Timothy Yan, that was his name
I miss him, still, 71 years later
I don't know if he's alive now
Nor, really did I know then in 1942
We were kids, he was 11 and now
would be 82 or 83
I don't know if he'd remember me
But, I remember him
and will forever
He was Canadian
He was my best friend
His family was Japanese
We'd come from Ontario, Burlington
Work brought dad west
So, we settled in a suburb of Vancouver
Tim's family had been here for a few years
There weren't a lot of Japanese in Canada
He was the first one I saw
We didn't have any in Burlington
So as I know
We lived on the same street
Went to the same school
He was Canadian
We played baseball, road hockey
football, we were brothers
blood brothers, we were a team
We moved west in 1938
I met him that fall in school
We were instant friends
The day I saw that St. Louis Cardinal hat
stuck in his pocket, all rolled up
He'd be Stan The Man, I'd be Red Russer
He was Syl Apps, I was Sam LoPresti
I was Turk Broda, he was anyone he wanted to be
We were both Joe Di Maggio
We were brothers
I remember the noise first
Great big Army trucks,
All up the street
Not just at the Yan place
The Yokishuris, Wans, and Timmy's Aunt too
Soldiers, loading the trucks
We weren't allowed out to see
Notices had been posted though the door
We could only watch and wonder
They were being moved
They scared the powers that be
Little Japanese families
Many born here
Scared the powers of King in Ottawa
And they had to be moved
Inland, to the Okanagan Valley
To Camps, in Canada, their country, Camps
Canada was at war
With it's own people
With 11 year old Timothy Yan
Ever since Pearl Harbour
Ottawa got scared
Japanese fishermen in the west
Japanese fighter planes from the east
There had to be spies in British Columbia
Tim Yan was apparently one of them
They were told their property was safe
All their goods in storage
They were lied to
A month after they left
The auctioneers came in
Everything was sold
I hope he kept that hat
Dad bought what he could
So did other neighbours
I still have the boxes
Waiting for the Yans,
I miss Joe DiMaggio
I didn't understand it then
And I don't now
My teachers couldn't explain it
My minister said it was the best
That didn' t help either
Who decided what was best?
Best for who?
It wasn't best for me, or Tim
Nobody asked us
He was just gone
I spent years looking for him
He never came back after the war
They were moved further east
They were sent to Japan
He was from Canada
Why would they send him to Japan
He was gonna be the first Japanese big leaguer
I hope he made it
I grew up and became a lawyer
A citizenship lawyer
This was not going to happen on my watch
To anyone again
Not while I was around
I miss him
He went to war
And never fired a shot
He went to war
And never knew why...
kiss me one time so i can remember
one kiss, to last me forever
i've seen your face in a million dreams
i'm falling apart, so it seems
broken and scarred
oh that's what you are
lonely and bitter
i'm such a quitter
you were the one who tore down my walls
you were the one who watched me fall
i would have kept you in my hands
i would have loved you over again
you were the one, we lost each other
i'm all alone, and you have another
i miss now, but that's the past
i now know that it could never last
you were dark, just like me
maybe that's why we couldn't be
you're happy, right at home
i need to learn to be happy alone
i never wanted us to end
but i can love you now, as a friend
kiss me one time so i can remember
one kiss to last me forever
i've seen your face in a million dreams
i was falling apart, or so it seemed
i'll be just fine
even if you're not mine
My mother called me the devil child
Because I was loud, destructive and wild
I found out years later I was born with ADHD
No one wanted ever to spend time with me
Parents didn’t know of ADHD and why I was different
They didn’t understand and they were very intolerant
Parents told older sister I was bad and she didn’t have to be around or play with me
So much of the time alone was really no fun, however for some help I did make a plea
I heard my mother double dog dare my father to hit me
Mother would refer to me as a turd in front of the family
All my cousins were smart, while I was failing all my classes in school
Got in to many fights with bullies and teachers who were always cruel
My family would all make fun of me, call names bully and tease
I was the loser that anyone could do or say what they pleased
None of my cousins was I ever allowed to play
I was always much of the time was alone all day
I lived in a strange house my dad was very to the T religious
And my mother was always drunk and of course blameless
She’d drink when home from work on the weekends or holidays
And could always hide it from all her friends and the relatives
No one believed me when I told them that she had been drinking
They acted like I was crazy by then I knew what they were thinking
My mother took me out on Friday nights to eat and buy whatever I wanted, after work
Her last stop was always the liquor store for drink and smoke, I was left in car like a jerk
She bought games and toys that took two or more to play, but she nor did dad never have any intension
Of spending anytime with me because I was in there way. I was a bad child that needed intervention
