My mom only three
Not a single memory
Of that big tall soldier
Used to bounce her on his knee

The Irish man gone,
Grace raised her little girls.
She pierced their ears and
she brushed their curls

And every month she bought two bonds.
Told them stories so they could go beyond
the iron in the ground, the lumber on the hill.
That small town two girls watched out the window sill

Between the man’s death and hers
Grace lived 50 years
But still she loved him
And the daughters they held dear

Words are letters only,
The sounds they disappear
It’s the sadness in our hearts
That will keep our grandma near

Much too late
for thoughts
of what her father
might say

Fay went with you
to the Globe cinema
in Camberwell Green
a right fleapit of a place

but the film
you wanted to see
was on there
Daniel Boone

all about the Old West
and after it was over
and you came out
into the bright sunlight

your eyes felt
over whelmed
after the darkness
of the cinema

what did you think?
you asked
Fay said
yes it was good

not the sort of film
Daddy would have let me see
well he won't know
you've seen it

will he
you said
unless he asks me
then I'll have to

tell him the truth
she said
why would he ask?
you looked at her

standing there
with her fair hair
and lovely blue eyes
he might ask me

what I have done today
she said
her eyes beginning
to show signs of fear

maybe he won't
you said
just tell him
you've been studying

American history
she looked at her hands
he doesn't like America
or Americans

she said
well you don't have to
like something to study it
I have to do it all week

at school
you said
maybe he won't ask
she said softly

looking at you
fiddling with her fingers
distract him
tell him something else

talk about a butterfly
you saw on the bombsite
she looked at you
and smiled

you don't know him
he'll ask me
what sort of butterfly
and I won't know

and he'll know
I've been lying
and that will mean
being punished

she looked up the street
toward the bus stop
we had better be getting back
she said

he'll be home soon
ok
you said
and took her hand

and walked toward
the bus stop and waited
for the bus
if I told my mother

the truth all the time
she'd have a nervous breakdown
it's more kinder
to keep her happy

in innocent bliss
of what I get up to
Fay looked haunted
and was silent

she still held your hand
a fading bruise just visible
on her upper arm
where her dresses sleeve

moved
how about some ice-cream
when we get back
I've got a Shilling

given to me
by my old man yesterday?
she hesitated
ok I’d like that

she said
and when the bus
came along
you both got on

and sat next
to each other
downstairs near
the conductor

watching the scenes
of passing people
and traffic go by
but a special place

in your mind and heart
of Fay
next to you
quiet and shy.

For regrets i have
And times i missed
I never thought
I could be so pissed

War against any who approach
No method or trials
This is nothing that can be coached
Rage

Fallen friends ill avenge this yet
You thought i wouldnt kill wanna bet?
Youve taken all i knew
I now turn the crosshairs on you

Fueled by love
Compelled by hate
No man could reach a power this great
You try and try but will never overcome
I have the world under my thumb

I saw your hope crush
Felt your strikes
To me, but plush

Im calling you out
Here i am
Any resistance is futile by man

Somewhere within the levels of the conscious
between the bowels of the deep and
the deepness of my thought
I am caught
in the secrets that I keep
in the darkness of my sleep where
I cry in waterfalls of tears and joy
the unhappiness of fears
employ and use me
in perpetuity,
or so it seems.

These dreams see fit to haunt me
and sleeping draughts have no effect.
This dissatisfaction that I feel
peels away and when the day has come
I wonder
wonder why the sun still lights the sky
and wonder why it does not light my heart.
Do I need to look upon the charted stars up there
to understand myself and know just where and when
I go to then
will that make me a better man
if I learn to understand the master plan
and is there such a map.

Mother says,
'I need a slap to wake me up' but I think that's a fallacy
dreamers like me need no such thing.

Each morning I bring a bucket to the well with wishes in my head
and these are fed up through the day
into my conscious thought
and once again I find I'm caught
my thoughts should pay attention to what is going on
before I even know it
the fleeting hours have run away
and gone.

The night would say,
'it serves you right you've got what you deserve,
I reserve the right to kick against the night
and rest my case.

Created July 2, 2012

Meredith, I can breath
though I've seen things no man shouldve seen

Meredith i see straight
my legs they tremble but my heart aches

walking along the waves
my heads in space

should i speak of these ways

Meredith my knees are weak
Im scared of disease and i cant sleep

and if she does go with him
i'll die alone
i will just keep believing and hoping that that ain't so

meredith, my souls broke loose, now that the bottles open
you can smell that I've been bruised

but I'm tackling questions
im tackling flaw
cuz the bottom of the oceans where I've been all along

so what i'm gonna do's go at my own pace
and I aint a gunna let a thing get in my way

She saw her life flash before her eyes
Even the dark chapter containing a swift demise
Furry sank in
As she grew uncomfortable in her own skin
Everything was supposed to turn out alright
Not flutter away like some unhinged kite
This man was supposed to be the epitome of desire
A person others could admire
There shouldn't have been any indecision
They were to merge in an act of pure fission
And So it appeared for fifty long days
Then in disintegrated in the reflected glimpse of a bong's haze.

You call out for me
and I've called out for you
Feel you down below
slip deep within
inside my skin
I don't need no boy
I need a man
to fill in this whole
make me feel your sin
inside the skin
I love the fight
of fucking the violence
succumbing to win
to keep feeling you
inside my skin
this is how it will begin
Avoid the break
keep you close
you're to close spillin'
inside my skin
I scream out loud
Keep it coming
I won't give in
inside my skin
Beat of your heart
rush of my blood
I know now
like you knew me then
inside the skin
always
craving
you
inside my skin

Growing older
Time runs out
Mistake no longer can be undone
I'm stuck with the hand I was dealt
Depression and sickness, forever a plague
A life of misery awaits
Nobody cares if you're sad as an adult
You're supposed to stand up and be a man
Men don't cry
Men are always strong
And I don't think I am capable of that

As the iron bars that wrap the night
creep in they hold me tight
a prisoner
and for what delight pray tell
should I spend these tiring hours in hell?
The windows laugh at me as they see me looking through and out into the gloom
and all I smell is doom
my bedroom is small and the evening is as tall as any giant
with foreboding
I stay quiet and wait.
Late.
It is late and there is no rebate to come from the warmth and joy that was the Sun
and it is cold
this terror I feel is not the least
for this night's no friend to man or beast
it is the cheat that plays the cards
the feral cat that like a baby howls in the back yards and alleyways,
and fat
the night is fat with jowls that sag
and drags its feet
across this man's back who failed to meet the sandman with his bag of sleep.
I weep
slowly
how slow the second hand takes to sweep around the dial
and slower still
the night creeps up and down my spine.
Even so
the night will go
I bear this thought in mind.