My life to me seems a movie
In which I play a part
Not an award winner by any means
The film, some may call it art
It does have a bit of adventure
Some comedy with rhyme
Also it's had it's share of drama
That I myself consider a crime
I've also starred in other peoples movies
In some, bit parts are all I've played
More times though I've been a stand in
With nothing much to say
If you've seen the way I act at times
I'm clearly not a leading man
And as far as romantic movies go
That's just not who it is I am
If I take the time to think about
Comedy is what I do best
If you ask my friends and family though
What I consider funny should stay inside my head
Because once it goes into production
And acted out in scene
It's not quite as humorous as first thought
The moment it hits the big screen
So although my life...the movie
Has had its share of flops
I'll continue on with my acting
Until the movie play reel stops
I am twenty years old
I have never been in love
I have had my fair attractions
As for true love I have not
I imagine her though
Beautiful too me
I'm not quite sure her name though
Nor have I ever seen her before yet she welcomes me in my dreams
I think if I were to be in love
I'd like to be at the start
The start of something new
Something so pure
As pure as the bright blue sky
With the sun shining bright
Yeah I think that's love
Waking up next to her and seeing something like the sun
Don't get me wrong there are cloudy days
There will be raging storms
I guess in the end I'd like to be at the start
The start of a sunny day
I guess I'd like to be in love
He said "hello" and brushed his hand against mine
but I pulled away because his hands were not as
smooth as yours
He wore a suit to dinner but didn't wear it quite like you
and my meal appeared more appetizing than
the man himself
He looked into my eyes
but they were empty because of my many tears I had spilled on nights alone
He kissed me but I felt nothing
my lips numb and drenched from the
bitter liquor that
I drank to forget you
He held me in his arms but
I didn't fit in the space between
his neck and shoulder
the way I did perfectly
he gave up
and said goodbye
but it didn't break my heart
because you had already taken it and left
on that cold February day
So long ago
The song lingers
We abuse so easily
Look at us!
The crying street
The masses move and await
The dead home from the war
Even in its way quite charming DONT you think !
Beat me up! Ha ha!
We go there
We create so
the same way the dark bruise she left on your body does.
They both leave a story.
One of the stories being a " I was in a rush coffee spill" and
the other story being a, " I loved her too much bruise".
Inevitably they fade over time,
but that doesn't mean that they weren't once there.
She wanted you to know that her love for you was imported from
another person's heart,
but you never knew this or, that the other
person's heart was mine.
But like I said things fade over time.
I still wore the bracelets I'd strung together with
all the words you've ever said to me for quite some time,
that's why I still remembered them.
You will only ever talk about the dark bruises
she left on your body but, never the ones she left
on your heart.
hidden like the barnacles that hide below the boats
of this beach town.
The salt water seeps through your skin;
it stings you with solitude.
Because now you are alone, because
her false love for you is gone and,
I don't miss you either,
the bracelets fell off.
When the coffee spills its hot and,
I know sometimes the sea stings and
if you're lucky your heart will heal.
I can't feel bad seeing you get a taste of your own medicine.
You holler out "I love you";
you wait for a response,
all you get is silence.
Two lovers mime at each other
from opposite sides of an icy pool
as autumn paints lady Gaia's face with fire-color
The brisk air hangs waiting,
from the second story window of a cottage on a hill
feel close to that silent still
She with flowers in blonde locks, flowing like music beneath the surface
He with bronze on his brow, matching her, but never quite perfect
You grip the arms of the grainy wooden chair by the window,
Begin to nervously dig in with those fingernails.
You see ripples synthesize as they try to kiss
But their lips can never touch
The clouds churn and the wind's a guttural howl
Now that crystal pool grows turbulent, the pair like two crashing chandeliers
And all the while you're realizing
You can't tell which one is on your side...
And all was still again.
Life is more than just time
It's more of poem with less of a rhyme.
Sky blue, trees brown, grass green....
You know what I mean?
Maybe it's not coming out right...trying to explain the meaning of life
But like.....who's knows what it is?
And the answer is:
This space is just for experience.
30 to 90 years of just feeling it.
Doing the things that you need to do,
and giving things back instead of just stealing shit.
You walk through the world just learning.
I sit in class just yearning,
"I need to be out there and I want to see."
My thought wheels keep turning.
And I try to be more than just one...
Because we weren't put on this world just for fun.
We are here for a reason.
But even that's hard to believe because we're suffering treason.
Like the kids these days.
Playing with fire
"You snaze, you laze."
But I digress.
Now, what was I talking about? Oh yeah,
Printing these stories about celebrities who quite frankly,
Just don't mean shit to me.
I mean, shouldn't we be focusing on something else for a change?
How about how the earth's climate has changed?
There are animals who are dying,
Their kind is shrinking.
Oh, and the water level is rising...
And we are still sinking.
Looks like no one is gonna build us a boat
So we all might have to hold onto our breath
And float on...like that band said.
