As I write my fingers talk.
My mind listens.
My ears talk.
My mouth smells.
My skins tastes.
My eyes feel.
My heart sees
The page I'm filling with words embraces my soul.
The only thing that never derails its proper function inside this case of imperfections, my body.
Bonded to my soul, the only ink that writes for me.
And as I write the words dance to the melody of my insanity.
Creating psychotic musical notes sang only by those who suffer from my same neurosis.
And as I write, we all frolic in this enchanted world of dementia.
And this I write, tomorrow will no longer exist.
In the world others call "reality".
And as I write my maniac self laughs at normality.
i killed a mosquito with legs like claws
i have stopped caring about the blood of bugs on my fingertips
slaughter them, my mind screams
slaughter slaughter gut their hunger
the evil inside of me is latent
evil, i admit it now
there is evil gnawing on my bones
crawling under my skin
it kills me
every night i scrub the fly larvae
out of each lung
my lips curling with the thought
of the stragglers i attract
sucking on my sadness
i am excrement, decayed vertebrate carcass
i am dinner, do not feed me
i will fatten, and they will find me
but they already know
what use is hiding?
they swarm around the holes i dig
they always find me
faulty jaw cracked
don't feed me it hurts
give me a heart attack
this can't get any worse
the fleshworms say i taste like home
they remind me i am
a walking infestation
a virus in people clothing
he will never love you
you are nothing more
than a dog with mange
a dying bitch
she is speaking so loudly
i can't hear my own soft voice
over the ache in my scalp
she pulls so hard on every hair
shaking me from side to side
winded, on the ground
i can't take another kick but
here it comes
i hold my breath and think about
what i used to be
before she found me
fine, eat me
drink my blood like wine
eat my skin like broken bread
and die from the infection
you spread to me
i will do anything to watch
you choke on my guts
i would love that
i imagine i hear you screaming
over the sound of the vacuum
when i wreak havoc on the corners of my room
i have never wanted to kill before
until you took my body from me
now i am blood thirsty and unforgiving
i will drown you in my last feeble vomit
taste my sickness bitch
taste your likeness
To my dear —,
It's been cold for the past few days,
it's been dark a little longer,
and the sun takes it's time to rise.
The days are now slowly changing,
summer to fall,
Fall to winter,
I can't help but notice that I too am changing with it.
My heart is slowly freezing over,
my thoughts stay dark a little longer
and I to take my time to rise in the mornings, because I know you won't be there.
Everyone tells me to move on, even you.
The hardest thing that I heard you say is
"I'm not your girl anymore".
It was like a knife to the heart.
I still care endlessly
and my heart still has the same love for you.
I sit far, far away, miles apart but yet
I hope you know you are never alone.
I keep watch over you,
that my guardian angel watches over you too.
You won't ever know that I was there,
checking up on you everyday,
for as far as you know... I truly disappeared.
I'm not gonna pretend that you're alone in the nights,
I know he's there.
You're probably hanging out and making nice
and he has the nerve to ask my girl to dance
and you'll say yes,
but in my head you were always mine
and that's how I'll remember you.
As mine and me as yours.
I won't let go,
even if you have,
I'll keep the faith for the both of us right now
and if you don't come back like you're supposed to, well then..
You may be out of sight,
out of my path now
but you are never out of my mind.
I'm a man of my word and for as long as I can,
I'll make sure you are safe and sound
give you the lights,
all the lights to guide you home.
Collection from a long time ago..
To my dear —,
I see you around sometimes,
it's both bitter
because I know you're ok and you're alive.
because I know I can't say a word to you,
that I can't ask you "what's up" anymore.
I sit here in tears,
With an incredible ache in my heart,
With pain in my soul
thinking of all the wasted moments and words...
Oh how I wish I could redo some moments.
But there are no rematches,
no do overs,
only rewards and penalties..
And I lost big time.
I lost not just you,
but a sense of direction and focus.
Of all the things taken away,
I miss my mind the most.
I wish I could write the perfect words to say
I miss you,
I love you.
I wish just saying them like that was enough because it's the God honest truth..
I miss you,
I Love You,
so so much.
Come back to me..
Come back to Us,
Me & You,
To my dear —,
I couldnt sleep last night or focus at all today because I feel it's actually over between us.
I'm not bitter or angry or disappointed anymore because I truly believe and know what we had was real.
Even if it was a long shot away.
With every odd
and with every statistic against us.
We still fought hard,
we fought gallantly.
— if in some distant place in the near or far future we get a chance to actually see each other with our new lives..
