It's all too much; I can feel my lungs collapse on me.
There is nothing in your promises that I need.
I need to forget the memory that you only loved me, when you were fucking lonely.
I can't take anymore. I won't take anymore.
I wish you married me.
Sometimes, I break down.
Give up everything, but then I think...
Sometimes, I don't want to get better.
Most of the time, I just get worse.
Though you aren't here, I don't dare to erase what I thought we had.
I could lie and try to say that I'm the same.
Sometimes, I torture myself with the thought of you and
And it fucks me up so much, and you know it.
you ask what's bothering me.
you fucking know what's bothering me.
you tell her you love her.
And you just fucking....
I love you. but you need to stop.
I understand I'm being selfish,
but holy fuck, aren't we all?
I just don't want you loving someone else, or thinking about loving someone else,
when you tell me you love me.
I understand I may be overreacting, but oh my fucking shit.
You need to stop.
She would often take long walks,
Long walks on a forest path, she hated walking around city blocks.
She would walk with such grace,
As her brunette hair brushed her dress trimmed with lace.
She would walk into a sunny glade,
The only place that wasn't filled with shade.
There she would lay in the evening sun,
The only place she didn't have to run.
She would dance all the time,
This was her place where she could be free to rhyme.
Then she would sit down and put flowers in her hair,
Here, she didn't need to hide from peoples staring stares.
Then she would begin to walk when it was time to go,
Before she would leave, the wind would begin to blow.
Knocking out the flowers in her hair,
She would then be exposed to their dark stares.
The flowers drifted in the wind,
And landed on the soft grass, may this be a reminder.
That I won't give you a dark stare,
If you my dear, decide to put flowers in your hair.
It kinda seems to me, like I need to reinforce some things.
One of them is me, so fix in form of dreams.
But if dreams are where I'm dying,
Then where's the fun in that?
So much left to wander,
I thought we made a pact,
Not to give up on her.
And then never to look back?
What is loyalty?
Is loyalty when you are in a relationship, and you don't cheat?
Is loyalty and when you do your friend a favor when they need you most, and they are begging for you to help them?
That can't be loyalty.
That won't be loyalty.
No, Loyalty is something bigger.
Loyalty is when you are honest, and trusting, with your peers.
Loyalty is when you do the right thing for the right people
Instead of being selfish
Instead of being evil
Instead of being the kind of person no one would ever want to spend their life with.
Loyalty is when you stay true to your word.
It's when you don't tell a lie
It's when you develop one opinion on something
It's when you stick to your guns, and you don't go out being a liar.
It's when you claim that you are doing one thing, but realize you can do the other anyway.
It's when you don't act on that other way
It's when you instead, stay to what you last promised.
Loyalty is not being the one person who ruins an otherwise good night.
Loyalty is not being the one person who ruins an otherwise good life.
Loyalty is instead, simply, truth.
Truth to one person.
Truth to one person who deserves it.
Truth to all people, they all deserve it.
If you aren't willing to be loyal.
Don't call me.
That look on your face while you overhear conversation, normally you're not to far off with your assumptions of people. But every time you look at me, I know you're dead wrong. Its so obvious, multiple times a day I witness your eyes go wide when I catch you completely off guard. Maybe theres just certain types of people you don't believe in, that you don't know to exist. Sure its amusing to surprise people from time to time, but to constantly feel underestimated? You've got me further than arms length, and thats just fine. But you need to trust someone.
Ive seen eyes like that, full of so much that it looks like you could break at any moment. Countless hours of repressed emotion ready to be released. Just so you can start over collecting it all, bottling it up.
Don't think I haven't noticed the way your ears perk up, and the slight curve of your lips while listening to the chatter around you. To anyone not really watching, you're right there with the crowd, taking part. But with more than a glance I can clearly see the distance between you and them. So unattached. Do you ever really feel welcome?
You shy away from so much. I often wonder if the reason you wont accept anything is out of fear that it will disappear with the day. For someone with so much to offer, to give as little as possible. Most tend to radiate energy, but Ive seen few stay so contained like you do.
So much of yourself is hidden, locked away. I just hope that its not a habit caused by shame. Deny everything all you want, but I'm sticking around until I no longer see that look in your eyes. If I cant get you to trust me, then at least I'll be around so you can at least depend on me if you need to.
