No school again, kids,
there was another gunshot nextdoor.
Buy some flowers guys, we knew that guy,
had a freaky girlfriend, she killed him.
His daughter's in our class, guys,
chill out on the bitch, her family's dead,
lives with her nutter grandma.
No school again, kids,
the sectary got killed by her husband.
Watch the body bags, guys,
he went suicidal afterwords.
She was a nice woman,
never knew her husband was insane.
Poor parentless kids, they just got piled
with mysteries and shit.
There's a drug binge in school again, guys,
a wad a cash per pack of whatever shit
the eleven year old kids grew the other day.
New principal is losing her mind
can't figure out why we're such a fucked up town.
Teachers leave every while so they can go outside
No track, so we run in the parking lot,
if somebody's run over, oh well, we'll find somebody else.
Home and I still can't figure out where
my neighbor went, found out he was dead.
His grandson is my stalker, but I still felt bad.
Couple girls were chased by some people on fourwheelers,
we called the police but no one ever came.
They got out, cut through some choppy yards.
Guys lighting up chairs in other people's yards,
and smashing mail boxes like no tomorrow.
And what am I doing?
Watching from behind the curtains,
as the world goes by, and wondering
when someone close to me
and drawing crude words and dead stick people
all over the dead, white walls.
Words aren't used,
Sleep with a gun, kids,
and keep one eye open.
There will always be someone coming
out to get you...
the monster under your bed
is the least of your problems.
Enjoy your stay.
Those majestic immovable mountains
As mesmerizing as the prettiest fountains.
No. More so, I know so
Standing here on the highest plateau.
The sky depicts a deep dark hue of blue,
A hue that can make all stress subdue’d.
The air somehow heavier, harder to breathe,
As if God Himself forced my lungs to seethe.
The higher I climbed, the more it burned,
Til the top I reached, and rested, well-earned.
How blue the sky is! I would say,
No wonder they come here to sit and pray.
So close to Heaven, I wonder in awe
If They can see my each and every flaw.
Like a speck on a microscope slide,
I felt Eyes moving with my every stride.
I laughed; what else could I do?
Facing those mountains, refusing to move,
Making their stand, their point to prove.
Stretching far beyond my scope of sight,
These fearless peaks displayed their might.
It was me versus God, no one else there.
I was all alone in the cold thin air.
Now is the time to ask, I thought,
Of all the questions and answers I sought.
I glared at the heavens and began to vent
On why things happened, and what they meant.
And on the mysteries of life, time, and space
Why some people are good, while others disgrace.
Can there be no right in a wrong-filled world,
Where hope is dying, withered, and curled?
O why must Your will be done?
When I have fallen,
Is that when You’ve won?
Why do You listen, and help me not?
Do You watch me in silence,
Or have You just forgot?
I waited for something, an answer, a sign,
Something amazing, something divine.
My yells were turned into echoing spears
Of anger, frustration, and fading tears.
So this is my answer, I mused, understanding.
My life unto you I will be handing.
For I am to walk this earth alone
Soul ever pining for one like my own.
My greatest desire caught in the wind
Carrying my hopes, now chagrined.
But here the mountains will not tire,
They will forever rise higher and higher.
Making their point, remaining unshaken
Here their honor will not be taken.
At last, I shuffled down the gentle slope
Clinging to one last, final, hope.
A gentle breeze brushed against my cheek,
Could something this subtle be what I seek?
I thought of my family and friends who care,
The ones who have stories and memories to share:
Speeding on the highway with the windows down
Yelling with the radio from town to town.
Dancing ‘round cones on a dark-lit stage,
And making money at minimum wage.
Of awkward hawks and dynasties,
And engines failing overseas.
Discussing life, women, and the mind,
And how one so insightful can be so blind.
An epiphany occurred right then and there,
That I wasn’t alone; I shouldn’t despair.
And that ever-gentle breeze picked up once again
Aiding my trek down the gentle terrain.
The mountains continue their looming presence
But for now they don’t seem as intense.
As I set foot onto solid, flat ground
I realized I was lost, and now I’ve been found.
In the theater, awaiting the curtain rising,
My woman looks at me and I say
She punches me in the arm,
Cause once again I read her mind,
For I know she is silently making her shopping list.
In the kitchen, looking confused, she is
Thinking what the heck did I come in here for,
Smiling, I suggest a cuppa tea might be nice,
And she looks at me queerly and says
Goddamn it, stop doing that!
Driving home she turns to me
And I say, yes, a veggie burger at Houston's
Would be a great idea for dinner.