Wasn’t the perfect child I admit; I ran off when I was 16 did things I regret parents put me
Away, they came for counseling I complained about moms drinking and she felt angry
She said that her drinking wasn’t my problem and she’d be back to see me when I could face the truth
Never could mother admit to her or dad doing wrong, everything was always because I was a youth
Came home from school one day mom was passed out on the living room floor dead drunk
Called ambulance for her Dr blamed me and said no visit, and he called me a punk
My dad would come home and find she was throwing up while passed out always in her bed
I’d watch him take bowls and put them near her mouth to catch it, was something I would dread
He’d walk to the bathroom to empty the bowl and go back to get the next one to do the very same
And replace the unfilled one and repeat the process. I was told by her doctor that I was the blame
Sometimes mom would go running down the hall to the toilet bowl to throw up my heart would race
Because I always knew mom would do this and then she’d come to my room to scare rant and pace
Since I was a bad spoiled child who had parents with money, nice house cars and good jobs
And I was not willing to help out or be responsible, was told I made the family look like slobs
My sister let her boyfriend talk her into letting him take me to the dentist, instead he molested me
But no one believed me because in the past I had lied about things, and the truth no one would see
Since I was different all the cousins, my aunts and uncle could blame me for when things went missing
Or went wrong I was then and still am now the perfect scapegoat and yes about it I’m still babbling
My father ran out the back door, when he heard me wake up and come out of my room
So he didn’t have to bother with me, I wanted to spend time with him he’d assume
Somehow I managed to graduate from high school and I then would move
To a different city I felt I might have better luck and my life would improve
Married two very bad guys both who beat, threatened me and verbally abused
Divorced them both and had one child and how I’d raise this child alone I was confused
Tried to work and go to school never was competent enough to follow through
Each time I would start either I did not have the ability of completing anything new
Am not proud of this but I had 30 jobs that I lost in 10 years and even tried going to college
Unable to remember how and when to do things, my head from years of abuse was in a fog
Filed for SSI and Social Security, got on section 8, food stamps WIC and other government aid
I needed a home for myself and my daughter so I had to depend on things like this to get paid
My daughter grew up, became ill with a repeating debilitating disease
I dedicated myself to getting her well, and nothing about it was a breeze
Had to take her in pain weekly for Doctor visits many times she’d cry and wished she were dead
This broke my heart with no family help, just her and I to face things in the days and years ahead
Unable to attend school for years, the Doctor signed permission to stay home
School system assigned a teacher who was mean nothing about her was tome
School Social workers interfered
And my name they smeared
She finally one day went into remission
And now the nephrotic kidney condition
Seems for now to have forever gone for good away
For years it’s been don’t want others to downplay
For a while I homeschooled her and the first semester back in the public school
She was on the honor roll things seemed to be looking up and I felt like I was the rule
Then one day she lost interest in classes, homework and attending
And the principal of the high school was calling and threatening
Pulled her out and put her in to get her GED
Soon she was out within month of three
A year before she was supposed to graduate
I knew by then that I was doing things right
Enrolled me and her in community college we made the Dean’s list and acquired no student loan debt
Last may she and I graduated have started a new life and now I don’t feel things in my life are a threat
But alone I’ve raised a good child, self-published a book and kept things together
I’ve published some poetry and stories in magazines that will be on web pages forever
Even though my parents have helped me out once in a while financially
I feel lack of respect since they helped family who treated me crummy
I’m still feeling and have most of the hopeless thoughts when I was young
But I still try to steer my daughter to be different from me and hold my tongue
Those cousins with the high degree
Don’t seem to have too much on me
Both lost their jobs within a year out of college from being snobs and dishonest
But the parents just think that it was because others were being so glibbest
Both stuck alone in life working in their old age
That just mostly pays a low minimum wage
My sister divorced her husband for molesting her children still won't speak to me, told her kids I was bad
She lives in my town and over 20 years she’s never visited so by her I've been for life had
Most of all I think it's because my parents never would face reality or admit
To any wrong doing of years of abuse and neglect, something I couldn't forget
Why am I talking about this after all these years still?
