You ran down the sidewalk
from the front porch
creating water bombs under your feet
with every patter.
Struggling to gain speed
as your summer dress
gradually became a sponge.
The thunderous mini shouts
coming from your mouth
stopped me dead.
Shamefully trying
to hold up the facade between
my expression and your heart
was agonizing.
As you made it up to the spot
my feet backed up from,
glowing desperation
could be seen in your
water well eyes.
Simultaneously stomping side to side
and tugging harshly down
my shirt you looked up
with a pleading confusion that
broke something inside me.
I couldn't give you
a straight simple explanation
for the question you kept
begging over and over to be answered.
You couldn't understand
how difficult the decision
to walk away from you that night was.
The choice
to better the one
who was to better you.
It was selfish
but in that moment I needed
to be for the right reasons
this time.
Let me tell you now though,
that you reaching up
and hanging off my neck like a pendant,
almost made me
toss the idea that I could do it
on my own and succeed,
appear believable.
I inhaled the smell of you
until I felt my lungs burn
and I held on hoping to convey
the meaning of this crisis in time
through our skin.
I couldn't give life
to the words you shouldn't of had to hear.
My time was running down
and my willpower
was getting edgy.
I knew that if I didn't
take those steps
into the unknown
I wouldn't be able to walk by your side
in all of our tomorrows.
So as you fought the untangling
of your scared limbs
and exhumed that agony smeared face
from my chest,
I breathed you in once more.
When you finally reached
a bump in the constant trill of sobs
pouring from your mouth I said,
"I love you. This is just for a little while. I will come back for you always."
I knew you hated those words
as I said them
but loved hearing me talk.
It meant that was
another minute more you had with me.
I kept up the
reassurance for the same reason.
A definitive honk
behind me proceeded the
collapse of your restraint.
Thrashing forward
with hawk like fingers
and indistinguishable words
you were held back with help.
It enraged me
to feel as if I couldn't touch you
but it was for both our benefits.
Holding onto your eyes
and the last of my control,
I grimaced a smile
that couldn't quite make it
and turned.
I rolled the window down
to get the full effect of you voice
in my head to take with me.
It would be the push
to do better,
be better.
When the driver asked
if I was ready
I said yes
while screaming never inside.
I squeezed shut my lids
and prayed I was already
back in our home
cuddled up together
on the rainy porch.
All in the matter of minutes
I felt the precious innocence
drain partly from
our life.
Thankful to the rain
for at least hiding my
swollen eyes from you.
If I could leave you
with the illusion
of strength
I hadn't earned yet.
Feeling the car pull
slower than necessary
is what did it.
My senses over powered me
as I gasped out
that horribly contain sob.
I knew it was
the right thing I had to do
but it was killing me.
I cut out my heart
and left it with you.
All to the
gradually fading song of your sorrow
from my window.
"Come back mama, come back!"
©NDHK
Alone a soldier stands,
deaf in ringing ear,
from fire of the battle,
that happened far too near.
His jacket and his boots,
stained with blood and gore,
his very thoughts pain him,
the sight of all the horror.
The body lying at his feet,
the body his friend once manned,
lies broken, twisted, and lifeless,
on the fearsome land.
No time to mourn
The men untimely lost.
He must move on,
No matter the cost.
The soldier hears footsteps,
the enemies pounding the ground.
He knows his time is coming.
He knows that recurring sound.
The enemy is ‘round the wall,
the soldier’s courage rising.
As he prays to God for safety,
his memories are sizing.
He thinks of his home,
his country, his state.
He thinks of his family,
whom think of the date.
The date of his return,
the time when he would weep.
The day when life went on,
and the night he could sleep.
All these thoughts in his head,
pouring in like rain.
The enemy rounds the corner,
and sees the one yet to be slain.
The enemy loads his daunting rifle
and begins to take his aim.
The soldier takes hasty action,
both men doing the same.
The enemy fires,
the bullet whipping out like rope.
The lone soldier shouts in silence,
“I still hold onto hope!”
This hope continues to remain,
In every soldiers heart.
For a battle in a war,
is only just a part.
To return to the past…a wish of a dying man.
Forever trapped by a love lost.
To turn back the hands of time is worth more than gold...
More precious than gems...
Trying to not looking down that path as best he can,
wishing, hoping, wanting, “at any cost!”
He shouts to the wind as his body grows old
and weary. He closes his eyes to not open again
but wait…
His ears they hear…
“Love…Oh my Love…Come back to me, my Love…”
These words will one day cross him and what he shall not do
is not hold her until the sunsets and the moon rises.
He won’t not kiss her lips as if they would disappear before him…
He won’t not love her until the end of time…
and when that time is placed before him…
He won’t not give all of his gold and gems…
to receive that time again.
Is it dark
Where you are?
Is it as dark as here?
Where the light is fading
Behind the fog
And the clouds
Grumble and creak in the sky
While the lightning is nowhere to be seen.
Is it quiet
Where you are?
Is it as quiet as here?
Where our pleas
Sink below the ground
And the music
Drifts away
On the cold, sharp breeze
While the shouts and cries rise above us all.
Is it peaceful
Where you are?
Because it sure ain't peaceful here.
The clouds are at war.
Our noise is drowned out
By their cries
And screams of pain.
Where the light has left
In search of a better place
A just, forgiving, place.
