You have to go through It,
To finally know,
What it's like,
When ink comes to life.
Punch drunk love,
You consider regret,
Try to tear the walls apart,
To break the windows,
And sledgehammer the terrace steps.
Try to erase a permanent tattoo,
Nails scouring skin,
Bleeding raw, yet,
Unable to compete,
With the bleeding,
Behind your ribcage.
You are empty,
To describe and dissect,
And you still can't, can't regret,
You feed yourself the lie,
Over and over again,
Darling, you whisper,
Give it time.
I wanted a pen
to write my dreams
to silence my screams
to dwell in imaginations den
I looked at the sky
head in the clouds
asked out loud
a plaintive cry
I forgot my request
got on with life
lived through strife
survived the test
I entered a contest for fun
drew a quick sketch
third prize I fetched
oh my, a sky pen, I won
I took it as a sign
to rekindle my fire
this victory inspired
me to pen a line
I’ve found a lost love
a forgotten joy
a much adored toy
a gift from above
It fulfills a need
feeds the soul
makes me whole
I’ve planted a seed
It grows and grows
can take over
I’ll never recover
from poems I sow
I’m soaring, floating
following my pen
escaping reality again
sweetly, softly, drifting
My wings are stretched
I’m travelling worldwide
nothing can hide
nothing’s too far-fetched
Dilly-dallying my day away
strolling down fantasy lane
with my pen I’m playing
brain and hand gone astray
Am I like Dumbo with his feather?
Can I pen without this pen?
if it broke, what then?
Could I even write a letter?
Firing words from pen
shooting from the hip
no risk of punch in lip
safely hidden in my den
Writing stops many a row
it’s a release
iron’s out many a crease
to it’s power I bow
Freedom is anonymity
let emotions speak
coming out, not for the weak
it brings accountability
My pen has the loudest voice
speaks over my own
doesn’t need a microphone
to listen, I’ve no choice
On day’s pen’s not working
I await listlessly
eyeing it continuously
ideas, hovering, lurking
This pen is now an obsession
an all consuming need
I’m overcome with greed
interrupting can cause agression
My time is no longer my time
it’s now ruled by pen
I’m let of now and then
but frequently called back to rhyme
I’m skimming the stars
wish I could traverse on Mars
On make-believe’s loom I weave
today I want to celebrate
pen and I co-operate
it’s absence I’d grieve
I’m living in cloud cuckoo land
this writing lark is easy
and never makes me queasy
everything, today, is grand
Pen has a quirky way of being
some days very liberal
wouldn’t want to take it literal
problems invisible, I’m not seeing
Today pen writes in language of love
expressing itself from the heart
roses and kindness it imparts
fits me snug, like a glove
Whispering sweet nothings in my ear
making me write all twee
writing cute and pretty
causing my dog to leer
Your like a pringle
once I pop, I can’t stop
you make my feet bop
my senses all a tingle
I’m your willing slave
marvelling in your ways
writing in a blissful daze
your company I crave
Now your just being rude
everything you write is naughty
getting me all prim and haughty
I’ll have to work on your attitude
I need to go to sleep
rest my weary head
your inkwell, your bed
don’t want to hear you, not a peep
had to include the words sky and pen together and be at least 500 words never written anything so long
a fun challenge
didn't get anywhere lol x
The world around us is like to one grand sea,
An enormous place where not everyone knows me.
But I still view this place as an opportunity,
Where, if you so wished it, you could be a tree.
I also perceive this world as inspiration waiting to take flight.
After all, my best stories have always hid and waited until I have tucked myself in tight,
Then gleefully reveal themselves to me in a vivid dream during the night.
In the morning, they earn their wings and flutter about my mind as I write, write, write.
This is why, to me, every little nook and cranny of this ‘sea’ is irreplaceable.
It makes me truly believe that all my wildest dreams – and fears – are faceable.
Even though it often gently reminds me that my fate is inescapable,
My will to change the future events in my life is unbreakable.
However, this world can also be a chore,
So frustrating that I want to punch through a door.
Or such an absolute and utter bore,
That the lack of anything to do or see leaves me numb to my core.
The people here can also be rude,
Causing me to do nothing but stare into space and brood.
Even though I try not to be like those individuals, horrid and crude,
My hate still occasionally eats me alive as if I am food.
Yet, despite all the negativity aimed at my self-confidence like a dart,
I still believe that this world is a beautiful work of art.
For every time I give up on life, I’m given another start,
A restart on the race to finding the true happiness that sleeps in my heart.
written and directed
the films of
There is method
To his madness
1. EXT. Run down project apartment complex - 3:00 am
A dark, tall figure with long black hair and a trenchcoat opens the already cracked red door.
I'm looking for love in all the wrong places.
INT. Apartment 3
A typical roach infested apartment with a kitchen built into the living room. 3 GIRLS are on the kitchen floor. GIRL # 1 one has black hair with big lips and a curvy frame and she is wearing a pair of Tripp pants and a black bra barely covering her ample bosom. She has a flesh colored rubber hose tied to her left arm. GIRL # 2 has dyed rainbow colored hair, a nice smile, and a skinny frame. She is wearing a pair of tore blue jeans with smiley faces and cute in jokes written on them, also not wearing a shirt with a lacy blue bra on. She has a spoon with water and black tar heroin inside it which she is heating up with a silver Zippo with the word "Skittles" engraved into it. GIRL # 3 Has long naturally red hair, glasses and an extremely voluptuous figure. She is wearing tight black pants and a black shirt with thin sleeves. She is inspecting a covered syringe with an unsure look in her eyes.
GIRL # 2:
So, do you wanna do it or not Jane?
Snatches the syringe out of JANE's hand.
I'm not sure. How long have you been doing this shit?
Girl #2 takes the orange cap off the syringe revealing a small needle.
