Two lovers mime at each other
from opposite sides of an icy pool
as autumn paints lady Gaia's face with fire-color
The brisk air hangs waiting,
and you,
from the second story window of a cottage on a hill
feel close to that silent still
She with flowers in blonde locks, flowing like music beneath the surface
He with bronze on his brow, matching her, but never quite perfect
You grip the arms of the grainy wooden chair by the window,
Begin to nervously dig in with those fingernails.
You see ripples synthesize as they try to kiss
But their lips can never touch
The clouds churn and the wind's a guttural howl
Now that crystal pool grows turbulent, the pair like two crashing chandeliers
And all the while you're realizing
You can't tell which one is on your side...
Both?
And all was still again.
shadows of terror stretch for miles
along centuries of concrete hell.
yet our eyes, like diamonds
beaten down to slits
still can't turn
away.
while five or six children
run laps around the sun
the same phenomena sends one more
to the madhouse.
martyrs, that's the word.
apples and oranges won't help
nor will petty victories or
prescription pills.
we are slowly drowning
in a pool of our own vomit
and the craziest part about all this
is that only one
out of every five or six of us
knows it.
from Slinking Under The Electric Bulb (2012)
Take the back roads to the warehouse yard,
Where all the shits stored.
After a couple of rights, your there.
Some people may call it the epidemy of scum.
I call it paradise.
I walk in smelling rotten wood,
And some fat kids lunch.
Passed the ripped couches,
The 12 year old television,
The pool table that was missing 3-4 balls,
And up to the register.
There was a big man with a tank top,
He took our money,
And gave us our wrist bands.
I took my board and climbed up the first ramp i saw.
Drop in.
I passed the half pipe, the sticker wall,
The fun box, the stairs, the roll in...
I pump up the next ramp.
This side of the park smells like pot.
There are fewer fans,
Its hot...
Everything is moist from the precipitation
My board slides with ease
All the ramps are covered in dust.
Dirt gets on your wheels,
Your hands turn black.
I dropped in again.
The speed cools me down.
I skate till the sun leaves and the owls come out.
The staff starts to bring out lights.
Bands unpack their gear.
The music starts, followed by mosh pits.
And i just keep skating.
I land a trick I've been attempting all day.
I decide to take a break and listen to the show.
They're all scum and today, so am I...
Brother sweet Brother
Remember long ago
When we were so tiny
And always had a runny nose?
Remember the cement pool
In Baldwin Park?
They called it the kiddy pool
And you would be the shark?
Remember you were
Running in the tall
Yellow grass field
And cut your foot half way off
It was so surreal?
Remember when you hung yourself
By the railroad tracks?
I never seen our Dad ever
Run that fast
I was so happy you were
With him when he came back
Remember on the Holidays
We would go to
Dick & Pats?
And go
Cardboard box sliding
That was pretty rad.
Remember that one summer
There was a fire on
"P" Hill?
And their yard filled
With grasshoppers
Like a gazillion
From the field
Remember catching pollywogs
And creepy salamanders?
I hated them slimy things
And with them you chased
After me
Remember that one day
When everything was over
All the good days were gone
And nobody could stay sober
Remember how we separated
And life was never the same
I wish we could relive
Those times
When everything was great!
I think it’s the way I write,
So you can’t cease my words
and you can’t see me
Wandering.
You try following me through a pool of thoughts.
To be what?
A friend?
A comfort?
But I read you.
You take it all back within seconds.
Maybe it’s the way I talk
So you don’t understand my language
Or grab it away
Like you can’t find me
Or like my thoughts
They’re hiding
I’m hiding
You’re hiding.
And I’m wondering.
Maybe it’s the way I observe, so closely catching any forbidden words,
I sing those that land in my ear.
I’m the outsider that knows every one of your expressions,
every movement you make,
I’m already 3 steps ahead of you.
My body watches closely,
Digs into every sound, a shovel to bury you underground.
Wouldn’t you know?
You never thought to look
Inside me, inside my words
Myself, only I carry a hate as conspicuous as the hate you give everyone who touches you.
But you know. Don’t you?
Everyone knows.
I know
But I wonder
I wonder, I wander, I’m trapped in a corner of pressure, unfinished business.
I don’t want you here, I don’t want you anywhere near me.
I can’t be stuck with you forever.
So I think I’ll walk myself back,
And crush your words.
I think it’s the way I write,
So you can’t cease my words
and you can’t see me
Wandering.
You try following me through a pool of thoughts.
To be what?
A friend?
A comfort?
But I read you.
You take it all back within seconds.
Maybe it’s the way I talk
So you don’t understand my language
Or grab it away
Like you can’t find me
Or like my thoughts
They’re hiding
I’m hiding
You’re hiding.
And I’m wondering.
Maybe it’s the way I observe, so closely catching any forbidden words,
I sing those that land in my ear.
I’m the outsider that knows every one of your expressions,
every movement you make,
I’m already 3 steps ahead of you.
My body watches closely,
Digs into every sound, a shovel to bury you underground.
Wouldn’t you know?
You never thought to look
Inside me, inside my words
Myself, only I carry a hate as conspicuous as the hate you give everyone who touches you.
But you know. Don’t you?
Everyone knows.
I know
But I wonder
I wonder, I wander, I’m trapped in a corner of pressure, unfinished business.
I don’t want you here, I don’t want you anywhere near me.
