I'm going to have to be the one
No one else can save me,
not one human on the earth has the time to constantly be along someone's suffering side
So it'll be me, to do the duty on myself, to get through this never ending battle
& I'll be stronger at the end of it
But it's just so hard to do it alone while feeling so alone,
it even hurts to know that there are not many people who consistently reach out enough to grab me,
to lift me up and get me going
I'll have to be the one
I'm me, no one else can do it for me,
independency
But when you've spiraled down into such a deep dark place and you try to get out,
every inch doesn't feel that much closer to the light
I fall back in the mud again
Just to fail once more
To be a failure again
To repeat the cycle again
To never get out
To be stuck
Stuck in the mud that I fell in
Thank god it's not quick sand
If it was, I'd never get out
That's how I know there's hope
There's gotta be
Nothing lasts forever
Besides life
Life is infinite
Infinity is what?
People keep on smiling and thats great,
no jealousy, just envy for their days that keep on going, their routines and lives that are naturally just flowing, while I space out & sit in silence and wait to disappear in a sphere that's not crystal clear
My bones ache and for gods sake,
I try my hardest to appreciate
That I'm alive today
Even though my days are grey
Getting out of bed never felt so hard
It's like I've lost all my strength &
the power of my body and mind
I'm lost, but no ones there to find me,
I'll be here to find me, there's a little hope inside of me
Reading is such a chore,
since i lose track of everything,
feeling like a bore
No energy to take care of me,
well this is how it'll have to be,
but hopefully.. this is just temporary.
The tree stands tall and firm
Against the falling sun
Against the darkening sky
It whispers softly to passersby
To those with eternal pain in their hearts
And have nothing left to lose
It tugs at their lost souls
And it opens its arms
It makes itself look welcoming
Except for a single rope that
Hangs from its broad branches
"The forgetting tree," an old man explained
"Just come a little closer,
That’s right, don’t be afraid.
I understand you have a hard life
And you see no light.
Just come a little closer
And I'll tell you its story."
A young man approached
Because of the sadness inside him
He thought the old man could help.
The old man told its story
Of hope, love
And a brighter light for the future.
And the young man listened intently,
Hanging on the every spoken word
He hoped to see this Forgetting Trees light
And begin his new life.
But as the old man spoke,
He saw a darkening shadow in the horizon
"The Angel of Death," the old man said
Staring off into the distance
Suddenly the young man began to struggle
The trees rope was secure around his neck
"This is not what I wanted!" he cried
"I wanted a new life! A brighter light!"
The old man turned his worn out neck
As the growing shadow came closer
And glared straight into to dying mans eyes
"The Darkness will be your new light"
seatbelt clicks felt like a warning more than safety
god's booming voice
yelling i could kill you, i could click my fingers
his hands reaching through the clouds to choke me for sinking when i could swim
if i wanted to badly enough.
but i can't really feel it anyway
i could feel anything if i let myself
if i wanted to badly enough
i'm lying just outside of a world i could probably face
if i wanted to badly enough.
im a little girl lying under sheets until i feel light and lights hitting little fingertips.
until i want light badly enough
In the early morning light
I woke up sweating in a fright,
You weren't there, I guess my dream came true.
It hurts, it burns,
In my heart a curse,
It grows in strength like a young boy's tears,
And silently spreads, like how cancer appears.
If I ever fall apart,
You'll love and heal my quiet heart,
And thanks to you, I know no one will touch me.
You protect me from the cold,
you renewed my faith of old,
I'll take these prayers now,
Unfurled like greens in spring,
The gifts the days of light bring,
And pray to God my love returns.
I'll wait for you still, soldier dear,
I'm but a girl, but I'll not a shed a tear,
For nothing sears like a parent's worry.
Deep inside your father's eyes,
A hidden thing, blackened in the ash
Of a legacy inherited, passed,
In times of fire and peace
And you're the one to carry
What your grandpa also has.
There's naught to do,
The climb's not through,
And it's unfortunate that not just I depend
On the hopes that are born
From the loves you're fighting for,
And it's an end
Ceremony at which we'll laugh and cry.
I won't receive a pin,
Except to love the one I'm with
At last, and I've completed
A training of my own.
ימי מאור
בית א':
בשעות הבוקר הקטנות
התעוררתי פתאום, מזיעה מחלום,
ולא היית, וחלומי אמת.
זה צורב, וזה כואב,
כאב שרק קיים בלב
ומתחזק כמו בכי ילד קטן,
ומתפשט בשקט כמו סרטן.
פזמון:
אם אי פעם אתפרק,
תרפא אותי, אוהב, שותק,
ובזכותך אין מי שעוד ייגע בי.
אתה שומר עלי מפני הכל
מפני עצמי, מפני הקור,
ובזכותך אני שוב נושאת תפילות.
אקח את אמונתי המחודשת
כירוק עלי כותרת
באביב, ימי מאור,
ואתפלל שאהובי יחזור.