Since after I graduated. About 3 years. Liz you ready?
As ready as I am for dat sweet tang!
Girl #2 giggles. She sticks the needle into Liz's arm, blood mixes with the brown fluid inside, and she pushes the plunger down. Liz leans back into Girl #2's arms and Girl #2 gives her a kiss.
I love you, Julia.
Well, I love you too.
You guys are so gay!
Save that shit for the fucking customers!
Other side of room. A greasy looking MAN with short faded black hair and a scar going from the corner of his mouth to the right ear is sitting in a beat up recliner cleaning his Uberti 1873 Cattleman revolver while smoking a fat blunt and watching some kind of high budget porn with Sasha Grey in it.
Sorry, Mike. It didn't stop you from leaving me and Liz unsatisfied and bored, did it?
LIZ and JULIA laugh. JANE has a nervous look in her eyes.
Very fucking funny you wore out trick! Am I gonna have to smack the sass out yo mouth?
MIKE gets up, puts out his blunt and walks over to the GIRLS gun in hand.
Or am I gonna have to give your little friend a scar like mine.
MIKE SLAPS JULIA with the side of his UNLOADED revolver and grabs JANE by her hair.
Who the fuck are you, anyways bitch?
I was walking down the street earlier today and I ran into Julia and Liz. They went to school with my sister I think. Let me go!
So you're a young'n. Well you have some nice big titties!
MIKE RIPS off her shirt exposing her breasts. He begins to squeeze the right one. JANE SLAPS MIKE HARD!
MIKE lets go of her hair. Jane runs to the other room grabbing her shirt. LIZ stumbles towards him and PUNCHES him in the nose.
That's it! You little cum dumpsters are dead!
MIKE picks up the REVOLVER, runs to the chair where the bullets are and tries to reload. JULIA wakes from her daze. We see him load 3 rounds. All of a sudden the DOOR gets broken down and the dark clad FIGURE from the scene before pulls out a BERETTA M9 with a silencer attachment. MIKE FIRES 2 shots at him haphazardly missing both. The MAN LAUGHS and FIRES one shot that MIKE's crotch catches.
2. INT. Next door in Apartment 2.
A MAN and WOMAN in their early 40's are smoking a joint and seem disturbed by the gunfire.
What the hell was that?
Sounded like gunshots. Do you think we should call the cops?
Fuck no! There is a pound of chronic in the bedroom closet! Just pray whoever it is doesn't come over here!
Okay. Are you gonna pass that?
3. INT. Apartment 3.
The smoke has cleared. MIKE is begging for death and BLEEDING out everywhere, JULIA is in a daze, dumbfounded by what she just witnessed, LIZ is cowering in fear, crying, and JANE just came out of the bedroom with her TORN SHIRT on and a terrified "Oh my God" expression. The unknown assailant has a devilish grin upon his face.
Godfuck! Kill me you sunuvabitch! Godda--
The MAN obliges. He fires a single shot into his RIGHT EYE.
Well, looks like I got here in the nick of time!
W-Who the fuck are you?
That is of little importance right now. Who are you foxy ladies?
M-My name's Julia. That girl over there (points to Liz) is Liz, and the ginger is Jane.
What pretty names! Well, I have a question. Will you three lovely young ladies gather round that despicable looking chair and listen to what I have to say, or are you going to run? Keep in mind I have rope in my trenchcoat and the fact I mean you no harm. I am just a lonely man with a story to tell, and the way I see it, what with that bruise on your sweet face, you kinda owe me.
I think we can stay. I just wanna know your name.
Ahh, but I am a man of many names. My christian name is Derek. You don't need the last for now.
DEREK walks to the chair and sits down. He waves the GIRLS over.
C'mon I just want to tell my tale. Look, I will put the gun under the chair as a sign of good faith that neither you girls or I will start shooting the place up again. Are we square ladies?
What do ya say guys?
They gather in the kitchen.
This guy has a screw loose.
Yes, but he saved us from our pimp. We should humor him.
I think he is hot!
LIZ and JULIA just stare at JANE.
Sorry, but he is.
So it's agreed. We will listen to his story, silently pray he doesn't rape us and leave afterwards.
The GIRLS walk to the chair. DEREK has lit the blunt.
Ahh, so you have decided to join me. Good. Do you guys wanna hit this?
LIZ and JULIA shake their heads no.
Great. Now, where do I begin. I suppose everybody's roots stem from childhood, so lets go back, oh say, 20 years ago.
FADE TO BLACK
Against black, TITLE CARD
October 15th 1995.
4. EXT. Suburbia circa 1995.
There are three boys between the ages of 6 and 9 playing in front of a grey HOUSE with a white MINIVAN in the driveway. Little DEREK is a scrawny 6 year old boy with short brown hair and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figure in his hands. The 2 other BOYS ages 7 and 9 are picking on him and trying to take away DONATELLO.
Leave me alone or I will whoop your butt.
Whatever! You are scrawny and lame. Give us your Ninja Turtle now or we will beat you up!
BOY #2 picks up a STICK and starts hitting DEREK with it.
What are you going to do? Get your daddy? Oh, wait...that's right, you don't have one!
The 2 BULLIES start laughing. A look of hatred fills young DEREK's eyes. He catches the STICK and slaps BOY #2 in the face with it. He then tackles him and starts beating him mercilessly. BOY #1 runs towards the PORCH and knocks on the DOOR. DEREK'S MOM answers. She is in her mid 30's with brown hair and casual clothing on, smoking a cigarette and drinking a cup of "coffee."
Derek's beating up Josh again!
Well, good for him! Bet that little pecker snot deserved it too. Now, Brad...why don't you take you and your friend on home before I tell your dad you play with Barbies.
LATE 20'S DEREK:
My mother was a sweet ol' broad!
