Through all my lives I've loved you.
With each one you were my constant.     You were always there.

What's happened?
In this life I only have the dream.
There's never a face

I feel you,
     I sense you,
          I know you.

This life can be no different.
You are out there.
I keep thinking I've found you, but.....
it's not right,
not you.

I think I'm learning though, I need to stop looking for you.
To stop the search and just let it happen.
It's not I who has to find you, it's we who will find one another.

It won't be right
   You won't be right
        We won't be right
Until we find each other.
Then, the face that is missing
will be seen.

How do I even begin proposin'
My love for you, just like the sea, that's blue
Every now and then, I'm reminiscin'
Darling dear, don't divulge, but do subdue

What hath she? Pondering thee, like a snail
If I do reckon gently, your sweet voice
To heaven, I would go, maybe by mail
Oh girl I don't know, do I have a choice?

Eyes, lips, hair. Those curves, baby, so luscious
The way you caress, that recedes all stress
Is, as Tolkien told, Gollum's "my precious."
Your style, the way you dress, sittin' with poise

If they say I'm indiscreet, just retreat -
You don't need to take any of the heat.

Father's Way: Tell me a story, Dad

What power we possess,
when the innocent demand,
at the time of cozy bed and sandman,
"Tell me a story,"

To gentle the monsters
in the closet of their heads,
grant them a peace naive that's lost after
they learn the D words, disappointment, death,
Till then, promises unfettered, the best yet to come.

The story, you, grantor, they, grantees,
Scent their dreams,
perfume their dreams,
sprinkle their safety net, blanky, rag doll:
- scent with mom's hairspray and dad's special smell,
musk, balsam, gasoline and body odor

- scent with cherrywood falsehoods to caress,
till morning's burnished glory ascends,
thru window, tenderize the cheeks of my babes,
prep them for the truths to be learned that day.

In tones most imploring,
glances fawning,
tis us, they do deceive,    
for adult arrogance demands
in God we Trust, that they,
will believe our words,
will indeed, make them rest
till new day's slow and subtle dawning

Tis the same tomfoolery that leads us
to drink repeatedly from the trough of
best laid plans and self-deception

You believed your own narrative
will be the one he scripted,
while standing day-dreaming,
sweating on subway platform,
admiring beaches and beauties
from station walls lifted,
waiting for the train
that only eventually comes,

that train, that station, whose smell reminds you
of mom's hairspray and dad's special smell,
musk, balsam and motor oil, and body odor,
a cocaine reminder of dreams yet uncrystallized,
and stories your father told, unrealized,
tho train has come, they have not

Write me a narrative, Dad,
and please advise
if tinker or tailor will be my trade,
fix my details, dear pater, par example,
pick my institution of higher learning,
my future alma mater, on my day of birth,
promise me gentility, no harm no foul, mirth,
All the days of my life.

Please advise if I shall be a
wife abuser, communist, or a damn
junkie poet/user,
word rich and pocket poor,
stealing ideas from everyone,
red blooded or blue~green,
a true believer, a born again,
an agnostic, my own truths, to disabuse

tell me father, will I die warmed,
surrounded by generations of my progeny
or in pauper's grave, a life long ward of
one true mate, in loco parentis all of my days,
a child, a dependent, of noster paternal state?

Please Pop, pick wise,
the life and lies, the faces and disguises,
I will need employ to achieve success
in the eyes of my reading beholders,
who own the liens on my soul
because of the promises I believed,
when you sang me
glowing lullabies of my future days,
how everyone would love my stories,
my poems, someday...


June 11, 2011
Updated on Father's Day 2013

Right now, I need someone
I need someone to hold.
I need someone to keep safe.
To keep another safe makes me
Safe.

Feeling another's head lean,
Brush up against my cheek.
Noticing the tickle of an eyelash
Gliding, whimsically over my skin.

I don't feel secure
I don't feel lost.
I'm trapped in a limbo:
Peace holding me in stasis,
Sorrow reaching for my heels.

I need someone to hold
I need someone to keep safe.
No.
Not someone.
You.

Don't think I don't need you.
I need you in the morning
I need you at the sunset

You, more than anyone.
More than a father's love
More than a mother's

And when you ask "Why?"
I think it's obvious:
You're everything
I want to be.

In your dreams I see
My own desires
My own needs

Your eyes hold a glow so intense
I wonder that the stars shine
Through their petty jealousy.

If you still don't understand
I'll say it one more time:
You're everything
I want for me.

You are my early morning
Winter dream

Your touch is like
Chilling wind on my face

Have ever seen your
Tiny feet play around …
In my mind

I could even hear your
Sweet sounds in my ears
And would start searching

Would like to watch you
Just for fondling


Always wished I could see you
Till yesterday..
I just felt like child play

You suddenly disappeared
From my dreams

Swinging the cradle
And waiting for you to come

Will you not come along?
My sweetie

Cannot sleep well and tiered, please come to me my dear

Will you not come to me ever?
I am shattered and need you
Have you found my sweet little baby?

I spit that non fiction, when i say life is my addiction, I'm such a contradiction;
you can call me COURAGE the cowardly. don't OVERSTEP your boundary.
the lames seem to bow to me, and if life were a bitch. i'd charge her by the hourly.
i feel FREE like a SEED, in the wind
there's no need to pretend
that no thought is more electric than your intent, i intend
to manifest success. my game infrared,
sounds like a different dialect, fresher than disinfect, dangerous like Russian roulette.
when its us or them
the beast against men
melanin augments; to increase my inner G for the main event!

You are insomnia
during Winter Solstice,
a charcoal universe smeared
on my palms
and ground into my pores.
You are as close to me as Pluto
as far away as my on fingernails.
I cannot explain why
I ache for you;
the way I thirst for your skin on mine.
The distance of years between us make you
an impossible target to hit.
Technically speaking,
you are simply a moth in the light
of my phosphorescent teenage hunger.
And yet, this need
burrows beneath and through any simple explanation
and worms into my typewriter keys
and up my angel hair nerves to
my spinal cord, where
it festers and feeds.
And even though
you are eating me alive
from the inside out,
having you here with me feels
like fucking heaven.

I crave your attention,
Because I don't know what it's like to have affection.

I crave your body,
Because no-one has ever offered me their mind.

I crave nights,
Because that's the only time I feel alive.

I crave you,
Because everyone else wants me to.

I need to start craving your affection,
So I can get your attention.

I need to start craving your mind,
Then, and only then, can I have your body.

I need to start craving the day,
So then the nights could be more real.

I need to start craving you,
Because I want to.

They told me dip your toes into that hell
Go
and make a daisy chain as well
and each daisy represents a body slain
a bloody great big daisy chain.
So I went and built a wall of sweat and in it tied the lessons which I tried hard to forget
but as these flowers on the wall began to bloom
the chain wrapped me into the doom
I saw a mountain lit in blackened light and on a white horse
there sat
a knight of olde
Taking notes as if foretold a history would need be taken
of lost souls who
forsaken by their breath had daisy chained into their death.

No Camelot
No Camelot
King Arthur has forgotten us
as we forgot the writings in the book
and took it on ourselves to delve into the fiery hells
that live within the hearts of men.

When we learn to make a daisy chain
when we learn that each man or woman slain in the name of God above
will we ever learn of this thing called love.

If and when we start to live in peace again
I wonder if we'll begin to see
daisy chains are not all they're cracked up to be.

The mirror spoke before it broke of another reflection back in time
another line
another chain
another hundred thousand slain
and told of not who was to blame
but pointed wearily
at me.