Because I think that it may just possibly help me to heal
All Rights Reserved
I'm a realist, mildly an idealist.
My ideas create a mindset that allows me to express feelings
But I build up a wall, high as a skyscraper..I stand, as a realist I know if I jump, I'm bound to meet my maker. I don't think idealist are weak.
I just think they escape the honesty they seek.
You don't walk a straight line in order for you to finally reach your peak.
Obstacles come and go, water is a need if you want to grow, you can't have a lightbulb without an idea and expect it to magically glow.
I know every action I do and especially when I am wrong but I just want rewrite all my wrongs, they inspire all of my greatest songs.
Optimistic that I'll make it, I just need more effort than 50 percent
because you get what you put in, as a realist I know if you put in half, half back is all you will ever get.
People remember you mistakes, the heroics they just simply forget.
I can't stand when people think it's okay to live a life without any regrets.
Sure things happen for a reason and karma "may" have you enemies morally bleeding, but you ideology sounds misguiding and thought process misleading. Karma is an excuse to allow a higher calling contribute to your spiteful abuse, you don't want the crime on your soul so you allow the angels to fatally shoot. It's fine, before we die, we all commit a crime.
Women kill, men steal, just being in love should require you to do time.
Born a realist sinner...far from an idealist winner
Success doesn't come over night
The sweet life doesn't come until after you've made your dinner..and cleaned the plate, but we're never satisfied...nah, we going to probably eat again late.
Work hard for the dream, don't just rely in faith. A realist knows she may not show up, even when you scheduled a date.
It's all love to the victims, stuck in a fiction. If you hate this piece...your ignorance got you unable to listen.
Not my problem though. I'm speaking without any permission! I like that idea...oh Damn, wait...I think I jus become my own contradiction?
...forget it, I'm healing, my words and unpredictable wisdom, I am still dealing.
Insanity is a fear that is expressed towards you when others have confusion
A realist, an idealist..no one is right...our concepts to each other seem all an illusion.
School is where you meet your best Friend
It’s where the days never End
School gets harder
Life gets harder
You get bullied,
And then the teachers tell us that we are all equal
When they are the ones separating kids based on their intelligence
Teachers tell us that we should be happy to go learn
When they are the ones that tell us that we ruin their day
And they deserve much more then they earn
That they don’t want to have kids because of us
They tell us to behave, comprehend and be polite
When it only takes a paper airplane in their sight
That makes them swear to God that they might start a fight
We are being crowned as “The Worst Generation”
And yet, do they not see how the rulers are ruining this Nation?
She twerks, he swears
But nobody seems to care
We did not choose to be born
And yet, we survive
Here we are
So instead of asking God what you did to deserve this
Insulting this generation,
Saying that we lack of bliss
You are the reason for all of this
ALL OF THIS IS IMPORTANT
into the stars
out of them
I create them
I am them
we are all
some kind of mindless
who are you?
what do you want with these keys
i remember one day
we would all tap our messages
WEEE BEAMING EXCITEMENT
but I do remember we would all upload,
like a journal
our thoughts and emotions
not to be lost on pages in time
but shared for the collective consciousness
delicately painting our intricate examples
for our brethren to absorb
pieces of the whole reuniting
a trail of smoke flies
i soar out
smoke and oxygen
lets see where the abyss and the sidewalk ends
Here’s one for those flying high
Freed from comatose
Feathered wings crafted from
Lessons and accomplishments
Flow the blood to my heart
Fingers type, sharpened tongues
Bad mouthing yet the eyes
Have yet to see what can be done
You hate me yet you hold on
These flames are singeing my skin
It’s not lose or win
And honestly it’s partly my fault
I refuse to do it again
Here’s one for the vagrants
Rapscallions and put upon broken souls
Scowling at those who have it easy
Pushed away by the atrocious aristocrats
Bring a thought to my mind
Blacked out during my birth
Late to my own funeral
But I was present my entire life
You say you love me but it hasn’t shown
These waves leave me water logged
I’d remember, you forgot
Just leave me out to dry
We can make a clean cut or let it rot
Bring an idea to my mind
An idea and it’s all mine
Flow the blood to my heart
Bring a thought to my mind
Listen to the heart beat
An idea and it’s all mine
I still get my news from my hometown.
