It's been a long time.
Fields of orange trees are torn
from their roots
to make room for
a thousand empty wooden boxes to be
planted in their place
There these empty boxes wait
for the warmth of a family
To be furnished
How it longs
To watch kids play
safely in its living room
To have the dog trample
neatly cared for lawn
To smell dads cooking
fill every square foot
To see moms face
when she finally returns
from a long day of work
To have love absorbed into its fibers
and stand out amongst the rest
To be decorated for the passing seasons
with other things besides
rust and snow
It dreams of these
It knows it could be more than
just a box
So there it sits
It's been a long time.
I tried to be a girl today
Painted my nails red and blue so I’d stop biting them
Tried to be pretty
With unbrushed hair and acne and calloused fingers
The nail polish chipped off and I peeled it away
My hands wreck the paint in place, what I paint ends up beyond the lines of my hand, its everywhere, its ugly, Its suffocating, I take it off
I want to say its a metaphor
Something about how I cant cover up what I am with pretty colors and shiny surfaces
It’s got to be indicative of future and past behavior about how I mess up preconcieved ideas or something about how I break the molds that others try to put me in
It happens every time
It smudges, fingerprint, grooves imprinting the paint with traces that I am there
Breaking the construct of beauty
I feel I cant say its anything more than smudged paint, despite how true the metaphors would be
Nothing more honest than the disfigured coverup and what lies beneath
I tried to be human today
Felt alien in my own skin
Wounded as I fought the judgement of a species I don't feel I belong to.
According to my mother I am an enemy of God for finding a temporary yet more beautiful love with her than I’ve found with a man.
I tried to be who you wanted, it never worked then, its naive to expect it to work now.
The mold that was cast does not, has not ever fit me.
I’d apologize for failing your expectations however there's no apologizing for finding solace amidst the storm.
they say there is a force and strength in love
for 'when two people are at one in their inmost hearts, they shatter even the strength of iron or bronze'
so please, let us form a force field.
Every fiber of my body is on edge, seething with a burning urge to be alive.
More alive than this repetitive stasis that is Educational routine.
My blood thrums and sings with the desire and yearning for otherworldly adventures.
The uncontainable demanding within my soul that CRAVES more than a dull life set within the confines and standards of a society that has disbanded the thrill seeking pleasure that is and was the old world. Now we have to pay a small fortune in order to obtain a moment where we transcend grey and our colors blast and shoot through the spectrum in solar flare heartbeat pulses of excitement that dulls far too soon.
I want to taste sea salt and raindrops on my lips, grains of sand beneath my feet.
To feel every nerve in my body alight with the spark of something more.
To face the unknown, not in a city nor my home cowering for the remainder of my life.
But to claim my destiny with both hands, clutching my glaive firmly in battle stances while gazing unafraid into the eyes of my nemesis, my enemy. To duel it out on stormy seas, sails billowing, lifelines secured, braced upon the slick decks of pirate ships soaked with rain while torrents of wind lash at my body during a dangerous battle between lovers, demanding my downfall at the hands of nature but instead of falling to it I would prevail and arise. Where lightning cracks across the sky like a golden whip, where thunder roars in agony across the cosmos like Atlas holding up the weight of the sky.
Engaged in the throes of battle while the air is rich and pungent with the scent of steel and the satisfying clang of blades locked in combat. Sword against glaive, antagonist and protagonist.
To battle and seek, to pursue those who dare take whom and what I love. To become MORE. To transcend the fabric of dreams and turn all this into something tangible, to grasp it tight and shower the seeds of dreams into the soil of the real world, and to help it bloom into a reality I've wished for my whole life.
Instead of sitting around writing about how much more I long for. I don't want to be trapped in columns, in places at certain times.
To change the world, to alter my dull fate and the chance to make the stuff of my daydreams and night visions into more than just letters on a page. To whisper and weave the song of those worlds into the fabric of this twisted reality and watch as stardust mends the frayed edges.
Perhaps it is this fate, that my dreams never see the light of the midday sun
that there is not a strong enough conviction nor skilled weaver to bring about the change I long for.
We grow up in a world filled with fairy tales and books filled to the brim with stories to capture our imagination and you cant expect me to suddenly still be content and satisfied with the damnable grayness that is the black and white of our world that will never be filled with color.
And I will be doomed to write out worlds and cultures I can never touch and interact with, never will I be able to grasp the soil of the other worlds and exist within the places I make.
Never will we, of earth, trapped inside dull grey columns ever truly experience freedom.
Not even with our words for we cant even paint the sky a different color other than grey, and the ground beneath our feet will only ever be black. Despite the colors we think we see, they're not the colors we want. Just pale washed out shades of worlds we will never be a part of.
In a window less cell.
Where the phone never rings.
No visitors here.
Hold myself dear.
The wind bleats as lamb.
Only sound heard, rattling air-brick.
Still cold inside.
Sits waiting for endurance to call.
She doesn't need it.
He's just a prick.
He doesn't call.
Once he did.
She said she'd visit.
Only because she's bored.
What is it that makes her hide inside.
Hide inside her heart that died.
Static she waits in her virtual box.
