I'd like to live a long summer just looking into your eyes.
They tell me things that your words don't
They tell me things that your actions won't
They whisper about midnight and the way the moon looks
They scream about every time you've suffered for me
And it hurts
But they reassure me that you took those bullets by your own choice
Your eyes look me up and down in a way that feels like they are kissing every inch of me
They smile and laugh at my jokes
They comfort me in my sadness
They tell me goodnight with the deepest regrets

Your eyes tell me the words you won't say
They do the things you're too afraid to
They are brave while you hide behind them
Yes, I'd love to spend a summer looking in your eyes
They are honest, and you lie

Uncaring minutes are but passersby
disregarding my wails.
They hear me; they offer no help.
The bastards.
Though, with only sixty seconds to exist,
why would they stop for me?

The hours crash against my skull with intent to smash their way in.
Such constant clangor resonates through my consciousness
disturbs my ego,
dislodges regrets,
and; curiously, the agitation seems
to sieve out tiny jealousies from among larger thoughts.

The Days...
Oh those god-damned Days.
They see me confused and seize their chance;
they pull out my feet
right from under my frame,
and helpless, hurt,
I collapse to the earth.
And now begins their fun.

The Months form gangs called 'Years'
and The Years take their turn
breaking my joints, my fingers, my knees,
all my snappable, crackable points.
Curved, crippled,  and creaking,  
I languish in fantasies of what's supposed to be.

Time makes things worse.

A dark shadow moves over me.
I look up  as far as a heavy, beaten head will allow
and I learn in that moment how an ant must feel upon the sight
of a very fat man coming down to rest on the ant's back.
The Decades with their massive, soul-crushing weight
squat their hindquarters;
oppressively,
down upon my twig-like spine.

This is a merciless beating.
This is the beat of time.

And throughout the abuse,
I crawl, cringe, cower
as safe as can be in a low lying state on the ground,
(which is still six feet too high for all that time cares!)
I hear from somewhere afar
an unfaltering decree
from my maker to me
"Stand up straight! For Heaven's sake!"

I stood alone with eyes closed,
in the perfect view of the sky above,
generation swept below my feet,
waffle laugh filled the street,
they talked, without speaking,
they sang, without sharing,
empty, their soul filled with darkness.

Free are the doomed, the idle, the fallen,
for they are breathless, of this stagnate air.
I stood alone with my psyche open,
with quivering bones, and steady thoughts.
Flash of time, was catching my breadth,
ties of love, care and passion,
left behind under cloud of dust,
they say when your time is here,
you see the flash of your sins, mortal,
only, under the dark of my eyes shut,
i saw the face of my fallen love,
the reason of my life, the reason for my death.
I reached my arm to embrace,
i took the leap, into the space,
my face kissed by gust, my hair filled the dust,
the sky felt departed, as i inched the earth,
no cause to commend, no regrets to mend,
i feel free, i see my wings,
i feel young, i see the springs.
today i fly,
behind i leave is a lie,
heaven or hell i can't care much,
for freedom my heart clutch.
The world went quite as I hit the dirt,
the sweet pain seized my soul,
blood set free off my vein,
my last breath, drifted,
as it rose up to the blue.
I lay there cold, untied,
with a halo of blood.
Shattered, unwanted,
bordered by the living slaves,
silent screams bury the unwanted grin,
hollow prayers crucify the reaching hand,
in the end there was just me,
in my death, I am free.

her mind was a storm
of waves and words and almond-shaped eyes
of sand and stars and hands on the steering wheel
of regrets and maybes and words unspoken

and in the midst of the maelstrom
she could not find her way
she was no longer drifting in the shallows of love
but the depths of despair

the boy with the cerulean smile
had unmoored her, eased her in
with sandy-haired promises
and freckled compliments

can the cacophony of       roaring waves
        and the familiar sting     of      salty wind
restore
my     tired-of-fighting    soul?

and can the    soft   light of sunrise (when no one suspects
    me to take time to let          envelop me) and the
out-of-the-ordinary
                            snatch from my hand
these regrets I'm
maintaining?

contracting breaths
between the sentences
of those faceless giants
that surround me
without a comprehensible sound
lost
and not quite yet
found
you'll come around,
but only once I've given in
sin, skin, and cigarettes
fleeting hope
and looming regrets
in overcast limbo

fool me once
shame for life
you said you'd never hurt me
but the pain came twice

tell her that she's alone
that she deserved it
she's on her own
well I won't let you take
her voice away
she likes to fuck
but you like to pray
kiss and makeup
because there is plenty else to hate
and your ignorance is out of date

your loneliness is just a phase
but hakuna matata is just a phrase
and happily ever after
is just a ghost in the wall
high, tripping, and falling
into ink
into dreams
into distant fucked up haze
of your forgiveness
which I am expected to accept
even when you took away
until there was nothing I had left
an intolerable possibility
that I should be so willing to receive
your gold paved poor intentions

pour them
into my poor eroded throat
just to be evoked
from a bottomless pit
where my insides should be

no clear beginning or end
to myself, or identity
like a blurry negative
or a softly fallen tree
keep the change
the empty promises
the debt and the punishment

but I'm breaking the mirror
and not the habits I loathe
dissociation
a celebration and emancipation
from the tunnels of my mind
winding and finding
yourself
so undone

this is a war that can't be won
without losing

I have the right to think what I want,
I'm entitled to opinions, just as you are,
You can't just stop me from my thoughts.

I have the right to do what I want,
It's my own choice,
So what's your problem?

I have the right to be who I am,
I don't live to please you,
So please deal with it.

I'm just like you,
A normal girl,
Or maybe not,
Who wants to live my life without regrets.

But sadly I can't,
They're always staring,
Always judging,
Not understanding.

Now, when will you ever
Stop
Judging
Picking
Attacking
On everything of me?

once again i am
staring at the black ceiling
listening to the sounds
that are creations of my mind
hearing silent humming
passing through my eardrums
telling myself to calm down
and forget all the regrets
forget all my terrible decisions
all my botched actions.

but i cant.

racing and running around my brain
through my eyes and ears
with every inhale and exhale
i hear, experience, feel
everything that has passed.
all the people i've hurt
all the insensitive comments

i lay in bed
hating myself more than i've ever had.