The skies are gray and cloudy
It's like this most every time
I come here to visit you my dear
Or is it all just in my mind
I could sit and talk for hours
Of all the good times that we had
But the conversation always rolls back around
To the day of your untimely death
It is at that moment I choke on my words
For there is nothing left to say
When all that I have left of you now
Are my memories and your grave
I wipe your headstone clean once again
Leave the flowers where they lay
With that same cloth I wipe my tears
Then turn and walk away...
Still it brings a tear to my eye...
There seems to be a finality to it that he just can't let go...
I've decided to write a novel because that's what Father John sings about
(my only reality is a vicarious one)
I shall sing the words through a pine tree, caterwauling
(social media passes for inspiration in my wilted mind)
But Kerouac's stream of conscious prose appeals too
(plans often deteriorate so freewheeling seems apt)
My biggest problem though, is my inherent inability to write anything of substance
(and my poetry leaves little to desire)
Cognitive dissonance can be a brutal bitch
(my warring mind never ceases to distract me)
I'm tired of forcing words from my brain
(i'm going to lay down and read)
- From the trees, from the trees
I hear the solemn breeze
(A soft whisper, loving, sage)
Enough to bring me to my knees
It's a precious thing to have
(In this lonely age) -
I needed to feel it again.
To help me to erase.
To stop my mind concentrating on the thought of you.
I wanted to feel the sharpness again,
Tearing apart the untouched tissue upon my arm.
Blood begins to bubble from the fresh new wounds,
A deep dark red that represents my anger, and my overpowering sadness.
The stinging pain overcomes me,
Allowing me to forget,
All that pain you made me feel,
That pain you don't regret.
'Just one more'
I tell myself.
But I continue to keep slashing at my skin.
Soon enough the pain evaporates,
And I eventually become numb.
Numb with sadness and shame.
The room begins to blur,
As more tears form in my eyes.
I glance down to see the damage I've caused,
The deep wounds filled with memories that haunt me in the darkness.
My body is overwhelmed with guilt.
That is my temptation.
To stop myself from thinking of you.
But if you could see the pain you've caused,
And the scars of proof that are visible on my arms,
That I dishonorably and humiliatingly cover underneath my clothing,
Would you regret all that suffering you put me through?
Or would you turn a blind eye in disbelief?
Which I know is what you'd rather do.
The day you died haunts me still
but you will be forever young
forever on my mind
I will always miss your smile
the way your presence could light up a room
kind of like the sun as it rises in the morning
and as the moon glows when the day progresses
into the starry sky at midnight exact
I will never forget the impact you made
just by being my dearest friend
one day, I'll see you again
at the bright gates of Heaven
I will then see your face once more
and the girl who I once lost
but now can see again
One day that will happen,
One day, my friend.
Dear angel, I love you.
My heartbeat feels so dull,
without you here bringing it back to life.
I will start with a hello.
A handshake, an introduction, a beginning.
Then it will grow,
from an exchange of names
to playing mind games and discussing our fames.
You've always been the talker,
the initiator, the instigator.
And I; the listener, the adviser and friend
to give you a silent prod in the right direction
when the sidewalk comes to an end.
I take no form; no shape, no size.
I'm not the truth, nor the lies.
I am not a human, or a living creature.
I have no body parts, or any features.
But I can think, sure I can.
And I can act as any other man.
The reason why I still exist
is not meant to be a mystery
buried deep inside your inner abyss.
In fact, it lingers right in front of you
and dances before your eyes.
It isn't meant to be shocking news;
or an unforeseen surprise.
Even if you can't see me,
I'm always here as company;
the guest that never leaves.
And even if I wanted
to pick up my shoes,
get up and move,
my nonexistent feet
would stop me in my tracks
and I'd be heading back to your street
fast, fast, fast.
I'd be back before the count of two;
and if you wonder why,
let me ask this question of you:
why is it that we've never parted,
or even said goodbye?
