Why do you still love me
If I'm a piece of trash
Who never deserved you
To begin with
I thought I had met before,
when we had just crossed paths,
or made love on the same floor?
For I wasn't very sure,
about the dress, that day I wore,
or if we had rushed through those doors.
sets his golden eyes on my face,
or was his gaze sliding lower, bit lower.
I could tell, this was that place,
for how his fingers trialed,
where his stare had been laid,
I thought this moment would fade.
telling me to close my eyes,
for his cold fingers knew the way,
to the growing sinful skies.
Not anymore, I could hear or see,
for the stranger had hypnotized me,
I had read his eyes when only,
he could see me.
first touch of
seasons have passed
as autumn falls
bare trees lose
red berries, once filling
a flow of movement
match the full heat
of her heart, that now
feeds from an empty
source, a potential well
cold, one once filled
with light inspiration
pain and grieving
her eyes glassy, tears
mirroring the blue
skies that light up
the city, snowflakes
start falling, disguising
the flurry of droplets
hitting her cheek
painting patterns that
take form and shape
on her body below
investing in herself
she let her heart
set free as a bird
because it has been
for so long
letting go, never felt
more fatal than a
golden bullet straight
through her heart.
Days after, the blood
spilled from inside her
leaving a stained mark
where she had sat
a free bird on
a park bench waiting
but she never came
she never came
and this girl will never
be the same after
her love for her unknown.
© Sia Jane
[D]etachment means letting go and nonattachment means simply letting be. (95)
What is the sound that wakes me
Or do I sense that you are near?
Whatever disturbs my slumber,
It is magical.
For it means that we share again a few moments
On our journey through life
What more could we ask?
It is wonderful.
As it was many years ago when we were susceptible
To the yearnings of young love
And we dreamed of such times.
It is beautiful.
As it was in this early morning
When we met in the darkness of love,
How fortunate can two people be?
It is thrilling.
Falling in love,
You turned over to me
After you had got into bed.
We spoke a few words,
I smelled the toothpaste on your breath
And I wanted to lick it off your teeth.
But that is not normal;
I am not normal,
So I write about it instead.
After a few minutes,
You turned the other way.
In the past, I would have followed you
But that was then and this is now.
But what of tomorrow?
Hang on, I’m falling backwards,
Head over heels,
In love with you,
I know if you see this you'll know it's about you.
Because really, it's always been you.
And I can find pictures of us from when we were kids.
And the look on my face.
I swear I knew I was supposed to be with you when I was six.
Too bad you were twelve and I was just a dumb kid.
And I can find pictures of us two years ago.
When she still allowed you to talk to me.
Before she saw that my look was mirrored in your eyes.
And it may have taken you twelve years but you saw it.
And I can't find any pictures of us now.
Because we aren't allowed together when she's around.
And she is ALWAYS AROUND.
And this isn't our fault because you can't help this.
It's hard watching you be with her when my chest is exploding trying to let you see.
When my heart is breaking my ribs into fragments trying to get to you.
I'm comparing everyone to you which is so
because you're right here and I know in some other life it's me making you laugh and it's me you wrap your arms around and it's me who gets that whispered
"I love you"
This is starting to get weird.
Jesus Christ I know you know it's me.
It's that time of the year again,
It's everyone's favorite time of the year, ladies and gentlemen.
It's time to be happy,
Stop feeling so crappy!
Kiss under the mistletoe,
Let your love show.
Presents under the tree,
Presents for you and me.
Hot chocolate with marshmallows,
And so much good food until you can't swallow.
Don't take these for granted,
Leftovers could have been all someone wanted.
Pray for those who aren't safe and sound,
For the lost souls waiting to be found.
Greet everyone you love,
And thank the man above.
Every fiber of my body is on edge, seething with a burning urge to be alive.
More alive than this repetitive stasis that is Educational routine.
My blood thrums and sings with the desire and yearning for otherworldly adventures.
