You seem to forever live in my heart,
even if i no longer live in yours
You may not want me to still love you
That is why when my hiccups turn into vomit I can't help but to wonder if that's you trying to find your way out.
To feel at ease,
Instead of Calculated
None of it has ever been easy.
Pretending to know all.
So many things left unsaid
Seems all things fabricated.
Easy to distract
On how to
is a state
Were not forced.
Have lost control of your
Than known to
Do not forget that
Can Take Back
Physically if need be...
Remove yourself mentally.
Take a Look.
Notice the careful
Dec 2, 2013
All I want to do is throw on my boots and go.
Wallowing in my own sadness makes the time move slow.
I have some words you might want to hear.
How much I love you; all the things I can't take back; my biggest fears.
But I was confined to watching the rain all day.
Which might be a blessing in disguise because I really don't wanna hear what you have to say.
You stepped on stage,
And people ohh-ed,
There were murmurs of,
But something wasn’t right.
Something was off about you,
And it seemed oh so familiar.
Where have I heard of this?
Where have I heard of a person having those same…
How charismatic you are,
How people seemed to worship you?
Up on that stage,
I saw you,
But you were tainted,
You seemed to be radiating.
But it wasn’t love,
Or anything like that you were radiating,
It was evil.
And then you smiled,
And won over the hearts,
Where have I heard of these characteristics before?
They sound so familiar,
Like something I learned in school.
I learned of a person like this in History class.
His name was Hitler,
And all the things people are saying about you,
They said about him.
Be careful my darling,
History repeats itself.
i've counted the times
i've lied, i've lied and been caught;
i've given black eyes and blue bruises, received red watercolor kisses on my neck and purple ones between my thighs;
i've given a cold shoulder, a warm embrace;
i've tasted the hot tears of my own perpetration on another face,
and i've stifled my own to keep a family strong;
i've "I love you"ed
through gritted teeth,
as i throw a punch,
as my face is at her belt;
now, i count the footsteps in our favorite walk,
and the days until when at six a.m.
i will be studying the line between your brow,
framing your irises fixed on mine,
trembling as a blue lipped child out of water;
but if the future is now, and if now is then,
i will taste
the lies, lips, tears, and tricks
as fresh flowers on the crispness of this morning to come
This describes all of the cottage industry angels that men produce they are angels for profit
Pure angels Zechariah 1:8 “I saw by night and behold a man riding on a red horse and it stood
Among the myrtle trees in the hallow and behind him were horses red, sorrel, and white then I
Said my lord what are these so the angel who talked with me said to me I will show you what
They are” what they are is the most pleasurable and pure knowing of angels they are in God’s
Word doing the work of God we don’t discredit angels in books but here you can have a sigh of
Relief knowing assuredly their wings is not noise filled from rust or any manner of impurity
Join them in complete utter trust they haven’t been set before you for any ulterior motive of
Anyone the song blessed assurance doesn’t come from this but how glorious here the door is
Wide open come in and dwell among sacred doings in the earth feel alone weak sad come to
This clearing that appears profound all powerful truly you can mount up on angel wings soar
The True dimensions of the soul unbound in delirious thrilled freedom ride on thermals created
By visitors who call heaven home you will be touched by reality unknown to human thought
Truly the rush of angel’s will surround you live in a beleaguered world of fallen angels that only
Seek our hurt but in this rarified place where heavenly glory is readily displayed you will know
Peace comfort and power adrift you are bestowed with garlands now temporarily but one day
It will be replaced with a golden sacred crown on your head His gleaming light will shoot out in
All directions accompanied by your joyous laughter these are truths and thoughts that will
Enrobe you enthrall you the sweetest tremble the softest tenderness will beguile you where
You will abide among true friends and protectors that serve God honorable just a few true
Words that will truly uplift you what is being described is your birthright your treasure without
Measure it’s not written in stone but in Holy love that consumes heaven’s thoughts you are the
Central most desirable discussion that heaven ever has this is just one mention of that truth
the first dusting of snow
blankets the fall leaves
carpeting the Oak and Maple grove floor.
