Who am I;
to say to you that what you believe could never be true. Would you look at all the facts that im showing to you, instead of walking away with that narrow minded view. Since youve got all the answers, tell me, Who am I to you
Who hears all of your stories, when you just need to complain
who picks up the pieces, when all you have is pain
I am there when you are lonely, but that doesnt seem to do.
why dont you just fucking tell me, who am I to you
Am I temporary or just for show
Are you stuck with me, but dont want to say so
Does it matter to you, if I stay or go
If I dont ask now, will I ever know
I wish it would rain
That's all I want
To be washed
By a heavenly shower
Dampening my hair
And gently running
Down my dusty arms
That have not seen rain
In what feels like a lifetime
Do I remember
What it is like?
I can't say for sure
coronating the fluttering sadism
glistening like rainbows shifting beneath
the body of a dead soldier.
we are all fighting
droves of egotistical flag-bearers
as if they are not blossoming from our tongues.
crimes of Calypso, clinging
to the orthodoxy of devotion while
my lungs are closing inward.
who is not to say
remnants of the atomic bonds of
vy canis majoris sparkle like supernovae
triumphantly falling forward as if
the deceased rifle-runner had anything
bending backwards to the icicles of the cubicle
entering my neck as a bullet enters her skull
I've been living in this STERILE world
card board, cut out lawns
one, two, three...
what the fuck am I supposed to do?
who the fuck am I supposed to be?
Everyday there's a fight inside my mind,
my mental state fights my body
and my body fights me
and they say "you're strong, just let it be."
but I'm dying inside just to keep what's left
the money is all here
but I feel like a theft
and I swear to God I am getting further from my soul everyday
cause the truth is I grew up fighting
and now nothing is that way
It's the spirit inside
for the tough times we endure
the spirit that carries us through
and keeps us secure
and no one woulda believed the fucked up I endured
cause I act like Martha Stewart
and so self assured
Martha I love you,
but fuck you.
This shit aint for me.
Martha I love you,
but I'm telling you
I just gotta be free.
I will not go quietly, or do as you say
or extinguish my light, just to act in your play
I will never endure all your senseless remarks
That spring from your weakness like shots from the dark
I’ve often been fooled by the words of a friend
who lead me on blindly to treacherous ends
I’ve allowed you to hurt me I’ve opened my heart
As you filled it with poison and tore me apart
I will stare at the sun as my anger takes form
I will climb to great heights in the gut of the storm.
I will curse this false trust that ensnares me like rope
that binds my torn wrists and suffocates hope.
I will let my voice sound from the top of this hill
I will sing, I will dance, I will laugh, yes, I will
how lonely sits
the city says
guess this mouse has what you americans call post traumatic
think of it more like
a path for the
one where eyes are finally forced away
from the works of hands
by the knock knock
hodi hapa? something's
wrong if no one's answering; tonight.
my neighbor whose
name is eej (for
real) came to
the hut with
i said do you
you are living
my worst nightmare
one thing about an african
childhood, they say fatalism, you say you
would think about death too
and who knows
tonight by the bagel van i said bunkle
i gotta problem
what's your problem said he
well i think i'm not wearing enough colors
no said he you're missing a bright splash in the orange red family
who knows what we all look like
inside the infinite space
of our souls
blue means purity or
green means beauty
or red means strength
we all look
the same asleep
hatred doesn't look
different in one
eye or another
but why does
it have to
be in the
this mouse has
(you always did care for me yeah
you always did share with me yeah)
you always make me laugh, still
the book of jonah makes me
think of sea legs
and just everything,
you know all
the palm trees
of our lives
the blessings rain down
an ocean sunsetting
on an Ocean sky.
be strong the
good kind of
(this is real
hope: in the
the fire of
Your voice is fascinating.
The choices are conversating.
I notice I'm hyperventilating.
But not creating anything different.
From what I see it to be.
I've got many things running through my head.
What I could say, or say instead.
I apologize for the stuttering.
Because your eyes are fluttering.
And it's hard not to look.
For simply one look.
My knees are buckling.
I’ve met 37 girls named Sarah. My name. Sarah. Five letters, nothing special. It’s not beautiful like Lena. Not creative like Anastasia. No one has any trouble pronouncing it. Which I guess isn’t all that bad. Until they go into that story about that one Sarah who gives my name a bitter taste in their mouth. Spiting out the two syllable, five letter word that defines me, like they know something about me. “Oh Sarah, I knew a Sarah once.” Please don’t say my name like that, don’t elongate that first a, cut sharp the sound of the r, only to drop the h at the end. Five letters said as if there are only four.
We are the
(It is what it is)
Depending on the context
We are here
" certain things"
What these are
We've got to know
How to say
I LOVE YOU SO!
Amongst some other things
For sixteen years now I've been haunted by your death,
you'd have been 27 today.
I was only 7 when it happened; when you drew your last breath,
your 'little shadow' lost something deep inside herself that day.
you were the only one who cared about me then,
alone and scared in the hospital; you were my only friend.
You helped me cope; taught me how to unleash my pen,
if I couldn't deal with it; you'd help me mend.
I thought you were fine; we'd just spoke on the phone,
making plans to go to the movies the next day.
Your voice never betrayed the 'secret' your face would have shown,
last words I heard are "I'll see you tommorrow Jenni, I promise." you say.
you never came; I knew something was off,
then that gut wrenching phone call...
my mother hung up and told me you'd died; her voice all quiet and soft.
I remember my head spinning,
I black out and fall.
It was several months after; that I found out what happened,
why you'd gone.
Your own demon won over as your depression deepened,
you hung yourself; leaving me here alone and undone.
Why did you have to go,
why must I stay all by myself?
As an adult I now understand; I know,
but it still eats me up inside; my broken innerself.
Sixteen years later; I still have that damn note you left me,
it's the only thing I've got left of you;
"Tell Jenni I'm so sorry,
and that I love her.
He told me that if I told anyone he'd take me and my brothers and sisters away from our mom and he'd kill her.
when I was 6 my mother married my stepfather (who is phsyically, mentally, and verbally abusive), and soon after I had a tramatic black out and according to my family I stabbed my stepfather in the leg with a kitchen knife, I was screaming like a banshee, and trying to hurt myself.
My mother and stepfather took me to a psychiatric hospital and kept me there for 6 months.
I would not talk to the doctors, nurses, shrieks, anyone and everyone was an enemy as far as I was concerned.
The place was terrifiying, the kids there were all disturbed in one way or another.
Elizabeth was 13, and was there because her father had been sexually abusing her since she was 4.
She and I became friends, and she protected me against older kids that would bully others or worse.
She was the only one I opened up to, she convinced me that I should speak to the doctors, that they would help.
She assured me my father would not take me or my siblings away or harm my mother, and that he might be put in jail if I told them what happened.
I trusted her judgement so I did, and after a lot of different things I was released from the hospital.
Elizabeth and I stayed in contact, she lived a few blocks from me.
The night she killed herself we had talked about going and seeing the new disney movie that had just come out and were planning to good see it after school the next day.
My mother did tell me she died but wouldn't tell me why, wouldn't let me go to her funeral, nothing.
I found out through a friend of hers that hung out with us sometimes, and her mother years later confirmed it.
Her father had gotten off the court charges because of some techincallity, and she was to vist him every weekend.
She knew what would happen when she did, so rather than face it she hung herself in her basement.
Elizabeth was my guardian angel then, and I believe she still is today.
I miss her dearly everyday.
My friend, guardian angel, and sister.