I can’t be stuck with you forever.
So I think I’ll walk myself back,
And crush your words.
I think it’s the way I write,
So you can’t cease my words
and you can’t see me
Wandering.
You try following me through a pool of thoughts.
To be what?
A friend?
A comfort?
But I read you.
You take it all back within seconds.
Maybe it’s the way I talk
So you don’t understand my language
Or grab it away
Like you can’t find me
Or like my thoughts
They’re hiding
I’m hiding
You’re hiding.
And I’m wondering.
Maybe it’s the way I observe, so closely catching any forbidden words,
I sing those that land in my ear.
I’m the outsider that knows every one of your expressions,
every movement you make,
I’m already 3 steps ahead of you.
My body watches closely,
Digs into every sound, a shovel to bury you underground.
Wouldn’t you know?
You never thought to look
Inside me, inside my words
Myself, only I carry a hate as conspicuous as the hate you give everyone who touches you.
But you know. Don’t you?
Everyone knows.
I know
But I wonder
I wonder, I wander, I’m trapped in a corner of pressure, unfinished business.
I don’t want you here, I don’t want you anywhere near me.
I can’t be stuck with you forever.
So I think I’ll walk myself back,
And crush your words.
I think it’s the way I write,
So you can’t cease my words
and you can’t see me
Wandering.
You try following me through a pool of thoughts.
To be what?
A friend?
A comfort?
But I read you.
You take it all back within seconds.
Maybe it’s the way I talk
So you don’t understand my language
Or grab it away
Like you can’t find me
Or like my thoughts
They’re hiding
I’m hiding
You’re hiding.
And I’m wondering.
Maybe it’s the way I observe, so closely catching any forbidden words,
I sing those that land in my ear.
I’m the outsider that knows every one of your expressions,
every movement you make,
I’m already 3 steps ahead of you.
My body watches closely,
Digs into every sound, a shovel to bury you underground.
Wouldn’t you know?
You never thought to look
Inside me, inside my words
Myself, only I carry a hate as conspicuous as the hate you give everyone who touches you.
But you know. Don’t you?
Everyone knows.
I know
But I wonder
I wonder, I wander, I’m trapped in a corner of pressure, unfinished business.
I don’t want you here, I don’t want you anywhere near me.
I can’t be stuck with you forever.
So I think I’ll walk myself back,
And crush your words.
After the screams
I was coming undone,
splitting at the seams.
I hauled all my watercolors
out of my brother's office.
I took the paintbrushes
and palettes of a thousand hues
lodged between his camo army vest
and his heavy shoes
and I sprawled out in the
spinach-green living room.
I painted
willow trees and silhouettes
and viridian snakes spilling from vixen lips.
At 2am I got up
headed to the deck
and watched the stars
Because sometimes I forget.
I let my nights
be slaughtered by sobs.
These nights, this view
It’s mine, you can’t have it.
Everyone needs a place
and this is mine,
this tiny nirvana,
2 o'clock constellations
in the dark purple bruise of night
are my home.
A pool of watercolors,
magenta, cyan, indigo, emerald and cerulean,
swells in my chest,
in the empty space between my lungs.
A drowning, a baptism.
Everywhere, in everything,
your unblinking ghost.
It refuses to dissolve.
Cascade along the midnight street
Allow your feet to lead the way
Past shuttered shops and lowered blinds
And let your mind be led astray
Although some time meandering
And wandering bereft of cares
You find you've stopped and there you stand
Beneath a strand of marble stairs
You brush your hand along the rail
As you assail the stony flight
There, at the top a door of brass
And crystal glass reflects the night
A counter cut of fretted oak
Unique, bespoke and petrified
Encroaches on the lobby floor
With doorways on its either side
Within them dwells an ailing stage
All worn with age and polished black
And facing this are rows of seats
With velvet pleats and to the back
Resides a heavy curtained box
With silver locks and tapestry
Scenes of the earth and all above
Of love and whimsicality
Inside the hall, the lights are out
Yet all about an echo bounds
Of lost applause and orchestras
And raucous, energetic sounds
It's here and now, upon the boards
The darkness hoards a pool of light
Where mingling in motes of dust
And arm is thrust from out of site
A quiet amid the hush befalls
Along the stalls, a faceless glare
As set in shades of darkest dim
She glimmers like a solitaire
Her dance describes a careful tone
Each every bone at her command
Her feet tattoo a silent beat
The rhythm meets her open hand
Her features null and desolate
Her lips yet to convey a smile
She draws a story with her grace
With shapeless face and all the while
She skips across the empty floor
A dead score from an vacant pit
And through a haze of burning lime
From distant times her dance is lit
A swan song of a life cut short
A fable wrought in liquid gloom
Lamenting talent never proved
A bud removed before it's bloom
Its loss a crime against the world
A shadow hurled towards the sun
For such a life slip the hands
As dry sands through the fingers run
And now she stands at center stage
A gilded cage she'll never slip
A single tear is seen to leak
about her cheek, across her lip
She stoops a solitary bow
And dips her brow to those unseen
A cacophony of aphony
For her, the girl who's never been
A ghostly veil wavers free
As slowly she dissolves in light
Her sparkle spreads and dissipates
Evaporates from empty sight
She never takes a curtain call
No flowers fall about her toes
But still she dances for the dark
A tiny spark of spirit froze
reposted because I'd forgotten all about it
