The raw sunlight pounding on my neck
Throbbing air, painfully cloudy
Wooden lips that rip my tongue
Hands that grain pieces of deception
Clattering roots, with pounding bones
Polluted words giving me blisters in my head
A blind stillness, captured me
Portions of creations, harboring hate
Callous and raw fists fluttering
Eyes trembling into my skull
With a sadness that I shall not have at all
i want a voice like the heartbeat of the metra tracks
as it shakes its way into your brain
while you're half awake
'bout something sweet
something that means nothing to me
but it's cute
the way you can't help but smile
i want to be that cringe of excitement in your skull
that you can't stop daydreamin' about
if you could find yourself fascinated by my freckles
and my flaws
and the scars all over from all of the near-fatal gashes
and the heaps and heaps of stardust rusting to my eyelashes
and the fact that i'm always talking about love as if i'd actually had it
i'd never say you were a fool
i could wear you like split ends
or a crooked grin
a handsome pair in inclement weather
somehow better together
not two halves
of one whole
thriving on each other
cigarettes and coffee
whiskey and beer
we're in the clear from here
nothing but salty tides and starry skies
straight on 'till morning
Its 10 p.m. my time which means it's 11 p.m. yours and I'm sure you're tangled in each other’s mess. And Let me guess, you miss me. Darling don’t miss me. Cause I know in a few years from now you won’t remember my eyes you said you want to stare into. My smile you like so much. My face you want to kiss. My lips you desire to feel. Nothing last forever and me of all people should have carved that into my skull. Carved it behind my own two eyes so when I close them all I can focus on are those three words. Nothing lasts forever. You might someday think so, saying your vows and promising forever, but nothing is. And if you think it's forever till death then that's not the forever that's on my mind. No, the forever on my mind is the forever that never dies. Cause love never dies. Being mortal though, we do die. We do wither into old ages and still believe in the love that is given. Or the love that is deserved. Love is eternal though, and although we are not eternal, we are not forever, we have the sense that love is. So what's that say about us. It says that our thoughts and ideas of love are not what is written in the dictionary so long ago. It's what we believe in our hearts. And that my friends- Is not something I can define for you. It doesn't have boundaries so how can you define something so wild? How can you take a four lettered word and make many other words fit together to describe what we have. You can't. And if one day you find the definition of love let me know. Cause I want to see them too. Yes. Them. Not it. Them is the word used related to people. It is the word used to relate things. Items. And your definition of love will fit every word that you cannot say. Cannot describe. And when you feel love it will feel inviting. And trust me when you smell love it will bring back sensations that haven't been there since your first encounter on the playground. Cause all the best memories happen there. In the complete and utter bliss you can hardly recall, because it was so long. Wish me well also that someday I experience everything you sense when you meet love. Although I hold less luck than you, kiss me goodnight and I'll KNOW that everything is alright.
My heart hurts
When i hear you name
When i think of you
The pain you inflicted
On me burns
On the inside of my skull
Little snippets of what you did
Fly in and out of my mind
I fear my memory coming back
And knowing everything that went on
All those years ago
It makes my stomach
Twist and turn
In painful knots
From long ago.
I don't know what I'm saying
I'm kinda drunk
But I miss your hugs
Even though I couldn't give another fuck
About you any more
Cause you hurt me
I'll screw your friend
Give me your drinks
You're fucked up
Don't take my smokes
I nearly knew you
So is that enough love
I hate you
You ruined everything
Just take everything
I know I can't make you an inspiration
You must be part of the initial subtraction
Of the bad that caused
My life to hate me
I am tired of loathing
And sick of hating me
You did not ask
Standing quite still
In my cupboard
You wanted no friend,
Certainly no lover
Just peace and quiet;
The comfort of
Under a blood red cap.
And a sticker
Slapped across your side
Maybe they were right
The gaping skull
And his bones
Crossed in an X
a toxic kiss
marking the very spot.
But I'd still long
to drink you dry
Blind to the words
'deadly' and 'risk'
A chance that I might die
So I pull you out to hold
Acidic in my arms
And dream of the
Drip drip drip darling
as you slip inside again
To burn and rip my heart in two
Oh my dear,
Now I feel like you,
with just one sip,
We are just the same.
Your scintillating eyes encapsulate the rhythm of my life.
As I deconstruct myself in those smoky panther-like irises,
I get lost in a field of daisies, you nurture with your tear-diluted blood--your heart as a watering can.
I lay myself upon that untamed ground, and breathe in the saccharine scent of the flowers.
I roll my quivering skeleton over, and grasp one with my phalanges.
The petals encompass a swirling galaxy of your moon-crazed thoughts.
The miniscule black hole begins to drag me in to your mind,
I let go of the grassy ground that anchored me to this anguished reality.
And float through the expanse of your transcendent skull.
Around me zip about millions of your barb-wired thoughts,
Leaning myself in for a better view, I still can’t grasp their effulgence.
All of a sudden I whip my neck around, and two eyeballs see a glimmering soul smile you let lose upon a heart.
The gray light filters cold through the blinds.
You look old,
Keep sleeping off last night’s debt;
your consciousness and your pale blue eyes
to midnight ignorance
and a few hours of freedom.
A few hours of feeling strong but yeah that doesn’t last long,
and by the time the gray light filters cold through the blinds
your bold laugh has died away;
all I hear is your fragile breathing.
I’ll stay barefoot this morning and I’ll wash your plastic tumblers again,
toes curling on the cold tile and fingers growing old under the faucet.
I’ll hum the song you were singing last night and remind myself to
tell you about
your lovely cracking voice.
It says that you’re happy but your hands were so cold
and your face somehow too old
and your eyes whispering no,
there’s never been a choice.
I hear you, I see it.
But hear this: I don’t believe it.
Still, I’ll be the one to laugh at your jokes and dissolve in the smoke,
to hold your fragile wrists together and keep your skull intact.
It’s only half an act.
The other half is me watching your chest rise and fall in the cold gray light,
wondering at your heartbeat,
I tried to jot down a poem, no actually I tried to force out one
All I got was a splatter of lame arse lines in the memo bit of my shitty Samsung which has definitely seen better days
Imagine if one were to try to shit a cactus or something resembling one
That's what forcing out
any piece of writing feels like
of course I would not accurately know as I have never shit a cactus before (has anyone ever)
Anyway, I cracked my skull
Trying to get my emotions to that zone where it flows naturally
A good poem is one that stems from the heart
I'm probably talking nonsense right now it's 2:20am, I have red wine running through my veins
I am at this very moment questioning the notion of the existence of a correlation between writing and alcohol consumption
If there is indeed a correlation then in this state of intoxication I should have penned a poem oozing with sheer and utter brilliance, surely
2:40am and I am done rambling.
My eyes said
"I've been ill"
"I've cried a lot"
Perhaps my eyes hadn't said enough
My stomach aches were bruises from drugs
My incoherent thoughts were bruises from the painkillers
Eyes, you should have said more
I know I've been asked "Why so sad?"
I thought my eyes said it all
Couldn't the grayish blue irises say
"There are needles in my organs"
"Invisible ghosts using my body as a punching bag"
The blue pools resting in my skull say it all