Stepping into today with many hopes and dreams,
Strength is mine to maintain while I achieve,
Seeking to know you more in who you desire to be,
In a day
Knowing your hearts desires brings complication to what could be,
Kneeling before God for direction reveals my desires have the same,
Kneading my heart over myself is a mistake,
He presses in and pulls out and around in the same moment,
He touches in and pulls out and around in the same moment,
He creates in and pulls out and around Forever in a day,
Leading me to press in to knowing who to become,
Loving you my friend is a blessing from above,
Living and watching you learn to fly,
Today~Tomorrow~Until That One Day
Full of hope,
Not yet born.
A second heart beats waiting to say hello
You dread saying goodbye.
Why did it have to happen?
I lay down beside her on her bed
But she did not want me there.
She could not fathom
The reason for death.
There is no reason
Other than to help us love life more than we do.
What do you think?
Blue or pink?
Alive or Dead?
Living within you,
You will never lose this time
This dangerous gift of love,
This precarious gift of life,
Days come and go so fast and still I find myself mostly alone
yet, I always know you'll be there when I come home
that's really all I can ask
spontaneity and our gummy bear flask
best friends and you don't know the whole truth
that strangely makes me more comfortable around you
don't tread lightly
or think about my struggle nightly
feeling alone again
strange version of where this darkness began
now that you're far away
even our flask couldn't stay
it's been 20 days since you left me here
can't believe I have to wait a whole year
cause I need a best friend
to stop me from diving into the deep end
you always keep me on pace
suddenly feeling like I should start a high speed chase
so I can feel the adrenaline pumping hard
madness overcomes my body left scarred
feel myself pushing people away
don't want them to see me this way
gazing at the face of danger
turning myself into a stranger
I don't have anyone to keep me in line anymore
to ask me who I'm living for
you come back and I'll elude to my scandalous nights
recklessly leaping from great heights
cause when you walk too far alone
it's so easy to keep your secrets your own
when the sex and drugs consume me
I'll be a fucked up kind of free
that's what I want right now
when there's no one to hold me down
days come and go so fast and I still find myself mostly alone
can't wait till you come home
I keep on crawling
Bashing, walking, disappearing
Reappearing in your nightmares
I have not done anything but you distance yourself
Back out, Abort, Fight back, and kill
My poison is pain
My poison is harm
My poison is death
It will do us apart
My insides break
You stepped on me
Crushed my soul
Yet I armed myself
Of pride, strength and independence
I am broken,
Poisoned by my own toxins,
I altered myself
I hide in the dark
To be unknown
And weave my thoughts into a house
Then you break it,
Breaking, into useless strings
Spinning into infinity
Breaking from reality
Settling for disparity
I crash, unbridled
I sit between the lines
From the light
The harm of the its shine
Triggering, Stunning my arms
As I embark life;
Learning that everything will end.
Recovering, from the glass,
That demolished itself
And breaking into pieces
Stabbing me, bits by bits
Analyzing the blood
Flowing down my arms
Streaming down my cheeks
Setting up a castle
Lies and Lies and all those cries
I am mistaken
Out of your fallen minds
Unveiling the pain
How we are today
The castle of fears and pains
Build, standing steadily
Yet at one angle
Will anyone see
Will anyone feel
Will anyone weave my house, my castle
Back to place
Let all the darkness disappear
And crush my pride then Call for;
H E L P.
Drowned in a still ocean
beneath a moonlight sky.
The voice of violins
whispering my fated requiem.
Clutched in lover’s gaze.
Arms wrapped around my own.
As conscious and recognition of reality
fade into the fantasy of an afterlife.
They tell me
“Don’t dwell on death.”
“There’s nothing there but an ending”
“Nothing but a final chapter -
stained with cheerless tears.”
They are wrong.
Death is a reminder.
A cue for human existence
to embrace the certainty that is life.
To relish in the wonders of living
and to achieve dreams
Somewhere in the sockets of ours skulls
we ache to be buried in a coffin that leaves us room
to kiss, and when your six foot schoolboy frame is
six feet below the soil, our bones will make love but
our skeletons will not know it as intimate.
We will be found with ink stains inside the
dents in our pelvises or somewhere between our wishbones.
Tell me how you want to go and I will nod calmly and slip
a will beneath your tongue with my lips, then
let the smoke of fires and recurrences
Don’t let funerals scare you,
they are more for the living anyway and
when you feel that the ropes around your wrists
are tightening and the ropes within your wrists
are loosening, we'll count to 3.
