I'm like the pest that won't go away. I'll crawl into your head as night fades away. Day after day your dreams seem to dwindle away.

I'll bug your infested mind, as your fiery passion fades to grey. I'll scuttle towards the rebuttal of the stubborn, ever so subtle.

As you cuddle your pillow, thinking of weeping willows, I'll scurry into your flowing hatred, bringing the sacred light of hope.

Grope a manifested thought, once sought to consume. I'll plant a beautiful new plot of light, that destroys your gloom dude.

Don't be rude, cause you're down on your luck. Lose the attitude schmuck!

Looking in the mirror I say I’m ugly,
I say I’m fat, I say I’m disgusting.
Who would want to be with you?
(Shit not me)
Or is the aspect of who I am in which differs on who
I want to be.
I just want to be accepted, for I am and not my body
Why can’t you see I am who I am, and you’re not me?
I been through this so many times, why can’t you see.
That I’m not skinny, I’m not petite.
I have an appetite, I like to eat
Now is that a crime, is that a sin?
I’m confused, where do I begin?

It all started when I 10 years old, I was told by my step-dad
To “shut my fat ass up”
A rebuttal in on my part was righteous
But, not yet…
At this age I couldn’t process everything
This scared me till this day, for in my dad’s eyes I’m still over weight.

I started to change, my waist got smaller.
My ego got taller, and more people started talking to me.
In process, I forgot who I was.
That strong person in the beginning
That in my eyes was winning, now losing
Who I really am.

I’m free, free to do anything and never give a damn on how
Anyone felt.
My heart melts till this day when I think back to my past.
That person who was bullied, talked about, stabbed in the back.
Now as I as move forward, I will always look back for comfort
On how far I came.
Remember I’m free, to venture out to places that have never been seen
And will not have to debate about my weight, because I’m happy to be ME.

Up and over the barbed wire gate
Crept a dreadful Mr. Despair
To meet a horrible Mr. Hate
Who was impatiently waiting there
The dark alley that they had chosen
Was well off the beaten path
But it wasn’t long they heard approaching
A reckless Mr. Wrath
He greeted them with a grunt
A courtesy, for they’d never met
Then up from a steamy sewer
Rose a rueful Mr. Regret
He hardly nodded his heavy head
On his face a grumpy grimace
And so there they festered
Awaiting their last accomplice
Then out from a dirty dumpster
Creeping quite quietly
Fell the gang’s last felon
An awkward Mr. Anxiety
So there they plotted to pillage
In that abandoned alley
That lovely little town
Then called Vulnerable Valley
There they consorted, concocting
To bring the town nothing but gloom
They snickered, spat and sneered
Oh, the impending doom
Suddenly all peered upward
As a light shone through a window above
Their riotous rebellion had roused
A light-hearted Mr. Love
“Top of the mornin’ down there
Dandy weather wouldn’t ye say?”
To which there was no rebuttal
To sewers and shadows
The creeps had crept
To fraternize another day

Lies, lies and lies again
From “No I swear, that wasn’t me” to you saying “She’s just a friend”
Your stupid story telling now begins
In my own eyes, your unfaithfulness I can no longer defend

From “No I swear, that wasn’t me” to you saying “She’s just a friend”
I find myself contemplating your game
In my own eyes, your unfaithfulness I can no longer defend
To love you again, I’d fall greatly to shame

I find myself contemplating your game
From mine to yours, words become babble
To love you again, I’d fall greatly to shame
In denial, leaves a sleepless night filled with rebuttal

From mine to yours, words become babble
An endless love, I refuse to begin
In denial, leaves a sleepless night filled with rebuttal
Lies, lies and lies again.

Please do not mind my madness; it comes and goes in fits
With little thought of kindness to my hurried, slurring wit.
But if I said 'I love you,' in formulaic prose and posed
Simple answered questions: yes, or no
Moaned silent in the night on lips ruby, cheeks white,
And meter tight; would you return in grace
Your honest heart’s rebuttal or
A gilded, stoney face.

Barely Walks.