Here is my answer to you:
We are bonded together by super glue,
joined by the brain, the heart and soul, too.
If that sounds confusing, I'll give you another clue;
you live in me, just like I live in you.
I am poetry;
metaphors and similes,
dotted i's and crossed t's.
So fill my cup with the wine of your words,
swallow me whole and be free as the birds
flying through the endless sky
as clouds and airplanes pass you by.
Stanzas and rhymes will flow down your throat
like that of a current, which carries a boat
and takes it to its destination;
the end goal, the aspiration.
They'll travel down with ballads marked in cursive,
with scribbled sonnets and haikus and verses.
Then when they finally reach the heart,
you'll know that it's no longer just words but art.
Because your poems are colours that brighten the walls
by splashing blank canvases and bathroom stalls.
I am poetry;
the pencil and the paper.
But you are the hand, the thinker, the maker.
So paint the world a picture
through your beautiful literature
because your words are your wand
so show us the magic and create the bond
between the fixed and the broken,
the sleeping and the woken,
the written and the spoken.
Pick me up and let me scrawl
down your words and then install
them into the minds of everyone
and they'll be stunned by the
brightness of your sun.
You'll shine with radiance and glory
so keep on telling your story
because your words are your life,
your victories and your strife.
You are the creator, the teacher, the reverend;
but this time, I will subside
because you are the guide,
and your words are your legend.
of fear snake
throughout my mind
steals all the warmth
in my body
Leaving me cold and shivering
alone with my thoughts
Pray for death
to come swiftly
The tips of my fingers slowly caress her cheek,
She is beauteous, her eyes could light up
It gradually journeys around the side of her face
Skimming the jawline, getting closer to her chin.
Where the index finger rests; urging her in.
Onwards towards me, so our lips align
The clocks tick their last tock,
There's a pause in time.
The kiss is perfection, it's one of a kind
Returning for a repeat of the first, my heart was pounding as if my chest would burst
The fireworks exploding inside of my mind
were like bonfire night and new year combined
It sent shivers down my spine and butterflies to my heart
My hand moved from her chin round to her neck
The other held her close at the base of her back
Our eyes they had met and created a spark
Our lips had aligned and the spark was ignited
Never in my wildest dreams have I been so excited
That's how it's supposed to feel
That's how it's decided.
'In one moment your whole life can turn around'
so TURN AROUND and IN a MOMENT you could find the ONE who CAN make
YOUR LIFE WHOLE.
New poem, sat waiting, contemplating...this is the result.
Sometimes I'll be laughing and smiling and listening to music. And dubstep will come on.
Or I'll be relaxed and peaceful in the forest. And I'll see a fallen tree.
It can be an action as simple as making brownies.
But suddenly everything will leave my mind.
I'll become overwhelmed with sadness and memories of you.
I'll close my eyes and feel your lips on mine,
Tears will fill my eyes and I'll feel your arms around me.
Because these little things all remind me of you.
They remind me of how well I knew you and how much you made me love you.
They remind me of the mornings we spent in each others warmth,
And of the gentle kisses exchanged.
They remind me of hellos and goodbyes and more than anything they remind me of the day you said "I love you."
But then I remember that you were never mine to love, that your heart was still with her.
I remember the day you told me kissing me was a mistake.
I remember that you never loved me, that I was nothing more than another girl.
This was a fork I never thought I would come to.
A crevice that divides the safe and the unknown.
The side you stand on looks so tempting but
I was never one to take the easy road.
The blood is rushing in my veins because
I can't promise these two roads will entwine.
My heart is imploding as it tries to decide
between what it wants and what I need.
You can hear my mind shouting softly in the distance.
Carry on, Carry on.
Then the sky seems to crack and the ground
gives a mighty tremble as I take a step
towards what scares me the most.
So I keep walking down the darkened path,
praying I have made the right choice,
and I let your shadow fade into the life left behind.
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