"Thorned coronet or a spine ridden diadem
Columns of my vertebrae you rowed up to the side of them
And slid a braquemard, home plated, in my diaphragm
Brutus to a Julius or Cassius to a caligula
You're shaking when you speak and you act rather ambiguous
Piteous pit falling I'm spitballing
And ballin up all of my shit
With a straw on my lips"
i am not your diadem, i wear that crown
beside no man
and i made you a diagram, warned how i felt
bout lion men
these days i get inside of them
and make their caves abandoned dens
and slay the sly clawed underhands
who tried to eat the wunderkid
you see these eyes? don’t lie to them
i’ll shoot the guy who tries to land
a bullseye in my vibrant lens
you’re crawling back to call me sin
not violent, i'm just not contending
i will not be rendered weapon
when i’m more like armageddon
in the body of a woman
if history was written off the way that you wanted
i’d be a trident in the hands of a tyrant, loveless
and you would be a poor king, so innocently luckless
recklessly denying of each bloody broken promise
so if we’re drawing from the vein of the kings and crowns
let history go ahead and repeat itself now
i’ll be the advisor to the feckless frown
'til the body count draws out a map of the grounds
behind the scenes yeah i can see you now
if you wanna save the city put your ego down
and no, this isn’t ‘bout the battle or the soldier crowds
it’s ‘bout what’s better for the starving citizens in this town
for the good of the people, i need to knock you down
so i will play your brutus and decimate the capital
ides of march around the bend, you sure love that pedestal
sic semper tyrannis, you declared it yourself
et tu brute? yeah i’m just here to help
Beginnings are the hardest things to start with.
It’s an experience you don’t have and it scares your confidence.
It’s like adopting a child and never meeting his parents.
It’s like driving for the first time and shaking on the wheel
Or trying to tell someone a story about something you never did.
It’s like having to do things for your own good
But knowing it won’t change you.
You know you should.
You do want to but something stronger’s controlling you.
And you hate yourself for fearing the time when you’ll fail because of this very moment.
It shows why you’re not brave, you’re not independent.
Oh you wanna be so, you wanna prove the world you can do something good
But is it really to them that you owe it to?
Isn’t it your life you’re trying to do right
And aren’t you the one making decisions and feeling bad afterwards?
You need to be selfish and determined.
You need to be missing all the childish times you’ve had, think about them when you’re down but bury all of those in the ground when it comes to looking forward.
You can’t afford to waste your life because you’re too slack to stand up and act.
You don’t want to look back one day on the things you’ve never done and cry your heart out because you hate who you’ve become.
It’s not when it’ll be too late you will have a chance to make it up for that.
Focus on goals and work it all out, you’ll see it’s easier when you believe you did right, when you’re proud of your life, when you know there’s nothing you could’ve done better in this one.
I drank from the cup of life
in my gown
a dagger on my thigh and the moon on my crown.
A host of seraphim surrounded me
armor shining on the painted floor.
They told me my name
was lion of god
They said I was so much more.
We banished the demons in the temple that night.
They howled and they shrieked
on the painted floor
where all the planets in the galaxy bore witness to their plight
But the demons were so much more.
And we did not slay them, but we laughed and we danced
for they served only one, and that one, Ariel.
Ariel, Ariel demons and angels implore
the lion of god, who is so much more
Your misery, our gift
Your happiness, our gift
You need both it is what we are here for.
I cannot sleep until you're home. The second that you slip under the sheets beside me I will allow sleep to take me, almost brutally. Having you beside me is enough, there need be no communication.
No-one is closer to me than you and yet, I lead a secret inner life that I just can't explain to you. I have no idea how you would respond if I were to communicate these truths. Some of these thoughts make little sense, even to me. It is enough just to have you by my side. No-one can, or should, know everything about another. You know, without knowing.
But you will be home soon. I lie here, so far from sleep, yet exhausted, and trace the contours of your face in my mind, over and over again. Your face is like granite, you are bearlike, fierce; safety, protection and sleep. You will be home, and I will lose myself in dreams that I cannot fall into while you are absent. In those dreams, there are things I cannot face alone in this bed.
You will be home, to free me from exhaustion, you will come home.