The floor length mirror
As she threw all her pain at it
It threw back
Cut her skin
The blood reflected
In the pieces
Finally she felt at peace
Laying on the floor
Hoping no one would
Open the door
"No one needs to see
The pain inside of me"
Her anger left her
Like the blood did too
And all she thought about
Was looking at you
She wished you could see
How terrible she could be
It was only an accident
Breaking the mirror
"I didn't really want to go
And now no one will ever know."
A smile kisses my lips
as the darkness disappears
another endless night has faded
hours lost with lack of sleep
I tremble with anticipation
as my heart burns with inspiration
of so many others that have come before me
my skin humming with the beautiful notion
of their passion and devotion
my blood set ablaze
something is awakening within me
so far inside I had feared it was almost forgotten
but the dawn of each new day keeps trying to explain
all the many reasons I am here in the now
if you were to catch me in this fleeting quiet
there is nothing I would hide
I would bare all that lay inside
if you were to pay attention
this moment holds perfection
with its entirety of the unique
perched atop my hidden corner of my world
seeing nothing but knowing all
praying with the aching desire
to only keep getting higher and higher
to climb with worn hands
the rocky mountainside
to dance with bare feet
in the frisky river waters
with my days of sobbing on the bathroom floor
far enough behind me only to see a faint outline
tracing with my fingertips of aftershock
the bits of ridicule and criticism popping up
just as quickly fading to black
and instead of being riddled with tiny little holes
stealing that pain
making a statement
taking a stand
I notice all that has made and kept me strong
for so very long kept in the background
my heartbeats pounds with the bass boom boom
all of a sudden the syncopation hits the room
the terror comes in waves so strong
shivers send electric static currents up my spine
as if for one split second
not one atom around me is the same
almost dreamlike comes the realization
that I have always been
painting, writing, sculpting, singing, building
my very own reality........
The first thing went through my mind when I
saw a beautiful woman was.
1. what does she taste like. Her skin. her mouth. that spot right behind her ear. just inside he ear.
The soft curve of her neck. Her shoulders. The junction where breasts meet her arm. That long expanse of her soft belly. Her sweet lips as they parted to allow access. Tart,salty, sweet all combined. I could see myself eating all courses slowly savoring.
2. What does she smell like. Not her shampoo or lotion or perfume or body oils. I mean her pheromones.
that deep unique essence of her.That smell at the base of her neck. under her chin her armpits,the hollows of her elbows. her belly button, her beautiful mound, that simmering potion be it ever so slight or close to overstated as I gradually slid down to Taste. To nibble at her taint and stab gently with my tongue. Her ass. That never- never land of sensual convergence.
3. What does she sound like in various modes. Her voice lilting, high pitched, throaty, nasal. he cadence of her speech. her laugh nervous, content, sing-song. early upon waking.so many undulations and coloration's.
4. What does she think like. concise open, flowing restricted, guarded,untrusting, fair, fearful,provocative, sensual, sexual,cold, shallow, deep,intelligent, smart,vengeful,hurt,
carefree,calculating,ditsy,unsettled, divided, loving,caring,nurturing.
5. Is she Clit or Vag or a combo of both. And what other erogenous hot spots. Which one gets her out of her head and free falling in unabashed ecstasy. Which hollow or crevasse or soft expanse is a fuse. Another ingredient to her potion. how many stimuli could I apply and keep in her sensual Calliope until a thrashing conclusion or a cessation of movement, breathing or sound that will bring her release tumbling down in near syncope.
6. If she had on no lipstick I would imagine her breasts/aereolas/nipples. brown, wide, smooth , bumpy, pink,caramel thick long endless.
7. what comes through her eyes. my god her eyes. That is another universe worth of endless research and
Now I don't do the subconscious speed of light hound dog amalgam.
Now I just see the woman and see the woman again.
All is still applicable but is casual thing. third nature even.
God. Thank you for your gifts.
I've got your eyes locked on me now & I can feel every drop of the hot pain pouring from them. You are longing for a glance returned but I am busy sending all of my loathing to the boy staring at my hands from across the fire pit. His knees are alligned with mine & she's lounging between them. I'm so sick of hating every inch of him. I swore I'd stop but his lips are bleeding from that bite she gave him and I don't think I can. I'm sitting on your lap and I know just what you're thinking. You're breathing down my neck like you're begging. I'm begging to get out of this life. For all the pain that I distribute, there's gotta be some feeling left for me but I can't fucking find it. . I wish I could love you as hard as I loved him. I wish I could love you as hard as I hate him. I wish with every fiber of my being that I could love you at all. I wish I could feel the butterflies that are floating in you. I could tell that they're making a scene beneath your skin by the path your fingers take up and down my spine. I'm so sorry sweetheart
While the raging fire burns down the earth
I cocoon myself beside an imaginary hearth
Dreaming of rains to douse the fire
‘It won’t be there’, my hopes aspire!
While the tides sweep lives away
I imagine I can forever stay
Hidden from the tongues in lashing motion
Beneath a placid and protective ocean!
While the storm roars and the gale hisses
I pray for God’s grace and good wishes
To save me come what season
‘I must live whatever the reason’!
Living thus in an imaginary land
Building castle in the drifting sand
I turn a moron selfish and mean
A hollow nothing beyond bone and skin!
we sell two albums on itunes if you search loud with love thank you!
im feeling more comfortable in my own skin
im mostly water and im living
and on the day to day i try my best to sleep
eat, bath, brush repeat
got a little skill, hardly any scrill got alot of opportunity
mostly holes to fill
im grateful though, fortunate, and a fool
comfortable in my skin cuz its how i wanna feel
comfortable in my own skin cuz it's what i got
you cant choose what skin you get at birth so rot
racism needs to die, it needs to bleed
hunger needs to be demolished in the streets
i feel like sometimes im just repeating what some people are saying
but original is what i spray
did the work did the math
my skins just a sack
for my soul to reach
im in discreet
my skin someday will leave me
but for now I'm comfortable in my own skin
I lost cuntrol when I was nine years old.
