While innocent shadows morph into sinister creatures
I lie
This is something close
To what you’ve already read about once before
Mine is just a jumbled spit up copy
That feels original at first
But then feels like the food we eat
Processed
Keep your piteous stares
And your haunting well wishes
They chase me down lengths of hallways
Dark
Palms down
I run
Oh I just had it there
But it slipped
& It screams
As it drowns
I feel like the blame will be on me
Even though
I’m not the one who designed
the true nature of the thing
Who was I to know it’s double tipped plan
To understand the mystery of it
Takes more than I am
i think you were like the sun
i loved your glow and warmth
and i doodled your rays into old notepads
and my heart
i stayed out when i could to play in your warmth
and you gently kissed the bridge of my nose
and sprinkled freckles, tokens of your love,
onto my face
and you whispered "stay"
so i did
but when i grew tired of the heat
i asked you to come sit with me
in the shade of an old willow tree
you recoiled
and the sky shifted into a black oblivion
it was then i realized that you had gone
and your heat has left my heart rotting
my skin still bubbles and crackles
from the summer i spent in the sun
carve my body into
your wooden canoe
sail me
like a makeshift craft
into the center of
the storm
i want to chip and fall apart
to the crack of thunder
and your syrupy voice
peeling apart
my insides
tell my something I don't already know
like what is inside
the thousands of books
archived and lost
in the libraries
of your head
gut my organs
with your sharp
unforgiving words
like no matter how much
shit i smother onto my face
I will never be pretty
enough
No matter how much I
starve and throw up
I will never be good enough
and how my writing is too
mediocre.
and when I finally decide
that enough is enough
i'll realize it's never enough
it's never enough for you
taking portions of
my sanity
until there is insanity
holding my hand
with your acid
fingerprints
ghost recollections
of 1 year ago when
instead of you
it was him
and it was ok.
And instead of you it's me
it's always been me
devilish chants
over and over
trudging through thick
hot tar to arrive at
the finish line
but you
I
have bounded my ankles
to the start
I can never forgive you
(me)
for that.
She will not stare into
the locks of your
deep brown eyes like
rays of jupiter sky,
instead
she will laugh at the
way you walk with
your hands in your pockets
She will shake her head
every time you
talk about that zombie
apocalypse, sigh at the mess
you've made, after all the cigarettes
you've smoked, all the instant noodles
you've eaten. But she'll constellate
the freckles on your skin and
pick up the pieces, just so you won't
break her heart, quite terribly.
She will cry silently, hold her
like the wind has never
wrapped the clouds
so tightly.
She will not say, "I love you,
I love you" instead, she will
smile at you like the shape
of flower petals, and say
"You are so stupid"
And as I sit here pondering about my life,
The only thing that arouses over and over is you.
As girls, we crave the touch of tenderness and serenity;
To be looked at with presence and with the gold ness in your eyes.
If we are lucky enough to find it, grasp onto it like a rope,
Because one day you will look back and say, "He was my only hope."
I want to talk to you aimlessly
Like I would on a warm afternoon
Lying back looking up at the sky
Through the mulberry tree in my yard
Artless and unselfconscious
Chewing on the white end of grass coaxed slowly from the blade
Lazy observations in a distracted tone
Scent of sun and sweat
Up at dawn.
Thinking about you.
And the way.
We used to be.
So full of ourselves.
I would stay the night.
But I can't fathom.
Another fall.
Because.
After all.
Isn't love supposed.
To be.
A sort of.
Funny feeling in you.
That leaves you.
Almost like the edge of a cliff.
You'd lie.
And.
I'd lie.
Next to you.
Above you.
Watching the way.
You breathe slowly.
Just for me.
I thought.
I think.
Wrongly.
I can't say.
Whether or.
Not.
What we had.
Was the real.
Thing.
But it.
All feel.
S.
th.
e
sa.
me.
n ..
Ow.
“I want to die”
I am unable to respond.
My fifteen years of life
Mean nothing
Compared to her ninety.
She sits across from me
Tears forming
Threatening to fall,
To spread the truth down
Her sunken cheeks.
Her face is stricken with pain
Yet so sure.
My grandmother wanted to die.
“I’m just staying alive for them”
Them being my stepdad and aunt,
Her children.
Again I am speechless
I cannot comprehend her words
When does one’s life stop being a gift
And becomes a chore?
How can the strength to go on leave?
How?
I don’t know how to reassure her.
How can anyone persuade
Another person that their life
Is worth living?
Let alone a teenager
Whose biggest problem is a pimple?
Death is surrounding us
Covering our bodies
Forcing us to acknowledge it.
I want to run away from it but death will follow
It always does.
I do the only thing I hope will help.
I hug her
Our cheeks pressed together
Our tears joining,
Slipping away
Like the life left inside of her.
Oh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me something
They say life is a question and death is the answer
They say love is a boat and your the commander
They say the happiest we've felt is nothing like the heavens after
These word of wisdom aren't what am after
somehow I find it soo funny
None of the wise see life as sunny
Only the darkness and no closure
Words filled with remorse or
Some kind of order
So give me the words
Give me the words
Some grow apart
Some need a new start
Some grow more greed
Some lose their basic need
Some get so high
Some fall so low
Some say they'll stay forever
But eventually they'll go
your hope full words aren't what am after
So give me the word
Give me the words
That tell me nothing
A split second spent,
wide- eyed gazing upon your
somber shaded face
immersed in December white;
'T was then I lit the flame
Of wanderlust ardor.
A streak of love,
A burst of breathless delight,
Both trod the boulevard
In my palms.
The pavement shined like silver,
And a benevolent force so tender
Stopped my tears,
Stopped my soaring through nighttime madness.
Stay
When the night is over,
And my heart's flame of delight
Lay dreaming in pigments of
Periwinkle,
And my eyelashes in the midst of a dreary blackness
Express a yearn to caress
Your witty, amethyst heart.
Through a starlight's gaze,
Upon a mural bestowing beauty,
I close my eyes and
A piano song breaks the caramel swirl of sunlight,
And my somber tears are shed,
Because I know you are blind to see not
that when I am lost,
When the trees are bare of grey and byways are full of strangers,
I blink and you have found me,
Pretending your beauty is amongst my monstrosity.
When you are gone,
Gone without my wilted, acrylic wings,
Alone I walk a golden pavement,
Amongst the hibiscus sun of dawn,
Drowning in your laughter song,
wishing it was verity.
"I'm fire, suddenly turning to ice"
