The pain is so strong that I can’t bare
It’s clear God isn’t answering my prayer
Another pitiful attempt to clear my head
My tears stain the silky material of my bed
No one listens, no one really cares
I have been damaged beyond repair
I know my parents won’t care if I’m alone, crying
I’ve tried to be a good daughter; yes I’ve been trying
I ball up in the corner of my darkened room
My face stiff and my eyes full of gloom
Suddenly my heart gives way and I feel numb
I knew I was through; I knew I was done
I’ve had enough pain, rage, and fright
I’ve decided it all ends tonight
I got up to my desk to write one last note
What I felt is what I wrote
I wrote how much I loved my Dad and my Mom
I never knew I could be so calm
I stumble to the bathroom door
Not before opening up my drawer
And picking my amazingly sharp knife
With this I will end my life
I locked myself in the bathroom and filled the bathtub with water
By midnight, this family will have one less daughter
I did what I had to do with my note beside me
My blood level dropped to a serious degree
I died that night in a bathtub of my own blood
I never noticed how much my bathroom could flood
My parents came barging through the door
In my blurry vision I saw my mother drop to the floor
My father scooped me up and tried to bring me back with tears in his eyes
His eyes held worries and so much love; no lies
My mother was besides me; screaming, I could tell she was scared
They were both crying, I never knew they really cared
The pain is so strong, it’s almost relieving
I know my soul fading away; I’m leaving
I whispered, “Mom, Dad … I love you so much”
As I felt my last touch.......
When someone tells you something’s wrong; please don’t let it dismiss
Please, listen to them; don’t let it come to this
The old woman with the lined, wise face
Feels her eyes go heavy; her chest swells and falls
Like ripples on a shallow pond.
But this night she is seeking the deep waters;
Memories of a few men who touched her
In her most guarded places.
While they slept next to her young, throbbing
Body she honed them like a slim axe.
She always let her lover fall asleep
Before she opened herself to the Dream Lord.
She would dream of swords and feathers,
Of swimming downward into black depths
Where the ruins of a lost city
Caught her in its pull, toward its stillness,
Its eldritch glow, so unreal and
marvelled at even
As it caught her in its nets.
She always in thrall to her
At dawn the new sun comes peering
Through and whispers kisses onto
Her world now is peopled with broken
Faces she knows can become in a minute
Strange and unkind.
She tries so hard to use the broken images
To assemble a mosaic, but there are always
Pieces missing: she is always incomplete.
There is a name on one of those pieces
Which is on the tip of her tongue.
It was a transient love, like an island
Sharp as its coral, of teeth and claws, and once
She felt alive to look at the scars; the scrapes
And puncture wounds a terrible secret that
Her body has locked away in the netherworld
She time travels through the Universe of her
What is left for her but flashes of skin and
Still a name; a name that slowly turns jade upon
A name she must remember so she can go and
Beside the Fountain.
To unpack that long black bag of torments
And fears cleansed so she can rest
Descend into the Water Kingdom;
To listen to the song of the bird that comes
To beckon her home.
Hey hi alright so,
let's slow down the thunder that emerges from your hair in boxcars,
cut off the dirty melanoma on my left cheek all bloodied from the stars,
And who wants to die together? (hint: Stars are a great band.)
who wants the pleasantness?
who wants King Kong Williams and windy spinach yellows?
who wants to grow old like the brine of my eyes?
Immaculate for the pleasantness again,
takin hostage $50,000 runnin off to somewhere called nevermore
tying it down on
breezeblocks in blonde buns,
delirious off all fashion and heightened colour in the forever of my woebegone ashtray!