a distinct snowflake vanguard
paints the imminent winter solstice
daylight wanes …
now measured by moments
and melted candle wax
~ tick tock ~
~ tick tock ~
paces the silence ...
passing time cannot be stopped
only the diminishing firewood pile
reminds that the passing season
of darkness is gauged
by the depth of abandoned fireplace ashes
from whence warmth had come recognizable…
the abundance of the crackling fire,
the flickering glow hypnotizes
into a vulnerable trance.
fighting back the weighty feeling
of a heart growing cold and dormant
as the changing season
after such sublime awakenings ~
…an unnatural sadness accompanies
the frosty wintertide darkness
waning daydreams evanescent light ,
seasons' metamorphosis to winterlude.
a life without light of love shine
is a life to which hopefulness
subtly vanishes ever so slowly
like the snow flurries blanketing
the fallen and decomposing leaves
beveiled by the imminent winter solstice…
…December 16th, 2012
...baby it's cold outside and headed towards single digits
stoke-up the fire and spike the eggnog (!)
*another year has passed in the blink of an eye
yet again , sliding one small bead along the rod ,
in this groove , on my abacus of passed time ;
there is not that much that changes , perhaps we just repeat ...
I could have written this today , as well as last December
... or perhaps another abacus bead's manifest destiny
... that just makes me melancholy on this particular day ...
" blue river " by Eric Andersen
...performs solo vocal & solo piano ... this song takes me to a place I like to go ~
Original member of "The Band"
Sunder your heart from your eyes
Tear open your rib cage, pull out the lies.
Learn to turn on the lights
For if you believe only in what you see
What will you do in the dark?
You burned my love letters
My whole home ablaze
Ink and pages that defined me
You cannot understand
I cannot understand
When I was a child
Small shoes, small socks
You told me not to be afraid
of the monsters living in my closet
You were right.
The monsters cannot be restrained to a piece of furniture.
They live in the people around me
Infesting their brains like flies feeding on torn-open flesh
Eyes like bones and thoughts spreading like plague
They live inside me
In the boy who broke me with his words
In the people who blinded their own eyes to avoid seeing
Broke their own hands to avoid helping
You don't try to catch a falling knife.
If I am a knife
My words are a sheath
The only thing keeping me from cutting you
Piece by piece
As you've torn into me
Every time you laughed
But I was not a joke.
I'll make you see
I was never a joke.
When I told you I would rip out your guts and eat them
while the screams lay still in your mouth
I was not trying to be funny
When you said
"I'd like to see you try"
I took it as a challenge.
They'll all see
That what they put into me
Every bruise every bite every scratch every fight
Will bleed out by the blood on my hands
And even those with the blackest humor will agree;
Another diagnosis, another consequence
For a crime which I didn’t commit
Punishment for actions I tried to forget
But even with my proclaimed innocence, at
Twenty-one years old I still remain
I’ve been wrongly convicted, do you think
I asked to be trapped, to become
Another victim of a monster’s dirty hands?
Do you think I didn’t panic when I heard him
Lock me in? When
I heard the sound of the deadbolt click?
Why are you acting like it’s me who’s
The monster? I’m nervously
Explaining, “I swear I’m not heartless.”
Another gift given to me by the trauma
Another piece of me he has stolen
Shouldn’t be defending myself against
Another social stigma, as if the ones
I fight now aren’t enough of a burden.
“She lies, she’s unstable, her personality’s
I’m stuttering and desperate to explain
But they can’t look past the misconception
Always so focused on the drug addiction
They don’t look at me, instead they stare at
The issues they’ve blamed on daddy, the
Disordered eating or the PTSD and
Now they’re dissecting my personality.
That broken outline of my body, imprinted
On that frozen, cold garage concrete
The body which continues to haunt me,
The voices in the scale shouting insults
Whenever I eat and could break me just by
Displaying three numbers on its screen
And these chemically loaded syringes I’ve
Willingly allowed to control me, an
Addiction that refuses to let me be
[ Free ]
Crossed the border, on the line
"Just love me, love me."
your favorite game is
and it took
why a girl
that takes more than
but i've got it all figured out now
you switched the
with little parts of me
every time you lose a replaceable
a part of me
and you're not sitting still
you're just killing time
playing with my emotions