The salty smell of empty arms laughs, laughs
Whipping my hair through the brine
Fingers dancing, raw from the tide
Taste on my tounge, enchanting, romancing me
Shines with moonlight, hides with it
Digging in the sand, gritty between my teeth and knees
Broken glass, slipping from my grasp, blood coursing from my veins
How quiet can my footsteps be?
Walking toward the waves
Lifting, and falling, laughing at me
Eyes twist away, blinking rapidly
Too bright, too bright
Surging, burning, like a wildfire
Bleeding through my skin
Sobs drowned beneath the wind
They cannot hear me now
No time to say goodbye
Just regrets, all regrets for me
Shouldn't have said, away they fly
Cannot say goodbye.
The water laps, cools my skin, embracing me, inviting me
From birth it called, I stalled each time
My hot skin drenced with persperation
Tears and resignation
Cometh, Cometh
Drink from me
I will heal you
I will love you
You will not feel alone any longer
Like a lions roar I stand
Tall and beaten, in the sand
Toes curled, grains scratch skin
Though I can't feel it now
Breathing salty lonliness
Through my nose
I take that first step, foot pointed
Till it aches
The time has come, the Beast awakes
Diving in, and breathing fast
The water coursing through
Reminding me of you
And burning deeper hotter than
The hottest ray of sun
That ever burned whatever Man
Who stood here crying in the sand
Salt leaking in my lips
Drying the cracks
Turning my hips
My chest heaves in
The blood comes out
The stones are banging on my skin
My arms they flail
My eyes wide open
Burning like white flames
Beneath the sun
You're omnipresent
Can't run away
Last drop of empty arms
Grabs hold of me
Hair floating graceful patterns
Neck stretched, alabaster moonlight
And with that dreaded final thought
I desend into the depths of
Briny hate and salty steps
But with a new man on my side
The one who reaches with the tide
You said once that if I were to kill myself,
The bullet would shatter two skulls;
Mine, and yours
And I willed this to be true
Because I had never felt so alone
I have tried to cling to you like a child to its mother
But you were just a beautiful daydream
A mirage made of light
Pixelated in my visions, so clear when I'm awake
So bright when I'm asleep
You are what comes after the rain, a rainbow as long as your gaze
And if I were lucky enough to follow you to your finish
I would be stunned by the immense wealth
Wealth like no other, a bright new penny, shiny, promising all that is sweet
I will put you in my pocket and run, capturing the fleeting moments as they fly
They'll last longer that way, won't they?
I have seen your demons rip you apart, down to
The very core
They grabbed hold of your ribs and shook to give you tremors,
Tapped to make you hiccup and stirred to make you cough
Wild eyed and scared, the beauty you held was hard to reach
So I pondered what drew me to you
Was it the pounding heart I, myself, could feel?
Or was it rather the sunken eyes, dead, unfathomably soft,
Clinging onto life
You left, to be better than you were with me
I offered you the world in a lilac flowered teacup, filled to the brim
With a mix of chai spices and cardamon
The sips you took were halfhearted, and I didn't see that,
At first
For I wore the night over my eyes and held you captive in chains and
rubber bands, belts and bows,
Secrets and lies, until you learned to despise
Me
You promised that we would one day be as close as two can be,
Under a plethora of pink frills and soft blankets
And we would both scream to the night that we were free
Free of all that we were, that which we hated, but if the roles were inverted,
We would know how much our hearts were flung to our throats
Every time we felt the presence of each other
I had no one else but you, and so my love was split in three parts;
Who you were
Who you are
and who you could be
And my hate was split as one and the same, but for myself
As much as one could hate, I hated, and I loved just as much
Until one day, I hated more
And your lonely heart was jealous of the passion, and departed
Leaving me in the grave I had dug
With the same rusty shovel you used to dig yours
No longer do I need you, nor will I need you again
For though you've been there in the past,
I know you will never be present in the future
I say goodbye with a simple wave
What once was mine is no longer
I have opened the cage and let you fly
So you flew, full of mirth, into the dust
Leaving behind a note
A note that said
It's now time that you fix
You
I often wonder what it is you don't like about me
is it the way I leave my hair unbrushed
and tucked behind my ear?
the way I can't speak
whenever you're near?
the way I try too hard
but still don't know what to say?
the way I can't seem
to keep my demons at bay?
the way I can't sit still?
the way I'm always filled with dread?
the way I can't seem to get it right?
the way I blush bright red?
the way I bite my nails?
the way I like everything about you?
because these are the things I don't like about myself
so I'll understand if you don't like them too
I can't imagine a life without you
No one to comfort me
When I am weak,
No one to share the joy
When I do something dumb,
No one to tell me "Get well soon"
The same way you'd tell me,
No one to share secrets with
When they're dying to be let out,
No one to call me late at night
When everyone is sleeping but I'm afraid,
No one to crack lame jokes,
No one to say "I'm speshul" all the time and just
Laugh
Endlessly
Even though we might have just
Cried
I can't imagine a life without you
I've never laughed so much in my life
I've never felt so
Reassured
That someone
Understands
And
Looks out for me,
Worries for me if I
Die;
I've never felt so
Appreciated
Receiving all the
Beautiful cards and
Fanciful handicrafts
All made lovingly by
Your perfect hands;
I've never felt so
Comforted
To know that
You won't
Ever
Break your promise
I can't imagine a life without you
All the time we spent together
Fated or
Not so fated,
I was overjoyed to think
I knew someone in SAP!
All the time we talked to each other,
Told each other
Funny stories or
Sad stories or
Real-life stories that made us sad
And then the other party would
Somehow,
Always,
Magically relate
And try to help;
Might take a while
But it always
Makes me smile.
