You said you loved me, lied through your teeth
No persuasion from my end maybe it's not how it seems
How you left me again for the fourth fucking time
But I knew it would happen before all the signs
I don't know if you're confused or just confusing
It's funny now that you're the one who's losing
We could never be the same again
Watch out, watch out for all of your  "friends"

Hello again
I Loved you once
Didn't you know
I thought I told you
At least 100 times
I never knew
What I was to you
But it became evident
With time
I knew what you
Were to me
From the the beginning
Everything
I never told you?
My mistake
Goodbye again

I can still feel your memories crawling,
like ants,
up and over the creases in my skin,
collecting my scars like leaves—
I think they found a way to burrow through my pores.
Sometimes I can feel them gnawing away at that soft grey thing we call a brain,
until I can't remember the strange order of those letters we call our names.

So you see,
it wan't my fault—
when you asked me the time I told you I loved you.
I was never any good at writing love poems, darling—
in the same way I was never any good at loving the right things.
Like a kid with 26 cavities loves candy,
each time you bit my neck I fell in love with the bruises.
Sometimes I still press my fingers against my collarbones
trying to re-create  your violet imprints.

Say my name one more time.
It always sounded scarlet on your tongue.
Cast your fishhook words at my shins—
until I  can feel the syllables sinking through my skin—
until I can feel myself limping forward again.

These days—
they call me unstable,
like a half-brokes table.
And I keep trying to slip things under the broken leg
but nothing seems to hold me up.
It's been 7 months and I still shake each times someone tries to lean on me—
I used to be someone people could lean on.

Summer is coming fast and i'm still to faded from the winter to greet it with open arms.
I've fallen in love with the cold and I'm not ready for the too-bright sun to kiss my pale shoulders.
I miss the overcast days—
like us,
uncomfortably blue.
I used to believe you loved me too—
It's 6:26 am and I'm still thinking of you.

When I look back,
I remember Montpelier is where I started.
Things were simpler, the days were easier, and everything was brighter.
It’s amazing how much has changed since then.

Back then I didn’t worry about school.
Education was free, I loved learning, and recess was invigorating.
But now, school has conquered my mind with questions like:
Can I pay next year?
What about loans?
Can I keep my scholarship?
Will I have to drop out?

The struggle is alive people, and if you don’t realize it will eat you alive.

Over the years, friends have decreased, family members deceased…
Days have grown longer, and the years have become harder.
My chromatic days filled with vibrant colors have faded away…
The lively colors of my youth have faded away to black, white, and somber greys.
Black carries the bad times, the uncertainty, the doubt.
These times are constant…
White carries the pockets of sunshine within your life…
The good days, when everything is going right, or when a certain special person steps in your life.
And, the grey carries those days where you just don’t know…
Those days where you are stuck in the mundane cycle, constantly trying to find your drive.

I just wonder, where did those vibrant days go?
Because most days I am stuck in the greys…
And, simply, I just do not where did Montpelier go?

- j.m.

i have spent the last 3 hours
crying a river of glass
ripping my soul apart
as if it was paper.

you poked each shred of
pride i had left.
you pinned them into holes
and dug deeper into my lungs.

You swallow the only love i had left
from the debris in my chest,
and listen to the thumping of my heart beat.
You broke into my patrolled doors,
you breathed your white lies into heavy smoke
underneath my cheek.

You shot bullets of words
roaming inside my stomach
and kissed the soft lines of my lips.

You touched every single part of me,
from neck to the ankles of my legs.
I loved every minute you spent
hushing your cruel scent to my sleeves

I hated the way your eyes would roll
at my poetry,
You stole every bit of the lovely roses
i had painted inside my body,
you gave them to another.
you drowned inside my eyes
now you swim along the
waves of my arms.

you say
"thank you, thank you
for loving me.
for i have not loved you."

I was only eighteen when you gave me my first kiss.
I was so nervous I nearly missed.
I was smiling so much you kissed my teeth.
You said after just one month “I love you” and my heart dropped.
I said “I love you too”, but I knew I couldn’t love you that soon.
It was the perfect summer love,
a summer haze.
I was half innocent
and half negligent.
You, were infatuated.
Then one day you moved away and we agreed our love would remain.
I missed you dearly.
It hurt not to have you near me.
I couldn’t take it anymore and I said “baby here I come!”
You said “Shit, here she comes”
What happened?.
You showed your true colors.
Suddenly your words fluttered.
I then knew your feelings had changed.
I thought for while.
You thought for a while.
I knew you were to weak to do it so I did it for you.
I told you “I guess its over, congratulations your the first person to break my heart”.
I had saved my first kiss,
To have it end like this?.
At the moment I was in shock and wasn’t sad at all.
The next day was hell my heart still had your spell.
I wanted to take my heart
out so I wouldn’t feel anymore.
The pain was unbearable.
I would've loved you forever.
Now its been four years and my heart belongs to another,
now my heart flutters.
It’s funny how one nail takes out another.
I saw you once more and my heart felt for you no more.
You called and wrote but sorry my love is no longer yours.
And what’s ironic is that history repeats itself.
Now that other who replaced you is being replaced with someone new.
So now I have learned that life goes on and love kills no one.

I wanna be near him always;
In his arms,
I wanna be wrapped forever;
I always wanna feel his gentle caress;
His lips,
Always smiling,
Telling me how happy he is whenever he's with me;
His hug,
Makes me feel much loved,
At times, his hugs are so tight
But I don't mind if it's making me breathe hard
'Coz I'm loving the feeling of being in his warm embrace.
His heart...
Am I the one inside it?
I want him to take the bestest care of my heart,
Not because it's my heart which is at stake
But because he is the one inside it.
Most of all,
I wanna hear him saying
"I love you"
It keeps my heart happy.
For those days I'm spending without him,
I am missing him
Because I really do love him.