you have given me a body, it washes over me
these eyes, these ears, this tongue, this nose, this skin
all touch the rest of the universe, a yolk in the ocean
these eyes touch the light of the stars
these ears note changes in the air
this tongue tastes all that sustains me
this nose touches the scent of the past
this skin touches you
this ancient light
this endless song
this unquenchable thirst
this countless breath
this vast shell around me
i cannot touch more than this
all that i am
all i can touch
...a brain trying to categorize
Blonde haired beauty
With pale skin that locks away
Long since healed
In the physical sense only
Wake sleeping beauty
Your prince, he awaits.
You nymph of a girl
What a queen you will make.
He screams when he sees you
Half-covered in blood
Not him, but you,
Why couldn't you wait?
He was coming to save you
He was coming one day
He clings to you,
He cries out your name, saying
"Why wasn't I enough?
Why couldn't you just stay?"
Now, you dear, dead angel
With the halo above your curled hair,
Can only watch your prince weeping
Why weren't you there?
You are the universe, the star dust flowing from within
Such beauty radiates from your iridescent skin
Glowing in the sunshine, welcoming everyone in
So inviting, like a doormat with a wonderful saying,
You are the flowers, the trees, and the leaves, infinitely swaying.
© 2013 Christina Jackson
the gods told me
that while we lay last night
they wound a tiny red ribbon
around our little fingers
a ceaseless pinky promise
stitched into the fabric of our skin
to be tangled and stretched
but never severed
snaking through stars and satellites
for the destined ones
to seek each other
calamity after calamity
tonight our worlds have separated
by time, place and circumstance
but we will meet again
when our shadows find their way out of the dark
We, and we know who we are, are just passing wild travelers on the wings of butterflies. We know this life is merely the blink of an eye, the opening of the last Spring, the life span of a sigh. We are born on a screaming battle-field where the souls science is mapped on our skin. We have learned that the head of heaven is upon the heads of lavender and hydrangea. We speak in beams of light and we know that the rotation of the planets pulses through our veins. We know that truth lies between the two breaths. We know that bodies of everything carry language. We are in touch with vibration and acknowledge oneness. We have traveled inward to the depths and corners and exited outward like exploding comets of light and rainbows expressing itself as truth. We are walking truths! breathing truths! We are!
We are ever-dimensional.
Like watercolor paintings our sadness pooled at our edges, deepening our pigment, staining every move. And I turned into you like something tragic, something broken- voicing apologies, but with sweet security you traced a finger to my lips and kissed them speechless.
So we melded together, twisting like ribbons ‘round our limbs, every exhale his inhale, every arch of my back supported by gentle hands, fingers curling into skin. He stole my breath, leaving crimson bruises in the curve of my neck.
Then suddenly I ended and he began. Vaguely aware of my nails along his spine, I couldn’t tell which heartbeat was mine anymore. No space between us, just skin on skin on skin on skin ‘til the blur of motion was just waves on the ocean that was us. No more soft spoken sighs, names whispered into the night- down to bare raw syllables, kissing shoulders, enveloped in his arms- I felt connection I’d never known before. Something pure, something more.
Last night our hurt became the glue that bound us to each other. And I’ll never forget such love.
The green veins twist and turn over the raw, moist skin of the aspen leaves.
Tears of dew roll over
With the illumination of the sun
Bringing rain to the drained dirt
Your heaven has failed me
On the days when I felt loading up the dish washer was a
Personal assault on my psyche
Your god has-
Run me over with his fists too many times
And made me believe it was paternal pat’s on the back
Pain I was feeling,
You carry the gravel in your teeth
To make sure its full of grit,
When you speak,
“you’re full of shit”
You say im just weak for the things
That have made me unholy.
I am weak for the things that have unbroken me.
These words are shrapnel
You let them sink into our skin there is no more dirt to chew
I will spend my last moments
Holding onto the fucking noose
I’m going down swinging
And if that means I’ll hang
So be it
There are worst ways to die
Because I’ve died before
Nothing special happens. Ya’ll can stop dreaming.
Kindness isn’t supposed to taste so bitter
Isn’t supposed to hurt so much
Never knew how much the night sky despised the daylight
Until you moved to a country where it gets longer every year
You never knew how kind
The sun was to your skin-
Ive got tan lines where my noose used to swing
It took me three years to untie myself
And I still have scars
Whether they will be there or not in a few more years
I guess ill stick around and see just
How much ive
The hallway seemed to sway with the motion of the tears filling my eyes. I tried to keep going to get to the door, but I collapsed there in the hall. The weight crashing down on me. She was dead. My only love was dead. I’d been with her for six years and we’d been waiting to get married. That was all over now. They had killed her. I laid my head in my hands and let it all go. I fell spiraling down into the darkness at the edge of my consciousness. My very last thoughts echoing in my head as I slipped into this grief coma, they would all pay, they would pay.
The clock on the wall ticked loudly as I made my way to Mr. Jefferson’s office. The hallways were empty, an unusual thing for a Monday morning in a business firm. I tried not to let it get in my head. I had a job to fulfill. If I didn't get this one right the boss would surely wring my neck. She wasn't the most understanding person, and tolerated no mistakes. A dark cherry wood door lay at the end of the long hallway with a silver plate spelling out Mr. Jefferson’s office. All the other doors I had passed had, had similar ones.