Okay, Ms. Walters, but you do know you are going to have to pull him offa Josh right?
(sighs like Brad)
DEREK'S MOM and BRAD walk to the front yard and GASP when they notice that DEREK has knocked out 2 of JOSH'S baby teeth, both in the front and broke his nose, which is bleeding profusely.
Derek Charles Walters! Get the fuck up offa him!
He hit me with a stick!
Well, now I'm about to!
She picks up the STICK and beats his ass with it several times.
Fuck you bitch!
DEREK'S MOM, infuriated throws the stick down and SLAPS him across the face. DEREK runs away.
He runs to a wooded area in the back yard as far as his legs can take him.
LATE 20'S DEREK:
Do not weep, for on that day, I met God and Satan incarnate and it turns out they existed singularly in my head.
Like a conscience?
Much more. These guys are in the room right now and only I can see him. Satan led me to you guys tonight! Who knows what kind of CRAZY hijinks are in store!
That's it I'm outta here! C'mon gu--
DEREK fires of his M9 1 time.
Now, listen to me you dykey, junkie whore. I have 3 more rounds in this motherfucker and one
of them is reserved for you if you don't sit your tight ass back down.
JULIA sits back down scared to death. DEREK regains his composure and is "all smiles" again.
Phew! I don't want to hurt anybody. I just want someone pretty to listen to my fucking story. Fuck, if you want, I will ask you guys about yourself later on, but for now I'm going to introduce you to my best friends.
Who are they again?
Ah, you were trying to pay attention. I will remember that. They go by many names. One can be called "God", "Heroic Harry", "The White Knight", whatever you envision as good, this mofo is it. He is the reason you guys are still alive.
And the other?
Ahh, him. He can go by "Satan", "The Rapist", "The Angel of Death." He's the reason ol' crusty here no longer bothers you.
So you're basically ape shit, right?
Pretty much! Now where was I? Ah...yes
6. INT. Small wooded area behind the house --- Early evening.
DEREK has made himself a nice little HANGOUT in the woods! there is a trunk with tons of comics in it, an arsenal of sharpened sticks and rocks, Batman action figures, and a Game Boy Color. He is drawing a picture at the moment.
LATE 20'S DEREK:
There I was in my element. Pissed at my mother, then all of a sudden, a deep, angelic voice rang out.
You don't have to hate her, you know. She loves you.
LATE 20'S DEREK:
And then another, this voice sounding more playful and mischievous then the other.
But, for how long? Do you think she meant to have you?
Where are you guys?
LATE 20'S DEREK:
And then they appeared.
A 13 YEAR OLD BOY with BROWN hair and a FLANNEL overshirt over a Nirvana T-SHIRT with baggy torn blue JEANS with stains on them appears.
Don't hate your mom.
But, watch her close.
DEREK turns his head. We see another BOY roughly the same age with slightly long BLACK hair and a TRENCHCOAT over a Nine Inch Nails T-SHIRT with tight black CHICK PANTS with a CHAIN leading from his pocket to his BELT. He has a lip piercing and he is smoking a cigarette.
Who are you guys?
Just think of us as older brothers your mom can't see.
Wow! I should introduce you guys to my friends!
You are the only person that can see us. Don't go telling anyone and don't talk to us in front of anyone. People will think you are nuts!
Think of us as two ghosts that give you advice. Don't listen to him though, he'll get you in trouble.
Shut up! Or I will kick your ass again.
Not in front of him. He doesn't need to see that shit. Not now
What are your names?
That's up to you.
I'll call you Joe, and him Jerry.
Works for me, for now. Call us whatever you feel like calling us whenever you like. If you wanna call me butthole and him poophead, go right ahead.
Okay, but for now you guys are Joe and Jerry.
We are going to leave now. We will show up when we think the time is right. Sometimes you will see us others you won't, but we are always with you.
Even when you poop.
7. INT. Apartment 3.
LATE 20'S DEREK:
And then I went back home and they disappeared. I reconciled with my mom and for the next few weeks I didn't see them. Brad started hanging out with me again and school was good. The years go by and still no sight of them. 4 years pass by. It's 1999 and my tastes changed. Instead of Ninja Turtles and Batman it was KISS and Freddy Krueger. By this point me and Josh had made up and Brad was in middle school. And so we go to where me and the voices meet again.
8. INT. Taft Elementary
A class of roughly 25 children in your average 5th grade home room with a stout middle aged gentleman teaching. JOSH and DEREK are in the back row sitting side by side.
...And that's how the metric system works.
Dude, did you check out RAW last night? The Undertaker crucified Stone Cold!
Fuck I missed it. I was doing homework.
What did you say Mr. Jarvis?
Sorry Mr. Cannib. I forgot to do my homework.
Josh, Derek, outside!
LATE 20'S DEREK:
The old man had taken kids out of the classroom before and they always came back with tears in their eyes. As we walked outside I heard a familiar voice.
If he touches either of you, kick him in the nuts!
I told you boys too many times! None of this shit in my classroom! Josh get over here you little prick!
OL' TEACH GRABS JOSH by the NECK.
Hey motherfucker keep your hands to yourself!
CANNIB begins to throttle JOSH. DEREK pushes him off of JOSH and KICKS the TEACHER in the nuts with FURY about 3 times and jumps on top of him while JOSH watches holding his neck.
(OS) While we see Derek's mouth moving
Look here, mother fucker. You think you can be called a teacher for drinking on a farm, fucking cattle and beating children so you can have Summer vacation every year? Fuck you, you spiteful sad man.
DEREK SPITS in the BASTARD'S face and begins to PUNCH him when JOSH pulls him off.
Dude, the door outta here is right there. Lets go to our lockers, get our shit and get outta here.
