inspired by Gertrude Stein
Wood turns hard and shows its spaces. This is less convincing. If it spoke more no one would listen. It is solid and we don’t fall through. It reminds there is no remembering.
The pieces don’t touch, just spaces and they are put together. This is what is done without thinking and we still remember. If something is seen and nothing more than that, it should seem normal and grey.
A flag is innocent and spreads. Its colors don’t move and are divided and smoke pulls off more. If it is done where the whole is partial, leave the tab.
The grey, the color grey, needs nothing more and never asks of anything.
Overalls can be hard, where wool socks are underrated and tired. It stays this way.
How can something so gapped hold calmly? Not because there was a touching, but because of something less. The blanket is blue and grey and holds if nothing more than that.
If hands are obvious, if hands are obvious and touching and hard, still no one listens. If hands are obvious and so is wood, there is nothing more.
Blue is guaranteed. Blue is guaranteed and so static, but ready.
Long brown hair and a smile
Shorter haircut now
Spongebob t-shirt and blue jeans
Still much too naïve
Hair outgrown again
Instead now, dry and unkempt
As his life was then
He is now adult
With buzzed, clean hair and flannel
He knows himself now
Middle age found him
As a keeper of freedom
But no longer free
"The Piggly Wiggly
now stocks Naked Pig Pale Ale!
Y'all see my car keys?"
"Look! An endangered
Eskimo curlew over there!
Nice shot. I go next."
"Hey! Watcha doing?"
'Shooting illegal Mexicans.'
"Nice shot. I go next."
"Hey! Watcha doing?"
'Shooting niggers in the ass.'
"Nice shot. I go next."
"After my boob job
I'm taking acting lessons.
Fuck's fifty, no anal."
"Doc, I'm not sure if
my nosebleed is from skiing
or from the cocaine."
"Didn't I warn you
without five acre zoning,
niggers will move in!"
"You're not from these parts?"
'As a matter of fact, no.'
"Then get the fuck out!"
"Don't know who my wife's
fucking but our bedroom smells
of pool chemicals."
"Hunter, you know why
I've never tried being gay?"
'Because you'd like it?'
we're just lazy fat people."
'Yo' fuck dem Ha'oles.'
"There ain't no niggers
in Idaho, we hate them
"Sure we got the most
shootings in America. But
not all are fatal!"
"You want biodiesel
but still you complain that
we're just dumb hayseeds."
"We're not really dull,
we are just misunderstood.
Weed helps dull the pain."
"Ya' know Superman's
from here and Jor-El could've
sent him to New York."
"Cigarettes are cheap,
brew's less than Dr Pepper,
but whores are pricey."
"If the gumbo's good
who in hell gives a damn fuck
if I'm missin' teeth."
"Winter don't matter
when there's steaming lobster and
girls are steaming hot.
"I'm sick of leftist
liberals who dance on cars
waving rainbow flags."
"Gotcha. Irish bar
near the University."
Wait. Which bar? What Uni?"
"Ma'am are you saying
the cereal killer looks
like a Frosted Flake?"
"Flyer's jersey's orange,
so you wear it to the game
and then go hunting."
"Yo mama's so poor,
she can't afford the bus fare
to the free clinic."
"I practice safe sex.
I put signs on animals
that kick, bite or scratch."
didn't know I'm speeding
cuz of the meth."
"Do you think I should
wear the red on white plaid shirt
or the white on red?"
'Happens in Vegas
stays in Vegas', long as you
pay hos to shut up."
"Officer, how would
I know the drunk driving laws
apply to snowmobiles?"
"Ehh, cuz I drive thru
a bridge or tunnel to NY
don't make me stupid."
My ancestors were
conquistadores and blue bloods.
So, my car bounces."
"My monthly rent check
is more than you will make in
your fucking lifetime."
"Asheville is just so cool.
We got a craft gallery
AND 3 other stores!"
"My bib overalls
look spiffy at a wedding
or a funeral."
"Honey, you're sexy
wearing flannel and tube socks.
Where's my condom at?"
"Don't know why they ain't
got twister fries at Sonic."
"Asked my herbalist,
what's the best fair trade coffee?"
'It's the tie-dyed one.'
"Our five food groups are:
fruits, legumes, whole grains, veggies
and iced Tastykakes."
"I had a wikit time
on my birtday despite my
retad oldah brodah."
"Don't know why Wal-Mart
won't take Confederate dollars.
"That Harley trike's cool.
Whadya' get, six or seven
miles per gallon?"
"If y'alls runs over
a nigger in ya' toboggan
just keep on sledding."
"I'm hungry! Let's get
another 72 ounce steak free
with all the trimmings."
"Can't decide between
the minivan or pickup. What
would Joseph Smith do?"
"My snowblower gives me
a woodie. Please don't ask me
'bout my woodchipper."