All the time we'd laugh that slow laugh
And no one would understand us
And we'd just
Laugh even more:
Heh...heh...Hahahahaha...
I can't imagine a life without you
The first day of school
Not meeting you
And there'd be no one to
Talk about having "the mood"
And there'd be no one to
Laugh about having a lao gong;
And there'd be no one to
Talk me out of dying or
Telling me
Time after time to
Appreciate my life or
Just be random with and
Cheer up :)
I can't imagine a life without you
Not you
And you
And you
And you
Just one gone
It means so much
Each one gave my life
Her special touch
So don't you ever
Try to leave
My heart would stop
And I won't breathe
I'd die right there
I'd die right then
It's not the same without you
Not ever again
You come home late in your short skirt
You're such a flirt, that's what really hurt
I pretend to be asleep as you enter
You see at this game I'm a beginner
In my universe you've become the center
I'm never sure what to say or do
When I get the blues
So I act a fool
Under your breath you start to giggle
You crawl in bed and start to wiggle
My emotions get so fickled
Inside I start to cringe
Cuz you need to make amends
Fast asleep I still pretend
Yet I guess you have your plan
And it's all that I can stand
When you whisper "You're my man!"
Don't wake me from this dream
It's not a bad dream
Hell I don't know what it means
First I start to waste away
Then you feel the need to play
Perhaps I'll figure life out someday...
Kindred spirit, the privilege is mine, it's just that I,
I never finish because there is nothing going on, nothing to go on.
All right, all right, all right,
you're right,
I don't write as much as I used to,
but in all fairness (to myself)
I feel a bit more loose.
Never mean to,
but I guess I argue
a lot in order to hide
how much I really don't care;
Celina said it's not okay
but that at least I know
it's insulting.
I only want to be in my body
when you are touching it.
That tone an angel loaned
to you can ripple through
the void, make a soft,
translucent puddle out of reality,
can you see me
on the other side?
Don't say I'm angry,
it's just that
no one has ever really tried
to impress me, so I'm scared
I guess.
Remember you are here,
don't be weird about the types of things
sentimentality will bring,
will string along to the
forefront of an open sore;
no one pours the sink a whiskey
drink until the girls are crying out above the stars,
better yet stirring them from afar
for their own faults, for being
fickle with their hearts.
You know I don't sleep much,
You know I don't dream of such
pretty things but I could imagine
how you, in a different life,
were gifted eternal wings.
Those that brought you to me.
I would weep
if I wasn't made of stone.
who’s to say the sun’s up there,
in the sky,
rather than down here?
who’s to say the sun
doesn’t have the brightest blue eyes,
the ones that look at me,
seeing me as a rose garden,
lush and in bloom,
and beautiful, so beautiful,
when all i see is a wilted garden
that everyone else left behind to wither
because it was too far gone.
who’s to say the sun
doesn’t have the loveliest spattering of freckles,
constellations that i form with my fingertips,
tracing them ever so gently,
the happiest stargazer
you ever did see.
who dares to say
he’s not the sun
and i’m not the moon?
Meeting you
Made me feel like a child,
Reading one of those pop-up books
For the first time.
What I mean by this is that
You add so much depth to the world.
There is a dimension that appeared spontaneously
The day you introduced yourself
To me,
Back when I was a plain and simple novel.
You are a book—
No, you are more than a book.
You are my favorite book.
Every day, I flip through your pages.
You are impossible to put down.
I knew you would be a great book
The first time I saw you.
Judging you by your handsome cover
And pulling you off the shelf
Was the best decision I have made.
Your plot is constantly unfolding before my eyes,
As is mine before yours.
You have your ups and downs,
As do I.
You make me happy,
And you fascinate me. And in turn,
When something bad happens in your story,
I absorb the emotion and become despondent and worried.
But it is always resolved in the end.
If I am going through something terrible,
I will pick you up and read you,
Shutting out everyone and everything else.
You are there and you are right
When nothing else in the world is.
Some say this it’s not healthy
To do what I do,
To have only one factor
In my equation of happiness.
But these are probably also the depthless people
Who have only seen movies.
All I can say is that
I am glad I learned to read
At such a young age.
i remember the first time i saw you after you’d returned from europe,
after those wretched twenty-six days
of being five thousand miles away from your
lovely [to say the least] face
laugh
eyes
lips
arms
surrounded by panic attacks, breakdowns, loneliness,
and i am still,
honestly,
utterly clueless as to how i made it.
the silver lining?
kissing you like those couples in those old wwii photographs
when you arrived at my house.
after that dreadful near-month.
that sounds melodramatic,
and that’s simply because it is.
my situation, well,
i don’t know how to explain it in any way besides…
you know those kids, you’re seen them,
their parents prohibit them from eating sugar?
they are away from sugar all the time
and it is stressed repeatedly over and over
you will stay away from sugar don’t go near sugar
they take it away and the kid is left their with this
insatiable craving and longing,
until a month’s time has gone by,
and then there they are,
sneaking over to their best friend’s house
for a batch of warm, freshly baked
cookies.
You tell cute couples stories of your first date
But seem to forget you were still married to my father at that point
You said he wouldn't move in but I guess you lied
But I also guess you'll never own up to that
You will stay adamant in the thought that he still doesn't live here
But the toy car on my dads old night stand
Begs to differ
And what the hell was he doing with me on Father's Day?
He's not my father
We won't be my father
He's not even my step father
There is a man sleeping where he shouldn't be
Where he should not be allowed to be
You say you don't have much time to take things slow
But does that mean fucking everytime I leave the house
Not knowing when I'll be back
Oops
Came home too early
Again
