remember the last look on your face
the moment when i knew you were gone forever
a tear slipped down my cheek
screaming my heart out as i stumbled and fell
with the picture of you... the memories of us...
Tore us apart... yes they did
Killed our love?... Never .. ever...
the picture of you cold fear dripping from my hands...
Good bye my love....

I wish
I had someone
to show my teeth to
late at night
after I have had a
good cry,
but mostly
I wish it
were you
I was
smiling to.