Did I just do that? What the fuck? Let's get out of here...now!
9. EXT. Taft Elementary
A bunch of playground equipment next to an alley with a fenced in field. JOSH and DEREK are walking down the alley. It is sunny outside but about to rain.
That wasn't me that did that.
If it wasn't you who was it?
It really doesn't matter who it was. You got us out of school forever man.
You think so?
We are getting paid, yo.
10. INT. Chillipaqua City Courthouse
The JUDGE bangs his gavel. JOSH and DEREK are seen smiling and pointing at CANNIB while he is on the stand while LATE 20'S DEREK narrates.
LATE 20'S DEREK:
And so we did. That incident pulled the liberal media's heartstrings. My mother may have been a bitch, but she was a crafty bitch. We settled in court on a 100,000 dollar payment to both mine and Josh's families.And the fucker of this whole situation was fired and arrested the next week for bestiality and had quite the collection of kiddie porn in his closet!
11.EXT. A small farm on the edge of town.
MR. CANNIB is pantsless with a goat. We see the cherries and berries come blazing by. Cut to him crying as he is being handcuffed.
12.INT. Apt 3.
So you guys aren't goat fuckers are you? After all you seem pretty wild.
One time I was wearing a skirt and it was a very hot day, and my dog Rufflestiltskin licked my snatch.
JANE, JULIA AND DEREK look on in disgust.
What? I told him to stop.
That's just nasty. Another question and then on to the story again. How old are you girls? This Jane girl looks awfully young.
Me and Julia are 21. I think Jane is 18.
Ahh. Well that's good. The feeling I'm having in my pants looking at you 3 is "okay" then I guess.
You make me moist.
LIZ and JULIA look on in TERROR. JANE puts her hand on DEREK'S crotch. DEREK slaps it away.
Hey now! Not right yet you little fucking minx. I have a story to continue.
And so the years pass and our young hero, (ha, me) had grown older and the voices just wouldn't stop after his little incident with his pal the goat fucker. As he grew the voices grew with him. Derek started to become depressed and jaded with the world. He had gotten taller, a bit chubbier, and more handsome. And he had fallen in love. Problem is she was John's girlfriend...and so we find young bespectacled Derek: awkward teenager.
13. INT. Derek's room.
The room is a bit messy. There is an XBOX underneath a small SONY TV. A Micheal Myers poster hangs above his bed. There are blue curtains covering his window. His closet is open and there is a projector and several 35 mm films in there. There is a boom box with a Weezer CD case lying next to it. The Blue album. Derek is on his PC while Only in Dreams is playing in the background. On his computer there are pictures of vile death and pornography. And all of a sudden there is a knock on his door.
Boy, you better not be a whacking it!
Goddammit, mom! I will whack it if I feel like it!
Well you better put that thing away if you are because there is a girl here to see you! Some girl named Cherise...isn't that Josh's girlfriend?
Oh, fuck! Um...send her in!
CHERISE walks in. She is around 2 years younger than DEREK, very tall as far as girls go, with long blonde hair, skinny yet she has a donk on her. She wears glasses and has braces. Kinda nerdy looking. DEREK has a nervous expression on his face.
Um, hi. What are you doing here.
Well, 2 reasons. First one is, could I borrow your Bleach CD? That's the only Nirvana album I haven't heard. If I were 20 years older I would have married Kurt instead of that Courtney Love bitch!
I totally understand. Um, yeah it's in my closet underneath my reel of Eraserhead. Let me get it for you.
DEREK walks to his closet and starts rummaging through his shit.
Second reason is...well, um I'm trying to break up with Josh...
DEREK drops his projector on his foot.
and I don't know how to go about it. Do you have any ideas?
DEREK seems flustered.
Why...I mean you guys make a great couple.
But, he is always angry at me if I don't see things his way.
I don't know why he would ever get mad at you. You are so great.
Well, I did cheat on him with Eric.
That fat fuck?!
DEREK looks disgusted.
It's like he knows how to respect a woman. Like you...but I could never be with you. You are...too...good.
Good? Like how?
Like...I don't want to be the one to...ya know...take IT. You need a sweet girl to do that.
But, you are the sweetest girl I know!
Tears well up in DEREK'S eyes. JERRY appears.
Tell her to leave.
I think you should leave.
CHERISE looks pissed.
Fine then you fat loser!
CHERISE leaves. DEREK runs out the door.
Keep fucking drug addicts and losers, ya fucking cunt! Who was the last one? The creepy 30 year old? Keep spreading your legs and you will end up with a little fucker and a man in prison! You're 14 act like it!
DEREK sits down at the desk with anger in his eyes. He reaches in one of the drawers. We see in the drawer there is lotion, paper towels and loosely rolled joints. He pulls out the lotion. DEREK gets on www.stileproject.com and clicks on the most recent link, the Pamela Anderson sex tape which despite being made public nearly a decade ago has finally been linked to Stile Project. DEREK pulls down his pants and starts jerking his wang.
You fucking cunt! You will be mine one day!
We cut to behind DEREK and JERRY is controlling DEREK'S arm.
You see what Tommy Lee is doing with his dick? You will be doing that to Cherise soon enough. Wait...you will convince her. She wants that dick. She just doesn't know it yet.
DEREK cums and takes his shirt and wraps it over his dick to wipe up. What he doesn't get with his shirt he LICKS off of his hand. JERRY looks upon the sad sight that is DEREK licking up his semen.
We will bring her to you. Me and Joe.
14. Maple Orchard.
DEREK walks down the street to JOSH'S house. JOSH'S house is basically a carbon copy of DEREK'S. There is a green LINCOLN parked in the driveway. DEREK knocks on the window.
Dude, what the fuck? Why the fuck are you waking me up?
