it's not something you say
or something you know
it's something you feel
whether you realize or don't

call me if you wish
hang up if you must
i'll spend my days eating
my very own dust


wake up
and fall down again
the middle has never
changed any ends

it might be affection
or attachment or doubt

if i knew it i'd say it

if i show it i know

For most of my life
I wanted to help people
I wanted to be a superhero
I wanted to save people
From everything that was hurting them
I wanted to fix up people's wounds
But then I found out what it meant to be a savior
It means you spend every day worried
That your best friend may not be alive tomorrow
It means second guessing
Every
Single
Word
You say to him
It is being told you are the only reason he is alive
It is spending nights awake
Because being someone who saves
Isn't as rewarding as you thought it would be

Fix me, for I am torn
Stitch me, for I am worn

I wrote it all down, Ma
Many times, all for you
I dug it all out, Pa
Every word, each line is true

"Do you need," you start to say
"To leave the house today?
"To walk outside and leave behind
"The anger you display?"

Perhaps its come at last
My moment the levy breaks
I open my lips but the wire is tripped
"I'm fine," a smile, a fake

But I left the page open
The tab with my last poem
I think to myself, "damn it to hell!"
And bring safari back to home

Is it even worth it?
The wound from afar is small
A scrape, a cut, we all endure as much
But then the other shoe falls

Should I keep it up
My facade, dramatic and spritely?
Or like in the song I've not for so long
Should I let it burn brightly?

Fix me, for I am torn
Stitch me, for I am worn

But put down the goddamn needle
I'm fine

the thing about feelings
is that they change
yesterday,
  you may have been
   completely infatuated
    with someone  
     or entirely immersed
     in sadness,
   but that doesn’t mean
that’s how you feel now
or how you’ll feel forever
and i fear that people forget that,
  i fear we fail to remember
   that emotions are not permanent
    and maybe that’s why
     her stomach hurts
    when she thinks about
   the girls in his life
  before her
  or why i’m reluctant
   to share old poems
    because i don’t want anyone
     to think that’s how i feel today
    so maybe we should start asking
   “how are you?” more often
     and stop accepting
      the default “i’m okay.”
       and maybe we should start
      caring more about
    what people say now,
   instead of dwelling on
  words of the past

If we rip out the heart of the sky and try to build
scrapers that make the sky cry
then we're right off the scale
Fail
I'll say
never seen a fail that won a day
and lost somewhere along the way were notions of mortality.
Corporeal hospitality and the thanks of the dead
wine to the head
and grist to the mill
The devil will take you and use the abuse you have settled in
for sin and corruption
a demon concoction
drink hard and long
and the wrong becomes right in your mind's out of sight
and we're all for the knackers yard
hard to take in
kill the world and we've been here and done this for Sweet F.A
Never seen a fail that won a day.

Ineffable:
Too great or extreme to be expressed or described in words; Too sacred to be uttered.
-------------------------–-------—---------------------------­-------------------------------------------------

The whimpered cries of the dying
in the rubble of Bangladeshi avarice,
announcing we were worthy of life,
to which we think to ourselves,
a whispery, silent
amen.

The still alive cries of children,
tornado-tormented parents screaming unfair,
teachers body shielding their charges, whispering
save us Lord, from your inventive toys,
to which we think to ourselves,
a whispery, silent
amen.

The first alive cries of new born lungs,
I have grandson, stain-less, perfect,
recovering in the stainless steel delivery room,
I hear the all babies pronouncing
a Hebrew blessing, Shecheyanu
(Blessed are You, Lord our God,
Master of the universe, who has kept us alive and sustained us
and has brought usto these special moments)
to which we think to ourselves,
a whispery, silent
amen.

The unspoken devotions of adoration
of the sleeping chamber, that cannot
be heard or answered for they're dreamt,
perchance in the morning thankfully recalled,
enough to be transcribed,
to which we think to ourselves,
a whispery, silent
amen.

Ineffable.

The disgusted silence of the God they pray to
in his holy places, when Jew spits upon Jew,
Muslim or anyone holier than me,
for forgetting in whose image they were created,
to which we cannot say nor think
anything.


Ineffable,
too sacred to be uttered,
so instead of the paucity of these words,
know each tear in the reservoir of my eyes
is my unspoken poem prayer.

Instead of answering amen out loud,
wipe my eyes
with your fingertips,
silently.

In the hustle and bustle of a metropolitan city, I searched you down. Stalked, hunted and fished you out. Out of the 7 billion people, I found you, and that was all which mattered. You. Your hair still soft and ruffled with care, you lips still pink without usage, or so I hoped, your eyes, sparkling as always behind your thin framed silver glasses. You, with your bold look, walking across the streets like you own them. You, with you heavy and slow steps walking to your destination with a purpose to conquer. You.
And in that unknown city, so far away from the root of our existence, with mindless honks of drivers and a play of lights everywhere, I found somebody that I used to know. A face not forgotten, yet changed, eyes which haunted reappeared and a voice which lingered rung in my ears. I found you.
I would purposely bump into you, pretending to be in a hurry, pretending to not recognize the only face embedded in my soul, drop my valuables, say something like my identification card, give you a quick smile and a sorry and run off and disappear into the wave of the crowd.
You would just stare at the card. Be reminded of a life so distant, possibly a life forgotten, probably forcefully. Be reminded of how a girl, crazy and wild, young in her years, had come and gone from your life. Be reminded of the question you always used to ask yourself "what happened?"
I would hide to see your face grow white. You had just seen a ghost. A ghost of your past, who you had forcefully left behind. Now, after decades of separation, years spent not even giving it a second thought, years spent away, you were reminded again. The fire was lit again. The fire which made you pick up the card, stare at the number and automatically dial it up. I would say "hello", at which you would cut the call still unsure of what you would say. Scanning, devising a plan, you would call again, only this time you would talk.
"Hello", I would say confused.
"I found your wallet miss, remember you bumped into me earlier?"
"oh yes thank god for you sir. Tell me where you are and I shall come and pick it up."
and with that you would let yourself go.
after all, a "hi" is all we need to melt, to fall, to die, all over again right?
and with that I woke up to the alarm screaming in my ears to remind me that reality still persisted, and that it would take more than a dream to get you back.

You are a girl and I'm a boy and springs not so far away
What do you think your mum will say if I ask you out to play
I will promise her that I'll be good and will never misbehave
maybe just a little naughty but I promise I will be English gentleman..
who brings you safely home again to your door step..
..... at the end of the day

If you trust me girl, let's go out do not delay
Its a sunny day today let not waste time on a precious day..
Don't think twice..dont think thrice just come out to play
come out at once.. let me make you laugh again..
laugh again.. laugh again … when we play again and again….

Heard you were scolded by your mummy today
at school your teacher made you stand outside all day..
forget all that now my sweet girl, let us play
adults don't understand that we kids need to play.. need to play..

On a summers day and spring days.. everyday
Lets play hide and seek, do you still remember the old old days?
We used to hide in auntie Rose's huge garden to play?
hope you'd remember the roses I'd pick for you?
I saw a sweet sweet rose just perfect for your hair...
Come lets play on a Spring day today....

I used to cheat when we were playing hide and seek those days
lets play again this time I'd try to let you win all the way

There your pretty looking mum is coming…
Hope she'd noticed me, a good boy next door..
I'd pray she'd let you out to play this evening..
I wish she doesnt mind to let your beautiful gown gets dirty
I hope... i pray... I wish.... we can play..
if she doesn't let you still
ohh pity me... my spring days will be such a bore….