"calm down" they say.
like it's some kind of fucking incantation
that will soothe the beast
like those words make things happen
i know words that make things happen.
they lie on either end of the spectrum:
"i love you"
"i hate you"
the words "calm down"
don't change anything
they just show that you're doing something someone doesn't like
what if i don't care?
I used to trend everyday because of you
and now that you're gone
the words don't flow like they did.
I could never wait to hear what fantastically
beautiful thing you had written for me next
and how those words were so far from the truth.
It's true, I thought about you always. It was effortless
to create for you because I felt it and I meant it.
I still think about you. Always.
I still think about how cold it is.
I'm honest when I say that I never deserved you.
I hope I die.
sometimes i run my mouth
just to hear myself talk
sometimes i say things i don't mean
just to see if you were ever listening
and i promise you this
my mouth will be the death of me
awaken me with a kiss
the wicked witch put a spell on me
and if i do something bad
my mouth is sure to tell on me
because sometimes i can't feel
but i say something anyways
just to fill the air
just to let you know
and sometimes i get scared that if i don't talk
you'll forget me
so i'm sorry if any of the words i say
i have this horrid fear of being left
it's a silly fear
but it makes me feel rotten
so every once in a while
let me know that you care
because anxiety gets the best of me
and then it takes the rest of me
and that is when i feel
and it's terrible and you can't imagine
how hard it hits
but i can tell you that it hurts
but it's an easy fix.
I usually spend hours and days
Trying to figure out something
That could have just taken
Me minutes to remember
See the message you convey
Is beyond what I thaught
This earth could offer.
"You are out of space"
Those are the words that I
Usually say when I'm staring at
Your picture,your beautiful face
Glowing out in the dark,locked up
In this four walled room,soul
Chattered and torn,hoping
That I could feel your presence
Next to me,longing to hear your
Voice,because everytime you open
Your mouth,I imagine of heaven,and it
Feels like I'm right next to God
A kiss is just a kiss.
Unless it's not.
Your hands are only hands,
But they're not.
Not when they're tangled in mine.
There is nothing else in my life that fills me with such joy that I think I will disintegrate
How can flesh and blood and bones
Possibly hold a feeling like that?
I tell you you're killing me
But that's what I mean.
It's not the fear that I'll lose you
That makes me wonder if I'll live for another minute.
It's the bliss that you are near me.
It's not what it sounds like-
It's not pain.
It's so much joy that my hands shake.
I don't think we were made-
Fragile as we are-
To feel things like the things you make me feel.
When you touch me,
I am unmade for a moment,
And it is exquisite.
Maybe you think I see you through pain and fear
Are only my defense
Against the idea that I could feel so safe, and so complete,
And so perfectly happy that
The smile in my heart could break every bone in my insignificant shell of a body
If it were to crash over me in full.
Maybe I'm scared of that,
Of the fact that when you look at me
Every part of me, down to the atom, thrills with electricity.
Maybe you think I hate myself, abused and tossed aside,
And that is partially the truth,
But when you look at me and smile
I love every cell of me
And they all love me back
And together we decide that nothing that can be touched with fingertips
Is possibly vast enough
Or durable enough
Or beautiful enough
To hold the feeling of looking back at you.
A kiss is just a kiss
Unless it pulls you apart by the molecule
And lets the light shine in on all the little tiny spaces between.
This body is no instrument fit to play the song I hear when I touch you.
This beating heart is no vessel for how alive I feel when you pull me closer.
I am too tall not to fall to my knees and gaze up at the lines of a face I love madly,
But I am too small to hold that love
Far too small.
That's what I mean to say.
I feel somehow that they have mislabeled you
Perhaps just penned you in the wrong ink...
I'm not sure
It seems when I try to describe you, the idea goes sailing away and never anchors home
Slippery one might say...
As the man crawling beneath a rolled-over vehicle, slathered in blood and puke
Like the words that had beckoned to him "C'mon let's go for a ride..." now thoroughly lost
Nothing more then a few grueling moments in agony before it was just a memory and a phrase that didn't quite seem to fit...
