as I walk away
I take one last look
at the house that I grew up in
it's funny how so much has changed
it seems to have forgotten me already
I walk away in silence knowing that
by the time I come back
I will have forgotten it as well

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_-CoygRPpE

Well its three o'clock in the morning,
And I'm on the streets again.
Bought me some cigarettes,
I think I'll try and meet some new friends.

Good evening America,
I think I'll buy another round.
I've been high for three days straight,
I don't feel like coming down.

Girl, I like the way you move,
Why can't we dance all night?
You got that New Orleans thing groovin',
You must admit, it does feel right.

     But sally said, "What do you know about my love life?
     "What do you know about when I'm not around?
     "What do you know about my love life?"
     I said, "C'mon girl, what could possibly go wrong?"

Girl, you know I'm gonna live forever,
I don't care if its against the rules.
I will buy me a spaceship,
Pack it full of fools.

Look out Sally,
You better duck your pretty head.
That man ain't coming back,
I do believe that he is dead.

C'mon Sally,
Why don't we slip away.
All we need is some way
We could change the whole world some day.

Now its four o'clock in the morning,
And I'm on the streets again.
Bought me some cigarettes,
I think I'll try and meet some new friends.

Good evening America,
I think I'll buy another round.
I've been high for three days straight,
I don't feel like coming down.

Hey Girl!  Girl, hey.
Hey hey ...

- 2009

Before you do it
Come take my hand
We're going for a walk.

I know just what you're going to do
And I think we need to talk.

We'll go left
Or we'll go right
The choice is up to you.

Our path depends on only one thing
How do you see you?

The path you choose
Is left
So that's the way we'll go.

It's a path of feeling worthless
Just so that you know.

Right now
I need to show you
What you're going to miss.

If you choose to give up now
And give in to the devil's kiss.

Look right there
That's your family
They're at your first preformance.

But I don't think you'll be there
Because you've given up on dance.

Over there
You'll see your grandparents
They're holding your new guitar.

But I don't think you'll be there
Because you've given up who you are.

To you're right
You'll see a guy
He wants to ask you out.

But I don't think you'll be there
Because you've picked a different route.

I would go on
But I won't say more
I think you understand.

Now I want you to answer me this
Do you still want your life to end?

See I was right
Listen to me
This is a better way.

You're heading in a new direction now
So I've got one last thing to say.

Whipe the blood
Off of your hand
And put the blade away.

Your life is worth more than you think
Tomorrow will be a better day.

The way I speak
In the car in the morning, or under trees
Is swathed in darkness
My words build walls and facades
And cunning passages, contrived corridors
Deceit, whispered ambitions
I'm dispensing my secrets
But dispensing too soon, or too late
Into weak hands
Or disbelief or indifference
Or until their refusal to look me in the eyes propagates a fear
That no amount of courage on my part could ever dissipate
I'm covered in locks
Inside and out
But no one has the keys
And I am not beautiful enough
For anyone to bother trying

Please justify your actions.
Give me some reason, and make it a good one, for what you did.
Did you just feign happiness?
Did you feed me lies that you knew would go straight from my ears to my heart,
Skipping over my head completely?
Why?
What purpose did you have?
And why, now that it's all over, do you insist upon making me feel like the villain?
You refuse to look at me, like I'm Medusa ready to turn you to stone.
But the only look you'll see on my face is a hurt confusion.
The anger went away quickly, and now there's this utterly perplexing hole left behind,
Because I still don't know why.
I know you were happy.
I know you genuinely cared about me, and us.
So what happened?
What broke in your mind, making you run away without so much as a glance backwards?
Nothing changed until you decided it should.
So give me just one reason, and make it a good one.