בית ב':
חייל, לך עוד אחכה,
אני ילדה, אך לא אבכה,
כי אין יותר מדמיע מדאגת הורה.
עמוק בתוך עיני אביך
דבר מוסתר, מושחר בפיח
של מורשת מועברת
בזמנים של אש ושקט,
ואתה הוא שממשיך את
מה שסבא גם עבר.
פזמון...
בית ג':
אין מה לעשות,
יהיו עוד מסעות,
כי לצערי, לא רק עלי אתה מגן.
על התקוות שנולדות
מאהבותיך הכפולות
נבכה, נצחק בטקס גמר,
ולי לא תנתן סיכה,
חוץ מלהיות סוף- סוף איתך,
וגם אני סיימתי
מסלול משל עצמי.
...פזמון
Shrouded in darkness,
Smothered in pain,
Causing this hell,
To come again,
And will i choose to walk,
or to stay?
Or will i learn,
Learn to walk away.
Im done with this,
The light is gone,
Bust still im here,
Though i know you want me gone.
I wish i was gone too,
But you dont undertand,
What i chose to be,
I shose to be more than a man.
Im a shadow,
Im a demon,
Im from hell, and heaven,
Somewhere between them.
I surfacing,
In a world of hate,
Im stuck on in the water,
Like im the bait.
Baiting those creatures,
From the depths,
You dont want to catch them,
You want it to be my death.
Well im done with your shit,
So find another sacrifice,
Im powerless,
Cause im stuck in a straight-jackets vice.
Ive got my problems,
You have plenty of yours,
Im not takeing conflicts,
Im not taking anymore.
Fend for yourselves,
Leave me out,
Like you always do,
I remember with absolutely no doubt.
Im done here,
Thanks for hearing my show,
But ask yourselves this:
What do YOU know?
i feel shy,
i feel my toes curl
and my muscles tighten
stomach flutters like an engine
heart speeds up before take off
i strap my mind in before it floats
it would get stuck in the clouds
love, as a gas would be light
lighter than helium it flies
with the combined effort
my heart and stomach
lift off the ground
a hot air ballon
filled with love
| |
| |
lit alight by you
we slowly flyaway
sharing our small
hot air ballon
do you still hate your father
because he had another woman,
& left you & your brother for her?
do you still resent your mother
because she turned a blind eye
& broke down when it came to light?
& so it is no small wonder
that when you see yourself
you must see the whore that you are
you still take his money after all.
that sort of self-disgust must be
pretty hard to swallow, digest.
no wonder, you're always hungry & empty
I myself admit I made the mistake of
confusing a void for an abyss.
If only it were so simple,
to cruise through life smelling roses;
but the obstacles blacken the countryside,
and we unwittingly crush them beneath our boots.
Dreams sustain us through the madness;
goals give a finish line to our race.
Yet they change with every turn, around every wall,
and remain elusive throughout the quest.
Mistakes are made, and regrets are our luggage;
we will drag them with us to slow us down.
The victories are flashes of light, sudden and unlasting, which allow us
to glimpse the road ahead before darkness descends.
Love is bitter, yet it is the bread that keeps us.
Over and over it fills us up, only to starve us.
The people whom we love shape our destinies and our strengths,
yet leave us cold and alone in the darkness.
There are others trying to race to the end;
occasionally, we bump into one or two.
The bonds we form help us down the path less lonely
but eventually, we lose each other in the darkness.
Alone is not a bad way to be;
it clears your head and focuses you on the journey.
Cherish the short intervals during the quest you have with others,
but be prepared to walk alone in the darkness.
I'm tipping myself over to encourage response from deep in your throat
the wind breaks over in ignorance of my spastic limbs
illicit - I want to stop and tell you how I used to pull out my own teeth
and now I would do anything to squeeze myself in the gaps between yours
tell me you love me
feel me
need
me
I wake in the dim light of morning mumbling my own name
crisp from the core
cut in half and a bore.
I want some more sand!
I'm tired of cement beneath
the slabs of meat I call feet,
the movement doesn't beat
the heat:
it fuels it.
burning
on my way uphill, the stretch
is between my thighs. Sweat!
this weather is no good for fancy clothes,
I've got pit stains up these hills.
I'd say I'm looking on the bright side, but
it's more of a stare, or perhaps it's the light
that's stalking me, because I can't seem to
escape it!
burning!
this soul is melting through this flesh which
can't let go of winters breath, what once was
afraid to freeze to death wants nothing more
than a cloud or four, to shade their skin from
sinking in.
the rays,
the haze,
the heat begins.
Summer is no enemy,
Winter is no friend,
all I want is Fall again!
The spring is here,
my nose is red,
the seeping of color shall spread
ahead,
down and all places around,
it'll push and shove as
my body is covered
in the guilt of not taking
the time to properly supply myself
with sun screen.
