starting from the beginning is never easy
piece by piece she would complete the jigsaw puzzle
that sat scattered on the coffee table for months
she had seperated them into piles of alike shapes in hope it would eventually piece itself together. then she could look at it for a few minutes, take it apart, put it away, and never deal with it again.
but it was not that simple. she wondered if pieces had been lost. How would she complete it if not all 1,000 pieces were there? What if this puzzle was never meant to be put together in the first place?
frustrated she slammed pieces into places they clearly did not fit. this was an impossible task, she had convinced herself of this. she could so easily scoop the pieces back into their box and give up.
but it was not that simple. this would take patience, which was something her tank ran empty of.
stubborn she was, and this puzzle would not have power over her. this was a test. she was sure of this. everyone must be aggravated by this cardboard test of diligence.
she would complete this puzzle. as silly as it was she convinced herself with vocal confirmation.
eventually she completed the puzzle, it took years, but she was never prouder of herself than in that moment when she placed the very last piece into it's spot.
She lost herself in the
And she got lost in the
These were her few
That no one had
She tried to mumble
Softly that she was in
Need of some help
Because when you're so broken
It's hard to find yourself
She lost herself to the
And don't forget the
She fell on the way from
And now she's stuck there too
No one can hear
Our sad, small cries
Maybe if we just started
Screaming they would come
Rushing to us in surprise
I don't want to loose
Myself in this old world
I want to push away my demons and
Leave them all for good
I just need a helping hand
Because I feel so blind
I've lost myself to this old world
I have lost my soul and mind
So guide me back to the place
Where I first lost you
Maybe that way I can find
Where I lost myself too
The first time I kissed you
My head spun.
It kept spinning all night.
I've never had to be careful about someone
But when you kiss me
I need to remind myself that
Is a thing.
I am getting better at remembering
That you are not all there is
But there is still this one moment
When you first lean in
And I realize
I have lost my sense of everything except you
And I pull myself back a little,
Not because I care what happens to me
But because I want to keep kissing you
And to do that
It's possible I'll need air.
Shining as bright as diamonds
Eyes like stars
Curse you, curiosity
I'm lost in space
I wonder what they are
Is there really happiness in this oblivion?
Many try, few succeed
Yet, here I am
Lost among these dirty, little toys
I loved you first.
And it looks like our sun has set.
I never meant for it to be this way,
I just can't get you out of my head.
and the thought of you being with somebody else
destroys me from the inside out,
here I am numb, and cold
I shouldn't have ever hurt you,
I will regret it until the day that I die
And hopefully heavens got room for a few more lost souls
because I'm sailing ever so close, to the gates
and by the time you read this I will have ascended.
to my own pearly gates.
I loved you first.
the quietest words are the loudest
knowledge and open eyes to the real world
through prose i speak and speak alone
nobody encouraged me to be outspoken
i was a shut-in, trapped for months
like anne frank, with only power in writing
i found power in words, nobody taught me
how to live, but i learned how to exist in
a world lost in it's sin, a mediocre society
lost in it's power of indulgences and faith
with paper and pen, i can capture honesty
the most brutal tragedy, the most beautiful love
i've never felt intense fear, like hanging off a cliff fear
but i've been pushed to that cliff one too many times
i've always been scared of heights and losing someone
but my fears are all in my head, my heart is power
my heart is courage, my heart is love
it is the first and last thing i have
You lost, Marshall.
Came in second place.
You lost, Marshall.
You're on the ground.
Shivering violently, eyes pouring.
Bawling just above the audible level.
Your father told you,
"Lose it to the one you love more than anything,
The one you plan to marry."
So I listened.
But his voice,
It only traveled so far.
Stayed within these walls.
Stop shivering, Marshall.
It is lost.
And it's your fault.
-- I am to blame.
-- And nothing will be the same.
-- Gold turned to stone.
-- So bright it once shown.
It was the way you looked at me,
when you told me you loved me.
It was the way you smiled,
when you said you wanted me forever.
It was the way you touched me,
when you almost lost me.
It was all those things,
that made me feel that for once,
I was getting what I truly needed.
And that was you.
the stars and the moons
the sun and the clouds;
maybe between the days and the nights
lies a parallel universe
where the lines are broken.
however I wish
that hopefully one day
you will be able to travel
into this universe with me.
and we will, be free and lost
in our own world.
Ask me anything.
My soul is yours to inspect with your finger-tip-tapping on flat-screen cell-phone, I phone, you phone and I’ll say, ask me anything.
Ask me if I cry myself to sleep at night and I’ll say, "...maybe."
Ask me if I like that boy and I’ll fake smile at you through computer screens,
Hiding whatever true feelings I have left to cling to.
Ask me if I think I’m beautiful, and I will respond with a detailed analysis of everything you have ever convinced me is wrong with my body and my appearance. I will tell you that I need some thinspiration, that I’ve really got to hit the gym more than three times this week, and I really shouldn’t take sugar with my coffee.
Ask me if I’m friends with Sarah, or Michael, or Brittany;
I’ll cringe as I type out forced words of admiration, knowing they’re together laughing curses at their phones reading whatever I have to say about this question.
Ask me if I fucked the quarterback of the football team, saying you heard it from someone who heard it from everyone else and I’ll respond a quiet “no...,” fingers and arms shaking, knowing full well I’ve never been more involved with a boy than ballroom dancing in the eighth grade that I’m too afraid of letting anyone in, let alone into my body, after the hands of a family friend went a little too far and got a little too friendly.
Ask me if I have any friends. At this point, I’m not sure how to answer you. I thought I had a friend in you and all the rest but a rogue rumour wrecked it all and now none of you are rushing to my side to help me back up from the fall.
I thought I’d have a friend in myself but it seems that I’ve lost faith and have found no reason to love who I have been to molded be.
Ask me to do the world a favour. Ask me to get lost. Ask me to cut my veins open and watch them bleed. Ask me if I like the taste of bleach. Ask me if I have a rope and chair handy. Ask me to die.
I’m sorry, I won’t be here to answer you.
This sounds much better read aloud. Maybe I will post on youtube or something. Not sure. We do poetry slams in creative writing class and I think I'll present this, seeing as it actually has some emotion.