"Bowl of chili for me.
She'll have the Cheesy Western.
Both with, add a slab."
"I am so sick of
emos, geeks and rain, rain, rain.
I just want sunshine!"
"Some hippie burned my
'Support Coal' bumper sticker
using solar power."
"My nose is sunburned,
my fingers are frost-bitten.
Can't feel my penis."
"Take the gravel road
to the cottonwood tree then
turn at the wheat field."
Naked Pig Pale Ale is an Alabama beer bRewed by Back Forty Beer Co.
The Eskimo Curlew (Numenius borealis) is an endangered Alaskan shorebird
'Shooting illegal Mexicans' - there have been several such incidents. Arizona recently passed the most controversial anti-illegal immigration laws in the country known as SB 1070.
'Shooting niggers' - 100 negro sharecroppers were shot and lynched in the Elaine Race Riot on September 30, 1919
'Fuck's fifty, no anal' - every hooker in Hollywood has had acting lessons - or shall we say, every actress in Hollywood used to be a hooker (and many still moonlight).
'five acre zoning' - a shrewd real estate tactic causes home prices to be prohibitive keeping the middle class blacks out
'Then get the fuck out!' - the Delawareans are for the most part unfriendly paranoid assholes
'pool chemicals' - no doubt, it's José the Pool Boy
'tried being gay' - the over macho sport of hunting may be covering up certain closeted 'longings'
'Yo' fuck dem Ha'oles' - a pejorative term for Caucasians, White person, American, Englishman -- it's what every native Hawaiian really thinks of the white mainlanders. Their economy is based 99% on tourism so if we boycott Hawaii we can enjoy watching those lazy, stupid Ha'oles (pronounced how-lees) howlers become poorer than Mississippians.
'no niggers in Idaho' - there are 6103 blacks in Idaho - 0.3% of the population; the remaining 1,595,728 are white supremacists
'most shootings in America' - facts are facts
'biodiesel' - come from corn harvested by 'hayseeds'
'Weed helps dull the pain' - its so boring there most teens seek drugs for entertainment
'Superman's from here' - if Kal-El grew up in Manhattan, he would have teamed up with Lex Luther to bring down greedy motherfuckers on Wall Street
'Cigarettes are cheap' -- of course, thanks to Philip Morris; 'whores are pricey' thanks to pussy
'I'm missin' teeth' - the poorest professionals in Louisiana are dentists because nobody uses them
'girls are steaming hot' - when girls get out of their winter parkas they're 'mainly' wild!
'cereal killer looks like a Frosted Flake' - the Kellogg's headquarters are in Battle Creek, Michigan
'my car bounces' - They're as proud of their questionable heritage (they weren't the conquistadors, they were the conquered) as of their lowrider 1964 Chevy Impallas with hydraulic suspensions
'My monthly rent check' - typical BigApple arrogance and bravado that knows the price of everything and the value of nothing (I should know, I was born there. Ehh, you got a problem with that.)
'a craft gallery AND 3 other stores' - Asheville has the first gentified seedlings but a long way to go before it can be certifiably 'hipster'.
'bib overalls' - the fucking place is like an OshKosh B'gosh bib showrroom for adults
'Where's my condom at' - Ohioans like ending their sentences with a preposition. They're also into kinky sex. See my piece: Sexual Deviation in Ohio: http://hellopoetry.com/poem/sexual-deviation-in-ohio-poetry-in-motion/
'twister fries' - I made that up - but I'm sure some entrepreneur in Oklahoma came up with the same idea by renaming curly fries.
"'Tastykakes' - you can visit the Tastykake Bakery at 3 Crescent Drive, Philadelphia, PA 19112
'wikit time' - sorry, I left out the 'clam chowdah'. Tasty, but too many sylables for my Haiku.
'Harley trike' - I saw my fair share of those silly toys at Sturgis. Crash one and your head becomes the air bag.
'72 ounce steak free' - The Big Texan Steak Ranch is a steakhouse restaurant in Amarillo, Texas famous for its best known for its 72 ounce (4.5 pounds or 2.04 kg) steak, nicknamed "The Texas King." The steak is free to anyone who, in one hour or less, can eat the entire meal, consisting of the steak itself, plus bread roll with butter, baked potato, ranch beans, shrimp cocktail, and salad; otherwise, the meal costs $72.00. Those who have successfully consumed the Texas King meal have their names recorded and posted at the restaurant. As of March 15, 2011, over 8,800 people out of about 50,000 have accomplished this feat.
'Bowl of chili... Cheesy Western' - The Texas Tavern in Raonoke, Virginia claimes it's served '20 million bowl of chili and counting'. 'With' means add onions. 'Add a slab' means add a slice of cheese to your bowl of chili.