It's 4:00 pm, mothafucka! Wake your fat, white ass up and smoke a blunt! I got money lets run out of town to the White Castle!
Fuck, man...give me a few to wake up. My mom will let you in. My Jew dad is at work right now so you're cool.
DEREK walks in.
JOSH'S mom opens the door.
Ahh, Derek. Your little middle school friends not aloud to hang out?
Just let me in Melanie.
15. INT. Josh's house.
DEREK sits down in the house which has an enormous living room and a really big T.V. in it in front of a neatly kept couch.
Hurry the fuck up in there Josh! It doesn't take that long to shit and get changed. I'm starving! Mom hasn't had food in the fridge for a week!
Why can't your mom afford food for you? You guys have thousands of dollars! How come you can't have food?
Melanie, dear...mother of my best of friends. My mom is a dirty cunt!
I knew there was a reason I didn't like her.
JOSH comes out of the bathroom.
Fuck, lets go man. I have the new Outkast CD in the stereo. Andre 3000 is a fucking madman!
16. INT. Josh's Lincoln.
Leather seats, faux wood paneling, a Pioneer CD player, and a little rubber fetus hanging from the rear view mirror. The car cigarette lighter is being used to light a blunt and "Roses" is playing in the background.
Did you watch Chappelle's Show last night?
No man, I'm glued to my computer. Maybe one day when I can watch Comedy Central on my computer I will watch it.
(In a high pitched voice)
A re re visited my work today!
(Laughing maniacally while coughing.)
(In normal voice)
And not just ANY retard...the king retard!
You are fucking with me. Was...Corky at Olive Garden?
(In high pitched voice again)
You are fucking with me.
DEREK drops the blunt.
JOSH slaps DEREK in the back of his head until he picks it up.
Pick it up, brown eye!
Now fuck off, with that shit! I got it.
Give it to me, then.
Let it slide. Enjoy the marijuana and keep your eyes on the road.
DEREK hits the blunt super hard until he starts coughing up spit on himself. JOSH yanks it out of his hand.
You also need to quit making this thing run with your strong ass lungs.
What about Corky?
Oh, so you want to hear about mirth and merriment Corky gave me? Well allow me to elaborate.
JOSH hits the blunt 3 times and passes it.
(Exhales followed by a tiny cough.)
Well ol' Corky was sitting at a table that I had to serve. My buddy Jeff was serving a table behind him filled with Hasidic Jews. Like you know how there is Eugene Levy and just slightly higher than that there is my Jewy dad? Well these guys were probably 10 times higher on the Jewometer. Like rabbi's or something. Real Jews, my nig. Well I come up to the table where our favorite retard, Corky is sitting and Corky says to his "handlers" (in full blown tard voice) "Gee, those guys have curly hair...and cool frisbee's on their heads"
DEREK fucking loses it!
You gonna pass that?
DEREK passes the blunt laughing like the deranged bastard he is.
Well, the poor tard said it really loud. So his "handlers" do their best job of telling him a brief history of Judaism while I am taking the orders. As I walk away I hear them mutter something about Haunakah. I go and place the order, by the time I get back with their food, they have finally gotten to the holocaust. Now, I think all he heard, like myself was the beginning and end of the whole conversation. So Corky sees me coming back with his fettucine alfredo gets really happy and breaks into song. Do you want to hear it.
More than I want those jalapeno sliders.
(In the best tard voice ever)
HAUNAKAH HOLOCAUST 8 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS THAT'S RELLY COOL DER'S THE JEW GUYS WIT DER JEW CURLS BUT WATCH OUT FOR DA HITLER HES A BAD BAD MAN HES GONNA GETCHYA WITH HIS EVIL SWASTIKA! HAUNAKAH HOLOCAUST
And he just kept on repeating it over and over. The Jews got pissed and didn't tip Jeff. I distinctly heard one of them saying something about a wood shed and someone beating him way too hard.
DEREK is laughing himself to tears and out of breath.
This couldn't have happened.
That's because it didn't! Ha ha ha!
JOSH pulls up to WHITE CASTLE.
So do we agree on a sack o six each?
Yeah, and a Hawaiian Punch...biggest cup they have.
Yeah that sounds good.
JOSH pulls up to the speaker.
2 jalapeno sacks o 6 and 2 extremely large Hawaiian Punch's.
JOSH punches DEREK in the arm.
Don't mind him. He's a virgin.
DEREK has rage in his eyes. He PUNCHES JOSH in his nads.
Wait until we get out of the car, motherfucker.
JOSH pulls up to the window. They see a raven haired goddess with black horn rimmed glasses taking orders.
BANGIN' WHITE CASTLE EMPLOYEE:
That will be 10.99.
DEREK is stunned.
Oh, no...you are fucked when we get out of this car.
They get their sacks o 6 and start eating them on the way home.
17. INT. Josh's Lincoln/Ext. Josh's driveway.
Lets get out of the car.
DEREK pulls out a peach WHITE OWL and half a sack that roughly took 20 dollars and persuasion to obtain.
We need to talk.
JOSH eases his way back into the car.
Goddammit, what now Derek? Is it still the ol' I saw her first routine? Or do you still think she's in love with you?
DEREK looks hurt, but shrugs it off.
No...sit down and roll this blunt.
DEREK hands JOSH the weed and SHELL.
Now, Josh. Listen to me...Cherise is a fickle bitch. She is also a slut...A 13 year old slut. You are going to be a senior next year...I am going to let you roll the blunt and light it before I tell you. So in the meantime...
DEREK reaches for a CD in the visor sleeve. He pulls out WEEZER'S "Green Album" and plays "Hash Pipe."
