I tried to call you yesterday,
I thought it was finally time
But all I got was your voicemail
Told me to leave a message at the beep
Which sounded more like a chime
I didn’t have the nerve to leave a message
I didn’t know what to say that would make it all okay
Do I tell you that you are always on my mind
Do I tell you that I made a huge mistake?
Do I tell you that it wasn’t what you thought it was
Tell you it wasn’t love, just lust
I’m sorry doesn’t cut it
And I don’t have the courage to leave a message
It’s been a very long month
I’ve waited long enough
I want to prove to you how much I love you
I know that I fucked up
I’ll make it up to you I swear
But for the voicemail I’m just not prepared
I called you again and you picked up the phone
I had gotten so close to the last dial tone
I almost cried when I heard your voice
Even though I could tell that you were annoyed.
Please just listen, I love you,
Give me a second chance
I’ll never do it again
Please just listen, I love you
I love you
Welcome to the world, baby girl.
I can tell by how you’re wiggling your tiny fingers
that you won’t be able to keep them still in the future
no matter how hard you try.
A painter, a writer, perhaps?
I can tell by your big blue eyes
that you will be breaking hearts left and right
because those eyes are so deep
that all the boys will be so lost in them
that they won’t realize there is no way out until it’s too late.
You are giggling and smiling already.
You’re a happy one, aren’t you?
Mommy’s comforting arms around you will only go so far, my darling.
You’re going to have to find your own, and find ‘em quick
because your pretty little smile tells me
that you aren’t prepared to find out how ugly the world is.
Your pretty little hands
do not know the harm they will be capable of doing.
Your pretty little heart
doesn’t know how many times it will be broken.
Your pretty little mind
doesn’t know how far it will be from the breaking point.
And your pretty little lungs
don’t know that they will stop breathing by your 18th birthday.
If we'll ever come close,
Dancing in the dark and turning,
Tread on my toes but we'll keep on learning,
This feeling that kills,
Like the Earth I'll spin you around,
Hold you tight so you'll never fall down.
Eyes on us but we have stopped caring,
Twirling through the night while the people are staring,
I am not prepared to surrender this moment,
Keep my eyes closed and they will never open,
It's all about us until the music stops playing,
Our heartbeats drown out every word they're saying.
Heavy word, black.
One that comes with an even heavier history.
A tender burden for the Wildean child,
especially one who had little hope, and little help.
they told you you were drizzle, so you became a storm.
Too loquacious for your identity,
you more than exceeded all bounds.
But they were never really prepared for you, were they?
They called him "bubbles" when he grew up,
Rolls of fat around his waist.
No one would know from his cancer-ridden body at fifty.
He told me "You'll be that thin in two months"
But I was "porky pig" to him
With added jelly rolls
Though we really did try.
No matter how many awards,
his esophagus was still torn,
Keeping a deep secret.
One day, I saw him go to his house
And two weeks later he was dead.
I'm going to make you a good athelete
If it's the last thing I do.
And it was... sort of.
Only tall, thin girls could compete,
the next lady said,
glaring at me disapprovingly,
but no one knew I was dying.
Not even me.
I was still. too. fat.
It was a chilly day
When I threw the long black dress on
And nearly puked at the reflection looking back at me.
By two days after Christmas,
The anniversary of his death,
I could be thin just as he wanted
And fulfill his final wish.
Nothing is ever good enough.
Another year passed,
Filled with everything but carbs,
Proved to be an extraneous variable.
They thought they were helping.
I thought about it for awhile
On my extremely long run
Fueled by 800 calories.
I thought about it.
As I stared at the half-digested food
and prepared for the next heave.
Maybe someday I'll think about it
In a skinnier body.
Maybe someday I'll be like him.
I don't understand.
Am I the only one?
Who doesn't agree with society
When the day is done.
Bulging hip bones are key,
With gaps in our thighs.
But have you ever thought,
"Happiness can't exist,
With out a man by your side.
And you can't get a man,
Unless you put down those fries.
But have a good time,
Go smoke and drink.
Have you tried this drug?
It's better than you think.
And don't get a job,
Or save all your money.
Just meet the right guy,
And there you go honey!
But he wants a certain girl,
Flawless and stunning.
So go buy this makeup,
And your in the running.
By the second date.
Open your heart.
And open your legs,
Your relationship will start.
He'll always love you,
And he says it all the time,
Luckiest girl in the world,
With a hot guy by her side.
All muscle and gorgeous,
It's just perfect,
No fights, just love,
This was totally worth it."
You you really want that?
Hate to break it to you,
But that's total crap.
Reality isn't this life,
It's fantasy if that.
Society is a demon,
That tells you your fat.
It's a size you can't fit.
It's a race you can't win.
It's a pathway death,
From girls dying to be thin.
No one can fit the standards,
That's how money is made.
Society feeds on that,
And innocent people that paid.
Guys and girls.
Of every age,
Feel the affects,
Of society's rage.
And yes I said guys.
They too feel the hate.
If they don't have the look,
Girls don't wanna date.
"Too fat, too thin,
Where's the 6-pack?
Yeah nice personality,
But who wants that?"
I want that.
Yeah I said it.
That's real love,
And that's where I'm headed.
I want a long life,
I look a head,
And yes I want to enjoy it,
Before I lie dead.
Your journey is not over
When your thirty or forty
You might have kids to raise,
You have to get up in the morning.
You get to grow old,
With a husband you love.
The one you married,
For the brains up above.
Not for the looks,
Because time fades it.
But for the personality.
That's what is truly infinite.
He should love the same way.
No pressure, no harm.
And if he ever does,
It should sound an alarm.
Because your better than that.
And don't compare.