'rain, rain, rain' - Seattle is rainy/cloudy an average of 226 days per year
'Take the gravel road to the cottonwood tree then turn at the wheat field' - universal Wyoming directions - taken verbatim from my GPS
For a related piece see: Smartass Haikus for All 50 State Mottos
See all my Haiku collections:
Classic Haikus [C]
Classic Haikus [E]
and my TripAdvisor collections:
Trip Advisor: Travel America with Haiku [Texas]
Trip Advisor: Travel the World with Haiku [A]
Trip Advisor: Travel the World with Haiku [B]
Trip Advisor: Travel the World with Haiku [C]
Trip Advisor: Travel the World with Haiku [D]
and my Jewish Haiku collection:
Haikus for Jews [A]
Haikus for Jews [B]
Haikus for Jews [C]
I used to be friends with the sun
He was older than I was
Naturally he filled in that father spot that sat empty under the spot light
We used to go on adventures through the woods
We got lost in muddy Nikes and crossed clipped overalls
We'd come back to my house and share peanut butter glossed over graham crackers
Drinking milk, we were middle aged Irish men, this was our whiskey
He'd teach me how to make ants my humans as I played the part of God
Until the mountains would call him home
I asked if he could stay longer
The horizon never allowed it
Never holding a grudge
Even as he left, he painted the sky with orange grace and pink beauty
Take a bath
Get out quickly
Feel the squishy carpet beneath your toes
A carpeted bathroom was an awful idea
Dry off and zip up that onesie
Pull back those blinds
The moon is waiting
She'd help me sleep at night
Gripping onto that teddy bear that I've had since I was born
She'd talk to me about life's problems
I wasn't even ten yet, so there really wasn't that much to talk about
I'd drift off to her soft voice
I rested easy with her brushing my cheeks, a mothers hand made of reflected light
It's been years since those days
I'm 18 now
My favorite time of day is twilight
There is no Sun
There is no Moon
There is only peace
The heat of the sun leaves the day
The reflection of the moon yet to land on the surface of the creeks on my cheeks
I am crying
If you look closely, there is a time of day
Where the sun and the moon
Are but inches apart
If you squint your eyes
You will see the distaste in the rays on your skin
The moon now refuses to speak about the sun
She says the words burn her lips hot with anger
Their love was once visible, heating our atmosphere
Space and stardust have come between them, turning them cold
The sun is close to smothering
I am close to smothering
I am a comet
My parents are the Sun and the Moon
I orbit between them delivering news from point frustration to point disappointment
I am frustrated and I am disappointed
I miss when Sola and Luna could share the same sky
I miss when they could speak without arguing
I miss seeing them smile in the same room... I mean sky...
I wish my Father and Mother could speak without anger
You both created three beautiful children
Neither of you can look at the other
I'm not asking for my parents to be back together
I am no fool
I am a comet
Wishing for the Sun and the Moon
To speak with compromise
Because your shoulders do not hang the orange overalls,
Does not canonize you as a saint,
Do not brush me with red paint,
Just because you walk the hallowed walls.
History in the making
We make history because our love isn't basic
Basically we're going to grow branches on our family tree
Just to clear up any historicity
You know what's catastrophic?
Love isn't logic!!!
So you can remind yourself
But if you don't align yourself
You can find yourself by yourself
So look what's behind yourself
If it has always been your fault
Then shift in your ways
And hope that you can escape the aftershock
Enough of the lessons
Back to our blessings
We can travel a thousand islands
Or we can live on a ranch
And for our dressings
Vests and dresses
Suits and knee-high boots
Overalls; we can be free as the nevertheless too
That's artistic nude
I'm a simplistic dude
Simple beauty is what I'm into
Your mind and your organisms
Your smile when your stomach tickles
The way in which you sneeze when your nose sniffles
When you're coughing you always act like you're headed to your funeral
Then I have to tell you to stop being so dramatical
Love and history is grammatical and non-fictional
So truly historiography should only be studied by those who love biology
The study of life and living things
Human beings with cells and rib-cages
Meant to lock themselves up with attached strings
To shoot bowing arrows
Loving each other all the way down to one another's bone-marrow
She said I'm gonna miss you so I used my thumbs in act for tissue
Our love will be on the cover of the book of love, volume 1 the first issue
I press your jacket close to mine so that in the closet, we're together. You will carelessly peel yourself from the hanger and won't even realize that we've been in love all night. And while you're driving her home, you'll feel as though you forgot something. Maybe between the cushions of the couch? On the kitchen counter? Or maybe while you were in bed with someone whose name is meant to be forgotten. You smell me lightly on your collar, and your fingers relax in the gap between her legs because everything has already happened. Her room is dark and impersonal but you don't mind because you can barely remember where she was born. You're under the covers, and her fingers escape the tangles of your hair, and you've gone blank. She moans and giggles and you're already too far out. You try to grip the reality you were once sober enough to realize, but you're almost over the edge, so there's nothing you can do. She whispers your name and everything has sounded so much better. Even though you can't seem to breathe, you feel as though you might puke. Her callous legs burn your thighs, and you think you might be bleeding. No, wait, it's her. And you're reeling because you haven't realized the ending until now. She starts to cry and she wants you to stay. You want to hug her, kiss her, tell her everything she needs to hear just so she'll stop. But you can't because you might vomit all over her floral pink comforter. The lights are on, and you've already seen too much. You gather yourself to leave. But before you do, a frame on her nightstand catches your eye. A pigtailed blonde in a pair of second-hand overalls. An endearing smile with missing teeth stained red from a popsicle. You just fucked that three year old. That cherry popsicle has now stained her comforter, and you already know her too well. So you puke on her floor, pick up one sock and leave with no wallet.
