You keep me up at night
Thinking of you, in trance.
Let's stay up all night
Doing the bedroom dance.
We don't need furniture,
We can dance standing up.
So you know in the future,
I like to be felt up.
I feel sticky and sweaty
Just thinking about you
I'm wanting and ready
To see what you can do.
We can dance in public.
At home, or with your friend.
We're dancing, and I love it.
I don't want it to end.
The dance is over.
My hair is in knots.
You're my favorite lover
Running through my thoughts.
He thinks my first name is Sarah Jay
he says it's so pretty the way it rolls off the tip of his tongue
and it reminds him of flowers coming up through piles of snow
He says my lips remind him of space itself
because every time he presses into them
his eyes seem to close
and he's left with comets and Jupiter and Pluto and stars
he's left with a feeling like all that baggage he carries is nothing
He thinks I see the same thing as he
Really I just see black blemishes and red spots
I see memories that should've already been forgotten
He says his home is in the nape of my neck
and if it were possible for a person to shrink to microscopic size,
he'd camp in the crevices of my collar bones,
he'd cut out a house in my jugular
he said It would be an honor to drown in my blood
I'd like to tell him he'd suffocate with smoke
He thinks the gold strands at my roots aren't real noticeable
He wants to see what I looked like before I went Jet
He says when I sing it puts him in a trance
he forgets the cigarette burns his father applied to chairs
he forgets his mother returning at strange hours reeking of sex and Johnny
he forgets that he's even alive
He thinks I don't smoke
He thinks I could really make it somewhere
I'd to tell him that you can't make it somewhere when you are living a lie.
I'm doing it again.
I'm missing the point.
I need to open myself to this world
Not like a flower that blooms only at night
If I am going to do this
I need to do this.
I am still afraid.
I can feel it seizing up my heart,
Making me huddle in around it as if something from the outside is hurting it.
I need to pry my arms away,
Unlock my ribcage and breathe deep,
I need to say
I will accept every outcome.
I need to remember
That I have come far
That there was a time not long ago
When all this armor hadn't even been imagined
Never mind forged.
When I crawled exposed through the embers
And emerged whole
I need to remember that I have come far
And that I am going farther.
I can't stop here
Just because something has finally made me feel.
I need to accept.
Accept that I may be let down
But that I can't prepare for it.
Accept that I could lose everything I've dreamed of
But that at least I had it for a moment.
I may never know why I get only fleeting nights of happiness,
Just enough to whet the appetite of the starving soul in here.
If I am going to be vulnerable
I need to be vulnerable.
I need to do it all the way, no holds barred, no fears held,
I need to drive my misery away when I am ignored.
I need to dissolve my terror when I am forgotten.
I need to have faith that if all this time
Through all these months
She couldn't forget me entirely
That I am not so easy to shake off
As I think I am.
I don't know if I can do this.
I have never tried it.
I've been told all my life that it is foolish
But I've been shown all my life
That it is the only way I will be happy.
I need to give everything I have to this world
I need to trust it not to take everything from me.
i like to watch giraffes with there head up in the sky
chewing on the trees standing oh so high
they have big long legs that make them very tall
with a big long neck to look over any wall
they have a lovely face has handsome as can be
every time i see them brings happiness to me
such a lovely creature taller than the rest
watching the giraffe is what i love the best
His voice was the sound of the water
Our legs became intertwined every time we lay in bed, we clung together like vines
When we made love it was as deep and blue as the sky
I ran my hands through his hair and I was playing with grass
His body, rocky soil I had been trying to plant myself in
His lips brushed over me, sending a crisp fall breeze sending chills all through my body
He had a face that was smooth yet weathered like a stone from the brook
I am his sunshine and he is my rain
We can only grow if we have each other.
Aren’t we all nothing but beautiful sinners
Choosing whichever poison we want to help numb the harshness of this reality?
Some like smoke that serves as the transport to soothe lungs and make them heavy with hope
Others prefer the throat burning love alcohol gives over and over at the beckoning of a bottle
A nice warm body to touch, to love, even for only one night does the trick
Aren’t we all nothing but beautiful sinners?
Roaming the world we all are guilty of some sort of evil
This simple fact is what keeps heaven from but earth
Granted, some of us rob banks or the innocence of others.
