So there is real life
And then there's fantasy
And somewhere in the middle
I get it, I think
At least I think I see
But still I wish that you could better explain it to me
I'm caught up in coincidence
Lost in metonymy
Every metaphor I come across
An extension of my being
I'm so lost
A battle that I can't define
Rooted in believing
A date with fate I can't avoid
But have no business seeing
I remember telling my best friend of how I once saw god
He clammed up and got real quiet
Waiting for me to go on
But there was no more to say
And on that day
I knew what it meant to be free
It was frightening
And deeply affected me
My life ever since has been a spiritual tragedy
I don't know how to fix it
I'm not sure what to think
It scares the shit out of people when I tell them
That God is all I see
That Stars must shine by Effect; Not by Pursuit
Thus Permit your Form a Finer Model make
That your Mind clips your Heart thus Admit the Fruit
Which Tangy Bites nip Worth its Pips forsake
So resumes Life your Hall-Marked Sport provide
When Bitter Chains left your Heart in a Spittle
Then HE came; As Form your Saviour confide
Broke your Tendons Strong its Harsh Links brittle
Then to the Lone Star your Exercise improve
Where Fresh yet Muscled Minds break Influence
That by HER - a-wait as Friendship approve
Hugged and Kissed your Limbs with a Difference.
Your Dove still Flies; By her Hands she set Free
As your Suitor smiles as Far the Rest can See.
What is the sound that wakes me
Or do I sense that you are near?
Whatever disturbs my slumber,
It is magical.
For it means that we share again a few moments
On our journey through life
What more could we ask?
It is wonderful.
As it was many years ago when we were susceptible
To the yearnings of young love
And we dreamed of such times.
It is beautiful.
As it was in this early morning
When we met in the darkness of love,
How fortunate can two people be?
It is thrilling.
Falling in love,
I know if you see this you'll know it's about you.
Because really, it's always been you.
And I can find pictures of us from when we were kids.
And the look on my face.
I swear I knew I was supposed to be with you when I was six.
Too bad you were twelve and I was just a dumb kid.
And I can find pictures of us two years ago.
When she still allowed you to talk to me.
Before she saw that my look was mirrored in your eyes.
And it may have taken you twelve years but you saw it.
And I can't find any pictures of us now.
Because we aren't allowed together when she's around.
And she is ALWAYS AROUND.
And this isn't our fault because you can't help this.
It's hard watching you be with her when my chest is exploding trying to let you see.
When my heart is breaking my ribs into fragments trying to get to you.
I'm comparing everyone to you which is so
because you're right here and I know in some other life it's me making you laugh and it's me you wrap your arms around and it's me who gets that whispered
"I love you"
This is starting to get weird.
Jesus Christ I know you know it's me.
Every fiber of my body is on edge, seething with a burning urge to be alive.
More alive than this repetitive stasis that is Educational routine.
My blood thrums and sings with the desire and yearning for otherworldly adventures.
The uncontainable demanding within my soul that CRAVES more than a dull life set within the confines and standards of a society that has disbanded the thrill seeking pleasure that is and was the old world. Now we have to pay a small fortune in order to obtain a moment where we transcend grey and our colors blast and shoot through the spectrum in solar flare heartbeat pulses of excitement that dulls far too soon.
I want to taste sea salt and raindrops on my lips, grains of sand beneath my feet.
To feel every nerve in my body alight with the spark of something more.
To face the unknown, not in a city nor my home cowering for the remainder of my life.
But to claim my destiny with both hands, clutching my glaive firmly in battle stances while gazing unafraid into the eyes of my nemesis, my enemy. To duel it out on stormy seas, sails billowing, lifelines secured, braced upon the slick decks of pirate ships soaked with rain while torrents of wind lash at my body during a dangerous battle between lovers, demanding my downfall at the hands of nature but instead of falling to it I would prevail and arise. Where lightning cracks across the sky like a golden whip, where thunder roars in agony across the cosmos like Atlas holding up the weight of the sky.
Engaged in the throes of battle while the air is rich and pungent with the scent of steel and the satisfying clang of blades locked in combat. Sword against glaive, antagonist and protagonist.
To battle and seek, to pursue those who dare take whom and what I love. To become MORE. To transcend the fabric of dreams and turn all this into something tangible, to grasp it tight and shower the seeds of dreams into the soil of the real world, and to help it bloom into a reality I've wished for my whole life.
Instead of sitting around writing about how much more I long for. I don't want to be trapped in columns, in places at certain times.
To change the world, to alter my dull fate and the chance to make the stuff of my daydreams and night visions into more than just letters on a page. To whisper and weave the song of those worlds into the fabric of this twisted reality and watch as stardust mends the frayed edges.
