How would you take the news of my bitter insomnia?
Would you feel conflicted knowing that could I sleep,
I might not still want you? I know that you’re just a heap
Of atoms tied together, cells powered with mitochondria,
And without you I am just succumbing to hypoxia.
You are nothing to the universe, just an ignorant sheep,
And were my head unclouded, no illusions would I keep:
I’d know in lucidity it’s just my acute monophobia.
But you are there still, hiding under my thin skin,
And you’re not going away, and it’s driving me insane.
How could I discount your memory, your incredible smiles,
Your hands rough like heartbeats, your eyes glowing like sin?
You are a heap of molecules, mere bone and membrane:
And your soul is a fire, your ardor drives me for miles.
every achy bone inside me a relic
of the former self still inhabiting this shell.
exquisite fossils of the life once lived
my silhouette, housed in rock,
yet the softest part of me rotted out.
the vacancy in my expression
mirrors the hollowed out spaces
between each rib and every "what if"
my lungs carry haunted cries
apparitions you forged in my memory
phantom fingers singed the word
“remember” into my paper skin.
i am still smoldering.
chambers of my heart filled with cobwebs;
every strand of silk an unfulfilled wish.
we are still tangled up.
the spiders have crawled from our throats
but the dust is settling.
your fingers have intertwined
with the segments of my spine,
fists taking root in my chest, cradling a stone heart.
knuckles bent comfortably around each vertebrae,
your hands are cold.
the weight of all my sins is crushing me,
i suppose i should have noticed
when you read the lines in my palm like an obituary.
- m.f. & j.a
In the Fatherland,
I found timeless memory,
the purest love.
Her blond hair glowed,
azure eyes danced.
We visited the cathedral,
camped in Speyer
along the Rhine.
I learned all
We fished lakes,
ate potato pancakes
cooked by her Mutter.
She bought me a switchblade,
then sent me a dear Jon letter.
The clouds are rolling in;
And it covers up the skies;
Let's me breath and fill my soul;
As it calms what's inside;
There is nothing it compares to;
Where is this new mirage?
You'll find few feelings like this;
Like the strumming of guitars:
You'll escape from all anxiety;
Take vanity in aim;
And hold on to a memory;
That won't happen again.
Its creeping at my minds edge;
The shallows are reeling in;
Talons pull and tear my sanity;
As my heart beat is wearing thin;
Its as constant as my breathing;
Whispering in the back of my mind;
That I would be calmer;
If a blade is what I'd find;
The anxiety is crippling;
As it rises in my throat;
I try my best to push it down;
But it pushes till I can't cope;
I don't know why I'm nervous;
Cannot even meet the eye;
As the eyes are the windows to the soul;
And I don't want him seeing mine;
Its like snapping of my rib cage;
Why are my hands shaking?
Why is the world turning dark?
Why is it I'm not breathing?
All I need is the sound of breathing;
There's no judging in the night;
Listen to your heart like thunder;
And we live in darkness under light…
love like just know time feel way pain world heart think eyes day oh night away things words say need left thoughts mind life sun want good inside body lost new true damn light make head beautiful stop free hands right small hard loves today little fuck morning thought sweet moment times bed tell dreams long white truth thing song really skin slowly start deep woods silence lies look better lay sleep realize fall sky memories far gone green breath held room dark doesn't hold dream run thank end past dead open begin knew tears yeah hear cause air blood earth self beauty real days finally care big cool north 10w turn walk lips kiss dawn remember sound making hair fingers felt door water woman black outside large she's let's tiny window face bit speak play slow god teeth smell wish heard rain tired silver great bring wants low there's won't soul got tongue live arms red house close girl years letting note music universe man soon clean trees wood thinks post stolen you've gray clouds home ones hot soft wet hate desire warm trying mom comes longer sea thinking darkness hand shore leaves broken glow fool second knows rock read cold stare feels took father sing bag release crazy stone mouth wake forever dust watch came wanted stand help use place needs brings suppose believe laugh shit seen having ways leave weight perfect stars drive miss higher high ocean feeling memory makes present view page bear wash loss snow hell aware constant magic
I Know My Heart Is Healed
I know my heart is healed
For I no longer hurt each day
I remember all the pain once felt
But now that pain seems far away
I can look back on the memory
Of a love that was once true
Knowing that I tried my best
And thats all that I could do
I will not say those words of hate
When someone asks of you
Instead I'll say that I once loved
If only for a few
I know my heart is healed
For I no longer dream of you
Instead my dreams are filled with hope
The hope of finding someone new
I know my heart is healed
Carl Joseph Roberts
Let me take a moment
To study you
I want to discover every intricate detail
I want to memorize
The way your eyes light up the room
The way I can see your wisdom
Your your love
Pool in the vast oceans
Of the most beautiful blue I have ever seen.