The peace left long ago
Leaving just a lingering,
An impending
Sense
That the end will soon come
Sure enough
The sun will soon give in
As we did long ago.
And so,
I just want to know,
How is it where you are?
What is it like to be happy?
Would you teach me one last time?
Before the sun disappears behind the clouds that last time?
may twenty-third
nobody remembered
nobody bothered to notice
a birthday without bliss
unlit numbers of candles
i'm fine it's not that i can't handle
inevitable
yet unendurable
popped balloons
within the soul of a dark cold room
laughs giggles shouts
greetings from all the way throughout
but not a single hi or hello
not a single birthday greeting though
"you die a day near your birthday"
each legends always say
and that's what i look forward to every may
it's still may twenty-third
and if it wasn't me someone might've cared
-djs
She has a bouquet of big bulging puffy dandelions
A wish bouquet she calls it, handing it to me with a very big smile
So I think and I think, don't have any wishes to make
Except to see she and her sister smile, giggle, then ROAR
With laughter
So I wish it as I blow all the puffed dreams into the winds
And later that night as both are in jammies and in bed
I slowly sneak up and with fingers stretched and ready
Attack! Attack! ATTACK!!!!!!!
Tickles and tickles and tickles till screams and loud shouts
have them estactic and begging for mercy
That was a fun night and the wish of my heart,
Happy and healthy...my beautiful children.
After morning matinee
and after dinner
of sausages and mash
and baked beans
you met Helen
by the post office
at the end
of Rockingham Street
she had on
the red flowered dress
you liked
and held Battered Betty
her doll
by an arm
her hair was held
in plaits
by elastic bands
and her thick lens spectacles
were smeary where
she'd touched them
but not cleaned them
where are we going?
she asked
how about London Bridge
train station?
you said
we can watch the trains
come and go
and watch the porters
rush about with luggage
and things
she gazed at you
through her thick lens
shall I tell my mum
where we're going?
sure if you think
she'll worry
you said
be best if she knows
Helen said
don't want her to worry
where I've gone
ok
you said
and so you both
walked back
to her mother's house
and she told her mother
and her mother came out
and looked at you
and said
ok so long
as you're with Benedict
and so you walked back
along Rockingham Street
and got a bus
to London Bridge
railway station
and sat on the seats
downstairs
by the conductor
and this guy with glasses
and a thin moustache
gazed at Helen
from the seat opposite
his eyes moving over her
his gaze focusing
on her knees
where her dress ended
he licked his lips
his hands on his thighs
Helen looked away
pretending she didn't
see him looking
you stared at the man
watching his eyes
dark and deep
they say it's rude to stare
you said
the man looked at you
kids should be seen
not heard
he replied
and you're seeing a lot
you said
he muttered something
and got off
at the next stop
giving you
a hard stare
Helen said nothing
but seemed relieved
after a while you got off
the bus at the railway station
and went inside
there were crowds
of people
and the smell of steam
and bodies washed
and unwashed
and the sound of trains
getting ready to leave
and voices and shouts
of porters and rushing
and going and coming
of people
and you sat
with Helen
on a seat
on the platform
she with Battered Betty
and you with your
six-shooter in your
inside pocket ready
to get any bad cowboys
who came your way
and Helen said
why was that man
staring at me
on the bus?
just a creep
wanting a peep
you said
peep at what?
she asked
I'm not beautiful
yes you are
you said
anyway it wasn't
your beauty
he was looking at
you said
what then?
she asked
oh something
he oughtn't
you said
and a loud blast of steam
echoed around
the station
and a voice called
and a whistle blew
and you all
sat watching
Helen
and Battered Betty
and six-shooter
carrying cowboy
you.
We dance soft, contained, closed-
-careful not to show.
We are safe within the lines.
Seeping out between the cracks,
coming to the surface,
are the real colors:
Wild. Beautiful. Broken.
Courage is in the simplicity:
bare feet on wood,
air in our lungs,
-a tiny beating-
a calling deep within our bones.
We dance imperfect and raw,
our bodies finding the voice that shouts to be heard.
We dance freedom, vulnerability;
the struggle of sunrise.
Unraveling,
we let ourselves be seen.
We throw, crash, release, open.
I feel your hand grab my arm,
and the way you hold me sews my heart together.
We are one.
We are separate.
Pulling back each piece
from the animals,
humanity,
the stars,
we are humbled by what we’ve created,
by each other,
ourselves.
Sweet things have no words,
only nods and sharp giggles
over gasping for water.
In these moments
I know there is something more.
When we are old and grey,
we’ll forget about us, now.
Forget about the shouts, the screams,
the arguments we had, and how,
We would always fix it.
Always strive until the end.
Always lie in bed together,
Each next to their best friend,
But now I cry in bed alone,
From the things that we both said.
From the thoughts I think you’re having.
From the thoughts inside MY head.
And if all you’ve done is lie to please me,
Then where is the you I know and love?
If all you’ve done is be honest and true,
We’re together ‘til fire rains from above.
I love the you I know,
But I can only love what’s on show
April 2013
and he said son
i havnt you in oh so long
how about dinner
at around 8 oclock
theres a secret sundown just for you
he says
ill meet you there
hot footed up the flight of stairs
lighting up when he got there
he shouts
i been lost at sea
hope youll forgive me