(to the tune of the song)
Get that blunt rolled, get that blunt rolled, get that blunt rolled. I can understand why you look so pissed. You know somethings wrong, that somethings amiss. I know that you don't care, but I want you to know, that your girl Cherise is kind of a ho! Oh...come on and roll that...oh...come on and roll that. Oh...this bitch is a problem, she rubs it at night. Oh...you roll that blunt so...we need no hash pipe. DUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUNDUN
Shut the fuck up, here!
JOSH lights it and passes it to DEREK. DEREK hits it.
So, ol braceface was talking to me. She told me she was thinking about dumping you...something about he doesn't treat me right...he gets angry when things don't go his way.
JOSH looks angry.
And I'm supposed to believe you?
You're a big boy, you can decide for yourself. She's gonna leave you man.
JOSH PUNCHES DEREK in the FACE!
I don't fucking believe you, you son of a bitch!
DEREK gets out of the car.
C'mon old friend, don't let some stank ass pussy get between us. Now why don't you come on out of the car and give me a hug?
JOSH LEAPS out of the car. He tackles the shit out of DEREK.
Now that's more like it!
DEREK knees JOSH in the BALLS HARD!
I will kill you!
Maybe you should give her a call. I'm going home.
DEREK turns around and starts walking. JOSH RUNS at him and hits him in the back of the head.
Now, goddammit man that hurt! Chill the fuck out, man. Bros 'fore hoes!
DEREK has a devious smile on his face.
You should think really fucking hard about what you said about killing me today. I have a screw loose motherfucker! Now, if you want to fight, there are better places. We need to go somewhere else with this. An unbiased environment. I tell you what, we can have a fight at the ballpark in Yolentangee park tomorrow if you are still butthurt.
JOSH calms a bit.
Then it's settled. We will fight tomorrow in the ballpark.
Fine then. I am going home now. Maybe you can chill te fuck out tomorrow so you won't be so easy to whoop.
DEREK turns around and goes home. JOSH is yelling obscenities while crying at the same time.
18. INT Derek's room.
DEREK is at the computer having freshly gotten his nut watching BANGBROS for 2 hours. We see him pulling up his pants. He looks in the drawer at his desk and pulls out a knife. 2 figures appear. One is dressed head to toe in black with a lip piercing and long black hair. The other has shaggy brown hair and a beard with khakis on and a tie dye t shirt. We recognize them as JOE and JERRY.
Put it away.
You need that knife. Do you think he won't put up a fight?
Put it away!!
DEREK slices his wrist. Blood comes shimmering down his fore arm. He runs into his mothers bedroom and blacks out. This is all shown from DEREK'S P.O.V.
19. Hospital room.
As his eyes open he is in a hospital bed. There are nurses asking him questions he doesn't understand. He sees the needle in his arm and rips it out. He lunges at one of the nurses.
Wanna taste!!!???? I wanna taste of you! Lemme see dat ass!
I had decided to ignore these thoughts, but the thought of having these thoughts didn't have me thinking clearly!
20. INT. Apt. 3
JULIA and LIZ are frightened. JANE has her cell phone out. DEREK leans over JANE.
What are you doing?
Why, telling everyone on facebook how ----
DEREK grabs her cell phone and THROWS it through the WINDOW.
Now listen here, bitch. No one needs to know of me or the predicament you three are in. If I see any of you texting or using your phones then you will be shot. Consider this your only warning.
JANE actually looks terrified for once and hangs her head in disappointment like she is sad she disappointed DEREK.
Now where was I? Ah, yes. My stay in the looney bin as a spry, yet unwilling teen.
Wait...what happened with Josh?
All in due time, my stoned and buxom friend.
21. INT. The Looney Bin.
There are pastel colored walls and a room full of stumbling wrecks. Teenage boys and girls on Ritalin and Valium. There is a tv in the middle of the room and magazines and colored pencils strewn about. One boy catches the cameras eye.
I met this fellow named Trevor in there, he was a half white, half dark boy with a bushy fro. Couldn't have been much younger than I. I struck up a friendship with him. He is very quiet and says crazy shit when he does speak.
16 year old DEREK:
If you give me your meds I will give you mine.
22. GROUP TIME AT THE LOONEY BIN!
All the schizoid wrecks of human beings converse about how hard their lives have been, all the while Trevor has a strange look in his eyes.
So what makes you happy, Trevor?
Rape and violence.
What was that?
Peace and silence.
You must have misread me.
COUNSELFUCK writes on his notepad.
23. Same Looney Bin Place Different Looney Bin Time.
INT. DEREK and TREVOR'S room
DEREK is sleeping.
TREVOR is trying to pick the lock of the window with a paperclip and a plastic knife.
I've been up for 3 days, and I (yelling) FINALLY GOT THE FUCK TO SLEEP! what THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?
I'm trying to get the fuck out of here!
Dude! Why? It's fucking awesome here! There is a sterile living environment, hot milfy nurses, television, 3 squares and a snack, plus you fucking know you aren't the craziest mofo in here! Everyone in here is either whoring or shooting smack! There is no such thing as a "troubled teen" anymore. That shit died in the 90's when they realized it was all the trip drugs their mothers did when they were pregnant. This is a new generation sir! It's 2005! You have at least 5 years to go before life is shitty for you, don't speed it up.
They know I'm not taking my meds.
Well fuck, lets just switch back our meds! I don't need to speed like this, the voices won't fucking stop!
Okay, maybe we will get out of here sooner and I will stop acting like a sociopath.
That's the ticket, m'boy!
24. On the outside.
You got a cigarette?
No. I don't smoke.
Well, fuck! What good are you then?
DEREK pulls out a HEATER cigarette. They heat your throat with a 100% tobacco aroma. He lights it.
You know what? I could use a guy like you in my corner when the voices start acting up again.
What do you mean?
(Takes a long drag off his Heater)
You could tell me what not to do. Keep me cool. Jerry is a swift bastard, he is!
Who the fuck is Jerry?
