She wants to feel the softness of feathers upon the tips of her toes
Reaching out for comfort that will surely come
Caresses the moments before midnight
With suger kisses so sweet
Like honey coated forgiveness
She smiles into her lovers eyes of crystal dew
Her sences reeling
Like the figurine within an ancient music box
As the music surrounds the childs mind so pure
There is more captured within
The sweetness is soured only by memories
She paints with fingers in the suger
There are things so worth forgetting
She sees him sleeping and places
mirrors where his eyes once looked upon her
For now she will see herself
The way he see's
The blood from the girl child dried as he slept
There was to be no more sugered moments
No more honey for him to savour
she had seen
Her worth in his eyes
Such a shame sweet child
She should of loved herself with toes touching feathers
Reaching for a comfort
That would only be found in forgiveness of self
Far beyond the place he sleeps
With mirrored eyes of crystal dew
He awakes to find his beloved drenthed in death
He reaches for moments which never come
Her projection of him so false upon this moment
As in a moments seperation
She sees with her angel presence
The suger he tastes on lips so pure
His tears now mingle with the blood
As he tears her mirrors from his eyes
He understands not
Why white feathers are falling from the sky
I like this.
This freeing feeling.
Being away from you,
Has somehow let me,
Now, I'm realizing,
That you were a crutch.
Because when there was a "we"
It was you,
Tangled in thorn bushes of distrust.
I'm not saying I didn't love you.
I'm not saying I don't now.
I'm just thinking,
Maybe it was leaning,
More towards infatuation.
Which led to strangulation.
Wire ties, tied so tight,
They cut the skin,
And left us wounded,
Maybe we were meant for seperation.
A trial, meant for error,
Maybe we were meant to hurt,
Feel the pain we caused eachother,
Then make better choices based on the lesson,
And so on.
Maybe being together,
Taught us its better that we're apart.
And also, that after awhile,
The pain stops coming back,
And we learn to move on,
Like I'm finally starting to.
Because let's face it,
I said I was fine,
But I was practically dead for a while,
Faking a smile for your benefit,
And crying behind the comfort of closed doors.
Turning up the radio way too loud,
And screaming until my throat was raw.
Why do you think I wouldn't sing for you?
Even after I promised to.
Not only the nervousness,
But, also being scared that you'd notice,
Notice the difference in my voice,
When I try to hit the higher notes.
I've screamed myself sick so many times,
My voice has changed,
There's a certain aspect to it,
The over all raspy tone,
And it would have killed me for you to notice.
For the longest time,
I was so afraid of you peeling back the layers,
And seeing the reckless hatred for myself,
But now, I honestly don't care.
I will cry and scream, and just let it go from now on.
Because I can no longer live in hiding.
And not just hiding from you, either.
I will roll my sleeves up,
And take these fucking bracelets off.
I will no longer be ashamed of these marks I've created.
They do not define me.
I am not that girl anymore.
She was never me.
And I will never again become her.
You know why?
Because for the first time,
In a long time,
I'm fucking free.
All because of a little bit of seperation,
And mental disconnection.
I grew up knowing to accept hate
It was a childhood version of how to segregate
Children were never kind to me through the years
Forming more hate that built up and filled with fears
I was lucky compared to most kids though
I never had a true taste of hate I had yet to know
In the past kids were segregated for their race
It was as if this entire world bashed them for taking up some space
The entire nation was once split in two
Brother after brother is something we all knew
The north and south each all fighting for something not alike
But that only made the hope of happiness winning to begin to spike
A great man stood in the great battle field between us all
Un-segregating those who needed it afterall
He was shot dead fighting for what he wanted
Some people really didn't know his hopes and they felt daunted
Today we fight another battlefield of pain
Thought must of this fighting is in vain
A man took the lives of many Americans twelve years ago
Destroyed the very being of America that we used to know
When the depression ran throught the nation
We still had to deal with all of the segregation
It ran through all of us as people living in peace
Chopping us up as humans without need piece by piece
Another war is in sight though we choose not to see it
A fatal blow to many of us as if we got hardly hit
Seperation throught the nation through segregation in our own eye
Whether we be gay, straight, trans, or even bi
We're all still people and still human
If only we truly knew about it then
I grew up in a world free of most types of hate
But we all knew we all live in a world who chooses to segregate
Somewhere in there
is a ghost of you I once loved.
A ghost whose wisps are still floating around somewhere inside me.
