Just in case of an emergency
Here is my number
Call me anytime I'll pick up for you
I'll be the suicide hotline
Family problems hotline
Anything hotline for you
Just call me
I'll be your 911
I don't want to lose you
I love you too much
So just in case
You have my number
To wish, to wish,
To dream a dream,
To writhe in nightmares of the obscene,
To ask, to know, to whisper, to scream,
The Waters of Regret, with tears, it teems.
The Night has vanquished the Softening Light,
The mind and heart, as one, in flight,
They try to spread their wings but unfold
Blackened remains of dreams so bold.
Skeletal and frail, they represent
The nothingness, the loss and lament,
They creak as they move in their fragility,
They yearn to wander eternally,
It happens that I do, indeed, readily
With Love and its "virility".
Happiness is a virtue, a privilege,
Not a tome, a text, or pledge,
It holds steady in the worst of winds,
A Northern ship in the tides and spins,
The pitch and yaw of each barrage,
Makes one wish for camouflage,
From life, from loss, from all heartache,
All who I know regret me, their mistake.
Be at peace, I'm at peace,
It's the rest I need,
I try and remember when you were happy
It was a year ago today,
I was born again.
A year later,
I am born again.
There's not enough love to give these children.
I've lived in my father's shoe to know
that brutes like him cut through the vein
and let the blood seep
into the deepest crack in the ground.
I tailgated the women that formed themselves
around philosophy and art--but not so much art
because they knife the stomach of the
very word as they put on their pretentious
stockings for those men--those men
who flick their pound of ash into the gutter
and claim to be gods of ethics
with their monotonous blather,
and I swear if I take one more shot
I'll become part of these sheets--
part of you, and those weeds will
be a beast to rip out.
The morning started with a shower
Arms braced against the wall in a kind of supplication
Pushing hard so damn hard you want to fall
You let the water wash your dreams and pain away
The morning started with you leaving
Saying I'm so nice as you walk out the door
I know your tired cause we didn't sleep
I remember your whispered promises that were quickly disposed of
The morning started with you lying next to me
While I played Rilo Kiley
So close I could touch you but I could tell you didn't want to be touched
"Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can’t move
Awake but cannot open my eyes
And the weight is crushing down on my lungs
I know I can’t breathe
And I hope someone will help me this time..."
I played it in a moment of honesty
My one true expression as I watched the distance grow between us
I wanted to fuck you again cause I hoped it would mean something
Thank you for teaching me that the third time is the charm and the fourth is for sleeping not fucking
It's hard to find this kind of rejection early in the morning. Thanks for staying open late to accommodate me.
The morning started with me laughing at you when you said where's the underwear?
Writers can laugh at painful parallels and prophesy true unintentionally but not uneventfully
It doesn't help me not want to fuck you again
So we fuck again for the third time. The last time.
You kiss less when your not drunk
The morning started with some smoke and water and generic Advil
Proscribed to all the fallen like vitamins
You look good naked
Next to me
I wonder what this morning will bring?
This morning started with me inside you the second time
You made me cum inside you like you wanted something that I had to give
Maybe love maybe pain -you did like to be hurt
You didn't remember that I said I want to hurt you less cause I actually like you
I choked you cause you wanted it more than me
I feel like Kriegers robot arm sometimes
Perhaps we could just affix a cock to the arm and I could be replaced
Go on vacation to the city of lost whore sluts
I hear the buffet there is wonderful
The morning started with me inside you
On the kitchen floor
I threw you up against the wall too hard
You fell down so I took you right there
On the linoluem Under flourecent lights
You were so tight and tender and tough
You fucked me desperately like you hadn't been getting enough
Sorry for banging your head up against the fridge
The morning started with you next to me
Both of us drunk
You kissed me right
Out of the many there are few that do it
It's a weakness for me and dangerous to believe in the power of knowing through a kiss
You dry humped me like a dog on speed
It felt good
That and the kissing
I said no
I wouldn't fuck you
Like I said before
You said it had been to long
That you never did this
I said I needed to wait
That I liked you
I didn't want you to be just a fuck
Not just for you
But for me
Sometimes even seasoned whores need to feel special
I said that I'd fall too quick
You can be very persuasive
The morning started with me on the couch with your friend
We had makers and he had Jameson
He called it neat but it had Ice
I didn't say anything
You told him that you knew me for a long time and that i was gay
In retrospect it probably helped that I talked about color and carpets and paintings and poetry
I tried not laugh as we tried to pass of our little deceptive parody
Sure it was successful but what does it really say about me that he'd believe it
Oh the irony of pretending to be gay to get a girl
The things we do
He left after a long soliloquy on decorating and fashion
I think you might be like me and sometimes confuse the facts of your friends and stories with your dreams
I thought your adept practiced and surreptitious deception was endearing
I wanted to kiss you all night so I was glad he left
After he was gone I told you in the bathroom that I wanted to kiss you all night and you dropped your pants and peed in front me
You looked at me like no big deal and said what I don't care
I really starting liking you then
The morning started at the bar the night before
You sat down and smiled and flirted with me
You told me I would have to wait a year and a half to fuck you
As we drank way too much and both grew more beautiful and gracious with every ounce of liquid forgetfulness
The morning started the night before at your work when I hit on you cause you were laughing and smiling and had a little halo
The morning started like any other morning
With lies and rejection and sweetness and passion and loneliness
If I knew I was going to be used like this
I would have used a condom
Not to just protect against the std's but to protect from intimacy
I hope I won't fail on both counts
A little worried
That's why I write this story
Azrael Always James
© Copyright 2013
also, I am sad that no one has anything to say:-(
I love everything about you.