"To be or not to be." Like that man said.
Right? Because our generation is so "stupid"
We have nothing to show because we don't do shit?
Well you just wait and see.
And for that you'll need patience and tenacity.
How about another subject? cause we have plenty of time.
A few years i'd say, but no...that won't fit in the rhyme.
So how about the mind?
It's a brilliant thing.
It controls us all like an ancient king.
Like for example, King Tut.
And i'd go on but you know what?
I just remembered I was talking about life, am I right?
It's already dark out, and as it turns out, I don't have all night.
So i'm going to leave you with this little piece.
And out of everything this is what i'd like you to take with you, please,
People don't get through it easy
But we are strong.
I mean, we're on top...right where we belong.
So really just...do what you gotta do.
I know the advice may be disappointing
But it's all that you'll need, dude.
As long as you do the things that you need
You have nothing to worry about and you will succeed.
So i guess life really ain't much
We talk and maybe think of it as such
You know what, forget all the rhymes.
Maybe life really is just...nothing but time.
My Ideal Man:
1. Watch nerdy movies with me, you'll get my heart quicker if you love Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, or superhero movies along with me.
2. Be a Bruins fan please. Or at least a hockey fan, but Bruins is preferable.
3. Be kind. Don't do things just for yourself. If you see someone struggling help them.
4. Be patient. My family and I are nuts, and I'm so sorry about that, but we love with our whole hearts, and you'll never find people who care for you more, or will do anything for you.
5. Tolerate my musical preferences. I listen to quite a wide range of music, so bear with me.
6. When I'm sick, just let me watch a Disney movie, give me space (because when I'm sick I feel far from pretty, and have a tendency to not want to be around people) and I will love you forever.
7. Have faith. You don't have to be ridiculously religious, but believe in heaven and God.
8. Please have a functioning moral compass.
9. Don't question the TV shows I watch. (Ex. Game of Thrones, Project Runway, Friends)
10. Have a good relationship with your parents and siblings.
11. Be a dog lover, I'm going to want dogs when I live with someone (and I'm so sorry we can only get hypoallergenic ones)
12. Accept the fact that I tell my mum almost everything. If I know, likely she will know unless you make it very apparent that you don't want anyone to know.
13. Don't lie. Just don't.
14. Don't cheat. That should be obvious, but I've been through it before and I don't think I could handle it again.
15. Yes I'm a child when it comes to the little things in life. I love ice cream sundaes, coloring, Spongebob, and most adolescent things. Let it be.
16. If you have something bothering you, talk to me. Communication is key and I can't read minds, no matter how hard I try.
17. Be able to laugh at yourself, I do all the time at myself because most of the time I know I'm foolish.
18. Never underestimate snuggling. Unless it's really hot out.
19. Be spontaneous. Lord knows sometimes I do some strange things for no reason, but as long as they bring joy to someone or yourself, then do it.
20. Love with your whole heart.
"She is such an excellent student in English,
and I'd ask her teachers why her grades were low
and they'd say she wouldn't turn anything in. And
it was true, she'd say this isn't ready yet, it's not perfect."
Perfectionism. That's it. I don't have it, God knows
but after 500 years of therapy I can look any psychological ailment
in the face...now she's dropped out of college and
he is not happy, my former boss,
"she says it's a 'gap' year" like the British Royal Family takes after
prep school, to be sent to rope cows in the British Empire,
Be an Australian cowboy and post to the trot like a proper Englishman
He's right, it's not a gap year.
He speaks so quietly, he has judged me so harshly
pathologized me, behaved as if he is perfect and I am nothing
this is quite a large crack in the perfect facade
and I'm still here wondering
so I do what the courageous do and I google perfectionism and
before long I gather details of a childhood spent trying to have accomplishments
so your parents will notice you, a childhood where your feelings aren't important
an emotionally impovershed childhood lacking mirroring, positive mirroring because
the parents were to wrapped up in other things or they didn't really care and suddenly
I understand why this boss of mine would dig into my very soul
because he is so much like my parents
and yet, so afraid, because if I can google this,
then so can he, so why doesn't he when he's the one
with the degree in psychology, so why am I the one
trying to figure out his daughter's problems
and I know the answer
I want to solve mine
Is it the Jew in me? That kind of willingness to look into that vast
horrid place of self hatred and take a flashlight even and look
at the bloody mess of a psyche and try to attend to the wounds
to heal, the be willing to walk in, squishy entrails cut off
and bloody under my feet, to try to sew them back together
to get the whole system working again.
I want to e-mail her the articles I read about her
I want to heal her, I want him to read this and know
that he is known and he was not such a good father
and she needs help
but no. it is only me I hope to understand
as I realize I am in the cave, the immensity of my own psyche
trying to understand it, fix it, yet again
Quite a show
We stare into the mirrored soul vacancies
That fill our lives
there we are!
In the darkest corner
(Except of ocourse