Anomie walks roads
And does not sleep

day squinting
night moonblinked



And Anomie doesn’t speak 

What she thinks 


Anomie’s life projector 
spreads in sheets

Zaps milky light 
Soundings bees

n’ drinking knees.
Looks scripted dismissive
broke   N' 
distressed

smoking a ton tunnel- of cigarettes



Anomie's walk,  it’s slow it's away away;
unsure 
from the night before. she wasn't her. 

when they tell her where to go
, she says no

but see’s
what is.  

Hello Y splintered path

One gravel one grass

Anomie not loveable so
off she goes

with dogs in sheets that bark & bones
Which way to shuffle?

Anomie wont know
. will allow. 

anyone now.

Confusion explodes confetti

Science dust takes the plow

Sex is now the only how
.
an orgasm. or. a fake hopeless meow



brand new this morning

Glazed eyes hatch

teeth pillows crack.
Anomie’s mind

Has to react


She’s fast to split
spit out a rebuttal

method witty tictactix kit

hiding in sarcastic retreat for clean feet 

Under dirty water bathes

wipe off the meat



Not your friend. 

She's trouble to love

walks away the dirtiest dove.



Anomie is naked & 
she's hated

Take away the curtain glove.

eye slit sunlite under cover


dont judge
.
it's all  her love.
but. until.

you fucked anomie anyways


just because.
.
the thrill.

mirror mirror, i  fooled you all
felt you, feel, before your very fall
i wrote your name with upon my skin
let you feel the blood within
and with my tears that fell awry
it wrote your name
against a white brittle sky
i wrote you of fortune, and misery alieved
my own private passion was worn upon my sleeve
i cried a thousand words from my bed
and in their ink they wrote
a story we'd wed
and it wrote how we'd founded a world untrue
it wrote how i was a knight not worthy of you
it wrote a nightime of lessons unlearned
and it wrote a passion of times untermed.
I cired from these tears
as i stabbed at my breast
these words i had wrote
so clearly across my brazen chest
under my left clavicle
under my heart
i wrote in the nightime -
'til death do us part' -
and i picked at the blood upon me
so honest and so true
and every drop
was blessed, with an ounce of you
for no matter no what
for no matter your name
i still would feel your loss
your rebuttal, your shame.
and i cried ink stained tears across my cheeks
and i wandered your loss
not in days, not in weeks.
And still as i write this with digital pen
i wonder if i am me not now, but then
my lovely, my wonder
my wonderous show
of how you showed me love so
long ago.
I sit with a pen and i wonder what to write
my ink blots are messy
and such a distaneful fright
that even i, as a woman
might seek light from the night.
I whispher sweet nothings to myself
as i cry with a teardrop so selfish, so rare,
and i mean as tho i cry, from a world, so selfish, so rare.
My nothing, my everything
my world end in sight
i long for you, play for you
each and every night.
Though i know you have left me
half starved, beaten and cold,
you have left my darling with a wiltering soul.
All i did was try to love you
that was never enough
and what might it take for you
to feel
my love?

there are moments with
you, and moreover, tiny
moments within moments,
and so forth, when it feels
impossible to be any closer
to you than the cigarette
between index and rebuttal.
[it should be saying a lot(but it's not)]
like on those southern nights
when honey stained our lips
and lives and judgment;
they showed up in the back
of a police car, armed with
a deadly arsenal of threats
as empty as the bottle of
whiskey in the corner.
they left, and we delivered,
before the state could sweep ash
away into the dustpan of a foster
home and furthermore into the
wastebasket or dumpster of the
so-called effectively efficient system.
we caught some air mixed in with
the paper souls betwixt index and
profane, and discussed past lusts
and loves and losses and the insanity
of the preceeding few days while the
accompanying ebb of breath and flow
of fire beat gently on our consciences.

the new year; i never thought i'd
make it here, and neither did you.

You walked in my room.
I showed you around.
You laughed at the plethora of pillows on my bed.
I wanted to offer a rebuttal.

What I didn't tell you was:
I need those pillows to drape my arm over.
I need those pillows to cling to in the still of the night.
I need those pillows for when you're not lying beside me.

I needed to tell you that:
My bed feels empty without you.
Please say your bed feels empty too?