I want to savor
The way your lips move
When you speak
As the sound moving through those lips
Washes over me
Filling me with warmth
Infinitely sweeter than anything I have ever encountered.
I want to lose myself
In the beauty of your hairFlowing down
As Elegant and breathtaking
As a waterfall
It's scent filling my nostrils
Overwhelming me with the feeling of home
I want to permanently embed into my memory
The curvature of your neck
So soft and warm
Captivating me with the feel
Of your skin.
I want to synchronize myself with your heartbeat
Stronger than the largest river
Spreading your blood
Throughout your body.
I remember your hands
Strong and delicate at the same time
Wiping away my tears
Stroking my hair
Holding me up
Fighting away my fears.
I want to memorize your body
Every curve enticing and beautiful
The way it feels perfect while it's against mine
No part of your body needs any change
Its perfect that's all there is to it.
I want to keep these all in my mind forever.
I never want to forget
The way you make me feel.
I want to love you forever
That's what I intend to do.
Thus have I heard about one of those enlightened souls playing music for all sentient beings.
A busking Buddha big beats bongo drums,
The man not merely makes a song or plays
a beat. In Boston subway busking proud
He sees so simply all the people their—
The beings beaming or just brooding ‘round.
Y hace mal moon no means to show us:
Light to the basement to balm the ol’ brain.
Minds in need of some mighty mantras now
For before earthly beings may be seen
Like some viewèd stars sole or together
And before bodhi begins to beset—
The music manifests to multitudes.
O brakeman, the trains loud billowing blast!
Moves motors so rapidly. Commuters
And tourists believe breath does begin brass,
But listen and it slowly sings a song.
But the kind bodhisattva believes that
A breath more manifests in melody
Like bells of beautiful bliss that do ring.
The music of the man is malleable,
The notes bound as hearts bled out; besides hear
That other sound, it seems to sing in praise
Of the jam being made that’s between all,
Of magic mamba mambo rhythm made.
The beautiful young bodhisattva brings
More joy to me than any maiden might,
O because she is such a beatnik babe—
She steps so silently off the subway.
A Bhikkhuni with bright star eyes—there blest—
See meaning of man in so many ways.
The beat booms back up to the high main street:
A melancholy moaning a lament.
The brooding beat then becomes bitter-sweet
By stirring the strings of hearts and of souls,
It befits bleak and euphoric bones gold.
The beat makes multitudes into Meccas.
Those notes bound for both body and psyche,
And moments made to memory imprint,
And belong to be blazon and be kind,
And simple, serene and of sustenance,
Mind begging belief, bodhi to awake,
Must melt the ego away, it must go.
The bustling of born beings from point B
To A makes me quite sad and almost mad,
As beings buscan to just belong here
Be it to something substantial or sacr’d.
It bemuses the Buddhas because the
Melodious music frees the whole psyche.
Me, being beyond birth and beyond death,
I’m without mirth or melancholy means.
Soul begs for bites of bodhisattvas soul,
While slowly stumbling and mist spiting words
Like both a drunk and bum whose bemusèd.
O merry mi bright manifestation
In the dark Metro. Beyond being both
To the mind my own reflection mirrors
It reflects off the subways small windows
And brings bout the new belief being this:
O me! The mania of mind cut diamond.
O me! A body-vessel, a boundless
Thing of mass dropt into a maelstrom’s surge,
Beat sings the surf of the soundless ol’ sea,
Been, being, be known bongos music makes
The Metro a zendo for all mankind.
Us all (just candles to be blown—whoosh—out).
The light from your cigarette
Illuminated the path
I knew it would burn out
But I wanted it to last
Walking with you made everything better
You made my feet feel like a bus
Each step was a stop; getting lighter
You made my body feel a rush
You told me that
The present is too dreamy
Unlike the past
Because it is linked with no memory
And I told you that
Although my shell is straight
My shadow is crumbling
And I am held down by its weight
And so we walked on
While you shared your wisdom
And I felt free
Unleashed from my prison
Your thoughts were surreal
I wanted to plant seeds in your skull
Because your mind was so bright
That the flowers would grow
Our steps became synchronized
Together as we walked
And our minds were open
Our secrets unlocked
Then the light from your cigarette
Burned out at last
But the luminosity of your mind
Illuminated the path
Yesterday I heard they sent a rocket ship
around the space station, birds.
And tonight I have arrived by sea
from a distant memory, moon.
A comet dropt from the stratosphere crashes
through the lily pads of my mind.
"Every day I would. I can’t
function without – "
Why do we fly in the name of Apollo?
"I don’t feel it necessary to know
exactly what I mean."
1000 years crawl past,
her desire will be silent no more.
Why do we say recall?
I only felt this this once, my Laurel Tree.