The uncontainable demanding within my soul that CRAVES more than a dull life set within the confines and standards of a society that has disbanded the thrill seeking pleasure that is and was the old world. Now we have to pay a small fortune in order to obtain a moment where we transcend grey and our colors blast and shoot through the spectrum in solar flare heartbeat pulses of excitement that dulls far too soon.
I want to taste sea salt and raindrops on my lips, grains of sand beneath my feet.
To feel every nerve in my body alight with the spark of something more.
To face the unknown, not in a city nor my home cowering for the remainder of my life.
But to claim my destiny with both hands, clutching my glaive firmly in battle stances while gazing unafraid into the eyes of my nemesis, my enemy. To duel it out on stormy seas, sails billowing, lifelines secured, braced upon the slick decks of pirate ships soaked with rain while torrents of wind lash at my body during a dangerous battle between lovers, demanding my downfall at the hands of nature but instead of falling to it I would prevail and arise. Where lightning cracks across the sky like a golden whip, where thunder roars in agony across the cosmos like Atlas holding up the weight of the sky.
Engaged in the throes of battle while the air is rich and pungent with the scent of steel and the satisfying clang of blades locked in combat. Sword against glaive, antagonist and protagonist.
To battle and seek, to pursue those who dare take whom and what I love. To become MORE. To transcend the fabric of dreams and turn all this into something tangible, to grasp it tight and shower the seeds of dreams into the soil of the real world, and to help it bloom into a reality I've wished for my whole life.
Instead of sitting around writing about how much more I long for. I don't want to be trapped in columns, in places at certain times.
To change the world, to alter my dull fate and the chance to make the stuff of my daydreams and night visions into more than just letters on a page. To whisper and weave the song of those worlds into the fabric of this twisted reality and watch as stardust mends the frayed edges.
Perhaps it is this fate, that my dreams never see the light of the midday sun
that there is not a strong enough conviction nor skilled weaver to bring about the change I long for.
We grow up in a world filled with fairy tales and books filled to the brim with stories to capture our imagination and you cant expect me to suddenly still be content and satisfied with the damnable grayness that is the black and white of our world that will never be filled with color.
And I will be doomed to write out worlds and cultures I can never touch and interact with, never will I be able to grasp the soil of the other worlds and exist within the places I make.
Never will we, of earth, trapped inside dull grey columns ever truly experience freedom.
Not even with our words for we cant even paint the sky a different color other than grey, and the ground beneath our feet will only ever be black. Despite the colors we think we see, they're not the colors we want. Just pale washed out shades of worlds we will never be a part of.
you, my Pale Blue Eyes
you, sweet tender company
you, Sun to my Moon
I wish you could see me the way you saw her
Invest in her hobbies
And all she concurs
Knowing her in and out
The infatuation the adoration
If only you could see me the way you saw her.
I may be with you
There is no difference
I cannot control your point of views
My mind refuses to acquiesce
I wish you could see me the way you saw her.
I wonder how you would be
The difference in all possibilities
You on my end instead
Feeling the pains of an unrequited lover's bed
I wish you could see me the way you saw her.
She is the bane of my insecurities
What was once a strong and confident woman
Has succumbed and bathes in endless pain.
How little I've become to let a lover's past
Possess me feeling inhumane.
I wish I could see me before I saw her.
Accepting you've moved on
Why do I still feel so withdrawn?
I wish I could believe you love me more than you did her.
Is it my thirst for knowledge
The reason I'm broken?
Knowing all you've done for her
Yet none for me?
The time and energy I've always longed for
I wish all you did for her you did for me.
I want to be secure with you
To keep on loving you the way I do
Enjoying our friendship and the intimacy we share
You care, I know
But I'm struggling to stay happy with you
To forgive and let go
I wish you knew how much I love you.
The frustration I'm going through
To stay with you
You see more in me than what you saw in her.
Though I do not know
For your feelings are never shown
The truth will set me free
And I'll no longer wish
you could see me the way you saw her.