Mother took my hand off my crotch yet left my brother to the confinement of his cock;
Girls good, boys bad, and oh no sweetheart your beauty is your only power.
And I’d blush; not in the way she’d hoped through the sweep of a brush but rather when my teacher left her hand lingering on my back as she bent over to tick the formula of the female form and cross out what the chimes of the church commanded.
I looked at the curve of the x she used to mark the spot and sighed.
Teach me. Teach me your ways so I can breathe in the sweet blossom of your hair as I rest in the bossom of your heart, its smells like lavender. Lavender.
Lavender sweet dreams honey and I will see you there tonight.
It was then I began my perpetual low earth orbit from dream to dream and departed from what mother said that day when I asked the question that makes mothers quake as they smooth out the creases in their dresses and tuck their unravelled hair behind bitten ears.
Making love. We made love only to make you, darling.
Mother smiled sweetly and turned her back on me as her mind traced back to that morning when she made mad passionate love with the milkman when daddy wasn’t looking. I am still waiting for my little sister.
If practice makes me perfect then meet man, mother.
I used his rocket to launch myself into space where I spelt her name out in the stars and jumped over the moon to Venus. I felt the warmth from her skin like the sun that keeps me alive. Alive. Alive.
Warm me, darling, just with the nestle in my vessel in my veins in my sugar coated spaceship.
We found sticks and made smores and we floated together, with my hand tracing your V in that three-dimensional galaxy between your legs we fell in love. No void existed between our celestial bodies as gravity pulled me into your arms.
He came as I came back from space thinking of nothing but the soft shape of her hips and the trail of her spine that led me back to earth.
There’s man with his grey socks still on his feet, dark matter on the sheets and a wrapper on the floor.
Rubbish I thought, but in the sky…
That night my mother asked me why I am smiling.
I said I have become an astronaut in orbit with a woman who I love in space.
She cried shes lost it.
I smiled, nodded yes, I've lost it to her.
I lost cuntrol when the earth, heavens and waters fell in love and sailed and soured as we danced on the tree tops of your garden, with waves crashing beneath us leaving salt shimmering particles like diamonds on your feet.
You were my alphabet soup that filled me with too many words, the thrill of the prize at the bottom of the cereal packet and the noble intentions of stopping the Titanic from sinking with the touch of button.
We had love at first sight like David and Jonathen, Ruth and Naomi who boarded the ark as my back arched in passionate throws below deck, as Noa held Emzaras hand smiling.
Adding a letter to her name on Transgender Tuesdays was just an afterthought.
Opening her drawers to pack up her boxers and bind her breasts Noa smiled as the clock cocked Tuesday.
She entered her escapism; what the Bible calls a natural disaster, I just call natural.
I lost cuntrol when I re-arranged the stars like pick and mix, so I could always find my way back to you. When you said I love you I wondered whether I’d had too many dolly mixtures and where jelly babies came from.
Sugar rimmed your lips like salt on a martini and left me drunk with desire as I licked around your edges. You slipped a haribo ring on my finger and I gave you my loveheart.
I lost cuntrol one day when my lover Alice said eat me. She showed me Dinah who hide beneath her skirt and I followed curiously.
I didn’t ask her to say please but that’s another story.
After her lesson I was told the Sputnik satellite was man-made and I laughed.
Oh no, women have been launching rockets with complete cuntrol between their legs for years, leaving the earths atmosphere and dreaming of everything else but dirty Dick’s dick.
During countdown they think of shopping lists, whether they’ve burnt off enough calories for wine with their girlfriends, and sometimes, sometimes, of her.
Do good girls go gay?
In space, my mother said, in space.
baiting my breath
the sweet taste of wine
loosens my lips
waiting for what'
sating my mood
with any food
waste to the
I have become.
now fully felt,
through skin, like
fatted not draped
like a discarded
as I miss the
mark once and
dullshooter, not sharp
out my door, into
light mood darkened;
not by shadow,
not by sightless,
not by faith,
for what little
I have I must
Of all these things
buried in me,
my own grave.
The pit is full.
Isn't it exhausting,
living with so much hatred?
Not being able to let go
and forgive someone who once meant everything to you?
Doesn't it burn your skin and seer through your bones?
Eat you away?
Or have you changed too much
from the man I once new?
Now your heart has become numb.
the same way the dark bruise she left on your body does.
They both leave a story.
One of the stories being a " I was in a rush coffee spill" and
the other story being a, " I loved her too much bruise".
Inevitably they fade over time,
but that doesn't mean that they weren't once there.
She wanted you to know that her love for you was imported from
another person's heart,
but you never knew this or, that the other
person's heart was mine.
But like I said things fade over time.
I still wore the bracelets I'd strung together with
all the words you've ever said to me for quite some time,
that's why I still remembered them.
You will only ever talk about the dark bruises
she left on your body but, never the ones she left
on your heart.
hidden like the barnacles that hide below the boats
of this beach town.
The salt water seeps through your skin;
it stings you with solitude.
Because now you are alone, because
her false love for you is gone and,
I don't miss you either,
the bracelets fell off.
When the coffee spills its hot and,
I know sometimes the sea stings and
if you're lucky your heart will heal.
I can't feel bad seeing you get a taste of your own medicine.
You holler out "I love you";
you wait for a response,
all you get is silence.