I see the haphazard manner in which you enter, and it's as though you've never left. I push through this damp room to finally be acquainted with the harshness of this winter night, but I'm pulled aside, and in a rush, your lips are on my neck and you're saying that you're finally home. There are still distant yells of anger or frivolity, I'm not sure which. All I know is that we're finally here, after the foreplay of our coats and I can hardly feel you on my skin, but I can hear the rush of your blood. I taste the brackish sheen to your lips and I start to laugh, more because I'm lying on your belt buckle and I know the bruise on my cheek will start to color tomorrow. You're shuddering, and your tears are now in my hair.
"I don't know you, but I am you. You have been with me all night. Help me. Accept me. Become me."
"Shh. You must be absent with me."
"But I want to learn to love you."
"Boys like you only love their mother, and I can barely love my father."
two summers ago,
I found myself under a cabbage leaf
curled beneath the sun.
circled in slumber,
like there was never an end to anything.
then, I grew wings
and left my warmth for speed
sacrificing my calm breeze for cold storms
and windy nights.
on my flight home,
I sit through red lights and
look for tear tracks on the
faces of strangers
kissing their cheeks with my eyes
and pretending I can see the salt.
because there is hope left in
loss, my friends.
sometimes, you just have to let
the best things fall.
(how do you think storks still fly?)
so, I spend rush hour
untying the cloth diapers from my ankles
and when the highway pulls
my hills away from me,
I send them flying out the window
like dead birds
I will never see the seeds
fertilized through their bones
praying God thinks this
is a gesture of my good will.
let us all pray that God notices
our empty hands when we give up
the deepest now for an uncertain future.
Personally, I am praying for a cardboard-box
collection of home movies documenting
the growth of all the people I left,
of all the places thrown behind me
like stale cigarette smoke,
the homes I have broken with
my ever moving feet, my restless
I will project the shaky film
all over my internals until my
gut is soaked with light
and the last shocked thought
of my quickly fading mind
will be of the things I could have seen,
the memories I would have made
if I had not gone away so much.
If I had just stayed.
but the wind is a vicious thing,
especially the updrafts
especially the hot breath under wings
which gradually convinced me
that my home was a cold dead thing
that there was no life left in my town
that the only world worth seeing was
far far away.
I have burned the eyes
of bluegrass Beethovens dying
slowly on a stage just to prove
that I never needed a quiet place.
that I was above all the country songs
and overalls and camouflage,
but we all need to hide sometimes.
even from ourselves.
i blame a lot.
i blame myself
i blame the people around me
i blame the people that left me
i blame this town
i blame my family
but what if no one is to blame.
what if this actually is just some freak of nature
and this is just how the universe plays out
a sick dance of broken family trees
a pageant frilled up
for all the soul sucking humans
maybe i was meant to be awake
maybe sleep isn't for me
for a reason
maybe i'm supposed to be the alive one
maybe dying makes you breathe
maybe i'm just not seeing
what i'm supposed to see
maybe everything is backwards
like my sister's overalls
at her backwards birthday party
when we were
maybe destruction is actually
d e s t i n y
After the snow
Miss Billings said
hey kid you got
a girl friend yet?
you said no
although you did
in a kind of way
but she needn’t
why haven’t you
got a girl friend?
you said you needed
a rest from girls
but she just laughed
and said girls
had had enough
of you I expect
anyways look out
for incoming cars
a petrol station
not a love nest
and she wiggled
back to her office
a poor man’s Monroe
and the door closed
and you wondered
what the guys who came
to the petrol station
saw in her
and how they
drooled over her
when they dropped
in now and then
and she lapped
it up putting on
her Marilyn thing
that blonde hair
bright eyed stare
and a laugh
that would undress
a man’s mind
not that you’d
say no but there you go
the small front office
waiting for a punter
to come get
or have their tyres
checked and blown
and looking out
at the passing traffic
how many men
and what she
and red dress
and black stockings
and ankle boots
and sans her spectacles
and thought how
she’d sucked you dry
to your 15yr old balls.