You've got the master key
To overriding the functions of my brain.
Altering its operations,
Destroying its homeostasis.

My frontal lobe,
Instead of planning my future and motivating me to do work,
And instead of allowing me to remember the short term,
It has me planning things I could do to try and captivate you.
I'm motivated to earn your love, and remember every small detail of you.
Dopamine is released in waves
In my reward pathways
Every time a thought of you enters my head,
Or every time you smile at me in the halls.

My parietal lobe,
It regulates my senses.
Smell, taste, touch, sound and sight.
Instead of the normal things I encounter every day,
My senses are altered in a whole new way.
I smell the scent of your clothes, and see your face in strangers.
I hear you calling my name when you're not there,
And the hair follicles on my arms stand up at any thought of you.

My temporal lobe,
Holds my understanding of the English language,
My emotions, my visual memories, and deriving meanings.
But now, I block everyone's words out but yours
Finding myself wondering what exactly they said, and what they meant.
My emotions are on overdrive, more intense than they've ever been.
All the visual memories I can remember all include you,
And my sense of meaning is diminished by the mysterious things you do.

My occipital lobe,
Controls my visual cortex,
It discriminates colors, and processes movement.
But now, the only colors I can see are the bright blonde of your hair,
And the glistening blue of your eyes.
When you're around, movement is always in slow motion
And I can't grasp true reality.

My cerebellum,
Controls my coordination, balance, and motor movements.
I walk fine most of the time,
But as soon as I detect your presence, I trip over my feet and my words.
My coordination is thrown off, and I can barely stay on my feet.
My muscles stiffen up, and moving is oh so painful.

My medulla,
It helps control my breathing, my heart rate, my blood pressure.
Everything seems fine, until I hear your footsteps behind me.
You take a seat next to me, and my medulla crashes.
My breathing starts getting heavier,
My heart starts pounding,
My blood starts rushing faster than the Flash on a mission.

My hippocampus,
It helps me learn new things, and store memories for long term.
In class, I learn efficiently and professionally,
And memories are fairly easy to come up with.
When you come near,
I can't learn math to save my life,
And I can't remember any old memories that don't involve you.

My brain malfunctions every time you come around,
You've sedated my mind, and changed the whole anatomical function.
I'm not quite sure how long this will last,
It may be detrimental to my state of being, but I love every minute of it.

The initial surprise covers emotion
numbs out every thought you could hope to have
life goes on and you walk....
but the world seems to run right past
your just a ghost....

REALITY
everything you are warned about sets in
the deterioration is unfamiliar
but that doesn't stop it from happening
and you are a ghost......

SEDATION of the mind seems to help
and you live in the scenes of a dream
as your skin goes cold
you fade into knowing
that you are a ghost......

LIFE breathes back into your lungs
and your being shifts out of imagination
a final burst of hope
as you begin to decide you will not become
a ghost.....

Here's to hoping for another night,
Spent alone, I'm not alright.
This sedation feeds me another pill,
When will my brain have it's fill?

Another prick,
And it's joyous gains.
Pull back,
And watch blood taint,
The liquid gold inside my heart,
I wish i could close my eyes,
And just depart.

It's in my veins, my heart, my brain,
Another rush to make me insane.
But i close my eyes and go to sleep,
In hope that death will finally keep.

Should i wake through the night,
Darling tell me everything is alright.
Hand me my rig, my spoon and cotton,
So I can remember what I've forgotten.

i.
So tonight we are alone
at the park, and tonight,
the moon is at its biggest.

ii.
It’s fun to think of the universe
how she works undiscovered,

going one with nature:

iii.
look at the leaves: falling
like cherry blossoms. It is not
autumn, but still they fall

hard like the ground
had called them.

iv.
Hear the branches rustling,
shaking because they can’t

contain the blood rush
of a romantic scene shown

through klieg eyes.

v.
Midnight wind whisper
serenity: no city lights,

no commotion. Only dead
stars flowering above us
and the grass kissing
our feet.

vi.
Under the moonlight,
you disappear like smoke
arising from almost-used
cigarette—

like an angel, called
by God, claiming

your mission is
over.

vii.
I look at the moonlight.

A river ripples a reflection
on muddied puddle.

I swear that night
is the holiest.

Intelligence has evadade you
As you allow what you think you want to slowly degrade your views,
Nothing that fades away can ever be true,
For even the old used to be new.

