Crippled child, crippled man,
crippled lame man,
who could ask more of me than God,
who broke me, before I even came.
and so, gnarled little stump of a boy,
who only felt shame,
he who could have known love,
felt only shame.
How could this happen
It wasn't supposed to be that way,
brave little boy though,
held his head high,
and walked forward,
but who could know the fear he felt,
terrified, he took the next step,
and at every turn, the looks,
laughter and jeers sounded beyond the senses,
How it felt, horrible,
but still the head held high,
such strength and valour,
oh, beautiful child
I am here now,
I am the light in the darkness,
and I can see,
you have returned to me,
and what can a father say,
except forgive me
even a God will cry, at times....
A smile kisses my lips
as the darkness disappears
another endless night has faded
hours lost with lack of sleep
I tremble with anticipation
as my heart burns with inspiration
of so many others that have come before me
my skin humming with the beautiful notion
of their passion and devotion
my blood set ablaze
something is awakening within me
so far inside I had feared it was almost forgotten
but the dawn of each new day keeps trying to explain
all the many reasons I am here in the now
if you were to catch me in this fleeting quiet
there is nothing I would hide
I would bare all that lay inside
if you were to pay attention
this moment holds perfection
with its entirety of the unique
perched atop my hidden corner of my world
seeing nothing but knowing all
praying with the aching desire
to only keep getting higher and higher
to climb with worn hands
the rocky mountainside
to dance with bare feet
in the frisky river waters
with my days of sobbing on the bathroom floor
far enough behind me only to see a faint outline
tracing with my fingertips of aftershock
the bits of ridicule and criticism popping up
just as quickly fading to black
and instead of being riddled with tiny little holes
stealing that pain
making a statement
taking a stand
I notice all that has made and kept me strong
for so very long kept in the background
my heartbeats pounds with the bass boom boom
all of a sudden the syncopation hits the room
the terror comes in waves so strong
shivers send electric static currents up my spine
as if for one split second
not one atom around me is the same
almost dreamlike comes the realization
that I have always been
painting, writing, sculpting, singing, building
my very own reality........
I think I've been sitting in front of plasma screens for way too long
Because I feel a carcinoma in the back of my head
Oh, and I guess I bleached my brain out
Because my laptop feels like a tanning bed sometimes
I can't help but notice all these living room nomads
With faces pasted to the television
Growing remote controls out of the back of their skulls...
I reached my hand to feel the back of my scalp
And just found my own sweat.
..........................................................
Every time you hear
A baby laugh -
I'm there...
Every time you see
A firefly -
I'm there...
When new spring
Wildflowers bloom,
Or you hear the
Thunder boom,
And Momma's perfume
Fills the room,
I'm there...
When the first flakes
From winter fall -
And when you hear
The robin's call -
I'm there...
When you see
A bright-eyed child
On Christmas morn,
Or a brand-new baby born,
Just like the soft silk
From the corn -
I'm there...
I'm in the teardrops Grandma cries
When praying every night.
And when the eve is over,
You'll feel me in the morning light.
And every ray of sunshine
That warms your Saturday,
I'm there. I'm in their laughter
When I see my sisters play.
When you hear
The thunders roll -
I'm there...
Or hear the sharp song
Of the Oriole,
I'm there...
When April blossoms fill the trees,
Or you hear the song of honey bees,
Just like the gentle
Morning breeze,
I'm there...
In the cool of the morning dew,
And in the little songs that you
Hum when you're not aware,
I'm there...
Or when new snow falls,
And Grandpa calls
To ask you how you are.
When the rain beats low
And the soft moon glow
Wakes up another star.
I'm there...
I'm in the lazy
Summer breeze
Winding through
The dancing trees -
When the first spring rain
Greets the day,
Or you hear my sisters pray,
And a secret blessing
Falls your way,
I'm there...
When the first leaves
Of Autumn turn,
And Winter nips
Against your door,
And starlight dances
Through the sky,
And bare feet tap
Across the floor,
Or that final breath
Of Autumn sings
A song from oh, so
Long ago,
And Winter sets her
Eyes upon the morning
With a dust of snow,
I'll be watching over you,
As quiet as can be,
With a gentle warmth
Within my heart-
Because you mean
So much to me.
Copyright © 2011 Richard D. Remler
..............................................................
"Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather
openings in Heaven where the love of our lost
ones pours through and shines down
upon us to let us know they are happy."
~Author Unknown
...........................................................
This poem is not meant to
Offend anyone's faith or
Religious beliefs.
This Is In Memory of Gage King,
My young cousin, who, on Tuesday,
September 2, 2003, at the age of 5,
Was struck and killed while riding
His bicycle by someone speeding
Through a residential section of
Manning, Iowa, USA . .
http://www.davidkusel.com/alumni/memorial/gage-king.htm
This soul you gave
Has lost its way.
It doesn't know who made
It anymore.
This soul, supposed
To feel brought to life,
Feels numb, confused,
A little old.
This soul may be typical,
Or maybe outlandishly wise for its age,
Or maybe it's a rebel,
For all its rightful rage.
This soul in me's got
A little identity crisis,
With mind and matter tuging left
And faith in nature yanking right.