In due time you will find out. Jerry likes you though. Joe likes you too. They never agree on anything, which means you are cool. Just keep your head when things go awry.
What the fuck are you on?
(flicks his cigarette)
Life and everything in it!
DEREK's car pulls up:
Ten minutes resounded throughout the vault of his mind.
It was the time set before the big match he was ordered to throw in.
An Italian immigrant, Jimmy was a man of few words.
But with his gaze, which I’ve seen before, you could see his stories.
And through them, he was left little choice, but to be a dog
For a gang of sharks; all to keep his family away from their teeth.
And before he could settle the debts with his conscious,
He marched to meet his maker before the blood stained ring.
Slick, with what seemed like squid oil, his hair shined like the northern star.
A cocky Chicago fuck by the name of Machesturn.
They met gloves as dictated, but in one second
A dagger like spit ball fell against Jimmy’s glove.
And into the first round, the bell rings like it’s judgment day.
Machestrun flies back like a sparrow, weaving and bobbing,
But my man Jimmy poses still like the great thinker,
Feeling the weight of such a small drop grind its way off his pride.
And in no time, Machesturn begins his assault
With every punch shattering Jimmy’s castle.
Like Atlas giving up on his duty for the world,
Jimmy listens with every earth shattering punch
The screams of his soul wanting to be free.
A left hook; he sees his mother,
A woman who could take the breath of the sun and fill him with light.
A right hook; he sees his father.
A man who lost three fingers in one of his 17 hour jobs.
And even so he worked despite that he’ll never give his family the life they deserve,
But he’ll work his back even after the camel breaks.
And with the upper-cut, his castle grinds to dust.
He sees his sister, Anna-Maria.
She’s turning twenty if his memory served him right
For he had not seen this beautiful girl since they had first arrived in the land of hope.
She deserved a life better than what God ever had in store for her.
He wanted her to smile till rapture,
He wanted her to shine like the stars in the big screens,
And he wouldn’t let her doubt herself, he wouldn’t let others tell her she was any less, but perfect.
Oh no, he would scream before that happens, he would kill before that happens,
He would bleed before that happens, and he would die before that happens!
And with that, Jimmy takes a step back with the fortitude of a mountain,
Eyes geared forward and piercing with the determination of a hawk!
His right arm comes forth bearing the souls of those past in heaven and hell,
With the eruption of his soul screaming like the opera singer he had dreamed of!
To sand became Machesturn’s jaw and Jimmy’s collar flung off.
You are pared away to near nothing - half you were.
Translucent and sickly and sad, big, bruised eyes
ringed in mascara and shadows. So quiet. So sick.
In some moments, I have been terrified that you
will kill yourself.
I lay awake many nights, hoping desperately that me frantically bolting
out of your life like a skittish horse would not be
the thing to undo you.
I suppose it was an arrogant thought - you're stronger
than that. But you look like the slightest wind could
push you over, like it could blow right between your
hollow unpadded bones and, well, I was scared for you.
I know you cut yourself, even when we were together and
happy. You liked self harm, I think you saw beauty in it.
I should have stayed and kissed your wrists
a thousand times over, healed your beautiful
heart, your artist's soul.
But I couldn't do it. I couldn't save you.
I couldn't love you enough.
I couldn't love you enough. I couldn't do it anymore,
my angel, and with my parting words I packed a punch
of grief and loss, shook your frail sapling's frame and broke your
If I'd loved you more I would have stuck by you,
but I felt like I was dying with you, like we were
peeling parts of each other away with every
dispassionate kiss goodbye.
I am an animal - my instinct is to survive.
So I left, and I hated myself utterly, fervently;
bone-wrackingly hated every stupid, cruel cell of me.
I left, and I abandoned you, and I tossed the glinting coin -
she'll be fine, said one side,
you've killed her, said the other.
a blue flower
a runner's shoe
a sun that's shining
a ride that's new
a person laughing
a cat in the window
a melody rising
a happy widow
a twisted drum
a soft goodbye
a pretty face
a peaceful sigh
a libra calling
a buttoned shirt
a crab with claws
a cut that hurt
a white smile
a bullet punch
a hiked up skirt
a snack to munch
a disco sound
a plant that's green
a piece of paper
a ballet scene
The first time your hand fit into mine was in September
At the homecoming dance
I wore a black dress and heels that hurt my feet
You wore a bow tie and a smile that could light up a room
And you asked me to dance with you for a song
You spun me until I got too dizzy to spin anymore
Then brought me a punch and a chocolate chip cookie
And sat on the floor with me in the back of the room
And talked faster than the beat of the music
As we watched everyone else dance the night away
The first time you called me yours was in October
At the fall festival
I wore a bright red scarf, and your hoodie because I forgot mine
So I let you wear my hat because your ears were cold
And you bought me a popcorn
After I lost the cake walk using the tickets you gave me
And I tried to toss pieces into your mouth
But I kept missing, and hit your nose instead
Then you pulled me to the bounce houses
And we jumped around like little kids again
And we laughed louder than the sound of the autumn wind in the trees
The first time you met my parents was in November
At my house, when you came over to do all my favorite things with me
I wore my favorite plaid shirt, the one you liked on me
You wore a striped shirt and your favorite sneakers with the colors on the sole
And we watched our favorite cartoons and ate cookie dough on the sofa
We made silly faces at my camera in the car on the way to your house
Where you played piano for me and your little brother wasn’t wearing a shirt
And I met your dog and your little sister that you love very much
And that day we talked about the future, our future
As we looked at the giant map on the wall and dreamed of cities far away from here
The first time you told me you loved me was in December
At the fountains in the mall
When we went to the movies
Where I wore my glasses that matched yours, because you liked them on me
And snuck sandwiches and chips into the theatre in my bag
And we bought a box of candy and a soda together
After you carried me to the box office on your back then paid for my ticket
And we laughed all through the film
