You are my lover,like a father--
But I will never be your wife
And I will never be your daughter.
I am the skeleton locked in the closet
While you sit together, Sunday brunch
With sweet smiles and shared laughs
Over sentiments I will never be part of.
Family man with a happy home,
Why are you unfulfilled?
Lay with her at night, but your
Thoughts are with me, and night-time
Dreams will bring our lust to your quiet bed.
You love her, I know, but
Where once floods of passion brought you
To embrace has trickled to a slow and
Steady river, and visions flash in your mind
Of wandering between between soft, young
Thighs, where pleasure is welcomed
Readily between smooth legs.
One last moment of freedom, rebellion and
Youth before all has fleeted and
Feeble mind and feeble body receive
No coy flattery or passing glance.
You are just a man, it's true;
and all men fall to the right woman.
We're just connecting the dots of past encounters,
hanging on to what you know
and what's become far too familiar over time.
We include one another in our stagnancy and time may as well stand still.
We're all servants to a master bent on our destruction,
we bow our heads and say "jump how high?"
This isn't a right, it's a responsibility.
I'm just a sheep, but I've got a little fight in me.
A tired dog, but I've still got some bite in me.
So here's to the degradation of the pride we'd built
Do they only stand by ignorance? Is that their happy state,
The proof of their obedience and their faith?
I swear to God this is a comedy.
The cruelest joke I've never told,
but in my head, it never gets old.
We allow the crimes against ourselves,
so how can we complain?
We're the source of our own pain, so even though
I've found a place to rest my head,
I still can't sleep.
I still can't sleep at night.
The delusions are setting in,
but I still can't sleep at night.
No dreams will come, I lay and weep
I still can't sleep, I still can't sleep...
I wonder if you see me
In your sad memories,
Do you still catch your breath,
Do you still think of me?
When you're down and lonely
And tangled in your tears
So forlorn and empty,
And craving all your fears,
You beg and pray at night
And ache to be in light!
One more lonely, 'not yet'...
Fall in love with your regret.
I wonder if you hear me
In the sad whispered rain,
As it freezes in your soul,
Do you ever say my name?
Have you ever tried to find me
In that sad soulful song?
It sometimes takes a lifetime,
To admit you were wrong.
The morning started with a shower
Arms braced against the wall in a kind of supplication
Pushing hard so damn hard you want to fall
You let the water wash your dreams and pain away
The morning started with you leaving
Saying I'm so nice as you walk out the door
I know your tired cause we didn't sleep
I remember your whispered promises that were quickly disposed of
The morning started with you lying next to me
While I played Rilo Kiley
So close I could touch you but I could tell you didn't want to be touched
"Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can’t move
Awake but cannot open my eyes
And the weight is crushing down on my lungs
I know I can’t breathe
And I hope someone will help me this time..."
I played it in a moment of honesty
My one true expression as I watched the distance grow between us
I wanted to fuck you again cause I hoped it would mean something
Thank you for teaching me that the third time is the charm and the fourth is for sleeping not fucking
It's hard to find this kind of rejection early in the morning. Thanks for staying open late to accommodate me.
The morning started with me laughing at you when you said where's the underwear?
Writers can laugh at painful parallels and prophesy true unintentionally but not uneventfully
It doesn't help me not want to fuck you again
So we fuck again for the third time. The last time.
You kiss less when your not drunk
The morning started with some smoke and water and generic Advil
Proscribed to all the fallen like vitamins
You look good naked
Next to me
I wonder what this morning will bring?