And I do not respond to my new friends.
And I cursed November when he came.
And I told myself my existence was feeble.
And I got all the movie quotes wrong.
And I was coughing all the damn time, craggy inhales and spittle in my tea.
They were all phonies then.
Except the boy
I met who
ended every sentence with
"I don't really know,"
everything he said could be true.
And I was running all the time in my sleep, then.
And fucking, too.
And the same boy was always in my dreams - but not the right boy - the boy who was important to me only ever in sleep.
But dreams seemed important then, too.
Oh, I remember!
when I yanked you out of bed, come, I am going
(you were going mad, too,
just last week.)
The fog was not rising at all
chain smoking in respect to my lungs
and their strike on air
my strike on a way of living whose sole purpose was
to stay alive longer
what's all the yap about?
I was not sure I wanted to live
you kept on talking about dogs.
I do not want to live
you started talking about cars!
I have death in my fingertips, you fool!
You supposed heaven was real
and I thought over what I had heard:
heaven is all around us
(yes, we were in a cloud.)
And I supposed you were right
but I kept silent,
I could not put my world on you
and its godlessness.
There was a green flashing light
on the other side of Cincinnati
but you did not understand that reference yet.
But we counted all the
churches and rainy cars
They couldn't grasp at God either.
it will make us all mad, then.
but it was science who spelt of protons and electrons;
and when I am GOOD
he shows me his twisted, gnarled little black heart.
and when he, angelic, comes--
I am the Darkness.
We supposed this was how God talks, anyways.
And the sun curled up again
we drank coffee
in bad lighting
night shakes leaving me and...
It took you hours to respond!
Grappling with insanity for hours!
the kinds in wavelengths
glowering hunched electric clock in the corner
I could not stop thinking over forgiveness
and if I forgave my father for forgetting my birthday
nine years ago
And if it mattered anymore
And if I forgave God
And if I would ever apologize to Him
there was a green flashing light in my baptismal basin, too.
I do not call myself Gatsby anymore.
Good Night & Sweet Dreams..
I had a nightmare instead.
I woke up.
Grasping for air in my lungs.
I was holding my breath.
Only problem is that that nightmare did happen.
I remember it all.
And all the other unmentionables.
I wish it would all go away.
i pushed you against the wall
and you let out a sound
it always amazed me
how something so quiet
could drive me so crazy.
my tongue teased your lips
and then stealthily slipped
past your pearly white gates
i wish it wasn't too late
to do this again.
i laid you down on my bed
a hand on your waist
and the other behind your head
trying to take my time and be smooth
when in reality,
i couldn't wait to taste you.
my heart almost burst through my chest
when i pulled off your pants
and saw you were wet
my clumsy fingers traced the line
up your legs, craving to find
a way to make you laugh.
we both know what that means.
now all i have are those memories
still fresh, but fading away
if only i could find a way to make them stay
tucked away, forever...
but i'm finding it harder to remember
the shape of your lips,
it's hardest when you're not around.
they're being replaced by thoughts of you two together
i thought i gave you my best but i guess she did better,
of course she did, she's the one with your heart
but i guess you never realized you've had mine from the start.
i refuse to believe you're just a lesson to learn
i didn't take a wrong turn, you're not a bridge i will burn
though our clock's breaking down and the ticking lacks luster
i'll hold it together with all of the strength i can muster
because you made me live again when i felt i was dead
thought my song was over but you made me get up and dance instead
i'll never be able to get you out of my head,
an empty place echoing every word that you've said.
i wish i would have known
the last time would be our last
maybe i would have savored it more
i should stop living in the past
what i wouldn't give to live one more night
what i wouldn't take to make one more flight
into your arms where you held me so tight
wrapped up in your body, nothing's ever felt so right.
deep sea baby, i'll follow you
though i'm confessing this now, it's not anything new
i promise i won't interfere or play games with her heart
but i'll be waiting my turn 'cause i've been yours from the start.