Then quoted it all the time afterwards
And in our photo together our eyes shone brighter than the Christmas lights on the tree
In the center of the shopping plaza
The first time we went a day without speaking was in January
When I didn’t see you at lunch, because you were sitting with someone else
I brushed it off until it happened again
Then you asked me why I didn’t call you or stay to talk to you for long
And I told you why
Then you apologized and I thought everything would be the same
But it wasn’t, because nothing changed
And our eyes grew colder towards each other like the cold air blowing on the window
The first time you broke my heart was in February
When I realized we had both done each other wrong
And neither of us could bring ourselves to say sorry
I stopped wearing the shirt you gave me
And you kept the journal that we used to write letters to each other in
Then our friends turned into my friends
And they stopped asking the two of us to come to the movies,
Only telling me to come
And now each other’s names are as foreign as the countries
We used to dream of visiting together
And our eyes glaze over each other as if we never knew the other’s deepest secrets
And as if you never promised me forever
this world is a jigsaw
and my mind, habits
like a snake puzzle cube, ridged
fluorescent lights channeling into pairs of funnels
like eyes that peirce my calm simple soul
like a small petrified animal
about to be crushed
highlighting my nerves
hot like an electrical fire under my skin
like the fiery veins under my wrists
like that of a heroine junkie
walking people from the face of the window
walking in from my peripheral vision
walking across the streets
like leather belts tight around my forearms
walking likes needles under my skin
from the front, from the left, from the right, from the back into the front, from the left
like ants, operating endless ribbons of motor vehicles
weaving endlessly dynamic patterns resembling my distrust
3.14159265358979323864264338327950288419716939937510 to 50 decimal places
despite the fact that I'm pulling my head back
my face feels like its plastered against the windows
a policeman of an installed reality man handling me from behind
eye lashes clung to the pane
humidity sticking my hair to the glass
tears warp my deformed perceptions
my tongue pressed hard to my cheek
I'm confused, flustered, how’d I get here
How do I make my case?
flustered, how do I get out?
small holes, air vents, locks, cracked windows
small things keeping me in my seat when I would find more immediate relief in jumping out.
of this pile of fire hoses snaked around me
feet deep around my thighs
It all started as tiles
tiles of a grocery store creeping in, creeping in until I am utterly
consumed, my vision contorted, maimed
my frontal lobes caving in
I keep pulling back
and the world keeps coming in
my eyes are swelling
the tension jerks an anxious laugh
a series of hysterical laughs
like polaroid’s of my humiliation on clothes pins to a
relentlessly ceaseless rope.
my eyes following it like a speeding car until the images of my trauma are spinning into one shameful image like a thaumatrope on gasoline and electric
a spider swallowed by its own intelligent web
my soothing thumbs are rubbing my delicate skin thin
man handling myself to avoid something tragic
I want to knock the wind out of myself
because the magic isn’t helping me now
if I thought the world was invading my inner world then
I know they are now
their perceptions, their perceptive judgment casting eyes, like knives
ripping at the seams of my reality
digging into the once calm invisible cloak around me
tied from behind my eyes
irises like poison bubbling in my happiness, my solitution
if I were alone
I could just lose myself in the soft flexed ball of my body
as I talk hysterically into a seemingly empty room
Alice in wonderland non-sense
vomiting the acidic parchment
ph balance of my word-feelings
dry heaving once the damage is done
waiting for the laughter and the words
and the breath to punch my gut silent
waiting in torment
for the calming effects, the grounding effects of warm micro swiveling textures of a shag carpet
to take me over like a dopamine release
for my high child-self
to come down from the brain-drugs
like weed from condensed crack rocks
someone slipped in the container
that holds my brain
hugging it like a moat
sipping it unknowingly
that this is what would come over
This is a poem about a very good friend
How a bond came to a sad bitter end
People get scars grow and go their way
But you didn't, you stayed and wanted to make the world pay
It isn't that I can’t sympathize
Through our conversations I saw the world through your eyes
Tales of all the times your soul had been wrung
By the countless songs cruel children had sung
Through this trust, a bond was formed
It was true, tested and through the years; timeworn
How many times have you said you were jealous of my life, one, two?
For a person like me a thought like that just wouldn't do
I tried to teach you: you should love you for you!
Screw what other people say or do!
I tried and tried but you couldn't see
It felt like teaching a hamster basic geometry
Then came the fateful day, you felt under the weather
And you decided to attack me, your imagined better
You didn't come at me with a knife or a fist
You just knew me well enough to hurt me without a hit
Oh I see… Clive doesn't like dependents and dependency?
I’ll call him god, yes! that’ll make him see!
A friend I thought broken
Due to the actions and words I've spoken
My god; what monster have I become?
Is this the price of my happiness; for minds to succumb?
To whatever venomous bile my mouth spills
The thought of doing this again gave me chills
But you were never broken; you just wanted some sick thrill
I was in the process of killing my own spirit
Months passed, I realized it was deliberate
The damage was done
My social skills were all but gone
Once you go awkward
It’s very hard to go backward
So I didn't, I ventured on
To look for places, for victories to be won
And I did, through poetry, comedy and song
This didn't happen over-night the journey was long
Don’t you realize that this is what you could have done?
Instead of being this caricature that you embrace full on
Put down the bong
Don’t limit yourself to a second rate Cheek and Chong
To get rid of pain, don't inflict it on others
Just love yourself, your sisters and brothers
You don’t need to be a punch line
I hope you pull out of this decline
This is not a joke at your expense
I still appreciate the good times spent
This poem is dedicated to you
Hoping you realize that there are other paths too
I'm just trying to make you see
There are several ways of setting yourself free