She can't hit me cause I am doing the driving,
But she does make some laughing, teeth gnashing noises,
Which are most comical.
I am no Houdini, it's quite simple,
After 5 years, I read her like a book,
A book of my poems that she has inspired,
Entitled the Mysteries of True Love.
In the sun room, smiling.
May 25, 2013
Three seventy-five. At my current muscle weight, that’s the amount of force, in pounds, with which my fist smashes into my opponent’s face. Flesh molds against my knuckles, vessels rupture under the impact; I am that unstoppable object, that destruction you can only watch. I am that confused, hurt, angry child. I channel it through my arms, conduct it through my knuckles, watch it spark and jump from fist to cheekbone. This is the therapy I so wantonly crave, so needed. The only place I can vent the full wrath of my frustration upon the world; or…at least, a single member of it….
Jump back three days.
Why can’t I see you more? I text her. Because I don’t want a relationship. She says. I don’t need a relationship. I just want to see more of you. I tell her. I’m afraid I’ll invest too much. She says. I don’t understand. Is that a bad thing? Seven years of friendship, two of off-on dates and rendezvous. How could you get more invested? What else can you spill after your hearts in a pool at my feet?
I drank a lot that night.
Jump back four days.
I’m coming out that way. What are you doing tonight? I always initiate…everything. Always the first question, the first proposal, the first, the first, the first. Am I that threatening? Going out with friends. Homework and going out is all this woman seems to do. Maybe one less night with friends, one more with me wouldn’t hurt? Cool. Celebrating a birthday with friends, we’ll be out and about. Maybe we should meet up? If I’m here, she’s got no reason to refuse me…right? I thought distance was our only problem. Maybe it isn’t. I don’t know. I don’t want you to see me stupid drunk. What a stupid excuse. I actually want to see you stupid drunk. I will at some point if we keep things up.
Long story short, a guy she sometimes fucks is going to be wherever it is they’re going, and she doesn’t want to have two guys she’s seeing in the same vicinity. What does that make me? I’m getting frustrated with all this confusion and sideways talking. My group incidentally ends up at the same place they are. I don’t even talk to her face-to-face. I’m such a sporting guy. She goes home...alone, to my relief. I get stupid drunk with friends. But never forget to message her back and act like everything’s cool.
Jump ahead a week.
More conversations to clear up why I fill only one void in her life lead to more confusion. I’m frothing with it. It’ll be in my mouth soon. Wait…I taste it already.
“Let’s drink and pick fights,” I say to a couple buds. Two hours out, we’re sloshed and trading licks in a back alley. The guy that had taunted and jostled me in the bar follows us out and picks a fight. Says I’m too drunk. Not worth it. I hide a smile, raise my arms, “Let’s see.”
Shirts are off. Left hook to my ribs, I pivot an elbow, deflect with forearm. This leaves his side open. I duck his wild right-hand and drive a straight hit into his open spleen. He hits the alley wall. “Still want to take a drunk?” I taunt from my knee. He comes back, still sure of himself. I’ll show you what confidence does to us, my friend. He puts up a boxer’s guard and comes back, more cautious. Friends and enemies cheer and joan around me. I don’t hear a thing. There are thoughts. Dark, confused, smashed together, waiting to be dealt with. I focus on all of it. I focus on his face. I listen to the conversations that leave me more hurt and alone than they should. I lean into a false waltz stance, he doesn’t notice the feet. I notice his. He’s more drunk, on less, than I. Every time you breathe, I hope you think of me. The mass in my mind flows through my arms and legs. I charge and he punches straight where my head should go. I dodge right, grab his wrist, snap in and pull out, stringing him in an invisible flaying bed; my left elbow crosses his solar plexus, throwing him to the ground. Knees pin his arms. The hate, and anger, and confusion, and helplessness dissolve between fist and flesh, arc across the pain in my heart and the bruises and blood flowing freely from a fool....
Never entice a man with a need to portray his problems upon a heedless world.