Perhaps it is this fate, that my dreams never see the light of the midday sun
that there is not a strong enough conviction nor skilled weaver to bring about the change I long for.
We grow up in a world filled with fairy tales and books filled to the brim with stories to capture our imagination and you cant expect me to suddenly still be content and satisfied with the damnable grayness that is the black and white of our world that will never be filled with color.
And I will be doomed to write out worlds and cultures I can never touch and interact with, never will I be able to grasp the soil of the other worlds and exist within the places I make.
Never will we, of earth, trapped inside dull grey columns ever truly experience freedom.
Not even with our words for we cant even paint the sky a different color other than grey, and the ground beneath our feet will only ever be black. Despite the colors we think we see, they're not the colors we want. Just pale washed out shades of worlds we will never be a part of.
How can One Feel So Isolated in a City of 8 million?
The Question Asked but Never Answered
for there is No One Else to Hear It
I find Myself throwing my hands in the air
Not in Celebration
but in Frustration
All resources have been used to depletion
Now I Wait for someone to Find Me
Or someone to be Found
I have friends
not in high places
in other places
far from here
made distant from my own choosing
Life was Fine
I Left it all Behind Me
What If I stayed?
I ask yet I don't want an answer
I am Lonely
I am Forlorn
But alas Time is my best friend
my only friend
i woke today
to a universe ended
all humanity had been wiped clean
life went on
cool to the touch
as i allow
to trail down
of your smooth skin;
almost like porcelain
to the touch,
you calmed me,
just being in the same vicinity as you
made me suddenly feel
overcome with a sense
and because of this,
i couldn't get enough of you;
i had never in my life
seen anything i regarded
as remotely close to
as beautiful as you were,
causing me to place you
on the highest of pedestals,
an insurmountable target
with which i used
every other person;
and none of them did;
you complemented a room
made me have to compliment you
for i have not once
come across something
an untainted piece of art
that i fear
will leave my life
sooner than i'd like,
by a stroke
of awful luck,
you'd been dropped
many a time
by undeserving people
that didn't recognize
the priceless masterpiece
they once had
to call their own,
to pick up the shattered pieces of yourself
and put them all back together
and while there are scars,
permanent indents and grooves
endlessly reminiscing previous pain,
i am not deterred in my quest
to show the whole world
what a magnificent specimen you are.
and because of this,
i vow to cradle you,
to protect you,
and to love you;
and i'll hope, every week,
that you like the flowers
i got for you to hold
(they glimmer well
with the hint of your eyes)
when the light
from the early morning sun
illuminates every corner
of those daisies,
and more importantly,
the beautiful vaselike angel
as if she's the only thing
keeping them from
the rest of the world;
the parts of reality
that don't notice,
that don't realize
and the simple beauty
inside of both of them;
which is why, darling
with your broken past
you fear falling apart
but i promise
to keep you safe
you're my work of heart.
Going inside and out
Compression to stretching
Something like breathing
Who's playing this squeezebox?
Can I make a request?
Play something lively, loud, and fast
My heart's tied in knots
My brain's hanging on
By the skin of my teeth
For the length of one song
Dance like you're dying
And dance like you're dead
Life is little more
Than a song in your head
Break down the walls and let it all in
Dance as if this moment will never end
Move to the rhythm and jump towards your soul
Suspended stringless puppet under no one's control
Fall down to yourself right on top of the beat
Spinning in the center of where all the lines meet
Slow it down for the break and take a deep breath
Potential energy buildup for what's coming next
Those chills in the moment right before it all hits
Soul body and mind caught up in the mix
Hear it; explode
Supernovate the senses
The death of a star amid a galaxy of faces
To be born again
In a jet stream of limbs
I find enlightenment
At 150 bpm
I don’t know, I just feel so sad so suddenly. I miss the way I’d be able to count on you for loving me. For being the only person in the entire world who would drop what they were doing and come be with me, even if that meant lying to your parents and my parents. I believed in a future with you, and I could reach out and feel it at any given moment. Life with you was so tangible, so beautiful, the very idea of it embraced me as you had so many times before, holding me closer and closer to you until we’d mend into one person. I love you so goddamned much, but it’s not enough. It will never be enough, because I can’t bring myself to give it all away. But I hope you feel it when I fall too close. I hope you feel it as my car drives down your street, exactly where it shouldn’t be. I hope that when you walk through the sea of fallen leaves at the park, you are drawn to the picnic table where we always sat at. And I hope that when you sit down, you’ll see it, my message to you, engraved in the wood with everything of mine.