We don't talk,
but I'm quietly watching you,
so when you make eye contact shyly
it's easy to know what we are doing.
You approach me,
sanitizing wipe, Band-Aid, and mic
(complete with wires)
and peel the plastic.
Swab my cheek gently,
and I smell the alcohol
but it's a pleasant
Put the mic over my ear,
position it against the side of my face,
tape the Band-Aid to my cheek,
fingers brushing my skin.
You send the wire down my dress,
pull up my skirt and reach up for the end,
soft fingers lightly skimming over my back.
Adjust the mic in its belt, and lower the fabric.
Tell me in your sweet voice:
I do, "oh, hair", you say, and I pull
my ponytail out of your way,
thinking of your soft short hair.
Then, "Look straight"
and as I do, and you tape the mic tape
against my neck, I'm thinking
Backstage I think to myself
that you haven't done anyone else's mics,
and this makes me feel good.
I know later I'll be watching for you
to be free, so I can feel your hands
near me, watch your eyes rimmed
with liner as they study the mic
hooked to my face.
Crouching slightly as you are up
on tip-toes, and we can communicate
silently once more.
train of thought or loosely structured essay? it could be either...
i’ve been watching interview after interview and thinking gratuitously as a result. imma try and sum this up as best i can because i think it’s an ambiguous topic at times that we actually have at our fingertips and yet don’t really always address, understandably though. culture is something you’re entrenched in, inescapably at times, and when you’re in the middle of it sometimes it’s hard to see the way every day and everything is a possible opportunity for affecting the main narrative.
first thing i thought of when i started listening to eddie huang and heems discuss growing up in the 80’s and using their forms of media representation (blogging, food, music, etc) to introduce different ideas to mass audiences, was that kids in the 80’s and 90’s have really been given a valuable (though sometimes harsh) lens to view the world through. in that two decade time period media gained fuel and tech rapidly increased, and we had this rare upbringing of being detached enough from media and technology to develop authentically within our environments, learn to think critically and observe what was going on around us in the world, and yet also had enough exposure and time to evolve with the rapid change of technology to understand it better, and learn almost by necessity how to utilize it to our best interests, ration parts of our identity from it, and share parts of our identity and contributions into it.
we grew up in this transitioning time, when technology and social media hadn’t yet taken as rooted a role in life yet, but were still a big part of our lives, and where we harvested some, often much, of our values and ideas from. people began realizing soon that we had access to mass information, and the spreading of. this was a tool our parents hadn’t had at our age, so we were kind of the pioneers w/lotta internet frontiers and subcultures.
for instance, the internet has managed to foster a subculture of kids and teens finding and learning about their identities. before the internet, queer was a slur, some older people still think it is, but now it’s being reclaimed by the community, and there’s a widespread narrative from queer folks addressing their identities and re-purposing what ignorance made a weapon.
before the internet, there was no mass outrage being sparked over rape being brought to justice or innocent POC behind bars or the quality of education, or culture and global issues, these are discussions that have emerged from the information at our hands paired with our world views and personal struggles to navigate that world. and in it’s own way that’s power. we have a form of mass media where, if we try hard enough, our ideas, influences, power to empathize and communicate to spread ideas and educate on a widespread basis, can be influential. we made it what it is, and we mold it into what it is going to be and the ideas it will spread hereafter.
what’s interesting to me about this power of the internet, is dominant vs subversive narrative. 80’s/90’s gen reached teen/adult years as the US went into a period of political confusion/a dominant media main narrative of misinformation. hearing eddie and heems talk about what it was like to be a POC after 9/11 at that time was intense. eddie talked about rich white 1% kids in florida displaying an unfiltered level of brutish animosity after the event, being that many of the people they knew and their families’ claims to wealth were being threatened.
he seemed mostly horrified and interested simultaneously in the way they simplified “their problem” to a sweeping generalization; people of color, similar to reagan’s own scapegoating of POC in his personal secretary’s diary. obviously that’s wack. but what he said about these kids really intrigued me because i felt like he put words to what i’d observed myself about many middle class and upper class kids, and recently been contemplating how to get around; “these kids are like…media-trained by their parents. [meaning those who benefit from dominant/oppressive culture use the confusion tactics the media uses to run people in circles about issues to avoid actually discussing them] you could talk about these things with them forever and you’ll never have a real discussion with them until you stop taking them seriously. they understand exactly what you’re saying, they just don’t give a fuck.”