We're all running from something
We all want to hide at times
From whatever it is eating us alive
Inside
Clever names and a unique photograph
That was never you
And never will be
We can hide behind
A sagacious sonnet
Ten words, haiku
Whatever the fuck that is
Obviously I dont care enough
To look it up
Down a beer
take a shot
Grab the mic
And let it out
Or retreat to the warm
Gently worn
Seat in the corner
With your name on it
And continue to watch
Life pass you by
Through the dirty
Smudged window
Taking notes diligently

Grab my bike
and wheel it out
into the driveway.
Snap of my helmet
clicking under
my chin.
Mount and push off,
and it feels like flying.
Pedal effortlessly
gliding over
the bumpy ground.
Arms are red and itchy
eyes tearing
head spinning.
Puck walks along the trail
and I pedal next to him
until he stops
and I look behind and se
him standing erect,
noble, looking out onto
the horizon.
Dad comes out with
a brush and calls
for Sara,
and she patiently
stands still as he brushes her,
puffs of white fur
fluffing behind and
coating the grass.
Green is thriving
trees are waltzing against the
gray sky.
Dandelions peek through
overgrown grass,
and biking past the window
in the kitchen
I smell taco seasoning
wafting throught the air.

This moment,
with my dad playing
with Sara
and my sister biking ahead of me,
wind whipping my face
and
my mom in the kitchen,
it suddenly makes sense,
life,
and why we live in the
first place.

So last night
I whispered all of your dreams unprompted
I saw your jaw drop but I tried to conspicuously not pay attention;
I just liberated you from from a bar of twenty men all drooling
I fend them off and kept two of you entertained with only one of me
and the dreams of my dreamy elusive brother coworker or friend
I paid a lot of attention to the needs and dreams of your cute companion
But if I'm honest
even though I was making sure she was safe
cause that's what i do
I was looking at you and dreaming
I was staring straight into your eyes
looking straight into your soul
I don't have much of almost anything
but I can look deep down and see true
most people really don't believe it
and i don't blame them, why would you?
But there was a moment there
In the garage while we were talking
when you were looking at me
like you loved me
more than anything
that had ever come or gone
and it was the briefest of moments
but i fucking swear i saw it
and it made me love you
with you dirty blond hair
and all of your compassionate let's just take care of my friend care
I mean, yes
Like i heard you
you have a boyfriend
you say it like it's means something
to someone like me
....who's only ever always confronted with adversity

I have a back burner
for you
and all of your friends
and it's not like
im saying anything
it's honestly
a little bit
of everything
but mostly
and surprisingly so
a lack of interest
in anything intelligent or courageous
it's like the human race took 5
and was all over it
so yeah
can't ever really quite describe
what I'm looking for
what lights up the fire
what stokes the soul
behind my eyes
cause i'm a believer
and i believe most true
and i think im feeling something
maybe i love you

...I remember who talked to me all night about everything
about significant things great and small
tiny odd reccolecctions
everything her things my things your things all things fuck pretty much everything
That I answered or said without saying as things that are true
I might have lied
Because you started talking like my dreams...
I covered every base what the fuck do you want me to do?
You were so fucking cool
I think I met your friend
Only to meet you
or your boyfriend...
fuck i seriously hope that one ain't true but like I'm a buhhdist now and can't say
It's like you have never met a man who see's the future
A gingerbread man baked and burned in the oven for fun
Who got tortured for years into a smile that we all love
It's like we all take things so seriously instead of laughing and drinking
and hearing the endearing lunacy of our friends
fuck if we just took a minute to wait and pretend to understand all of that darkness we let lurk in
it would be like a circus show of light delivering all of us from the three ring thing of everything
that is bad
our own macabre circus of rejection, judgement, and humiliation for all of our kind. So when you are done with your boyfriend, fiance, husband, i know not yet; talk to me first before every voyage and adventure set in opposition just for the fuck of it.
but what you can't count on
is that i'm so much older and I've been around
I don't think you might know what it is like
to double down
over years and years
it's like you get a discount
on the odds
for multiples of five years
cause who really lasts that long?
maybe me
Maybe you.
but who knows
cause life is like a lotto taro hurricane
no sense to distribute the sad recompense
let's just fucking spend it before we pay
on all the debts we just made
and all of the futures that greyed out just fadet(ed)
that's the point of grey vistas
all the deals and the souls we just promised in casual relation to make it
We try to pretend
we're all samurai
noble sacrafice to budo
it's cool that i alone must die
but i think we all smell some bullshit
in the way and the feel of this philosophy
that tells us to fight it instead of accept it
so let's beware those wayward philosophies
that perhaps might be misguided
telling us that nothing matters
now
or anytime
as opposed to those that tell us
to simply love
all of those that surround us