This morning started with me inside you the second time
You made me cum inside you like you wanted something that I had to give
Maybe love maybe pain -you did like to be hurt
You didn't remember that I said I want to hurt you less cause I actually like you
I choked you cause you wanted it more than me
I feel like Kriegers robot arm sometimes
Perhaps we could just affix a cock to the arm and I could be replaced
Go on vacation to the city of lost whore sluts
I hear the buffet there is wonderful
The morning started with me inside you
On the kitchen floor
I threw you up against the wall too hard
You fell down so I took you right there
On the linoluem Under flourecent lights
You were so tight and tender and tough
You fucked me desperately like you hadn't been getting enough
Sorry for banging your head up against the fridge
The morning started with you next to me
Both of us drunk
You kissed me right
Out of the many there are few that do it
It's a weakness for me and dangerous to believe in the power of knowing through a kiss
You dry humped me like a dog on speed
It felt good
That and the kissing
I said no
I wouldn't fuck you
Like I said before
You said it had been to long
That you never did this
I said I needed to wait
That I liked you
I didn't want you to be just a fuck
Not just for you
But for me
Sometimes even seasoned whores need to feel special
I said that I'd fall too quick
You can be very persuasive
The morning started with me on the couch with your friend
We had makers and he had Jameson
He called it neat but it had Ice
I didn't say anything
You told him that you knew me for a long time and that i was gay
In retrospect it probably helped that I talked about color and carpets and paintings and poetry
I tried not laugh as we tried to pass of our little deceptive parody
Sure it was successful but what does it really say about me that he'd believe it
Oh the irony of pretending to be gay to get a girl
The things we do
He left after a long soliloquy on decorating and fashion
I think you might be like me and sometimes confuse the facts of your friends and stories with your dreams
I thought your adept practiced and surreptitious deception was endearing
I wanted to kiss you all night so I was glad he left
After he was gone I told you in the bathroom that I wanted to kiss you all night and you dropped your pants and peed in front me
You looked at me like no big deal and said what I don't care
I really starting liking you then
The morning started at the bar the night before
You sat down and smiled and flirted with me
You told me I would have to wait a year and a half to fuck you
As we drank way too much and both grew more beautiful and gracious with every ounce of liquid forgetfulness
The morning started the night before at your work when I hit on you cause you were laughing and smiling and had a little halo
The morning started like any other morning
With lies and rejection and sweetness and passion and loneliness
If I knew I was going to be used like this
I would have used a condom
Not to just protect against the std's but to protect from intimacy
I hope I won't fail on both counts
A little worried
That's why I write this story
In the suburbs,
I am driving through the dark heat
of summer night
in a luxury car I don't deserve
to a house that is at least three times too large
In the suburbs,
I am a college graduate,
headed to medical school
and I won't pay for that either
so the remainder of my school fund
is being spent on pettiness
Which is what much of it went to already.
In the suburbs,
my phone flashes
with your neediness.
You shouldn't have left
but I was never there,
not for you or your friends
at these high school reunions.
In the suburbs,
all I have are the scraps
of trembling hands on breasts
and sticky fumblings
cloaked with sweat,
of drinking in dark basements
that stunk of my young, bad conscience,
of halcyon days
In the suburbs,
the wind licks from my tongue
the scent of alcohol
but throws dust in my eyes.
In the suburbs,
I switch off the headlights,
and race along the blackened asphalt
as the moon lights the way overhead.
a notable image..
in night sky
A creator or
A centered aging
says it all..?
The unusual shape?
A definite torus..
expressed as Torus..?
Boundaries of cones
form an X..?
Creation of symmetry
Why unusual colors
Red and Blue..?
Left and Right
Male and Female
As hydrocarbon molecules
colors building blocks
for organic life..?
Center Light transforming
to component colors..?
In a few million years
the Red Rectangle nebula
will probably bloom
into a planetary
The multi-story carpark
was an urban tower
for adolescent escapism.
Despite how that sounds,
The feelings of those times
couldn't be more pronounced.
Huddled in groups,
Cheap noise blaring
out fuzzy tunes.
We'd mosh to it nonetheless,
Our reverence unsaid.
Winter month's wet weather
brought more to our shelter,
We'd skate, paint and
be anti-social together.
Often we'd engage
in illegal activity,
Around us, this place
would be a hub for divinity.
stealing and sex.
Party for free,
Plan the next.
Our weekends were spent
surrounded by concrete,
we'd hide from problems
where only we could find us.
One night on the top
at nine o' clock,
a chorus of ringing
I held the girl close as we looked upon the city,
Skystruck teens getting dizzy.
No escape from cherished memories,
Don't run from it,
is a beatific bane.
Good times are never in vain.
But I realized one night
staring into a fire in the middle of the mountains
that we are all fire sparks
small and gleaming
to illuminate the darkness
striving to be the brightest
to suck in enough life
in the the entrapping ink
getting caught up in your web of lies.
its time that i should realize
there's nothing but bullshit in your eyes
and i can no longer sympathize.
you greet each day with only half a heart,
silently wishing it didn't start,
hoping each day's the one you depart,
tired of living your life in the dark.
i follow you to try to shed some light
but you close your eyes at the sight,
and call to you, your blanket of night.
you won't let me help with this fight.
give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day,
trying to teach you, but you run away.
you can't help someone who won't stay,
so why am i still here, anyway?
to beds of roses
to lust and passion
to drinks and hangovers
to tear filled nights
to unwritten letters
to razor sharp edges
to a joyous night
to a kiss and a light
to fireworks and moonlit skies
to a cramped up bed
to broken hearts
to shadows and silhouettes
to some reason
to some time
to some logic
out of the grime
lit skies and