I'd like to live a long summer just looking into your eyes.
They tell me things that your words don't
They tell me things that your actions won't
They whisper about midnight and the way the moon looks
They scream about every time you've suffered for me
And it hurts
But they reassure me that you took those bullets by your own choice
Your eyes look me up and down in a way that feels like they are kissing every inch of me
They smile and laugh at my jokes
They comfort me in my sadness
They tell me goodnight with the deepest regrets
Your eyes tell me the words you won't say
They do the things you're too afraid to
They are brave while you hide behind them
Yes, I'd love to spend a summer looking in your eyes
They are honest, and you lie
Uncaring minutes are but passersby
disregarding my wails.
They hear me; they offer no help.
Though, with only sixty seconds to exist,
why would they stop for me?
The hours crash against my skull with intent to smash their way in.
Such constant clangor resonates through my consciousness
disturbs my ego,
and; curiously, the agitation seems
to sieve out tiny jealousies from among larger thoughts.
Oh those god-damned Days.
They see me confused and seize their chance;
they pull out my feet
right from under my frame,
and helpless, hurt,
I collapse to the earth.
And now begins their fun.
The Months form gangs called 'Years'
and The Years take their turn
breaking my joints, my fingers, my knees,
all my snappable, crackable points.
Curved, crippled, and creaking,
I languish in fantasies of what's supposed to be.
Time makes things worse.
A dark shadow moves over me.
I look up as far as a heavy, beaten head will allow
and I learn in that moment how an ant must feel upon the sight
of a very fat man coming down to rest on the ant's back.
The Decades with their massive, soul-crushing weight
squat their hindquarters;
down upon my twig-like spine.
This is a merciless beating.
This is the beat of time.
And throughout the abuse,
I crawl, cringe, cower
as safe as can be in a low lying state on the ground,
(which is still six feet too high for all that time cares!)
I hear from somewhere afar
an unfaltering decree
from my maker to me
"Stand up straight! For Heaven's sake!"
I stood alone with eyes closed,
in the perfect view of the sky above,
generation swept below my feet,
waffle laugh filled the street,
they talked, without speaking,
they sang, without sharing,
empty, their soul filled with darkness.
Free are the doomed, the idle, the fallen,
for they are breathless, of this stagnate air.
I stood alone with my psyche open,
with quivering bones, and steady thoughts.
Flash of time, was catching my breadth,
ties of love, care and passion,
left behind under cloud of dust,
they say when your time is here,
you see the flash of your sins, mortal,
only, under the dark of my eyes shut,
i saw the face of my fallen love,
the reason of my life, the reason for my death.
I reached my arm to embrace,
i took the leap, into the space,
my face kissed by gust, my hair filled the dust,
the sky felt departed, as i inched the earth,
no cause to commend, no regrets to mend,
i feel free, i see my wings,
i feel young, i see the springs.
today i fly,
behind i leave is a lie,
heaven or hell i can't care much,
for freedom my heart clutch.
The world went quite as I hit the dirt,
the sweet pain seized my soul,
blood set free off my vein,
my last breath, drifted,
as it rose up to the blue.
I lay there cold, untied,
with a halo of blood.
bordered by the living slaves,
silent screams bury the unwanted grin,
hollow prayers crucify the reaching hand,
in the end there was just me,
in my death, I am free.
her mind was a storm
of waves and words and almond-shaped eyes
of sand and stars and hands on the steering wheel
of regrets and maybes and words unspoken
and in the midst of the maelstrom
she could not find her way
she was no longer drifting in the shallows of love
but the depths of despair
the boy with the cerulean smile
had unmoored her, eased her in
with sandy-haired promises
and freckled compliments
can the cacophony of roaring waves
and the familiar sting of salty wind
my tired-of-fighting soul?
