Love for me was everything,
Beyond the troubles & distances.
Love for her was something,
Bound to touch & the distances.
Mistake made.
Love failed once.
Love for me was everything,
Beyond divinity & all the miles.
Love for her was something,
Bound to the kisses & smiles.
Mistake made.
Love failed twice.
Love for me was everything,
Beyond the doubts & suspicions.
Love for her was something,
Bound to me & the meetings.
Mistake made.
Love failed thrice.
Love for me was everything,
Beyond past & the time to come.
Love for her was something,
Bound to the chances & instances.
Mistake made.
Love failed again.
Failed four times with different persons..
I don't fear the fifth time, but I'm simply too tired to love again the way they want...
I'm luckier the fifth time my love is a success, it's the last time I'm loving before I love my kid(s).
*Peace*
© Atul Kaushal
The first time I stepped into school,
Admiring that beautiful wall of fame.
Carved in gold were so many names,
Dated back from decades ago.
Each year has a different name,
Each name part of history.
Shining bright under the light,
Too prestigious and too rare.
I told myself what if I could
See my name etched on the wall,
Nothing else can sweep it away,
Nothing else can wash it away.
But this dream of mine is dashed,
Thrown into the deepest sea,
Crushed almost for eternity,
Something I can never be.
I can't measure how much I've done,
Working so hard to get a step closer.
Each time I think I'm almost there,
I'm actually disillusioned,
I'm going nowhere.
From here I have two paths to go,
One to chase and persist on my goal,
Or I could simply accept my fate,
Give it a try,
Open my mind.
Perhaps that's where I'm meant to be.
My minds says one thing,
But my heart says another,
I hate these moments,
They're my greatest bother.
Is my life a book written my God?
Do all things happen for a reason,
Because that's how my fate was destined?
I wish I could know all the answers,
But I guess some things are secrets for our lifetime.
I wonder if I should go chase my dreams,
Be brave,
Be bold,
Be ridiculed at.
What if I grow to love my fate,
Loving,
Sharing,
Caring for others.
Is this the place that's meant for me?
I don't know the answer,
And I'll never know.
But how about the names in gold
And everything that seemed perfect to me?
To go forth and chase my dreams,
Or to just accept
My fate?
Tumbling down further
into the deepest parts of your
heart
Flowing through your arteries
and your veins
and your mind
Pacing through your brain
hoping and praying maybe
you will think of me
Think of me
on the loneliest nights
and the darkest days
Because I know you don't know
and I know I can't
tell you
But I love you
and I care
and I'm so sorry
It's raining cats and dogs
and my heart is racing
and my mind is going to
explode soon
if I don't tell you
how much I love you
I am falling for you hard
and darling, I know it
could never be
because you are you and
I am me
and you're perfect
and I'm nothing but atoms derived
to fall in love
deeper and deeper
only for you
Sickly sweet and
disgustingly obscene
to be in love with
somebody
when you know you
really shouldn't
The taste of your lips
sugary and sweetened
but then
an underlying
taste of near-death
and fear
The taste of my heart
collapsing
and failing against
your mouth
pressing harder against
you and pulling you
close
I can taste it now
so clearly
the flavour of my
coming death and
the sting of falling
in love with
you
I can never have
you
and it was nothing
more than a candied
dream, and it can never
really be
But you tasted so alluring
and the feel of
your hands in my hair
sends shivers down
my fragile bones
and I miss that night
Of all the words ever concieved
The tongue of an angel can't tell
She sighs in her sleep;
Sighs in sympathy for the devil.
They wrestle and claw for the words
The right to have the name
She sighs in her sleep for the devil
The tongued angel falters this game
She won't continue the struggle
The victory she found above
Opened her sleepy eyes to me
And spoke only one syllable
Love
I forfeit the bet
I tried my best
But your body's still worthless
Watch my ego drown
I've fallen for a clown
I can't find the way outta this town
I smiled once
But no one remembers.
There was a time before this
A time we stood perfectly still
The bear smelling the air
And we prayed to god
To leave like lovers.
Where do you go
when I look at you?
Feels like floatin through space
suffocating on life’s
little
hang-ups—
Like a starvin' artist
tryin to paint portraits on the metro.
Like a hero who’s
forgotten courage sticking their head in a lion’s mouth oh
When your mind is turnin'
your eyes seem to scream your heart is hurtin' for something more.
At least that’s what it seems to me
as I wonder
Where do you go
when I look at you?
Feels like floatin’ through space
suffocating on life’s
little
hang-ups—
Like when you try explainin' to me
that are but we aren’t and we gotta wait and see.
Like when we’re sittin’ at the shihsa bar
and you look at me despite not knowing what we are…
But when your mind is turnin’
I’m intent on learnin’ how to understand
until one day you looked at me and said
Where do you go
when I look at you?
Feels like floatin’ through space
suffocating on life’s
little
hang-ups
Keep it in the moment bang-a-rang with your fist up
in the air let it be let be let it be in the air
like Rumi said love calls everywhere and
always
always
always!
Love calls everywhere and always!
I thought to those hands that draw my strings
why do ghosts only haunt the living?
Fear slithers down from the stains on my ceiling
coiling thickly around my throat
dripping feted sweat
from the tips of its' fangs
“To Spur You To Run”
so down the darkened hallways and
out to the dirty
downtown streets I flew
skittering fitfully between the alleys
for risk of being seen
before slipping into that same empty bar
me oh my, what dim corners you have
ducking onto that same crooked confessional
oh great bartend, what clouded eyes you have
where I am promptly handed
my glass of Sorrow
deliver me from evil
atop a napkin wrote with print
“All The Better To Drown You With.”
it seems I have forgotten
if this sip or the last
was bitter or sweet
but it burns my eyes
twists my ribs, thickens the wind
and in the moment I see that face
out beyond the foamy waves
that shore upon the dregs
oh hallowed face of Judgement,
it seems blackened ivy has taken root
around your eyes
"I Tip Your Service With A Nod"
every block that I stumble by
drips pooling
orange streetlight onto the sidewalk
which whetted feet find liquor slick
thus put nose to grindstone, idiom or no
I hear the whispered Fury
when I fall down far enough
when my ear is planted to the earth
addressing me curtly
burning up through the asphalt
and stretching uncomfortably underneath my fingers
she lifts me screaming from the molten gutter
"To Hell With Forgiveness"
I find none other than Passion
standing under a spotlight
always dreamed of becoming a star
on the next street corner
you burned out far below the heavens of the hollywood highrise
she beckons me over with knowing gestures
but you still wound up center stage
“I Am Cheap and Love is Dead
Buried With All The Other Fairy Tales”
to which I respond
“We Must Make Due.”
She came and left swiftly
departing with the last of the warmth
in this empty room
douses candles in gasoline
burning half as long but twice as bright
after which I rose and went to my window
listening to the chirps of Melancholy
singing of sin.
Copyright ©2010-2013 Sean Winslow All Rights Reserved
Okay this is a poem for my mother and I hope she's going to love it.
In the pale sunlight of the morning,
I miss your divine glow.
In the shining sunlight of the noon,
I miss your angelic shadow.
In the sinking sunlight of the evening,
I miss you and only you.
In the harsh winds of the society,
I miss your strong care.
In the large outside world unknown,
I miss your natural love.
In the massive tree of a billion people,
I miss you and only you.
In the beautiful meadows,
I miss your voice.
In the scenic mountains,
I miss your company.
In the picturesque seas,
I miss you and only you.
© Atul Kaushal