I've always wondered how I'd go,
And sharing the toxins seems less
Scary then swallowing them on my own.
There was fresh flowers
on the grave
that Jane showed you
outside the small church
the sun was warm
were just over
the hedge surrounding
you could hear them
munching the grass
and trotting by
unconcerned by death
or the symbols
and Jane said
the tractor fell
on top of him
the other month
at the flowers laid there
bright in the sunlight
a small glass vase
holding a smaller bunch
child picked maybe
they'll have to
move out now
that he's dead
a tied cottage
and you could see
in her features
the tearful eyes
mouth slightly open
broken china pieces
where will they go
the mother and children?
the local council
will house them
she gazed at the grave
and picked up
a small flower
from the nearby grass
and laid it
by the other flowers
God bless him
in His peace
she said softly
over the hedge
a bird called
from the hedgerow
you looked at her
a blue ribbon
in her dark hair
her green top
and black skirt
one of the dangers
she said quietly
she moved away
and you followed
and she held out a hand
and you took it
into the small church
in one of the pews
inside and stared
at the stained glass windows
sunlight pouring in
like liquid gold
the flagstone floor
and pew end
at the front
and her hand
still held yours
life and living
and she and you
in his God's peace
and the cows
munching the grass
and birds calling
the eternal why.
They danced on the steps
Of the first methodist church,
Not caring who watched or
How their young feet hurt.
When the clouds rolled over
The sun and the wind ceased
To be breathing, they
Stopped their tom foolery and
Accepted that life sometimes is still.
They walked to the water.
There they saw the ships bound
Across the waves like rabbits
Or horses through golden tinted field.
They were scared for the sailor's,
The sailor's never knowing they
Were thinking of them at all.
After the water, leaving the sailor's
On their waves, they wandered to
The fishermen's docks, where
Crooked poles and wavering hulls
Stood erect and set pointed to the sun.
These were the men of patience
And respect, feeling death and life
Around them in dualistic harmony.
Because they held no lure or pole,
They watched the masters work as
Masters usually do. The sun trickled
Through thin white cloud and the
Wind pushed the twos hair over brow.
The masters were discontent
In their catch and their day. Their frowns
Showed their failure and they wished
That the cold winter weather
Would soon pass them and go away.
The two thinking of two different things,
Then conversed on where they should
Go to next. One said the tower, where she
Had never been before, and the other said
The park, where he had been many times.
Their differences were their love and
Their love was what kept them entwined.
Just then, in the heat of silent argument, a
Master pulled up hard on his bamboo like rod.
"A catch," the man screamed in his native tongue,
"I've got a catch here! Won't you see! Won't you see!"
The two scurried over to where the master
Stood, their eyes peeled to the end of his line. And
As the man reeled and reeled and reeled, he
Soon did reveal a battered tin can and a weathered old boot.
The master plopped the two on the crooked
Wooden dock, cursing to the God in his mind.
The two picked up the boot and the can and said,
"Thank you" and ran up the salty concrete strand.
As they reached their bus stop, they realized
What they'd done and started to laugh at all
Of their fun. The two giggled and cackled,
Screamed and roared, until the two could no longer
Take anymore. After a minute or two, the sky
Straightened out, turning full blue, so the birds
In the sky who soared and cooed, showed they
Really had no rules they were forced to uphold.
The two agreed for home. When their
Bus appeared, they both felt the same, seeing that
Living together was a much better game.
Tomorrow would be another start, just like
Today was another part of a puzzle never
To be finished, only taken to heart.
Who are you suppose to be when your only fourteen?
Back when things were fuzzy
And we knew nothing
But you keep on breathing
Even if your not living
Good thing time has a way of changing things
I know you can tell I've been thinking
But I don't think you know that I'm sinking
And I couldn't give you a reason
Maybe it's just the season
I'm looking at you with red eyes
Trying to get away from the routine of life
Since it's so fleeting
And all they want is money
What happened to the meaning?
Born into a world
You have to pay for
We spend it trying to make a living
Then retire when your sixty
If you make it
And the blizzard
I'll never forget
How cold it could get
That icy snow froze me to the bone
I thought I would never see the sun again
Cause and effect manifest
Your conclusion has to be your very best
Sex should not be Bait
nor means for leverage;
sex should be expressive
of deeper spiritual tides.
Maybe it's just me
and my romantic philosophy
but I'm sick of this complacent disedification;
all this living for selfish instant gratification.