Unreal. What did that word even mean?
It felt insulting.
As though the momentary terror that had consumed your reality was nothing more then a passing storm -- No more then a ghost or a Flying Dutchman...
But could the same not be said for it all?
Is any of this really what we came here for?
The choice alone is too much for me not to waste it and I fear if I leave it for too long that the choice will inevitably make itself...
Perhaps that in turn is the choice
The freedom to be or not...
Some people may say I “day dream”
I’d call it pre-occupied
They say “absentminded”
And that I’m “wasting my time”
But I call it time well spent
My father says I “waist the day away”
Laying around with my cat
And laying on my bed,
In the woods, or just in my own head
But I know he is wrong
My mother would say I “dilly-dally”
But she would just be assuming
And the world would never wonder
They are all busy making money
That will never make them happy
I think it’s sad…
Because I see this strange world form a much different,
More beautiful angle
And I believe that if they all stopped for a second
To what I just want to show them
They would see
How beautiful simple can be
My friends say my mind is “complex”
That I’m “dramatic”
Because they don’t see the world through my lenses
My best friends know my mind is like a book
They want me to write one
They would read it if I would
Because when I’m “wasting my time”,
Or “just wasting the day away”
The gears in my mind are turning
As they sink deeper and deeper
To converge with my soul
As I figure my life problems out
As I realize where to start
And what are my goals
The ideas start rolling
You could ask me about them all
And the stress roles off my back
Its one of the ways I attempt to cope
Sometimes depression sets in
Sometimes I feel more beautiful within
So if you ask me
You will find that I see it as something different
Ill ask you, is my time wasted
Or time well spent
theres a monster in my head
and a demon in my soul
they're tearing me apart
with every second they take their toll
sometimes i talk to them
but i don't like what they say
they tell me no one cares
i believe it everyday
they tear at my skin
and break my mirrors
they send tears down my cheeks
and make me skip dinners
at first we were fighting
i thought they only lied
but its okay now
were on the same side
the demons want me dead
but they promised not to tell
anyway of dying
is better than leaving in this hell
i thought the demons killed me
but really i killed myself
i let the demons in
that was worse than anything else
never let your demons in
don't let your monsters rule your head
for if you ever do
you will surely end up dead
It was strange almost as strange as Thanksgiving with Justin Bieber at his grandmother's house.
Yes I'm sure that wasn't the only thing getting stuffed that year.
Who doesn't enjoy being serenaded by their grandson as he's naked with his pick in one hand and
his dick in the other as he stands butt ball naked in the kitchen.
Thanks Canada your like a dirty girlfriend who instead of giving a great blowjob gave us herpes What do I expect from a country that also gave us maple syrup and call me maybe.
I know we just met and this sounds crazy but your countries music sucks so never call us okay.
I was alone in the Pub as usual hell what do you expect from a site that has a showcase yet has no more groups from which half of the showcases are named after .
Yeah the owner has that true modern day logic like having a music channel that only shows
reality show whores and knocked up bitches who complain about paying the bills yet are employed by the network yeah common sense it really is lost on stupid people.
I was having like half of a case when a hamster who shall remain unnamed due to she would
harm me if I spoke the name of which is not to be spoken of walked through the door.
Gonz set me up with a cold one I really need it.
Really hamster I never pegged you as a necrophilia kind of gal but to each his own
good thing I got the paper let me just check the obituaries and make some calls
You want something fresh off the highway or you more into cold cuts?
I know I'm going to hell but honestly did you expect good taste in reading this shit ?
Are you fucking nuts?
The agitated little hamster asked as she looked at me with anger and possible rape in her eye's.
Look I can always hope good thing I forgot my whistle.
Just give me a cold beer you pervert and that joke was tasteless really have you no respect for anything?
I looked at the hamster after handing her the beer and thought deeply and hard pulling my mental hair at the same time even though I don't have any don't ask.
It's my job to make tasteless jokes and be a pervert what you think the time clock on the walls for?