What do you look for in love: nice assets and a face you can trust,
Becuse anything sparkles when it's covered in rust.
Sentiment and intellect were devoured by lust,
And the only way to the top is made up of dust.

Social scenes and social queens
Require more costume than Halloween.
Who wants to be stuck at seventeen?
If you're not surrounded by faces, who will hear you scream?

You engrave your expectations on the palm of your hands,
Open them up to God, and plead for romance.
For prayers only function as a form of demands
That look no further than tomorrow nights plans.

Who you know and how you're perceived,
Cascades and tumbles down over your beliefs.
Temptation wasn't as easy for Adam and Eve;
Their apple held more than your money trees.

Now there's nothing left but a rotten core,
And casual small talk spilled out upon the floor,
Seeping in and out of the wooden pores,
Across scattered feet, too numb to implore.

Afraid of the concept of being alone,
You only accept what is already known,
Living for the weekend so your efforts are atoned,
Like David and Goliath, you have to stone or get stoned.

Bloodshot eyes and vacant stares, too deliberate not to go anywhere,
Because sentiment means nothing to a generation who doesn't care
About anything that holds less weight than the air,
Unless it's about what you should wear.

So bottle up your empty dreams and aspirations,
Throw them to sea: an intellectual evacuation,
You'll see more like them under medication,
Because fitting in requires social sedation.

Creating
that fallacious intimacy
wrapped
arm around arm
with a nameless
body.
It's easy to get
temporary satisfaction
from it.

Even though
you're chilled
and hollow inside.

The want
of not being lonely
can be too strong.
Keeping up
the exhausting task
of costant contact.
Never really
developing
a bond deeper
than physical sedation
can tire out.

It will ash away
as soon as you move
an inch
in that position
which is holding
unstably present.
Distance
would be the ruiner
of that
shallow fantasy.

But...
to be hundreds
of miles and moments
away from someone.
To be
alone and removed
from the one
who you have
a real, unrelenting
connection with.
To know
you are singular
in that very moment
but not unsupported.

Having them
somewhere you're not,
holding onto your
spiritual thread.
To achieve real
intimate foundation
in knowing the body
doesn't have to tie you
together.
That's an ember that,
when set to breathe,
engulfs you both.

Understanding
and feeling comfort
that when surrounded
by faces
and being unknown to them
is alright.
Since
that person
who lingers in your mind
Is a whisper
off your lips
and is there
in that place you
left them.

They've penetrated inside
that fortress of caution
and self-preservation and
they get you.
They are there,
hidden
and carried with you.
With their hands
cradling and cherishing
your heart
like the treasure
it is.

The enormous responsibility.

To be
the keeper of
warmth and familiarity
and home.
Even though
being separated
from one another
you are reminded of what
exists between you.

By
concentrating and honing
in on the weight
which lives
there.
That love
and loyalty
and equal respected commitment
to take care of what
the other is given.
The total
vulnerable
surrender of
yourself.

That is something
worth wanting.
That is something
to daydream for.
That...
is what we all
crave.


© NDHK

persuasive psychiatric silently suggestible arrest my subconscious with positive words digestible but don't digress at all because I'm highly impressionable and impressible highly strung and suggestible though it is questionable my ability to think with agility which gives my mind mobility although no stability free flow like Jack Kerouac beat beat beating the general jilted generation of my era who can't see the woods so clearer for the amount of trees stood near her rambling rambler rambling on ranting and raving all night long expression is for everyone    
fornication sedation adaptation elation
medication probation spiritual raping  
beg bleed sorrow slumber
salty seeds mindlessly wonder
sultry mistress in solitary slumber
signs pointing to a magnificent magistracy  
push and punish set me free
persuade psychology

Losing grip on all sanity, I can hear the lies every time you breathe.
Does no one tell the truth? Is honesty not sacred?
Furthermore, if I cant trust my own blood, who can I trust?
It seems like a game of justification, nobody wins.
But we're stuck in a sick sedation.
No rules, no regulations, it's every man for themselves.
Keep watching your back, for the truth of this hell.

we bleed
but nobody sees this
our blood is invisible
our scars go deep
but fail to surface
and attract attention
in the media
we bleed
and try to stop it
with pale green bandages
of soothing sedation
in piles of junk
impulse purchases
we bleed
and our wounds overflow
with trash
in our collective conscience
and cause clots
seisures
and re-loads
we bleed
but we refuse to die

Slip and swim
into
spiked super sleep  
slippery stereo
sound
Senses seduced by silence
stolen solitude
And shuffled sedation
Suburbian escape