it’s compelling that 9/11 created this thought point for both of them, born in the same era, that caused the incubation of ideas surrounding dissemination of tolerance and thoughts about avoidance of discussions surrounding racism/classism/oppression in the US, and how to use education and communication to change it and repurpose allocations of power taken from cultures by the main narrative.
recently, i’ve definitely been aware of these points eddie made, in that i spend less time responding to others’ thoughts that come from ignorance or anger and more time building my own. less time responding to trolls and more time trolling trolls because i just don’t have time to waste farting around with dipshits when i could be reaching and talking to people who get it and also want to engage in discussions and environments of tolerance and respect instead of more ignorance. social media gives us that horizon of expansion, those resources, and hopefully that ability to recognize that despite the people that make us sad and cranky there are all these people still to be heard and to hear and to respond that we can reach, and the power is in our hands, it’s just about how we allocate it.
when i was about 17 i met a guy who really changed my perspective on what you can actually do to make your own voice. he had a successful career, he was a natural with business, well known for his graffiti, and pretty much lived and dressed well for free because of his social reputation and involvement in menswear. all these different factors of his individuality came together to form a career and reputation he was able to live…better than most people i knew, off of. and he had dropped out of school before he’d even walked across the senior final stage. that impressed me. who knew you could be that successful without a high school diploma? pretty fucking sweet.
we now know how to utilize social media and work your way up based on who you are not what job description you fit. how to create forms of representation and send a message through art, and actually make a living and have everything you need through applying social media to your pursuits. with the unstable economy and prices of school people began to become more aware of how they could get educated outside of an institution, get a job they loved without going to school for it, have a career because of who they knew and their networking abilities as opposed to their resume. and with how much a lot of us have to say and contribute that’s a valuable venue when used correctly and used as a vessel for the right message.
and i think, this mixture of being connected but not completely has given us a rare perspective and ability to contribute in many different ways, with many individual voices, to the narrative. we have the ability to, essentially, drown out the main narrative which we all know is a bunch of bullshit.
look at the way we even just use social media like tumblr and facebook to fuck around with advertisements and different perpetuations of culture in media, like those gifs of billboards that have a picture of a cat on it instead of an advertisement, or clipart that has been fucked around with. how, for fun, some people fuck with facebook and click on ads that don’t apply to their interests to confuse the site when it tries to collect their personal web browsing data.
in such simple ways, we tweak and rewrite the main narrative. and then we can share that with millions of people if we want to, and they can all share that too and so on. social media can be such an amazing tool. because someone can share a post on tumblr saying “does anyone else feel like…” and 50,000 other people can reblog that and suddenly the idea that you’re not the only one with this running around their mind is planted in 50,000 different minds at once. that’s basically creating awareness in a way.
i’ll stop thinking, but i still have tons in my head in response to all this stuff. just wow, really interesting. i’m getting all inspired by these 80’s babies bringing the power back to the people by dominating media with their insights on how to use it as a crux to transition into change via widespread communication of ideas. this is kinda a crucial point in time when we have an advantage and weapon, to create the world we want to live in, with.
Once more into the pews I snore
the vicar reads what he's prepared and doth sermonise on those who dared to sleep while he was spouting verbs.
If God has seen me, he'll know how keen I am to come to church and listen to a boring man,
I'd just as soon eat all my toes and this I'm sure God also knows,
into every life the sun must shine,it's Sunday so I should not whine but stay awake and take my medicine like a man.
Another plan and one more prayer,another layer to oxidise,to find the truth between the lies,here's hoping that my eyes stay open.
God,please bless the Pope,palmolive soap,Rogers rangers,total strangers and all who sail at sea and if you have some blessings left send some of them to me.
In a world where sickness is a taboo,
Where poverty is a disgrace,
Where injustice is the norm,
Who will stand for what is right?
Who will reach out to those in need?
Who will go to the places forgotten by society?
"Here I am. Send me!"
If there is need,
If there is hurt,
If there is loneliness,
I will be Your agent, Your ambassador.
I will search for those who search for You.
I will be Your beacon, Your lighthouse.
I will show them the way paved by Your sacrifice.
I will be Your follower, Your disciple.
I will lead them by the example that You set for me.
"Here I am. Send me!"
