I always pictured this one girl
I drew her out to have this gentle twirl
She would have long brown hair
Running down her back, so fair
She would have pale white skin
One hundred and one hair pins
She would wear the prettiest yellow dress
And she would be perfect for me
But she would tease you with what you could only see
She whispered funny things in your ear
You’re the only one who could hear
While we spend these times in your car
Everything parked and night afar
She would have these lovely curls
Wearing these hidden white pearls
She was what I could only imagine
The thought of her was my one true passion
We would run around with these engaged hands
And land at the beach into these old sands
You said to me, “Stop thinking of me, silly”
I never known what she meant
Until it came to me sent
She kneeled next to me
Gave me this long lasting sad smile with her perfect green eyes
Giving me these last sighs
“You’ll be happy one day, just wait a little longer”
I never had to make such a long ponder
My yellow dress girl vanished from me
Leaving me all alone with this open sea
Those last words took a great toll
Feeling like I was falling down this hole
All my love is genuine
Just love for me is in this pen
I write all these love poems
Hundreds of words for you my dear
I never meant to be so unclear
It’s true I lost you when I needed you the most
Creating these thoughts to stay as my mind host
Distracting these retired emotions
Setting these feelings with inventive motions
Erasing that flower dancing yellow dress
I will not be your tossed away mess
I've always cared for you my sweetheart
I’m just sorry that I broke your gentle heart
This is for a girl.
The thunderstorm had ended
There was no longer lighting flashing across the sky
I had nothing golden to say tonight
So I laid my head down and asked myself why
Why can't I get you out of my mind?
So now the rain washes off last weeks misery
And I'm scrambling to find beauty in my words
I scream the deafening truth across seas
But still my love for you is unheard
I suppose there's nothing to do but sleep away the days we'll spend apart.
I'll close my eyes now & hope soon to hear the beating of your heart.
Tuesday 1:13 a.m.
culture burned off my fingertips,
splinters, morphed into unsightly locusts
behemoths are used to scavenging.
peering at the soft light,
the seconds flew by,
a voice mystified the atmosphere
the walls began to turn
reveling in my pattern sinking
deeper than paradigm.
stardust clouded the room
all was natural.
most would call it ambrosia of the mind,
when matters most at hearts is failed to be recognized.
candles whisper their oak secrets.
one would, prefer a wine tasting
licking off the fine print left behind on the fold.
illegality, temperament, bitterness.
a lifetime wouldn't be as cold.
once again, gathering my thoughts
smoked cleared the room
only lipstick was left behind on the chalice
what remained of my vision
was merely the clearest confusion.
My mind is high up somewhere today.
In these clouds maybe, too far for me to reach.
It leaves me dizzy, desirous...
I feel so sleepy.
I crave sleep,
for a deep, still pool of rest,
in the arms of love.
To feel protected and safe.
I want to be guarded like a vast treasure.
Where is my knight, the one where I see my reflection in
his armor, where I see burning eyes and burning hands that
love throughout the night...
Where's someone to always be there?
And I know.
Believe me, I know.
I should look inside myself for these things,
create my own light for this
dark place inside of me.
But I don't want to become The Hermit,
and carry this flickering lantern in the dubious storm of myself,
where there's snow and sleet and
bone shattering winds, forever to wander alone.
I want to find my puzzle piece, my chemical solution.
There must be a cure to this plague of loneliness.
Someone to be the balm that eases the pain
"No more, no more.
You are safe here, with me."
(c) May 21, 2013
I wish, I could force my mind to sleep
And cover up my eyelids
In warm little sheets.