I knocked on the door quietly waiting for an invitation inside. I took a deep breath and steady myself. Telling myself I had to do this. There was still no beckoning to come in so I knocked louder, but was only greeted by silence. I opened the door quickly and peered in. Mr. Jefferson laid slumped over his paper work in the messy piles on his desk.
A bullet through his head. Well this was just great now the boss had another reason to chew me out. I closed the door quietly and made my way to the body. Blood spilled from the back of his head and off his shoulders dripping into the puddle on the floor. I took my phone from my pants pocket and called Leo.
“Hey, Leo we got a problem, Jefferson’s already dead. They’re a step ahead of us. What’s my next move?” the line was silent for a minute until he replied, “what was the cause of death?” I looked at the back of Jefferson’s head one more time to make sure that was no other abrasions. “Bullet wound in the back of his head, no sign of struggle either.”
“Alright, I’ll inform the boss. You should probably make your way back to the headquarters. I can tell you now the boss isn't going to be happy.” I sighed I already new that. The bitch had been riding my ass all month now. It wouldn't hurt her to give us all a break once in a while. I closed my phone. I made my way out the door. No doubt someone else would find Jefferson and would immediately go for the video tapes.
Luckily I didn't come here alone, I brought my computer genius along, that could erase us from every tape and cover his tracks. I gave a polite smile to each person I passed and had to fight to walk calm and smoothly out the front doors. Brain already waited inside the car looking anxious. We were both fairly new to the working in the field. Usually the boss assigned me on small assignments. I got inside the drivers side and pulled out right away. “Jefferson was already dead when I got there, bullet wound to the back of the head, what I don’t understand is how no one heard it, or why he didn't struggle,” I told Brian. “Maybe a silencer on the gun? And perhaps his lack of struggle was because there was a gun pointed at his head?” I thought it over. It was possible but that was different from all the others. “They usually cover their tracks better than that though,” I looked over at Brain whose face was crinkled by his deep thoughts. “Maybe they were in a rush?” The wound had looked freshly made. “Perhaps,” I said still mulling it over. “I suppose we’ll just have to wait for the police reports.”
As I had figured Liana was furious. “How is it that four out of seven of the people I've told you to get information from then take out have ended up already dead when you got there?” She spit angrily in my face. Liana was a scary lady but she didn't scare me.
“I don’t know you tell me,” I said and smiled at her. I could feel the audience behind me stop what they were doing and cringe. “Do you think this is funny?” Liana said quietly.
Her face had gone rigid and her fist clenched so tightly at her sides, the knuckles had turned a ghostly white.
I knew which battles to fight and which to surrender. “No, nothing is funny,” I spat out clenching my jaw. I really hated this stupid job. If it wasn't for Liana keeping my brother alive I wouldn't be here. And just as I thought it Liana cheerfully reminded me, “do remember darling, your brothers life lies in my hands. One wrong move and it’s bye bye brother, understood?” Her dark eye’s drilling into mine. The feeling of hatred seeped from my body as it was overflowing inside me now. “Understood,” I growled.
“Good, now get out. I’ll call you when I have your next assignment.” She turned but stopped to look back,
“ and next time do not mess up,” then walked back into her office slamming the door.
I let the breath I had been holding out and left quickly before they all burned holes into me with their heavy glares. I made my way to Kyle’s room. The walls were painted dark blue with small silver stars painted all over. I had painted it for him, he loved the stars. “Kyle?” I said shakily looking down at the boy. His tiny body shaking in pain. He wouldn't eat. The vomiting broke his bones sometimes. His bones stuck through his skin like his skin had only been draped over his frail bones. The tears flowed from my eye’s and down my face. He was only fifteen.
He was so sick, I just wanted him to be okay. Healthy again. The reason I’d signed up to join this place was because they promised to save him. They said as soon as I finished the biggest assignment they would heal him. But I grew more and more doubtful.
Kyle had been infected, by the scientist. A super parasite they’d created. It caused brain disorders, like anorexia. Kyle’s brain was being attacked making him suicidal and making him believe he was anorexic. Making him believe he had to do these things. When it first started he was only depressed. He began cutting himself. When I saw the deep cuts in his arms and on his stomach I asked him about it and his answer had been, “I didn't want to do I just had to“ . At the time I’d misunderstood him.
Now I knew. He literally had been forced by the parasites inside his brain.
His eye’s were closed and I could see the struggle it took for him to intake each breath. His arms, thin ropes, laid at his side. It took a massive amount of energy and strength for him to even turn his head. “I will fix this Kyle, believe in me when I tell you that, I love you.” I kissed his cold forehead and left shutting the door slowly.
Days like this
When deception follows sorrow
And grief follows anger
When the face becomes hideous
Beastlike with savage redness
And rough and dry
When the gold necklace
Becomes glued to the chest
With so many tears
And the salt remains on the neck and cheeks-
The speckled aftermath of rage
Days like this
When the cage is closing in
Tighter, tighter, the bars gnawing my skin
When everything is parched, brittle
The throat, the eyes, the thoughts
The night consumes itself
No remembrance of sleep, no memory of peace
Waking up to the same life
Same acerbity of disgust
Waking up to the mirror
There is no relief