How I am so ashamed
Of everything I do
And everything I say
The way I feel is not "okay"
So when you ask me
"How are you?"
A hug, a kiss, a smile or two
You should be worried when I say
"I'm fine, no really, I'm okay"
going to war to prevent war
they say every man will defend
when in fact it's a means to an end
something egocentric
a valour
a glory
a small gain for uncountable loss
a crusade ethos of the government
when the governor's meant
to be a guardian of interests
yet to guard his own interests
he'd rather tear a hole
in the only things some people know
a hero, a death
a medal, a death
an honour, a death
a victory, a death
or is it the other way around? i forget
a strong-hearted media
which will only feed to you
a story to spin an election.
and I can wholeheartedly say
the only state
which I possess the mind to believe in
is that state in which you've left this crater
devil's land once called home
let's just say i'm doing fine
jonas says he's going back to california
screaming squeeze! the sea
and hail! the breeze
the roughage of a thousand ocean floors
rolls me into its waves and
strangles my heart instantly
jonas thinks of returning to the traveling lifestyle
pulling him away, always
all ways
wrong way down a one way on two feet
stomping syncopatedly like organized fury
jonas and i are in the kitchen at standing on end
"i'm getting out of here, you know"
silently spoken, he cannot take it back now
i read the wisdom beneath the scribbles of his hands
stay put | move on | stay put | move on | stay put | move on | stay put | move on | stay put | move on
jonas left two weeks ago
i won't hear from him
he's living like a shadow
passing over, never sinking in
everyone everywhere he's ever been will forget his name
"jonas, i started to dream you were here"
i felt him but continued to wake
will our ties weaken or will we make
deeper grooves every time we retrace a step?
like highways after years of traffic
Insult me, an I'll smile
Kick me, and I'll say sorry
Spit in my face, I'll wipe it off and say thank you
Wrong my children, and I'll rip your still beating heart out of your chest,
Shove it up your ass for flavoring, then cram it down your throat
Have a nice day!
I could be wrong
man is hellbent
to create a collision
that is my conclusion
though I have some confusion
I could be wrong
the price of tea
I say reluctantly
nothing to do with China
blame it all on North Carolina
I could be wrong
the icecaps melting
is warming the reason
it happens every season
they why is Minnesota freezin
I could be wrong
political system sucks
its all about many bucks
could be ass elephant or ducks
roll the dice see which one clucks
I could be wrong
since you've been gone
everything has gone wrong
it was all your fault you know
I'll get by just you wait and see
... or I could be wrong
Gomer LePoet ....
I ran to the door
Opened and pushed through
Shoving you backwards
And down the steps
Telling you to leave
Get out of here
Tears still streamed down your face
As you gently reached up and touched my cheek
The words croaked out of your dry and swollen throat
I’m sorry
You said for about the thousandth time that night
I mouthed the words I know
Before he came out yelling
With on lookers beginning to grow
The door shined with light
As his silhouette pummeled towards us
As my mother and sister were looking on concerned
You were apologizing over and over
Trying to explain
With me in-between
And him not listening
He needed to hear you
What you had to say
He had to understand
Us, everything
How you were broken and damaged from a war
I could hear him yelling over you
While you were trying to explain you never meant to
Neither of you were listening to the other
I become so frustrated
So I screamed
Out in anger, vexation
Both of you stopped
I turned to him
Looked him in the eye and said
He didn't mean to
You don’t understand
And he won’t tell you
He’s broken, Dad
Torn through
Things have happened to him
Damaged him from within
He never meant to—
I know that might not be enough for you
Because he hurt me
And you can’t bear to see that,
But it’s enough for me
I might be young and stupid to stay with him
But I know he’s going to need someone
To help him through
And you would want the same for me
I know you would
And I know you don’t understand
But I do
To me that’s all that matters
So please, try to see
Please, trust me
if you make a concrete judgement of somebody without fully getting to understand them, that's a sign of stupidity, and that's what she did to me
and my family, without even knowing my mother and father, she didn't even bother
to recall why she'd often dismiss, them as just religious, freaks who took care of their kids, and didn't get divorced, stayed together through the weather
she claimed they only did it cuz of the kids, but they're out of the house now, and my parents are still together and in love
what she couldn't find, within our family, and her simple mind, is that they would have loved her too, if she would've accepted them, or got to know them, or had a talk, or just listened, but instead, she placed them in a class with the rest, of the people she thought she knew best
but look inside and you might find that she don't know her self, and that's why she has to place, this label upon those who say grace, before they eat dinner
my mother and father, i love, so much. and that's why it hurt when she said they are weird. and that they're the reason my brother smoked crack.
fuck that. tears come down my face are dried, the stains from her lies still infiltrate my eyes. but it's okay, i live and forgive another day, just like my parents taught me
move on and pray
Daddy?
Where are you, Daddy?
For the five years I have breathed,
You were saving lives
of 34th Street
while Mommy worked in office
and I stayed with grandfather
happy in the small apartment
Daddy?
Where are you, Daddy?
For the seven years I have learned,
You were stressed out
and annoyed
while Mommy went out late at night
and I slept in my room, dreading the new school
and Sister Dear sent bad pictures to boys
Daddy?
Where are you, Daddy?
For the nine years I have blinked,
You went to work angry
and came back
drunk
while Mommy yelled at me and Sister Dear
and I dreamed of friends
while glass bottles were thrown out
Daddy?
Where are you, Daddy?
It's been more than four years later
and Mommy left us for money and men
Sister Dear
dropped out of college
and you lay on the couch
threatening us and drinking
And drinking
so
much
drinking
and it hasn't hit you yet?
while you look for a buzz
your daughter is hanging from the top of her fan
screaming words that her lips
couldn't say
Got that buzz yet?
I love the things
that get you upset
The more You hate
The stronger I get
You think
Your tough
Because I don't hit
Just don't want
To get dirty
With blood and spit
You call me names
I say" go to church"
I think
you just want
a good beating first
I have smoked
the bud
that was in
the stash box
and which
you were probably
saving
for after work
Forgive me
it was dank as hell
so dank
I'm faded