Watching the seconds dance over the clock.
Knowing all that he wants is a game with his cock.
Stuck In a vortex between love and hate.
Certainly not feeling great.
The height from where she fell was lowly.
He truly is not holy.
He lives where terra firma strokes the belly of the worm.
The worm wants her to stroke him.
Will F**k him but only with words!
She will not go.
© 2013 ladylivvi1 (All rights reserved)
I'm going to wake up
Roll over on my side
And kiss the love of my life good morning
When I have endured life completely
My youthful eyes have been surrounded by aged skin,
Only then will I be free,
Free to fly, my body left behind
My soul released into eternity
Will your soul meet mine in the sky?
Follow me there-
our time together will never perish,
Our love will never die.
[Hint - it's fun to read this one out loud :) ]
Upon a crusty and spinning crag
Herbert's trusty craft did set,
Out beyond the path of Mars
In an asteroid belt they met.
Picked from out of thousands there
He selected a rocky home,
The perfect kind of rocky mass
To end his spacely roam.
First Ceres was too large and bold
And Pallas was too pale,
Old Vesta flew with sluggish wings
And Hygiea seemed too frail..
Ah, Sylvia seemed a likely rock
And her orbit seemed fine too,
But t'was Juno caught his eye at last
So what else could he do?
He sat his craft upon that rock
And loosed his robot throng,
Soon they mined and smelted ore
And built a structure strong.
That dome rose up with welded struts
To stand on a bright-lit plain,
The jewel-like panes filled out the place
O'er that kingdom he would reign.
Industrious 'bots and a stately home
So there did Herbert rule,
O'er a stark and rocky, lonely view
In the asteroid belt so cruel.
T'was far away to the nearest soul
No one to share Herb's tea,
To simply chat or share a bite
How lovely would that be?
Deep beneath old Juno's crust
'Bots mined for all their worth
Pulling out rare stuff and gems
And sending them to Earth.
But all the gold and diamond stones
Could hardly even start,
To fill the void that Herbert felt
Where he knew he kept a heart.
Yet, several rocky asteroids out
Across that rocky belt,
Another set upon her task
With ores and slag to melt.
Past Callisto and Iris zones
Where Cybele and Psyche spin
Fair Susanna tended Hektor's mines
Of silver, zinc and tin.
Now orbits often twist and dance
And trade with one another,
Where one boulder once was kin
There soon will be some other.
T'was thus that Herbert's Juno rock
Slowly made it's way,
To catch-up Susie's Hektor world
And shadow it one day.
Sue looked out her glass abode
To see what blocked the sun,
Then seeing Juno with its mines
A visit seemed like fun.
Toward a spot near Herbert's ship
Suzanna's came a-falling,
Imagine Herbert's bright surprise
Seeing visitors a-calling.
A shapely suit with bubble head
And jet-pack soon came floating,
To Herbert's door that afternoon
The sight had him emoting.
"Well hello there friend, and who are you
That to my rock comes knocking?"
"Just another miner fool
Whose sun your Juno's blocking"
"In just a little while, I'm sure
Our asteroids will part,
So why not stay a little while
And a friendship we can start?"
Double shipments soon they made
To send away to Earth
While their robots toiled each day
The sweethearts shared their mirth.
Great love did our Herb and Susie share
Built on those pleasant talks
And soon a tractor beam they fixed
Between their drifting rocks.
And still today in spacers' lore
They talk about that tether,
That linked two hearts among the rocks
Two asteroids bound together.
I'm a liar and a thief,
I feel no grief for the poor,
if I want, I'll spend some more,
just 'cause I can.
I'm blind and I'm numb,
I love to beat my drum of greed,
come here, let me plant a seed,
I'll manipulate your mind.
And you may ask why,
why would anyone listen to me?
Well friend, it's simple,
I have money.
I'm rude and inconsiderate,
Africans starve and wither away,
while I set here and shove my face,
with exotic pastries.
I'm deceitful and plain evil,
I love hearing the masses complain,
about how I don't share, I have no shame,
fuck off you measly peasants.
I most likely don't poop,
because I'm rich enough to not have too.
I'm also made of plastic,
being rich is fucking fantastic.
I'm the epitome of what you want to be,
rich, handsome, and some what happy.
But I'll never be happy enough,
because I can never have enough money.
I sit at home in giant rooms,
and eat money by the spoonful.
I love the way it gleams and shines,
under the chandelier in my dining room.
Best part of it all,
is the fact that I am free.
Free of taxes,
free of work,
free of everything.
So when you see me driving to the New York Stock Exchange,
bow before me,
kiss the floor please,
and don't forget to wave.
Like a chariot she thundered through
As though trying to raise a response in those ambivalent to her purpose
Contained in her own atmosphere
More rarefied than fresh air, like the boy in the bubble
Mm she knew how to use manipulation
For she treated all as though staff or fee paying of her time
Even when damned and by virtue of decision there was never any quarter
But some, in the minority and silent
Watched her as she destroyed the lives of others
Watched and never acted nor spoke
As though inert
This is now the epitaph
The bridge is crossed and the fire burns brightly
I care not to see its flames envelop her