Why cant we just admit that waiting for the knife
is the worst part
it’s hard to remember a time when Xanax was just a silly media dream
so I became
energy with the werewolves and the gripping night eyes
I blinked and I fucked with passion
because maybe all we ever have is this moment
everything but our soul can wait
these precious winter breaths exhale mountains of now
the crunch of the snow reaches under our skin
we are naked for the world to see
we smile and scream and make love
this is ours to have, only now
never again until we are refreshed with a brief snowfall
always changed as the birds sing their disguised sorrows
we would rather cry in hysterics
his chocolate skin gave me warmth temporarily
because I now know my soul belongs to the sun
and only to that twinkling moon
Everything else can wait….
The coming of the light was disorienting at first, like the shimmer of the surface of the sea when viewed from beneath. Ossie Mae was swimming up to meet it head on with the fearlessness that only the children of the Great Depression possess. That stark light called out to her bones.
Ossie Mae could hear faint sounds of work: the crinkling of cellophane wrappers, muffled footsteps, and an incessant chatter of beeps nearby. She broke the water's surface and spied a silhouette moving gracefully around the room's only bed. The lights' intrusion subsided, and Ossie Mae was able to recognize hospital scrubs as the silhouette's garment of choice.
"Am I dead," Ossie Mae ventured feebly.
"I don't know," the silhouette responded. "Do you feel dead?"
"I don't know what dead feels like."
"Then how do you know you were ever alive?"
The question hung in the air for a moment while Ossie Mae gathered her wits. "I don't reckon it matters, does it? What happened? Where am I? What is your name?" Now the questions flowed like water over the falls.
"I am Nurse Cassandra. This is a hospital. You are here because you fell and broke your hip. You came in alone...is there anyone you would like me to call for you? Family? Friends?"
Ossie Mae's pupils dilated slightly, as if looking past Nurse Cassandra, searching. "No. My husband, Jack, passed away eight years ago. We never had children and the few friends I have are all in nursing homes or moved away to live with their babies and grand-babies, or to Florida. It's just me now...," Ossie Mae said, her voice slowly and steadily trailing off.
Nurse Cassandra, who looked to be a woman in her early fifties, set down the clipboard she had been scanning while Ossie Mae spoke. She sat down next to Ossie Mae and took her hand. Ossie Mae thought to herself that for such a young woman, Nurse Cassandra had old eyes. They were kind and gray, but seemed old and out of place.
"Is there anything I can do for you, Ossie Mae," Nurse Cassandra asked gently.
"Well...my daddy was a simple man, and he always told me 'Ossie Mae, you ain't got to know what you want in life, but it sure does help to know what you don't want.' I sure do miss Daddy...but I reckon what I don't want is to stay in this hospital any longer than I have to. Could you get me out of here? Please? I don't belong here no more."
"Are you sure? Really sure that is what you want, Ossie Mae?"
"Yes'ums. Yes ma'am." Flatly. Definitively.
"Then of course, Ossie Mae. I can help you with that." Nurse Cassandra stood up, reaching into the pocket of her scrubs. "One escape, coming right up."
Nurse Cassandra turned to Ossie Mae's I.V. drip, moving quickly with practiced hands, emptying the contents of the syringe into the port on the line.
And so it came to pass: Nurse Cassandra, Ossie Mae's Angel of Death, sent her home to Jack and Daddy.
i am still undecided if i should continue to pursue this genre....
sleep is a date with death.
it's a time when your body is present but your conscious is not.
but are you really alive without a conscious?
in sleep your consciousness goes on a journey
taking Death by the hand
and accompanying him to the most majestic of ballrooms
and into the eyes of terrifying storms,
to the highest of mountains
and the deepest of the oceans' chasms,
to the most distant of memories
and the depths of what you had forgotten,
to your most prideful of accomplishments
and the greatest of all of your fears,
to the brightest of hopes and aspirations
and the most vacant corners of darkness.
he shows you what this world has to offer
anything and everything
each journey to be an experience your body may not have the chance to live.
yet every time you arouse from sleep
you awaken with nothing but haze
blurred images being all that your body can comprehend
in comparison to what journeys your mind can traverse.
as you age, your body becomes rickety and wrinkled
barely able to hold back such a bursting mind.
this is the time when your mind does not want to confine itself to a body any longer
it wants to experience more than what this world has to offer,
for in the hours awake within the body
combined with every date with Death
every memory had been made
every child had been born
every tear has been shed
every moment as a human, in body and mind, had been experienced.
your mind is not weak nor weary, rather, it thrives
within a clear container
and all that Death has yet to show you visible in the distance.
once your body can hold you back no longer, it sets your mind free.
that is when Death greets you
just as a peaceful lover would come dawn
and just as affectionately
he would accompany your mind
to everything else there is beyond
Time goes, the curtain falls
And the hourglass is dry
Be kind, eyes sharp
There's no time to cry
Shedded tears have no place here
Bind myself so clear
Happy for so many years
Look in my eyes
Tell me if I deserve to die
Rescue me from this living hell
From the bottom of the well
I can't keep hoping that you'll come
'Cause I'm the reason that you fell
Let's run away like we used to
'Cause it's been years and I miss you
Just run with me to the end
'Cause I wanna be with you
I wanna be with you
Time stops, we're on
Act two has begun
I remember when you said
This time was our last one
My knees trembled and ached
Reminiscing on the day
Remembering your face
I can't sleep at night
Why do I wake up and try?