His friend steps in and plants a well-thought-out fist against my jaw. The one on the ground is down for the count. My friends don’t step in. They know me. I roll off him before his friend’s hit can follow through. Now I have physical pain to channel, too. I grin and my assailant isn’t comforted. This is the release I need. This is my way out. This is what will help. Fuck you, world. Fuck you girl. Damn all of you for your games and your feelings and your mysteries. To hell with why you think you need to hide your heart. Wear it on your goddamn sleeves. Fuck your dishonesty and your insincerity. Fuck your exes. May you all drowned in your lies and guilt and shame. Damn you for assuming I’d ever judge any of you, for not taking my love at face-value, for thinking I had anywhere near the ulterior motives you all harbored. My left hand grabs his left elbow, simultaneously blocking a right jab and flipping his arm out of the way for the full force of my right arm into his ribs. A cacophony of bone and flesh giving way to my wrath meets my ears. He yelps. Never yelp when you’re trying to be strong for a friend. Keep your damned lips closed, asshole. He recovers only slightly before my right meets his face. My arc is perfect: the momentum of muscle as it curves the natural twist of a muscled arm, the darkness of my life gathering on knuckle-tips like obsidian gems glinting in the dirty hallway between worlds of vice and vindication, the cording muscle releasing the pent-up rage of a thousand lives gathered in one body.
Connection shatters worlds. The horror of life bleeds across his broken window to the world. The reflection of my jeweled nirvana wink across his eyes. See the world I live in, failed rescuer. See the hopeless honor I hold in my bosom. Sleep with the knowledge that even when you try, someone will always be there to flash the dark, jaded realities across your eyes…and bring you to my level.
The other friends won’t budge ‘till I’ve stepped past. They part like the Red Sea for me. My ark is empty until I interact with the world tomorrow.
Brief peace is better than none.
I am turning up the volume
On this symphony in my soul,
I am silencing all interruptions
From the world's static here below.
I am participating in life's mysteries
Inviting new adventures in my life,
I am nourishing my hungry spirit
Pruning my mind with wisdom's knife.
Calmly lost in rich vibrant colors
In life's imagery pool I drown,
Peacefully searching for reconciliation
Of my past, my future
i wish i knew how your garden grew
carefully sown with love and care
a paisley scene with deepest of hue
and a plethora of smells perfume the air
i wish i could tell how it grew so well
an ocean of flora all freshly in bloom
all of your tangles have stories to tell
mysteries well-guarded in their leafy womb
when rain and overcast skies close in
your garden recedes in a quiet repose
the till is immaculate and the soil pristine
and foul weather can't even begin to impose
no matter what, your garden survives
with everything vibrant and very much alive
Revealing secrets to me from the lessons I have learned all along the way
I ask for wisdom, knowledge, and an answer to life’s many mysteries when I pray.
I harbor no animosity sad or happy and it’s true, but I am jealous of the dead
Remembering all their mortal faces they took with them forever now fill my head
Wishing and wanting to join them every day is one of the reason’s I am still alive
For without that single one insanely crazy desire there is no way I can strive
Gaining momentum this ball keeps rolling and rolling and faster and faster
Breaking barriers like never before it’s a good thing because I’m now full of laughter
Felling the greedy power now from the opposition at an all-time high
I Came out of the gutter but I’m going to the top I tell you all and that’s no lie
Seeing things happening before they do what is going on with me?
Picking up the pieces I’m building my life’s puzzle I can see it, it’s a key
De ’ja’ vu I’m always stuck in it and I hold the strength of the sixth sense
Speaking the same words before you can get them out, trust it’s no coincidence
Unlocking doors one by one and rewarded each time GOD this is so much fun
Someday I will look back on my life and be so proud at what I had done
Can you peer through those eyes?
The radiance must be blinding.
As I gaze into them I’ve come to understand
what the ancients must have felt,
looking up toward the shimmering night sky.
All the mysteries and wonders of life
are clearly reflected, as is the light.
And even if I’d never be sure
just what chemicals kindle a stars faithful burn.
I would still spend every night
dreaming up poems about your eyes.
Its not ordinary pair of eyes
Its Kate Middleton's eyes..
2:35am. You say,
“Lets go for a drive
through the galaxy.”
Your car turns into a spacecraft
as we fly through the blackness.
You take me on a journey among the stars.
The streetlamps and stoplights
become colorful particles of our galaxy,
and the cars around us
transform into the UFO’s
we can only read about.
You show me the best-kept secrets
that our vast ocean in the sky holds,
from the eyes in envy.
sends me into the mysteries of black holes
and the awe of a supernova.
3:12am I whisper,
“Can we sleep upon the radiance of the moon?”
and you respond,
“Yes, and tomorrow after breakfast
I will take you to swim in the turquoise blue of the sea.”
You take me everywhere
and back again with the simplest of actions.
You do this to me…
Oh to know the
mysteries of Jesus
Christ, the way
he lived, the way he died. All along with me
in mind, the greatest mystery of Jesus Christ
is what it is he
sees in me, not
my here and
now but my
I can do except
to believe. That
is the greatest mystery