And flying to skydragon or otherwise frank Liuna
flashfive James St, the dejection of my scatteredness,
the meth lab in your bedroom, (hint: your kisses count for a billion.)
the rising of how we put relish on the nights help buttons and eff words,
over the day lonely drug addict stoner with autumns
firebongs, (hint: cute&tiny lungs help i'm fearing cardiac arrest HELP)
choosing all them different voices all
them funny ginsberg America readings
Climb up and drink all that red wine and pass cuddle Tarantino warmth at 3am snapping reality tits (are we calling them that?) or red censorship lines playing
thru my imposed overratedness,
thru invisible tiny xmas drumkits,
Vericose gas station lessons and perpetual squishy memories in a flowin alphabet organization mourning the freezer,
deepening the memoirs and
lookin at those silly acid pictures with
Wilfred screaming from the broomcloset.
The morning is something.
The morning is really something.
(hint: so is the night.)
This town hold so many secrets id rather not share.
With it's busy downtown streets & crowded casino nights.
The place I once called home doesn't have enough shelter to keep me safe at night.
Like the alley ways you walk at night everything gets hidden in the shadows.
This town has so many memories is rather not share.
With it's hidden agendas and drunken nights.
The place I once called home holds only regrets and broke hearts.
Like the back of my brain these memories get hidden in the shadows.
This town has me feeling rotten to the core.
With the false hope of survival.
Like a black hole I'll implode if I stay here.
The place I once called home is the place I'm trying to escape.
Like the cold hand that touches me in the Winter
I cringe in Sadness every time
Too afraid to face the Cold
That hit me
With the force
Of a terrified band of horses
Running loose in the night
And when they reach me
I know it will hurt
A Memory of you
Passes through my mind
Each one a hard blow to my Heart
The stars that sparkled in here eyes, ceased to shine deep at night.
Pain waking in the soul, from ghosts that raved upon her bed.
Death creeping at her door, craving human's bone and flesh.
A knife sitting where she sleeps, blood gushing from her flesh.
Demons crawling in the streets, awaiting death's keen sting.
As she weeps a sorrowfilled song, a heart beats slower.
Death as come yet at last, her life never could have last.
Heroin there's nothing I could ever sing to you.
Your like that ghostly lost line in a song
that slowly fades to blue.
And you who hides your face so well.
A phantom in the night.
A killer with a lovers touch.
That makes it feel alright.
the smell of your perfume the scent of your hair
you're etched in my mind reflecting I stare
I'll travel all night to erase these miles
to be by your side together sharing smiles
drawn in by your eyes I am captured by this
hold you so tight, anticipated, --- kiss
your ruby red lips ignite sparks so bright
that side of your neck long after the night
you are so special this is very true
I wanted you to know, --- my
Images of You
"Dear Diary" I wrote at the top of the page. I've turned to these wretched pages because I have no one else to turn to.
I have been wanting to runaway for sometime now. I have an estranged sense of nostalgia towards places I haven't even been to.
Did you know that you shattered my heart? That a shard of organ lacerated my ribcage? & so I've concluded...
That perhaps one day, when I'm 22, I will cut my hair short and runaway to new york and try to find a big sweet apple they've always talked about
I will disregard my birth name and I will end up tell everyone I meet that my name is Aphrodite, but I am not greek nor am I a lover. I'll write poetry. The good and the bad poetry. I'll write poetry the way you left me, blank eyed and confusing. And if I fall in love again, let him be just like you.
Laugh as sentimental as 100yr old harpist.
Smile as transfixing as a dim star, on a moonless night
Eye's as beautiful as the sun..
But just as the sun, I never could stare to long.
Today Is A Quiet Pallette Of Blue Which, In Fact,
Sits Secluded From Every Yellow, Pink, And Red,
It Is Cold And Quiet--Idle As An Afternoon Rain,
Lethargic And Angry, Hard Yet So.. So Silent...
Today Is A Blue Day, It Is Bluer Than My Very Soul,
It Is A Blue Tuesday, Darker Than A Saturday Night,
The Sky Is As Gray As The Sea, But It Is Twinkling,
The Notes It Sings Turquoise As Tropic Waters
Today Is A Soft Baby Blue, Contorted By A Tough Navy,
A Harsh Golden Sunrise Has Turned To A Gray,
The Mush Colored Sky Is Tamer For The Blue Eye,
And The Blue Eye, Is A Window To A Blue Heart