your breaths enthralled my lungs
and i was ever gasping for more
of the air you
intoxicated

your lips graced the descents
of my spine
your thoughts speckling
the depths of my mind

i always wondered
for as long as i knew you
how somebody could
simply be

so alluring
and graceful
and elegant
and perfect

yet so broken
and shattered
and tired
and alone

how the scars on your heart
and the cracks in your head
and the wounds you doused
your pains in

could make you so
                                           beautiful

Now I walk almost with ease through these nightly rituals
Disconnecting as much as I can from this frenzically speeding mind
Always the same.
Monotonously I wade through the murky waters of this devilish playground
Just enough energy to swim to the top now and again to gasp for air
Their seas of haunting chants is suffocating
Always deceitfully encouraging me into states of panic and despair
Always the same.

I have danced this dance many times before
Yet their persistancy makes it feel infinitely longer
My body aches from their puppet strings, holding me up before slumber
And my thoughts are disheveled from their constant trespassing.
But look here in my mind, that despite inconveniences still prospers, unstoppable.
Their manipulation, you see, although practiced in the mind, only hinders my brain and body
And is shrugged off every day as I wake from sleep,
No, no, it is not the same.

She traces water
Through the river
Into the
Cold, hard ground
Where secrets lie in wait
Her past is
An enigma
And I
Don't know what
To do with her
Anymore

She speaks words of
Wisdom and curiosity
Her ears flinch when
Things unsaid surface
She grows uncomfortable
At the thought of it
She can't handle
What I think of her

When I have time
To sit back and think
Lemons and limes
Inside hard earned beers
My mind never stops
Coming to these conclusions
Back and forth
With the wind through green trees
She walks through valleys
Untouched by cruel weather
Comes out unscathed
Though completely unclothed
I am always in awe
At her pure endurance
Spanning time with nothing
But the smile of Joan of Ark

The light is racing from our room,
seeping through the cracks under the door.
The darkness grows,
casting us into shadow.
but all things including light die in the end
utterances in the small places of my dark mind
lend themselfs to such times
i would not suffer to pass
the hour without bringing forth all the angers
and mettlesome ways that confound you
the smokes rakes against my mind,
hiding me behind my eyes.
The truth came calling
along with the clock's toll,
but who among us could answer such an ominous cry?
When the hours between midnight
and 4 am are so unforgiving.
i am filled with tears
until i can bear no more
your words kiss my mind
and i cannot return this tenderness
for it would turn to love
i am waiting these hours
in the desolate towers of cold
for the rescue of dawn
but it gives little comfort
were that i could reach out to you
but i dare not
i dare not


Edit et al:           Collaboration Poem written by alyssainwonderland (http://hellopoetry.com/-alyssainwonderland/) and I (Mark John Junor); alyssainwonderland contributions are in italics

I am spontaneous disaster,
you a reckless abandon,
mysterious majesty
I evade your commandment.

Your eyes sift through my soul
and take control,
of my chaotic mind.
Please slow this rampant wall of time.

Am I delusional,
or is this the usual?
You...

Never know which way to move
just a harlequin heart
trying to get in tune.

Glued to my computer screen

Is this called living

I'm hooked to this show

Filled with people I don't really know

And every minute of it is killing

And I push my life to rott , willing

Is this called living

When I leave all my worries

Just to fill my mind with their worries

Is this called living ?

Fangirling over made up gimmicks

The town thrown from "of a different time".
surrounding Energy pulled from my mind,
such of a humbled style and full of Holy Grace
all that puts a smile upon Our face.

from what ever Shoppe,Home nor place you go,
just cross over the covered bridge We All know,
the House of Worship to the source that pierces the Heart.
a place called L.G.C.C .of  a connection "where to start".

walk through the preserves named of Heron.
No matter where a time you've may have been,
the Master's within,Angels singing here of Heaven.
So all We have perceived, artistical in beauty.
Musicals,written to Humility for Humanity.

So reach out,show the World, infused of such a taste,
breathe in it's design,state it's Honor, state it's case.
Long Grove, Illinois U.S.A. To the World, We All Embrace.

When my friend died that night,
In the room next to mine,
Did I hear his death rattle?

Did my subconscious mind,
While I lay sleeping, dreaming
Record some small part of
His short life ending?

Did his soul,
On its way to wherever
It was going, stop by,
Give me a jaunty wave
As it faded out the window?

Or did my soul sleep
Peacefully, all that night,
Unaware of the transformation?

People will read many stories about depression
With similes and metaphors and a bunch of other figurative bullshit
They'll feel a sense of comfort in the fact that they understand those
simple
         little
               rhymes...

But I do not

Because words on paper can never communicate this feeling
Words cannot express the emptiness and struggle I have within myself
Day after fucking day

I am drowning in my own mind
I am gasping for air with every word write
Every word that I read
I write
I read
I gasp
I cannot breathe

Because I am drowning in my own mind
And I've forgotten how to swim
I am no longer able to tread water
My body has given up
I've lost every ounce of strength I might have once had
And I am ready to stop gasping
I am ready to let go
And sink

My mind won't surrender
My body is giving up but my mind won't let go
I can no longer tread this water, but my mind refuses to sink
I cry and I cut and I pray to whatever god there may be
I pray
That my mind
Will drown.

My head is still above the waves
But my body
My soul
My life
Has drowned

Smack, jab! Left, right,
watch out I bite!
I process words
too fast,
they move like
flashes through my thoughts,
I don't make them, they don't make me.
I don't force them, they don't force me-
I do this for fun.
I bash my head into a turtle's skeleton,
pelicans, stay out of the way.
Wish wash kind of washer head,
wolf wild but walker wed,
stupid is as stupid ever gets when
stupid is what stupid said he'd turn
stupid,
what he'd spurn, stupid
pedestrian...
I, always the equestrian
and never stupid (and never wasteful
but always mindful, mind you!), like
to think that I do this for fun.

I do this for fun.