I got a fucked up life
I'm sorry god
This wouldn't be happening
Offended you somehow!
I never should have thought up
TOWER OF BABEL
I AM SO SORRY
And now I sit here babbling !
I know that I shall never find Love
Send around one of them crazy high school babes
So I can at least get laid!
Thanks OLD FELLA
I'd sure appreciate it
She's an unwanted skin tone
She's as pale as death
She will forever be alone
She knows this will be her last breath
She will soar like an eagle
She will fly high and free
She will meet and Angel
She and he will be carefree
They will make a human coveted her and he
They will make him paint paintings of their love
They will love awfully
They will love unlawfully
He is up above
He is disgusted with this perverted love
He is tired of this mess that his own Angle left
He is not going to be kind now, it's time to shove
He is doing what has to be done, many will call him a theft
But, this is what has to be done
"How can you do this to the people you have created Lord? The people you love. Send them for a eternity in Hell... To burn forever?"
Several shall ask
"You will see on judgement day, it will be here very soon." He says to himself
I write you this letter,
hoping to make things better.
Not really sure what happened,
it wasn't quite what I imagined.
We were once the best of friends,
what can I do to make amends.
You don't answer my telephone calls,
did you suddenly loose your balls.
Not sure what I did so wrong,
thought our friendship was very strong.
We used to do everything together,
not a storm we couldn't weather.
Now I'm bored and feeling alone,
will you please just throw me a bone.
My once pal, I hope you're not my enemy,
remember when we planned to kill Kennedy,
Then we killed and buried Jimmy Hoffa,
we drowned our guilt with a bottle of vodka.
I'm starting to worry, maybe you're missing,
remember all the girls we shared kissing.
We had a menage a trois every night,
our future was so bright.
I miss our random killing spree,
nothing made us feel more free.
We were called the dynamic duo,
now I'm just riding solo.
I picked up a newspaper and what did I see,
you were found at the bottom of the sea.
Now I know why you never returned my text,
I better run or I'll be next.
No reason to send this letter now,
then one day while milking my cow,
the F.B.I. gave me a visit,
I had no get out of jail ticket.
I got sentenced to the penalty of death,
I wish we were together when we took our last breath.
Mother was in denial,
Pretending that I wasn't going to grow up
In a normal world,
To be a normal man,
To meet normal people,
And to make normal friends.
To go to normal schools,
to not care about homework
...but that was always normal.
To have a normal attitude
"Things will always work".
To make a normal GPA.
To not know what to do.
To send himself away,
the way normal people do.
Off to some normal war,
to off some innocent men.
Off to watch some friends off themselves
because of some normal
Then back to his normal home,
to tell his normal self
and all his normal friends
or whats left of them,
that everything's back to normal.
To live in a normal world of uncertainty
being told it's normal to lack clarity
for the rest of a normal life.
To live for a normal death,
then die fighting the normal fight.
give some love this christmas show the world you care
this special time of year for everyone to share
send it to the children on a christmas day
opening there toys as they begin to play
send it to the poor and all the lonely too
send it from your heart the love inside of you.
Witness all the little things in life I can't seem to find..
I asked for your story because I wanted to feel your pain
So I found you, there in your post apocalyptic paradise
As you wrote the words to me slowly shedding light on the nature of your place
Lost between the words whispered from the lips of your so called dream..
Your puzzle to me summed up in the sentence
I'm not her
Its too late to ask you out with a stegosaurus card
My mom wont make you spaghetti
I don't have a soccer team you can guest play on, I cant meet you at a picnic
Compared to what you had I'm a shadow
And thats all you'll ever let me be
And I thought I could hear it, the nature of your inability to care for me...
but now it sits on my shoulder
Sometimes shifting its talons
I cry because you don't see me
And all the things I have done for you seem like nothing when I look at them through your eyes
But they were everything to me
each little offering offering of affection given to make you smile
every endeavor to make you happy
turned back and given to me as thorns
but you don't care
you are very sorry you say, but you just don't care
and the worst part is I understand now..
I can see how she's better in every way
except for that she left you all alone
So I can't fix you, I can't patch up the pieces she tore out on her way out the door
I can talk to you, I can be there, but
I can't make you see her any other way
I'm just nothing to you.. after all this time
You'll never talk about me like I'm a goddess.. you'll never look at me that way
and it hurts