Evil is not always bombings or shootings in schools.
Sometimes it is as simple as harsh words being used to talk down to another or
Betrayal when you find your love making love with another.
Evil is can also be things that are uncontrollable:
Hurricanes causing mass destruction, cancer eating away at a body, drug abuse and addiction
Aren’t we all nothing but beautiful sinners
Seeking for some sort of good and hope?
Just because we sin doesn’t make us ugly or pure evil.
But evil lives in us all, we must chose every day to pursue goodness.
Our scars make us beautiful, the seen and unseen, badges of honor.
We’ll be beautiful to the end of time.
The devils claw grips your throat.
Every word you’ve been taught
ripped and slaughtered,
stolen with your screams-
He calls on hell to drag you down.
Pressure pins you like a board,
crushing your lifeless limbs.
Mind and body fight through dimensions,
breath weakened and weary.
Paralyzing pain and darkness
swallows you whole.
A reoccurring but distant whisper seeps
close, stinging your ears,
Ringing and possessing.
Claiming you his until sun’s birth.
For there’s no rhyme or reasoning
evil runs its own course
no barriers or rules.
The greatest force knows no form.
I am taking a few weeks' hiatus from the Internet. Partially to see if I can, and partially to focus on some other things in my life. Thank you all for reading my work so frequently, and thank those of you who comment as well. I will check in from time to time to read the things my fellow Pens have to write, but I shan't be active like I usually am.
A RE-CYCLED boyfriend, with love like new
a re-cycled superhero fell from
re-cycled bedtime stories and re-cycled songs.
(I once sat next to an ex-lover on the train.)
On re-cycled cab seats and
second-hand dreams, to second-rate alibis
using re-cycled, bated, breathing breath,
the smell of re-cycled furniture
the musk, the dust
the re-cycled mother,
some second-hand toys for orphans of re-cycled mothers,
their re-cycled apartments touched by
re-cycled hands that hold
orphans and the world that is full of these things,
these unwanted things.
(No matter where you sit, it’ll always be next to an ex-lover.)
So we re-cycle, and then we’re like new again.
I see flashbacks, in my sunken cheeks.
I know how it began - I drowned in five, bottomless addictions.
The first one was a man.
Entranced within his holding gaze,
I strove to please his whims
But it echoed loud, deep inside
You're not good enough
Never good enough
You must be drowning him
So I searched, and found
my deepest flaw,
the first that I must change.
I grew hollow and raw,
and I rattled of pills
the only way to keep me thin.
But he has friends. Many more than you.
They find you dreary and unsociable
Try harder, you act pathetic.
You need to be more lovable.
I went to crashers, and to think,
I'd lick up drinks, for all the laughter.
I was sexy, and wild..and they called me slut.
but I had many more admirers.
I thought I was close, so near to worth,
to stand beside his side.
But still I held too tightly,
to that spiteful word virginity.
So I threw it far.
It was so far gone, I barely remember what I did.
There were walls and halls
and bathroom stalls.
Mirrors and paint
And of all that we tried, I hated most that I shared you.
And that happened twice, and turned to thrice, and I knew.
I was still missing what you needed.
But I can't bother him some more.
And so, I bled instead, to self-assure
I still had more, to give.
I made certain, I wouldn't embarrass you in terms of sex.
I cut my arms, and not my thighs.
So I could still drop skirts.
And it worked, I satisfied,
you found me more alluring.
With shirt on top,
you claimed 'this kinky'
made me glow.
Oh, I was tossed, to and fro.
And my five held me in chains.
At night, my eyes would weep
I didn't recognize my pain.
Then just one time,
I wondered why.
Why did your descending lips
look like fangs and broken dreams?
And all the rage between the seams
pounded my head, I doubled bent.
Before me eyes, parading round
I saw the five, their cold, dead lies,
I gaped and sobbed, collapsed and lobbed
words of hate and eureka.
These were my drugs
I'd made my own
I hid myself, as each part died.
And I buried them inside.
Finally, only whispers.
You can't be good enough now.
Was that love?
Did you love yourself?
Months passed, and only one whisper left.
Live. That's good enough