more to love
than the once
a day glimpse
or quick meet
on the field
with her love
time to talk
or to kiss
she wants to
to make love
(at least try
what she'd read
in that book
the big girl
had shown her
and loaned her)
she wants now
to feel him
(as the book
to be one
and in heart
to sense his
lips on hers
to feel him
kiss her bits
lids of eyes
her small tits
but in class
bored to tears
she thinks on
whose warm lips
had met hers
in the gym
close to him
on the floor
but the bell
rang its chime
no more time
just the caught
of what they
did and not
bored and hot.
You remember them nights?
Use too kiss ya lips..
use to touch your spots
"Baby just like this"
Damn look them hips..
sensation becoming to real
Seducing ya mind, I think things bout to get real
Do you feel how I feel?
Is this just an act?
Will you make me numb, leave... than never comeback?
My head spinning in circles..
How does she do this?
I should've seen it coming...this woman's bluff I missed
Imma charge her mound
Give all the pitches
Knock her lights out
Flip off all the switches
Protection a must
When you encounter a woman in lust
"Baby oh fuh..."
Shh baby please calm down
You gunna wake the neighbors
If the feeling to good
Let my neck be ya new favorite flavor
She starts to bite as I start to grab
We moving slow to the track
"Baby just like that"
Loving like she the one
What have I become...
Her body produces novacane
Girl, I'm about to go numb
She pulls me in close, continues to ride the beat
I told her "baby not yet"
She replies "you gon remember me"
Toes curling on my feet
Suddenly the moment comes...to an end
She slowly kisses my lips and whispers
"You'll never have this again"
It's always been a lie
I was naive to even try
He's a beast in disguise
Sowing seeds of my demise
He can peer into my soul with a glance
And he takes advantage of every chance
He may be a man but he's no human
He walks like a king walkin over ruins
Everything is his that was once mine
God willing, all we have is time
There are no moves I can make
I think I am dreaming when I am awake
Everything that once was means nothing
When lies are more becoming
A Love Story
There is something inside of each of our souls:
This desire for the things that will destroy us.
We crave to behave in ways that leave scars.
Battered and mauled, we are in love with the sickness.
Why do we find it so inviting that we can’t want to turn away from it?
Because to turn away would be to deny ourselves of who we are.
We were born this way: rotting flesh and souls in decay.
We will not admit to the shame of it because we cannot let our pride be wounded.
We do not accept it as fault.
We embrace it because we can’t change.
But the evidence roars in the background as you say that you are deemed worthy.
The lie you just told broke a heart.
The substances from yesterday still affect your loved ones today.
We are not meant to hurt; we were not made to hurt each other.
I believe in love.
I believe in forces.
I believe that we all were destined for good things.
They say I am too old for imaginary friends,
But this love is not imaginary.
I can see this love.
I can see it in smiling eyes.
I can see it in random acts of kindness that shouldn’t be so random.
Brothers and sisters, we were made for more than this world has to offer.
I saw love; I felt love.
Love followed me.
Love pulled me out of my own head, my own mess, my own love for my own sin.
Love knocked the wind out of me.
Love crushed my old heart.
Love let it shatter to take what was inside and make it something better.
Love loved me, when I just didn’t care.
Love waited for me.
Love was always there.
Love always knew that I would find my way.
Love had its hand on me on even my darkest day.
Love looked at me with heartbreak it its eyes.
When my back was turned, love never passed by.
Love never turned and left;
Love never gave in.
Love hurt because I wouldn’t let love in.
But love stayed and love waited.
Love waited on me.
Love led me and taught me how it feels to be free.
Love saw in my heart that I was a wreck.
Love broke down my bones to build them back.
And this time, they are stronger.
Love let me feel pain, though it pained love too,
Because in the end love always knew
That I would find love from my shackled, broken place
Where I would accept love and accept grace.
When my heart was torn open, bleeding out on the ground…
When my soul was crying out for something unknown
To fill the gaping void in my life left by the people
Who couldn’t love like love itself…
When my fears consumed me and I thought I might explode…
When I needed someone to hear me- just hear me-
So that I would not feel so alone…
When the stars taunted me and told me I was small
And that my life would never amount to anything at all…
When I was left in the dust and so unfairly mistreated
By people who were just as lost as me…
When the screaming of voices that were broken from
The love that they never received would ring in my ears…
I was lost.
When there were times that life meant nothing to me
Because I had no reason to live it…
Love found me, and love rescued me.
And love waited to make sure I understood
That love was not going anywhere.
And love wanted me to know love and that I could show love to
People who never really knew the love that found me.
They say that I’m too old for imaginary friends,
But love is not so imaginary.
Love is felt, and love wants you back.
And love never leaves you wanting.
The love on this earth is tainted and broken,
And people hurt each other because they were hurt too.
When people love, they try and give it their best go,
But they are weary and reluctant.
My heart longs for a love deep enough that no one is left dry.
A thirst that is quenched.
No more hunger pangs.
Because love showed itself to me.
So let me love even though I am weak.
Let me try and have that love show through me.
I want to shine so bright the sun would feel inadequate,
Because the brightness of love burns like a thousand earthly suns.
Because the love that found me is the love that beats in my heart,
Traveling deeper than my bones, so I can feel it in my core
When my heart pounds on.
This love courses through my veins, planting a hope in me
That I didn’t even know could be possible.
Love was not found in the pages of a book;
Love was found in the message of a force that created love’s meaning.
The pages of the book hold the words of the creator of the love
That found me but love is in their meaning.
Love is in the force behind the words that kiss the pages
Of the book that is mocked and made foolish.