I know its hard.
So be prepared.
I'm here to warn you,
Of the road your traveling.
You will hit a dead end,
And life will leave you straggling.
Change your ways now,
Open your eyes,
To the truth of life,
When I talked to you and
you agreed right away
I was not prepared. I had been ready
to explain why I was right
to demonstrate and persuade
and flatter and wheedle until you
relented. But you decided
in your much greater wisdom
not to play
my game. I did not let it go, I kept
trying to prove my point.
Did you see what I couldn't? Did you
hear the desperation in my tone? And
did you know long before
I would realize? Maybe
you did. Because now I sit
watching reruns of my day and
the realization comes
It was never you
I was trying to convince.
Black bears on the sidewalk huffing
Wild cats in the cold prowling
A monster chained to the lies of the town
The tragedy of his father
Decaying on the winter’s avenue
He ran out of the city
He headed north across state lines
Leaving destruction and annihilation behind
Never taking one single look back
One afternoon he rose in a busted motel
With an unfamiliar beast snoring next to him
Blood dripped from its yellow hide
Are we all here?
The values and morals we all held dear now gone
The coyote was jet black
Frizzed and starving
And I was too frightened to even look
The blankets were steaming locks
And my love was next to me
So beautiful my love
Her eclipsing black eyes
Her soft sweet tasting lips
Hurry out the door run
She’s on her way
I cannot survive this, every time she moves in closer
I allow my wall to come down
Feel the cold fear on the back of my neck
The howl of the coyote in the distance
What’s your pleasure, what’s your pain?
Are you clever, are you sane
You don’t know, now it seems
That my soul cannot be tamed
The taste of fame, this is new
Now you thrive, now you lose
Now you fear the rule of two
Just play your role and make it through
Way back in the universal mind
The answers to ancient riddles you shall find
The sun burns endlessly on the city
Above and beyond its limits
And the mazes of the riverbed
Underneath the silent other worldly shadows of
Weary mountain men, on the cliff just over there
Wild dogs congregating
Hieroglyphics, fallout shelters, new advancements in self awareness
Every home repeats a cycle
Animal’s cage lock until show time
Now rest, rest
Carpet stains, cracks in the windows
Sweep the dust under the carpets
Many affairs stick on these sheets
Virginities lost in the comforter
The dead still linger here
Don’t pause or make one false move
My suitcase and briefcase are on the floor
We’re heading for the door
And we’re leaving now
And I guess you’re coming with me
She can’t lift the curse
I am not the one
There are a certain few who can
Dragged against my will
Crowd is screaming kill
Savages and thieves
Bringing victims to their knees
The innocent come but never leave
Come with me
Come with me
Just trust me
We hid from the swarm of nonsense and swill
The rich hide in their mansions in fear
The dead are rotting and no one cares
And we’re just lucky to be left alive
Come with me
Come with me
Just trust me
Life is cut short cause he went too far
We should have seen it from the start
He got in front of the wheel of a car
I suppose I missed that part
Some people live without faith
Then the pastors daughter went and got raped
By some one that came from the unknown
Then and there the answer was shown
I will make you mine
It was the blacked coyote
This chaos is not fantasy
We hurried home
Past the lakes and the roads
We returned home from
Our tales so tall
We came home from
Laconia and Meredith
We came home from
El Passo disillusioned
And I won’t give you
The keys to the empire
I will give you
A story to listen to
Fighting winds into submission
For ten years I tried
To live on the island of Elba
The mind games I played there
Now I have returned
To the place of freedom, bravery and wisdom
Mother, father of the west
Which of you shall join the celebration?
Now morning comes with her brilliant glow
Today we shall go back to the time I was orphaned
I’m finally prepared to come to terms with my origins
Once more into the pews I snore
the vicar reads what he's prepared and doth sermonise on those who dared to sleep while he was spouting verbs.
If God has seen me, he'll know how keen I am to come to church and listen to a boring man,
I'd just as soon eat all my toes and this I'm sure God also knows,
into every life the sun must shine,it's Sunday so I should not whine but stay awake and take my medicine like a man.
Another plan and one more prayer,another layer to oxidise,to find the truth between the lies,here's hoping that my eyes stay open.
God,please bless the Pope,palmolive soap,Rogers rangers,total strangers and all who sail at sea and if you have some blessings left send some of them to me.
I've been travelling too long, I've been trying so hard
Living my life almost two decades
20 years old little soul that sometimes don't know how to differentiate what's good & what's bad in his life
I'm just a sinner who realized that I need a savior to save me from all the wrongs that I've done
Waiting for the right platform in my life , when will it come? I will never know
In this creepy cold world it is hard to walk in a straight line
I am so thankful for the Islamic primary sources as my guideline
Using the Quran as my guidance and the Sunnah is what i'm trying so hard to follow
I can't deny there's too many obstacles in my way to the right path
But then I realized,obstacles in our path are meant to make us strong
Using all my strength to remain focused that i praying so hard to God
The Syaitan keeps whispering both in ears and sometimes my iman has gone so weak
I've been stumbling over my own feet, spacing out on thoughts , and have been lost for words
But there's something that makes me strong & I have mentally convinced myself
that "I am a Muslim"
Allah is always by my side, the right path won’t be too hard to seek
I just need to keep my eyes wide open and be prepared for anything that comes my way
Tears keep running down my face and I'm struggling too hard to express this
But I know He listens to me so well , I know He can see me clearly & He knows what's hiding inside me
So Allah as the one and only God, please hold me and guide me all the way to you
Please show me how to be kind and how it feels to be loved for the sake of You
Let me be one of your residents in Jannah
So that I can spend my afterlife with YOU forever and ever