All the little things and big.
Even all the things that I hate.
I love how shy you are,
how annoying and sarcastic you can be,
how you dyed your hair black,
how long it is and how every time that you flip it my heart stops.
I love how your ears are pierced,
how you wear colored contacts,
how you can sit there for hours without talking,
how you would always get distracted and forget to text me back until hours later.
I love your abs and how I think you are smarter than me.
How you can act like an idiot, but know when to stop.
I love how you are so stubborn,
and your smile,
and how even your voice can give me comfort.
I love everything about you!
I could sit here for hours just writing them all.
I have loved you since the day I met you.
And as hard as I try nothing in the world can change that.
furtively creep through
the window, rhythmically
stroking the lily-white hair
that rests upon her hunched
Thin levees barricade
the emerging seas of salt
as the stationary clouds
dissipate from the
sapphire ice crystals that
encircle her atramentous
Beneath her round,
ancient ravines wind
her steep, narrow
chin, pointing at a
skeletal frame blanketed
in an off-white, floral gown.
Blotchy, autumn, amber
hands cradle the pudgy
infant’s limp body. She
smiles as she presses her
chapped lips on the baby’s
smooth, plastic head.
She leans back in her
chair of solace, rocking
back-and-forth to the
pulsating tempo of her
heartbeat. Her world is
in perfect harmony.
I love alcohol it's always there for you
It's getting late
All the terrorists are gone to bed
A few perverts
Drunkenly babbling about Jesus
Are roaming the streets
Looking to pedophile little
Boys and girls
But soon these shall simply
Fall down dead
And in the quiet remaining
Even fat girls
May find love
My sister the prostitute is out there
On the streets
And if you get lost she shall
Take you home
And the saints are out there
Leading the holy revolution
By their meditation
And the power of their love
All those still sane are romancing
With the mystic evening's vast array
Of pure human characters
Born for tomorrows
That shall surely come
And I of course am here
For I am HERE
For I am
Where else could I be
But with you?
Shed yourself of fear
Anger and hate
For anyone may hold on to these things
But we are alive
And shall do differently
We shall hold the child in our arms
Tender flesh surrounding
The spirit and soul
Moving thru what is
It IS late
All the terrorists are gone to bed
All the politicians are dead
Even the fat girls shall find me
The most beautiful creature
You love them.
You hate them
You care about them.
You want to kill them.
You do anything for them.
You'll die for them.
You'll lie for them.
Your always there for them.
You get mad.
You get annoyed.
You get jealous.
You get in fights.
You say things you don't mean.
You see who they actually are.
You not only see who they are...
You can see all the bad things about them...
You can see who they actually are!
And you don't care.
You don't care if they are obnoxious.
You don't care if they are jerks.
You love them anyways.
You'll be there for them no matter what.
They're always there for you.
You tell each other everything.
You keep each others secrets.
You become family.
You lose them and sometimes they come back.
You make new friends but still keep the old.
They're your friends!
They're your family!
They're the ones you can always count on.
You do stupid stuff together.
You make memories together.
You make mistakes together.
You get in trouble together