and can the soft light of sunrise (when no one suspects
me to take time to let envelop me) and the
snatch from my hand
these regrets I'm
I'm leaving for the beach Friday, so I'm not sure how much poetry I'll be able to write/post until I return. I may be gone a bit, but I might not! :)
between the sentences
of those faceless giants
that surround me
without a comprehensible sound
and not quite yet
you'll come around,
but only once I've given in
sin, skin, and cigarettes
and looming regrets
in overcast limbo
fool me once
shame for life
you said you'd never hurt me
but the pain came twice
tell her that she's alone
that she deserved it
she's on her own
well I won't let you take
her voice away
she likes to fuck
but you like to pray
kiss and makeup
because there is plenty else to hate
and your ignorance is out of date
your loneliness is just a phase
but hakuna matata is just a phrase
and happily ever after
is just a ghost in the wall
high, tripping, and falling
into distant fucked up haze
of your forgiveness
which I am expected to accept
even when you took away
until there was nothing I had left
an intolerable possibility
that I should be so willing to receive
your gold paved poor intentions
into my poor eroded throat
just to be evoked
from a bottomless pit
where my insides should be
no clear beginning or end
to myself, or identity
like a blurry negative
or a softly fallen tree
keep the change
the empty promises
the debt and the punishment
but I'm breaking the mirror
and not the habits I loathe
a celebration and emancipation
from the tunnels of my mind
winding and finding
this is a war that can't be won
I have the right to think what I want,
I'm entitled to opinions, just as you are,
You can't just stop me from my thoughts.
I have the right to do what I want,
It's my own choice,
So what's your problem?
I have the right to be who I am,
I don't live to please you,
So please deal with it.
I'm just like you,
A normal girl,
Or maybe not,
Who wants to live my life without regrets.
But sadly I can't,
They're always staring,
Now, when will you ever
On everything of me?
once again i am
staring at the black ceiling
listening to the sounds
that are creations of my mind
hearing silent humming
passing through my eardrums
telling myself to calm down
and forget all the regrets
forget all my terrible decisions
all my botched actions.
but i cant.
racing and running around my brain
through my eyes and ears
with every inhale and exhale
i hear, experience, feel
everything that has passed.
all the people i've hurt
all the insensitive comments
i lay in bed
hating myself more than i've ever had.
If only it were so simple,
to cruise through life smelling roses;
but the obstacles blacken the countryside,
and we unwittingly crush them beneath our boots.
Dreams sustain us through the madness;
goals give a finish line to our race.
Yet they change with every turn, around every wall,
and remain elusive throughout the quest.
Mistakes are made, and regrets are our luggage;
we will drag them with us to slow us down.
The victories are flashes of light, sudden and unlasting, which allow us
to glimpse the road ahead before darkness descends.
Love is bitter, yet it is the bread that keeps us.
Over and over it fills us up, only to starve us.
The people whom we love shape our destinies and our strengths,
yet leave us cold and alone in the darkness.
There are others trying to race to the end;
occasionally, we bump into one or two.
The bonds we form help us down the path less lonely
but eventually, we lose each other in the darkness.
Alone is not a bad way to be;
it clears your head and focuses you on the journey.
Cherish the short intervals during the quest you have with others,
but be prepared to walk alone in the darkness.
the face turned into the haze of the sun
and in the corner of its unseeing eye
i perceived the nature
of these truths
its in that turned face
its empty gaze cast over the far distant landscape
we all seek to sate the thirst
for a sweeter wine
unleash the mystery of self
unlock the untamed within
its smooth plastic features
but some would say that only reveals that it hides all truth
in its pastel faceless features
that we all see ourselfs
in its pastel faceless features
i see all my loneliness
all my shared joys
all loves all sorrows
all my years struggling against the tide
mishap and perchance
its in that man made face
that we perceive the distance we must travel to find ourselfs
the trials we must endure to discover the truth
behind our own eyes
coiled in its depths are the answers we all seek
after all isnt it that simple
we create the troubles we seek to destroy
in its smooth plastic skin
she finds comfort
free from the fear of another's unpredictable madness
she can explore her own illusions
and that too seems sure
we destroy what we live for
on the beaches of my puddles
and in the forests between my lawn
and the kitchens back door
of my childhood home
the ages have worn away the questions
that once kept me staring off hopeful to the dawn
trying to decipher the meanings
from patterns of a gods casual breath
and so here i linger
these lifetimes later
waiting for the answers
that an inhuman human face hides
of the turned face
the barren night filled with wishes
and wishes filled with regrets
its pastel tones
haunt the night
its dark mutterings
play along the road that she bicycles on
whistling a girlhood tune
as she fades into loss
the light in her eyes gone forever
sometimes answers are the last thing we need