You aren’t that girl I loved anymore,
that girl had a cuter laugh.
Those who still bring up your name around me talk about a girl
whose name was a string of letters that had flesh and heart
and one hell of a smile.
Now it’s just ink and curls, dots and swirls.
You aren’t her anymore, which is a good thing,
because if you were, that wisp that still sits on the back porch of my heart
would grab enough strength to leak into my brain and slip by any rational thought
that’d tell me not to call you. Not that I still have your number,
But that wisp would scoop through memories until it found it
and force it into waking thought.
I’d call you,
and that wisp would turn into a thick smog,
billowing clouds and bulbous puffs
Sitting on every nerve
and gaining density until it settled thick,
so every view and breathy word
would remind me of you.
It’d become a lovely fume,
Stitching together old cracks in my heart you made,
and convince me you didn’t.
I would not feel stupid about losing my breath
when I’d hear your voice on the other end,
and I would not give a damn that I’d be ruining years of seperation
because I remembered a wisp sits on the back porch of my heart
that reminded me of the girl I used to love.
And I swear it’s you
in every pair of eyes I see
every laugh I hear
every touch I feel
every sideways glance
I’m looking for your
face in the crowd.
What is love
if not an unfathomable abyss,
from which slavering beasts surge forth
consuming our reasoning,
until we surrender our will
to primal emotion
and step past the precipice
and plummet foreverafter.
Or perhaps it is a deep well,
of cooling, soothing waters,
forever assaulted by wicked agents of dissent,
with assorted vials of slow acting poison,
trying again and again to taint the well.
Relentless forces, devoted to driving apart people
who should never be driven apart,
by killing one or the other with their venom.
Or perhaps it is a roiling elemental spirit,
of the air, or the sea, or the fire,
that engulfs the entirety of our being,
without our knowledge,
and driving us to proceed beyond where logic dictates.
Perhaps it is a symbol,
or a collection of poems, a book,
a folder of loose pages,
or a photo album,
filled overflowing with fragmented memories,
with amnesiac periods
during seperation from the one we are bound.
Or for some, I'm sure it is a single sheaf of poems,
a short playlist, and a handful of snapshots,
tied together with strange chemical chains,
in sectors of the brain we do not fully understand
No it is not these things.
Or, that is to say,
it is all of these things.
ever more so,
The Greatest Force On This Earth
Clear as a ghost or Invisible as a bat
One of us has become.
When seperation occurs all thoughts of us,
Of me, are forgotten.
What will it take to make you remember?
Calls not returned, questions unanswered,
Evenings filled with lonesome silence.
What can I do to change all these things?
There are times that pass without touch,
Without a word simply spoken.
Attempts at affection so easily seen,
Yet, to you, so blind. So unseen.
The lack of awareness pains me deeply.
Afraid that your love fading is a possibility.
You say that is impossible,
So why do you make me feel so invisible?
A crime, it seems, to be overwhelmed with aggravation.
Why is it wrong to change the unpleasant?
Why is it wrong to crave your constant presence?
Can you answer me this: Are my desires from ignorance?
Waking drenched at night
Feeling at ease, so right
Mind so jostled, yet so clear,
Pitch black with no fear
You are on my mind
The thought of lil ones running behind
Dreaming of future days
Lost in class in a dreamy haze
Thinking only of you and I
And how will never deny
My love to you holds ever strong
Though our seperation may be long
You are the woman of Tennessee,
I hope someday we can be
Without the judgment of the eyes
Shall be happy even in dreary skies
Hold each other through thick and thin
Life is complete, when we begin
Hope and love will keep us as one
My passion for her will always burn
Those initials M. B.
Bring joy, excitement, life to me
I know she goes through so much pain
At my age some say i'm sweet others inane
Just know, M. B. I love you.
Always will stick with/by you
Passion for you ever growing
Unconditional love will be showing
And on that special day we meet
My life will be complete.
Hands move from eachother like smoke
balled in fists
empty forhead with a constant leak
she speaks slowly to whoever is listening,
something so hushed,
not even the wind can carry it
when sleep casts its cold net
surrendering mind to silent night
his scent spills over her skin
numbing pysical distinction and chronic seperation between space
and in that moment
slipping into abstraction
she saw him
sleeping inside her eyelids
There's a pain in my back.
Moved my arm to touch you
and feel the clouded steam shovel
rip into what grounded me.
Roll over and save it for that rainy day
that may never cum.
That's funny cause i thought
you were so warm yesterday.