i love to see the squirrels climbing up a tree
with there bushy tail as happy as can be
jumping through the trees and leaping through the air
in his world of freedom he dosent have a care
gathering his nuts to take them to his nest
so he can take a nibble while he has a rest
such a lovely creature as lovely as can be
the beauty of the squirrel is such a sight to see
i used to say things like "you will be mine."
or, "you will love me."
or, "one day, you'll start to care."
but i am not the foolish young girl i used to be.
i know better than to believe in miracles or fairy tales.
maybe that's all we would have been; a fairy tale.
in real life the ugly commoner never even gets noticed by the perfect prince.
i have gotten noticed by you.
what makes me think that you cared?
you have an entire kingdom of girls better than me.
you and i would never work and it's a bit hard to understand that fact after believing in us for so long.
it's hard going from the top of the world to rock bottom and that's how i feel after losing you.
actually, no, i didn't lose you.
i still see you everyday.
i guess i just came back to reality.
I tried to write a poem about love
But I just wrote your name
Over and over and over again.
Because that's what it is to me
The gap between your teeth
Once I dreamed of a future heaven
Where all the angels since creation
Joined together and offered each spirit
One wish upon the podium of the mightiest kingdom
And I chose to focus the great spotlight
Across the massive audience of faces
I shined my light over many turning heads
Until I found her there shy and selfless
This gentlest and most angelic creature I could imagine
We hugged for long moments and I took her to the front of God's witnesses
This angel who made my life something of worth
Who never forsook me through all my years on earth
Making sacrifices for me every breath of her life
Performing countless expressions of love.....
And I wanted her to know what she meant to me
So when we finally arrived back at the podium I bent my knees
To the most unassuming woman my soul could have asked for
I respectfully shouted to God far up and behind the podium
Please bless this dear most kindest spirit that clay ever wore
The only one who would have given her life for me
Because she did.....oh yes she did....she did....My God.....
This Mother did!!!!! UNFINISHED!
You're like a cold cup of coffee
Or a bouquet of wilted flowers
Perhaps a rusted bike
Someone once cared about you-
Until you were forgotten
Until your milk was separated
Your petals had drooped
Your wheels no longer turned
The absence of love is evident in your entire being.
i love to watch the badgers roaming round at night
with there furry coats of colours black and white
walking through the fields neath a moon so bright
this lovely thing of nature brings me such delight
i sit and watch for hours till the break of day
and watch them disappear as they slowly walk away
Where is my home?
The house where I was born,
With the dark red stair carpet
And square patterns on the bathroom floor?
Or the house where I grew up
By the sea with the holes in the roof
And water dripping through the electric light?
Or the flat where, newly married,
We sat by the open fire
And planned our life ahead?
Or the little house with the red front door
With Harry and Lesley on the other side
And a garden backing onto trees?
With its crop of Mare’s Tail
Oil paint scratched across the garage door
And a thousand memories?
Or number forty two, the regency house
With the garland on the wall
And the study where I write this down?
Home is where you are,
I wanted to love every space
and every missing piece -
I wanted to see.
From the moment your
warm hands held mine
I felt safe, and I knew
this would be more.
I needed to know every
every dark thought,
I wanted to know you.
To stick my fingers in
the little gaps of your
soul, I wanted to feel
everything you felt.
I wanted you to feel whole.
I desire to know every
the smell of blood
still thick in your mind.
Every dream and
I wanted to feel it all.
I need you to know
the love I've felt
for your sake.
I wanted to gently mend
every flaw you saw
in yourself, I wanted
to make life beautiful.
To let you in?
I wanted to try. I wanted to feel.
I wanted to be there to share
when the demons come breathing
down your neck and every sick
thought stalks your head.
I wanted you there when the
tears wouldn't stop
or couldn't start and
I wanted to catch all of yours.
But you feel I've done wrong.
Pain that ripped through my core
and begged me to scream out
every truth I've concealed-
terrified because my love is so deep
yet I never bothered to reveal.
I wanted to tell you
but the words are so heavy and
emotions so real.
Someday I'll tell you.
War in my mind as real
as the war you have seen.
Silence leaves me wondering
if you would fight for me.
I would fight.
I will fight.
I will fight for your love
until I can't fight any more.
I fell in love with you
that was my first mistake.
Empathy that shook my core
I wanted to feel all you felt.
I wanted you to feel what I felt.
(Because I knew you felt it, too.)
I wanted to give myself
until there was nothing left.
I wanted you to love me.
I love you in a way I don't fully understand,
In a way
I really hope you don't either.
The things about my life that I treasure,
Each has come to hold something of you.
I love you every time the sun rises,
And I am looking through my window wide awake.
I love you when I hear a choir sing
And the sound pulls tears from me
Like my heart's unraveling with awe.
I love you when I look up and see the first star of a cold, clear night
And say your name to myself so that I feel a beam of light,
Stretch between me and that star
And make me celestial for a moment.
I love you like that feeling I get in museums or temples
Like I don't want to breathe
Because the silence is so sacred and beautifully full.
I love you when I stand in my city at night in the rain,
A living watercolor painting
Smeared with neon and gold,
And my breath catches at the exquisite world I live in.
I love you through living,
And I live with a passion hotter than the sun.
I live so completely it hurts,
And I love you that way
You say I don't have to worry.
When we were laughing, happy,
And I said, "I'm trusting you."
I meant in all things.
When I sealed it with a kiss,
I am trusting you.
Trusting you the way I have only ever trusted
One other person.
Who dragged me through hell and repented,
Whose every ugliness and cruelty I saw and accepted,
Who I know better than I know myself.
It took that to trust her,
It took seeing every corner of her for me to give her
What I am handing you right now.
You are still shrouded in secrets, in uncertainty.
I've not seen your darkness, only heard that maybe it exists.
In so many ways
I don't know you.
But looking into your eyes
I trusted you
And I trust you
Here you go:
Here is every night I lay awake, my stomach twisting in knots,
Fearing that you'll forget me.
Here is every morning I wake up
And try not to bother you too soon into the day,
Fighting the irrational panic that if I don't hear that you exist
You'll have been only a dream.
Here is every midnight I will spend wandering in the cold
Looking for ghosts of us together in the dark
Wondering what you are doing halfway around the world under the same moon that paints the snow silver here.
Here is every doubt I have.
I trust you.
Here is my faith.
It is never given lightly.
But I love you.
And since I do,
I have the choices:
I will love you either way.
I will fear you either way,
And what this trust means is that
I have found a new kind of courage.
When I am sad, or scared,
When my day has raked me over the coals,
When I am forced to my knees, and have to get up all alone,
I will allow the thought of you
To comfort me.
I will let you in
In my darkest hours
And let the light that fills up every inch of me when you touch me
Return without you
And warm me.
You may never know what this means from me-
You've not seen me guard myself like a fortress for eighteen years.
You've not seen me refuse to let anything comfort me
In fear that if I rely upon it
I will lose it and be unable to survive.
You've not seen me suffer silently, grimly, stubbornly
Just so I will have done all the getting-up
This trust, this faith,
This is the most precious thing I have.
And I gave it to you,