These lost years of loneliness and social depravity
Have left me with nothing except this written tragedy
I sat and watched as the walls of my life crumbled away
Into this contorted sensation twisting through dismay
These ceaseless rememberance sessions screaming inside
A dead fixed stare on old friends taking cyanide
These bonds have come together in such a swift motion
And, just as fast they've came to their abrubt destruction
Dispersing any tint of mutual belonging from view
Molding a sad landscape of sighs and failing virtue
Watching as the remnants of my relationships loiter
The catacombs of these stockpiled confession letters
If only I could say anything my empathy had to tell me
My skeletal pose might have perched upright in a higher degree
And I would of have grown to a more formidable size
A clear cut aspiration that I never came to realize
Until all that I held grew too big for me to carry
and left me to stumble and sleep at the cemetary
Scratching dead love songs on century old gravestones
Where the forgotten have slept for generations alone
Hoping the crude penmanship might grace a weary heart
Or help a looming ghost feel a taste of love and depart
From the fog filled graveyard parade that it dwells
A final ringing from the synapsis of the greif bells
Sparking the ruin of a memory that doesn't seem real
A fading echo of a brotherhood I wish I could still feel
Detached from a reality that lurks in a decrepit imagery
Reshaping my empty cognition through a fake neuro surgery
I've reached the point where I have no reason to find
A replacement for all these buried pictures astray in my mind
I want to spend three weeks
Hidden away in a cabin alone
And I want no one to ask me
Where I'd been or why I'd gone
I want to survive on eternal Words
Instead of my own finite phrases
To cut off hands and gouge out eyes
To know for sure where my heart is
I want to fall asleep before nightfall
So I'm not tempted by the darkness
And wake at the dawn of a new day
Wrapped in rising hope and faithfulness
And I want my life immersed in You
And I want my mind to stay on You
And I want more and more
And more of You
"Lord, I need You
Oh, I need You,
EVERY HOUR I need You!"
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King’s horses and all the King’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again
The horses were spooked and stamping the ground,
Rearing their heads at the sights that they found.
The men mended naught as they stumbled away
Even the strongest of hearts would not stay.
Diamonds were turned into rocks in the sky
While the King counted coins in his castle up high.
His wife, unobserved, once lovely and kind
Now talks to her cards and locks up her mind.
All of the cat disappeared but his tail,
Alice drank potions all to no avail.
My beautiful bonnie died over the sea,
For nobody brought back my bonnie to me.
The dish and the spoon ran away but were caught,
The cat and the fiddle played but were fought
Rapunzel heard voices say 'let down your hair!'
But with every call she found nobody there.
The Grand Duke of York with his men more than plenty
Blundered up hills ‘till he had less than twenty.
Their pockets of posies were trampled in dirt,
Watchéd by eyes that no man would avert.
So there Humpty lay in pieces apart
Gone are his mind and his voice and his heart
Remains are a pile of dust, once his shell
And the long lasting echoes of a funeral bell
Didn't we dance on the edge of the earth?
I remember, we dipped our toes in the water
We saw where the ocean met the horizon
Where the sun dropped down to where no one could find it
Days ago I pressed my cheek to your chest
And heard the sound of your heart
Flitting fast, in its own frantic dance
But today I can't find the boy from the sand
Maybe you've realized that the earth has no end
Perhaps you followed the sun as it dropped
But I don't mind thinking that it is the end
If I can still dance on the earth's western edge
Watching him write on the blackboard
More green than black
I was struck by the deep blue of his shirt
And how crisp the lines were
Folded and ironed
More effort than I care to put into a shirt
And even though I was shivering
In the dark, hopeless blue of
My bulky winter jacket
Sitting in that empty chair
I slid out of the room in my mind
The windows, now with canvas
Blinds half lowered
Would, instead of frost and condensation
Allow thick, all-encompassing heat
To slither into the room
Our shirts sticking to us
Sweat stains would mark up our
Clothes, like chalk on the blackboard
And our legs would
Stick to our plastic chairs as we
Stood at the end of class, reinvigorated
Voices raised in shared triumph of the overcome
Backpacks would be thrown over our
Shoulders wet and tan and flush with
Heat of the summer season, synonymous with
Hope. Our shorts and bright shirts made the
Room a deafening testament to our
For the day.