This soul you gave
May be ungrateful--
For all the life and love it has,
It still feels, oh, so hateful!
This soul needs help,
It's lost its way.
It doesn't know what made
It anymore.
Oh my lord!!! oh my gosh!!! The poem I was writing just got lost!!!
It was a masterpiece!!! And now it's gone, I feel like forever I will sing this song..
I was trying to hit save, I slipped and hit delete, my time was so wasted, it tastes so bittersweet...
Will it come back? Where did it go? Now I've lost my poets flow??? Damn!
There's gotta be some clever way to let everybody know!!! That....
Oh my lord!!! oh my gosh!!! The poem I was writing just got lost!!!and I'm pissed....
I lost cuntrol when I was nine years old.
Mother took my hand off my crotch yet left my brother to the confinement of his cock;
Girls good, boys bad, and oh no sweetheart your beauty is your only power.
And I’d blush; not in the way she’d hoped through the sweep of a brush but rather when my teacher left her hand lingering on my back as she bent over to tick the formula of the female form and cross out what the chimes of the church commanded.
I looked at the curve of the x she used to mark the spot and sighed.
Teach me. Teach me your ways so I can breathe in the sweet blossom of your hair as I rest in the bossom of your heart, its smells like lavender. Lavender.
Lavender sweet dreams honey and I will see you there tonight.
It was then I began my perpetual low earth orbit from dream to dream and departed from what mother said that day when I asked the question that makes mothers quake as they smooth out the creases in their dresses and tuck their unravelled hair behind bitten ears.
Making love. We made love only to make you, darling.
Mother smiled sweetly and turned her back on me as her mind traced back to that morning when she made mad passionate love with the milkman when daddy wasn’t looking. I am still waiting for my little sister.
If practice makes me perfect then meet man, mother.
I used his rocket to launch myself into space where I spelt her name out in the stars and jumped over the moon to Venus. I felt the warmth from her skin like the sun that keeps me alive. Alive. Alive.
Warm me, darling, just with the nestle in my vessel in my veins in my sugar coated spaceship.
We found sticks and made smores and we floated together, with my hand tracing your V in that three-dimensional galaxy between your legs we fell in love. No void existed between our celestial bodies as gravity pulled me into your arms.
He came as I came back from space thinking of nothing but the soft shape of her hips and the trail of her spine that led me back to earth.
There’s man with his grey socks still on his feet, dark matter on the sheets and a wrapper on the floor.
Rubbish I thought, but in the sky…
That night my mother asked me why I am smiling.
I said I have become an astronaut in orbit with a woman who I love in space.
She cried shes lost it.
I smiled, nodded yes, I've lost it to her.
I lost cuntrol when the earth, heavens and waters fell in love and sailed and soured as we danced on the tree tops of your garden, with waves crashing beneath us leaving salt shimmering particles like diamonds on your feet.
You were my alphabet soup that filled me with too many words, the thrill of the prize at the bottom of the cereal packet and the noble intentions of stopping the Titanic from sinking with the touch of button.
We had love at first sight like David and Jonathen, Ruth and Naomi who boarded the ark as my back arched in passionate throws below deck, as Noa held Emzaras hand smiling.
Adding a letter to her name on Transgender Tuesdays was just an afterthought.
Opening her drawers to pack up her boxers and bind her breasts Noa smiled as the clock cocked Tuesday.
She entered her escapism; what the Bible calls a natural disaster, I just call natural.
I lost cuntrol when I re-arranged the stars like pick and mix, so I could always find my way back to you. When you said I love you I wondered whether I’d had too many dolly mixtures and where jelly babies came from.
Sugar rimmed your lips like salt on a martini and left me drunk with desire as I licked around your edges. You slipped a haribo ring on my finger and I gave you my loveheart.
I lost cuntrol one day when my lover Alice said eat me. She showed me Dinah who hide beneath her skirt and I followed curiously.
I didn’t ask her to say please but that’s another story.
After her lesson I was told the Sputnik satellite was man-made and I laughed.
Oh no, women have been launching rockets with complete cuntrol between their legs for years, leaving the earths atmosphere and dreaming of everything else but dirty Dick’s dick.
During countdown they think of shopping lists, whether they’ve burnt off enough calories for wine with their girlfriends, and sometimes, sometimes, of her.
Do good girls go gay?
In space, my mother said, in space.
Oh,
You say you could use a love like mine?
Darling,
I've been waiting for someone like you
For too long.
My mind's bleeding out, and no one else knows. My thoughts plague me with doubt; and my world's full of holes.
I better pick up a pail, and start saving myself, cause this water is rising, creating a hell.
So on frail wings, I am learning to fly, making up things, to put on my mind,
Now I'm so far from land even these angels have died, I look in the mirror but I have gone blind.
Left now to wonder why oh god why.
all these thoughts locked inside
my mind its such a terrible place
oh my, what a mess
and I can never fix it up
it gets messier everyday
there is nothing I can do
it's hot as hell
hell is in my head
and I show you a little bit
of my very own hell
everyday.
It's kinda funny
how much love I have
storming through my hell