The words twisting, distorted and wrong,
So far from the place where they started.
So far now that they are only words,
And the meaning they held is lost.
Love itself was mocked and made foolish
By the ones love came to rescue.
I will not mock love.
I will be proud to stand for a love that will stand for me,
When I am no better than any other imperfect human being.
No one laughs at love when love is shown in a smile,
Or a word of comfort to someone who is in need.
But they laugh at love when love is shown in the meaning
Behind the words in a book that only acts to convey the love
That could save them.
They say that I am too old for imaginary friends,
And they mock the love that lifted me above the ashes
And led me through the pain of life.
When my life was wading in open waters
With sharks circling beneath me
And feeling the fatigue set in.
Pretty soon, I would have been too tired
To even try at all.
But love reached out into my heart
And gave me the strength to keep wading,
With the knowledge that the sharks can’t touch me.
And one day I will be out of the water and onto dry land
Where I will never have to swim again.
They say I am too old for imaginary friends,
But love is the realest thing I know and
Love saved me.
On the first day, I'll look to you
And see the light of the Earth
Alive in everything you do.
And on the second day,
I'll create my own world of seclusion
Away from all of your ignorance.
But they can't all be ballads
Because where would suffering
Finally find its home?
On the third day, I'll discover
Folk music and rhyme.
I'll waste my time
Seeing what isn't there,
The ideals I've made my shelter.
On the forth day
I'll hold you in my arms,
Kiss you deeper than I ever have.
Force you into things you don't understand.
Because you're like a thirty-something year old virgin,
Thinking a metal underwire is a pack of smokes.
But they can't all be ballads,
They can't all be the same.
If they were,
None of us would be in possession of our names.
On the fifth day,
I'll leave you after finding discontentment
Over how you find upset in unfamiliar places
And make minnows into whales.
On the sixth day, I'll regret it
But have nothing left to say...
They can't all be ballads anyway.
I've been waking to the sudden throes of the intense sadness in morning sunlight, as if there was a darkness to the previous breaths shared with a being I was meant to want, and want I do still, yet this being is a shadowy spell, or a glare on glass, a glimpse of all my dreamt desires, and somehow also, my attempted reality; somehow also, my doorway to my deserved insanity. A wholeness in this I cannot find, fight for, grasp, seek through endless search, this is somehow not my choice, nor my alleviation, not when all the moves somehow belong to him, all accepted actions, all verified decisions, his, all words to make sense, his, but not mine, never mine, a voiceless, stuttering, yet adoring loving womanly shape, always I. Never was my static so ensured, never was my strong voice so bottled up and stored away, like a mime locked up in a tower, in so many ways.
The past is a puzzle,
Better yet, like a broken mirror.
Try piecing it together,
And you cut yourself,
Over and over
With new red smears across your image.
Your image keeps shifting.
You change with it.
No matter how hard you try there's still cracks.
It could destroy you,
drive you mad.
Make you insane
But yet you hang on to
That one day,
It could set you free.
You will discover me by then, oh yes, I said it.
Not now but then.
"Then", it can be later, tomorrow or maybe never.
Not when you touch me but when you feel me.
Not when you kiss me but when you embrace me.
Not when you talk to me but when you listen to me.
Not when you fuck me but when you make love to me.
Not when you judge me but forgive me.
Not when you try to change me but accept me.
Not when you get to miss me but when you get to need me.
Not when you say I LOVE YOU but when you say I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU.
"Then", it can be later, tomorrow or maybe never.
I just hope that you don't hate me by then.
Dear Flawless Fairy,
I write to You with good and bad news
First of all, on a positive note,
You are the moon
I can't tell You how great it feels
To finally find You
My sunshine saunter
Was a worthless wander
Before Your cool caress
Graced my heart
Now for the negative,
I no longer feel sad and blue
I know this sounds like I didn't lose and
But now I cannot write my frowns down
I only smile because You make everything worthwhile
I used to pen depression on paper
With sarcastic laughter pretending I enjoyed it
But I didn't
Though I wrote such heavy heartache
I couldn't wait for my clouds to break
Allowing me to shine on
Your beautiful face
So I regret to inform you all
I won't be pouring my tear filled soul out anymore
I know how much you enjoyed the pain
But I can't help but refrain from these failed feelings
I don't believe in them
I've been moonstruck at midnight
She once was crescent and
Now is full of my bright
I once was clouded and
Now She reflects my light
Back upon me
I'm so happy :)
She is my beautiful celestial body
She is my elegant flawless fairy <3
Oh Oh Oh
Maybe I should have inquired sooner
If I had really been there
But I am much too human for that,
Reminded daily I cannot be everything
I will keep on trudging forward
That is all I am good for I feel, please
I just want you to hear this story
If there really was technology for knowledge
In the truest sense of the word
Some people would still not love you
Through no fault of your own
My daddy is a donor, and
That does not make me a little charity
It makes me stronger than most, inevitably
And there is nothing else
I would or could choose for myself
My mom is in constant pain
The devil wants me to believe I am the reason
Fuck that, fuck evil too
You should feel no less than the same
When I stare at this wall alone
There is only one who keeps tabs on me
That is God, only
Because everyone else was too damn busy
I know deep down in my soul,
There are others who do not like me
Need, want, appreciate, whatever or
They most definitely do not know me
But that absolutely will not change me
I am so much happier without nonsense
I used to practice a smile,
These days it arrives pretty easily
Back then I had every reason and another
To make you feel what you had done
Nowadays it is clear to me
It will always come back in some form
Stare at me the whole time
While I pour love down my throat
At least I still take a shot, right
At least I have not completely given up
In this world's sight