You will never see this
After you cut me off
I have too much to feel at the moment
yes fuck you that you leave me with nothing left
fuck you that you found me and came into my life
you flirted you teased you turned me on
you wanted to ride me
fuck you that after all we have felt
after you made me realize how beautiful life could be with another soul in it
after you reminded me what it was like to be with a soul mate
soul mate for lack of a better word
after the depth we shared
after all the beauty you brought to my eyes
after the best insanity that ran through my blood
after you kissed me in my dream
yet you cut me off completely
what connection we were talking about
which can be wiped off so easily
how can you do this to me
I can't believe it after all that I felt
So this is the best insanity I ever felt in my life
If this can make you feel special
Because this is what soul mates do
they are no ordinary work
As much as it hurts
I am still longing for your last breathe
the lingering warmth of your skin
I don't want to believe all it takes is
one damn block button
Fuck you hard
It is always difficult to describe depression,
There are so many interpretations
That people hold,
This is my own.
You're standing on the cliffs edge,
Looking out towards the horizon of life,
Then you see the storm clouds rolling in,
The thunderous roars of trepidation
And the lightning bolts of painful reminiscence
Mirroring the silver scars on your skin,
Then the mighty winds of worthlessness
Hauls you over the edge.
The cool air brushes against your face
As you descend towards the black water below,
Every inch of you is screaming for you to stop
But you can't,
You have lost complete control and you are weak,
Amidst the whistling winds in your ears
You hear the names, the bullying,
The cries of disappointment,
The reminiscent sound of vomit against porcelain,
You hit the water and shatter the surface
And you pray that you have stopped,
Things will bet better ,
But instead you continue to sink,
Numb, cold, aching,
You want to cry but you feel so empty,
Like the bitter sting of the salty ocean
Has clinged to your skin and draws out
The last ounce of feeling you had left to hold on to,
You stare at the surface,
Wide eyes desperately searching for rescue,
The fractured refraction of a flare in the stormy sky,
A hand to plunge into the water and pull you out
And revive you.
I have been fortunate enough to be pulled from
Revived countless times
After feeling like I will spend eternity
Living in the shipwreck of my insecurities.
It is my duty to scour the world and throw a life ring
To every lost soul who deserves to be atop the
Cliffs edge where they can once again watch
Another hopeful sunrise of hope break on the
hollow out the demons
that are ripping up your skin
let them be free
they’re only bothersome
make them no more
for you’re better than your demons
don’t let them tear you to shreds
eliminate the negative entities
tell them to fuck off
they don’t compare to you
you have a voice
you have a reason
you’re better than the demons
don’t let them control you
you’re yourself, you aren’t them
all it takes is
simple as that
your demons are gone.
Skeletal in stature.
Starved of dignity.
Dressed in hanging skin.
Crippled by cruelty.
Terrified desperate fingers clutch the wire fence.
Begging for release from hell.
A convoy of sorrow are led to their demise.
Cruel release unanticipated.
The smell lingered heavy in the dark air.
A collection of souls in need of cleansing.
Needed physical cleansing not.
Perhaps mental release reached.
Sought out by tragic hands.
The shower blocks looked inviting.
To wash away the stench of death.
Filed in horrendously.
The furnace burning hot.
Waiting for another lot.
Let the horrors of the concentration camp not be forgot.
© 2013 ladylivvi1 (All rights reserved)
it is i who is
in my face are
of who i
used to be,
i wake up
and i pull on
built out of
into my lungs,
they tell me
what to say
(who is it
to the bathroom,
my make up tray -
it lies empty
on the counter
but never worn
i grieve it
before i sleep again)
Your touch was like waves that leapt onto my skin, leaving frothy purple swirls in their wake.
Your eyes blazed like an inferno of the heavens, out of control but still on edge.
Your smile sent tingles through my mind that danced down to my toes, racing through my body in powerful convulses.
The way you held yourself made me want to be better for you, but I could never be good enough.
There you are, structure, bones
standing tall in the sunlight
all of the personality drained away.
Oh, goodbye to that twinkle in your eye
Goodbye to that thing we couldn't put our fingers on, that thing that sparked passion
Because all you are now, is a skeleton.
A skeleton with so many ghosts, war veterans, teachers and teenage girls that I used to know,
That old version of me who skipped, smiled and run her fingers through her hair
she dances through the corridors when no-one else is there.
Along they came. Dress you up, ready for business. That's one thing I learned from this, patch yourself up, make yourself look okay and no-one will realise how broken you are. No.
No, they won't notice the graffiti marks of those who have been,
on your skin.
No, they won't notice those damp patches,
in the corner,
of your eye.
They didn't notice how your ribs creaked as you let out a sigh,
your final goodbye.
They certainly didn't notice when you closed your eyes to die,
I remember when you comforted me from the world with soft, warm arms and friendly words.
I remembered how you nurtured us and watched us grow.
A loving kiss on the cheek and off we go, but I couldn't let you go.
So here I stayed to watch you drift away with each passing day as they measured your waist,
for the suit.
Pull it in tighter.
A stitch here,
a stitch there.
Iron out the crease.
No room to breathe.
The suit may not cover your face, but it is a mask, covering up mistakes.
The mistake of your missing heart, the drive, the ambition.
The mistake of your missing eyes, seeing goodness in the world, giving beauty to the hopeless.
And the mistake of your missing smile, inspiration for lost souls trying to find their way home.
But you, you were home to me, my skeleton.
Now however much you lose or decay, you will never go away.
You will always be there, a ghost in my memory.
My loving skeleton who is now in a suit.
I touched your life
Very cold and fragile
It fit right into my hands
The future generation of strength
I could feel their united heart beat
"Daddy, we wanna see you now"
"Help us do you the honor of calling you our father"
Time waits for no man
At your bent spine and feeble knees
You will run behind these fragile little one
I touched them with care
They breathe in you pronouncing hope
This cannot be the end of this generation
They scream out every time you kiss my delicate skin
"We want to be in her" they say
"We want to live in her for seven months plus three"
A full term of a mother's love
A full term of discovery
"Let us discover why you care so much about her!"
I touched those little ones with fervour
Listening to their every word
Life that wants to call you daddy
I touched it once
I heard what it said
It is waiting for you to overcome your fears
"Tie her to your knot of love already" I heard them say
"We want to live and breathe in a green world"
"She is the door to our being"
Your Life waits to call you daddy
today i met a man who wasn't there, and this i swear
his skin was misplaced, i pondered, he said he was graced
he said, "under my skin is a nightmare, nightmares are all i see,
all i am, all i will ever be."
today a man that wasn't there, told me. about his dead sea
told me it was full of his skin, with a seldom dreary grin
he said weary, "under my skin is wickedness, wickedness is all i see,
all i am, all i will ever be."
today i met myself who wasn't there, and this i swear
i peeled my skin off and under it was also a nightmare
i said insanely, "under my skin is madness, madness is all i see,
all i am, all i will ever be."
The first time I kissed a girl her tongue was coated in morphine and I’ve been chasing that high ever since. I tried to replace it by soaking my brain with prescriptions: codeine, dextromethorphan, etc.
A chemical storm raging in my brain; a storm that’s aftermath is present to this day. I still feel the bugs under my skin at night, sometimes the room spins and I remember the revelations I had.
the one most prominent being that this is Hell, that there is no place better or worse than earth, we are in an actual living Hell and that comforts me just as much as it kills me.