Um employees ?
Well yeah it used to be until they whole health care shit I swear I give my workers one meal a week and provide a perfectly good basement for them now I got to give them health care duh
if I paid my bills what would I drink with ?
My customer who remains anonymous to protect the safety of my balls.
Looked at me in disgust uh oh looks like I might be getting a spanking as well.
You really keep those poor people locked in the basement ?
Duh person I cant say your name there not real people there here illegally.
How can you say that I should call the cops on you .
The hamster was turning red and from the threat of calling in the fuzz I knew she must be
serious yet still I knew deep down she was just playing hard to get with her threats and restraining orders but enough with the foreplay hamsters.
Look I really don't see what the big deal is ?
You have people trapped in your basement like some dirt bag smuggler.
Now you hold on a minute hamster how dare you insult me I said in my grown up voice
I know I can act like a grown up shocking isn't it?
I was about to tell this hamster just what I really thought of people who take advantage of people
who just want a better life and exploit others and really preach some of that moral shit that sounds real good yet isn't what I think cause I'm truly a ruthless bastard.
When I stopped and saw the clock oh shit hold that thought I almost forgot to feed the basement people.
I reached under the bar and grabbed four cartons of cigarettes and a case of wine.
What in the hell you only give those poor people booze and cigarettes ?
Well duh there French what else would they want?
Just then a voice came up from the dungeon I mean basement of the pub gonzo more wine
you American swine I hate you yet still I applaud your efforts in destroying that vile
man child Selena Gomez .
Ahh you got love the French sure that strange little man may stay drunk on a girl drink and smoke like a chimney but even he hates shit pop music as much as me.
My one and only reader slash customer slash person I enjoy annoying sat in shock.
You are so fucked up .
I looked as I took my seat behind the bar that no longer exists because some people
who shouldn't be allowed out of there cage run the site into the like button ground.
Yes hamster I'm a little ruff around the edges but when you get to know me.
You realize behind all the insults and perverted bad humor .
I'm well I'm far worse than you could ever imagine.
We sat there swapping stories the drinks flowed the French man in the basement yelled
something in that strange language he spoke once I couldn't understand cause I
don't speak German.
It was a true night to remember except for the part I forgot duh!
It was growing closer and closer to closing time I mixed us both a good strong drink
yet with a soft side and heart of gold like a awesome hooker or that man tranny Kim Kardashian .
Well I guess better head out Gonz.
Aren't you feeling like your going to pass out .
Um no why ?
Dammit its really getting bad when you cant trust a good street dealer to quality
The hamster was headed out the door but before she left she turned and said.
Oh yeah and you might need to grab a pillow.
And then everything went black but not like in the NBA .
No indeed I was out like Charlie sheen after a really good coke binge when he used to be cool.
I awoke upon the floor alone cold and hurting in a area far more strange than fifty one
dammit man whya alien would travel across the galaxy only to corn hole rednecks and poetic madmen is beyond me but enough about what some owners of websites do in there off time.
Upon the bar sat the only cure for my troubles a double shot of good blended whiskey.
Next to it a note on a bar napkin .
Dear Gonz next time remember to remember which drink you spiked you dumbass .
I had to laugh and sit really funny the seat was a bit uncomfortable get your heads out of the gutter
children your almost as bad as me.
Until next time kids remember .
Good humor bad humor its just fucking a joke to begin with so lighten the fuck up.
Cheers and stay crazy.
And remember if it offends nobody forced you to read it to begin with.
Drinks on me cheers.
No answer... is my answer....since u can't tell me what I asked u....
I don't know why u want to keep me in limbo and keep messing with me..unless its because u like to but its ruining me.
Unless that's ur plan....to destroy my inner person....who is my soul...that loves u with every fiber of their being.....
But u could care less...and I'm sure all I say you ignore and it has no meaning.
I just don't know what to say or to do anymore......I want u so bad....but u just want to talk to that much and furthermore....u talk a lot of shit.about me... and that's just uncalled for.