I know deep down inside
I will smile at you with the same
smile I always had when I did see you.
will continue to race and beat stronger with joy and I'll remember how we spent our days together, learning from each other,
learning about each other,
confiding our deepest secrets together
and growing in more and more in love.
Your love was my best love,
for it somehow awakened my
soul that was in a deep slumber
and you made me reach for more everyday.
Oh, I remember the first day,
the very first day..
You ignited a fire deep inside my heart that burned with true
to my mind and soul.
That's what you've given me
and that's what
I wish I could of gave back to you.
I wish you all the best now and in the future,
I hope you become everything I know you can be. You are one
I am glad I had the privilege to be in your life.
I'm sorry my passion and my inability to choose to settle drove us apart,
you will always be in my memories,
our days.. though short will be with me always.
I hope you find someone who makes you
that can and will give you everything you want. You deserve nothing but the very absolute best and I want you for me,
as my last favor to believe in what I've told you.
To carry on each day stronger than the last.
Even though I won't know where you are,
or what you're doing...
I'll always know you'll be okay.
I love you,
and I really wish I could say this again and have the next morning with you but here it goes:
I'll be seeing you,
I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places..
I'll be seeing you.
- Yours Now, Later and Always, Tony
You are something I'm not sure about
like why leaves sometimes fall and sometimes float
or waves sometimes break and sometimes don't.
The sound of us trickles in the streams I pass.
It's in the steady beat of feet and concrete
and it's the quiet refusal of moss to make a single sound as two feet pound.
But another pair might make a sound? Wake the ground? If I churn out rhymes will you get in line?
I'm a single set of feet
crassly attached to a fog and wind and atmosphere of you.
For you are as present as the hawks that circle and the fog that rests
and equally hard to touch.
how many times can i beg you
not to forget me
how many moments can i cradle
in the palm of my hand
how many situations can i find myself in
without wanting to get out of them
how many times can i think of you
and wonder if you’re thinking of me, too
how many memories can come back to haunt me
just for me to kiss every ghost
how many times can i make a decision
then turn on my heel and say;
“i’ve changed my mind”
how many people can i take for granted
until they’re not here to take for granted anymore
how many mistakes can i make
without choosing to learn from them
how many planes can i get on
without knowing if i will ever land
how many potential lovers can i come across
without ever actually wanting a lover at all
how many times can i tell you i’m sorry
without truly wanting your forgiveness
how many songs can i play
without feeling like they mean something
how many poems can i write
without even knowing what the fuck i’m trying to say
how many fears can i face
without having a back-up plan
how many times can i hope
that you will miss me
how many times can i pray
that out of sight is not out of mind
how many times can i beg
you not to forget me
please don’t forget
for i don’t know
if or when
i shall see you again.
I want to write a poem,
but all I can think of
is the lyrics to love songs
that plague my mind
like little insects
I cannot quite make out.
I want to write a poem,
but all I can feel
is a long thorn piercing the place
where my heart use to be.
that there is nothing
in that barren cavity.
I want to write a poem
but all I can do
is sit at this desk
starring at the wall.
no matter what,
I cannot write a poem.
I tried to call you yesterday,
I thought it was finally time
But all I got was your voicemail
Told me to leave a message at the beep
Which sounded more like a chime
I didn’t have the nerve to leave a message
I didn’t know what to say that would make it all okay
Do I tell you that you are always on my mind
Do I tell you that I made a huge mistake?
Do I tell you that it wasn’t what you thought it was
Tell you it wasn’t love, just lust
I’m sorry doesn’t cut it
And I don’t have the courage to leave a message
It’s been a very long month
I’ve waited long enough
I want to prove to you how much I love you
I know that I fucked up
I’ll make it up to you I swear
But for the voicemail I’m just not prepared
I called you again and you picked up the phone
I had gotten so close to the last dial tone
I almost cried when I heard your voice
Even though I could tell that you were annoyed.
Please just listen, I love you,
Give me a second chance
I’ll never do it again
Please just listen, I love you
I love you
There is room in my heart for the sweet,
Poetic night spent with friends by the fire.
When our ideas and dreams come together,
forming as one and bonding us even closer.
There is room in my heart for my passions,
Such as personally drawing a permanent picture
on the flesh of my fellow man.
Or for the sweet melody of jazz music
On a chilled winter day.
There is room in my heart for learning.
Being a universe only becoming self aware.
Attaining knowledge from the farest,
Reaches of the human mind.
And teaching each other as family.
There is room in my heart for many things.
Some personal, not to share.
Others for other people, who may not know.
The room in my heart is unlimited,
For it is always open.