We'll drink to the nines someday
And I'll make a toast in your grace
Drinking devil's blood out of gold chalices
'Cause you're my best friend
I wanna live on the edge
Break me out of heaven
I wanna go back to the past
Because I lost my only friend
And I wanna try again
Shirt's off, I'm up
This is my moment
You set me free
This life can only get worse
Not for you but for me
Through the tears I could see
No point asking why
Without you all I do is cry
I know I fucked up this time
But baby I really try
I won't scream into the night
Sky, I'll whisper this time
I wanna grow old with you someday
Fingers-crossed that you're on the way
I love you and I'll wait forever
'Cause I wanna be with you
I wanna be with you
her tongue tastes like ashes, her voice cracks when she’s lying.
you throw imperfections, because you know you can’t have her.
If you say it out loud you can’t keep denying. You need her.
you can’t go to sleep without envisioning her beside you.
Her hands entangled in your hair, she’s screaming.
her soft brown hair looks red in the naked moonlight
Your mind plays games, you awaken and she’s gone.
You’d give anything to taste her lips.
She’s dying to pass your way.
her size five feet dangle on the edge of infidelity.
while you wait for her to sway.
in your mind, you can hear her sighs from the next room.
Let’s pretend for a moment, she’s sighing for you.
If there ever was a day
where I could find the words to say
how you make me feel,
and prove each passion real,
that would be the day
to believe in what you pray
because it would be the day,
of the impossible.
If there ever came a time
where loving you was a crime,
and I couldn’t see your face
or hold you tight in the right place,
my next breath would never come,
because without you I’m not whole, I’m some;
If there ever came a moment, that we could hold forever,
a guarantee that no matter what, we’d be together,
you wouldn’t dare look away.
Because if that day was today,
I’d take advantage in every way.
Because it would be the day,
Of the impossible.
Because regardless if you ever loved me
we both know you still feel my mouth
on the very edges of your skin,
and is it not news that she can taste my name
on the pieces of your exposed flesh
you haphazardly place so heavily beneath her.
I am burned so inescapably apparent
like silver scars that beg for invisibility.
I have kissed you deep with these malicious lips,
and left your blood tinged with toxic venoms
that you are so desperate to water-down,
to erase, to pretend as if they never seared
the guarded walls of your insecurity;
but don't let me brandish my own wounds
as though they somehow belong to you.
And I might not have ever meant I loved you,
but I can still feel the exact moment
it could have possibly been conceived
and the way the currents kept back
the aching light of truth that lay so calmly over
you and I, you and I,
you and I were never meant to be;
we just happened.
You popped into my mind today
might have been the leaves,
the music, the mindset I was in.
Maybe you never really left,
just slept in my head, like a tumor of turmoil and disgust.
until a moment when I’d stop to think about the past
and your face would rediscover itself.
I’ve stopped writing poetry, maybe it’s because nothing ever happens to me.
I used to try so hard to write something that would make you fall in love with me.
He doesn’t make me impress him, although I always try.
I don’t know where I’m going with this.
his hands, are too far away tonight.
Your face, isn’t far away enough.
It’s been years, but you’re still here.
not nearly near enough to hear me scream.
set me free.
an undeveloped poetry moves between my lips
your smile glistening on the glass of my shattered past.
I can’t tell you how glad I am you’re gone.
A disappointment, a let down hope,
a tear that sinks and never floats.
It's a dry throat a drained river,
cutting your skin in little slivers.
The angry words you write in your book,
the things you never gave but always took.
Pain you feel and try to share
The moment you realized no one was there.
It's when you scream till your throat is numb
It's the voices that say you're useless, ugly, and dumb.
Your a disappointment, a let down hope
Your tears only sink, they never float.
You are all alone and it's not fair
Because nobody ever tried to care.
Hold the tears back until the night
I know you will be there waiting
For there's no one to catch them throughout the day
Once I lay down I know I can relinquish all that was forced to be withheld
This cruel world would just let them fall unnoticed
You're waiting to take them in with open arms
So I hold back till the sun has set
Knowing your embrace awaits me
Say my prayers and its time to rest
When I lay down you'll be there as promised
Snuggled up close
Knowing your only purpose at that moment is to let me fell into you
I can release my fears upon you, along with sorrow and pain
Allowing the flood gates of my heart and eyes to open
Every tear I cry you take in without judgment
Again I pour it all out without shame, knowing that tomorrow you'll be here just the same
So thankful for my...
Tear soaked pillow