A tape of memories was played in front of my eyes the first time we met the first kiss we had the bond between us everything of you is unforgettable i leaned down on your door i held your coat and smelled your smell my tears couldn't control themselves ,and with every tear dropped there was a deep sorrow . You made me see life through your eyes , you made me realize that nothing is worth my tears, but here we are part from each other my eyes couldn't control the tears dropped for you. All what am asking for is to open a new chapter a new chance that we both deserve lets take the step of risking everything just to be together. Would that be hard?!
i don't wanna go to heaven
i like it here, i like this hell
makes me feel alive
makes me feel week&broken
bruises my hands and spits on my dreams
but i feel it, i feel it's worth it
i always thought that i liked calmness and harmony
but i don't, i don't like standing still
i don't like "being stuck" or "dead"
i love the pain and the hurt
it makes me wanna begin again,
try a little harder, and once more
with pain i can feel it, the life
You say you care for them truly
Yet you do things which make them unhappy
You tell them you treasure the relationship that you share
Yet you cause them hard feelings they can't bear
You assure them that they can always count on you when life gets rough
Yet when you fail to be a shoulder, you leave them no choice but to get tough
Words without actions are dead, they said
Just thoughts and feelings that are thrown out of your head
But what you think and feel only matter to you
Not to me, not to them, not to anyone's point of view
It's what you do to the people you say you love that matters
That's the only thing that matters
Been lonesome when you didn’t enter that university where your closest friends did?
Bet you even cried like a mad kid
Been completely discouraged when you were obliged to take the course which was never your option?
It didn’t even interest you a bit, not to mention
Been upset when you found out that your first love still flirts with a whole lot of pretty girls in his campus?
Surely did hurt even more if he’s still the one your heart does choose
Been depressed when you failed a major subject last term?
But still, you showed everybody that you’re positive and firm
Ever wondered why all those had to happen
And left your mind and soul somewhat misshapen?
If you could control your life completely, would things have happened differently?
Whatever your answers may be, take the following cause there’s nothing much better than reality
If you entered that university where your closest friends did,
Would you meet the circle of friends whom you’re now always with?
If you didn’t take the course you were told to,
Would you learn that you have the potential to create a professional out of you?
If you didn’t find out that your first love still flirts with some pretty girls like other men do,
Would you ever have any reason to forget him, if you wish to?
If you didn’t fail that major subject last term,
Would you have the same motivation you have right now to do way better next term?
We never could control the things that would happen to us like breathing
Cause if we could, life would definitely lose its meaning
We may not always experience the life that we wanted
But we would always live through the seed of life that He planted
Yesterday, you were once a child
Who was innocent and mild
Your genuine smile was a sign of happiness
And every act you did had a touch of gentleness
Your room had everything you were after
And the outside world didn't ever matter
You knew completely where you belong
And it seemed like nothing could go wrong
Today, you have to accept that you have grown up
Must know when to speak and when to shut up
Smile if you should, whether you mean it or not
And when life knocks you out, just take another shot
Realize that your room was just a tiny box
It was never the reality full of cottons and rocks
Lucky if you find your place in this world so strange
And if not, it will always be you who will have to change
Tomorrow, it may not be of value who you were yesterday
Should have to make a stand, no matter what others will say
But there will always be an exception to every rule
Wisely choose your beliefs so as to avoid creating a fool
However, if a circumstance dictates that fooling yourself is a must
Then cope with it and gain yourself a trust
Besides, change being inevitable means everything can vanish
But still, leave a mark at least, which your ascendants will cherish
Shipping daughters across seas to different fathers....
Flipping dollars into gardens of scholars.....
Gripping flowers in full bloom...
Clipping hair under full moon in summer....
Sipping milk and honey from the stream of life that's dying.....bummer...
because when you need your product right freaking now
--obviously your busy life is a much more important life than mine
and when you don't check prices while you're shopping
only to realize at the cash how ridiculously expensive your purchase is
yes, you're right
the lowly cashier is the perfect person to yell at.
She saw her life flash before her eyes
Even the dark chapter containing a swift demise
Furry sank in
As she grew uncomfortable in her own skin
Everything was supposed to turn out alright
Not flutter away like some unhinged kite
This man was supposed to be the epitome of desire
A person others could admire
There shouldn't have been any indecision
They were to merge in an act of pure fission
And So it appeared for fifty long days
Then in disintegrated in the reflected glimpse of a bong's haze.
In the hustle and bustle of a metropolitan city, I searched you down. Stalked, hunted and fished you out. Out of the 7 billion people, I found you, and that was all which mattered. You. Your hair still soft and ruffled with care, you lips still pink without usage, or so I hoped, your eyes, sparkling as always behind your thin framed silver glasses. You, with your bold look, walking across the streets like you own them. You, with you heavy and slow steps walking to your destination with a purpose to conquer. You.
And in that unknown city, so far away from the root of our existence, with mindless honks of drivers and a play of lights everywhere, I found somebody that I used to know. A face not forgotten, yet changed, eyes which haunted reappeared and a voice which lingered rung in my ears. I found you.
I would purposely bump into you, pretending to be in a hurry, pretending to not recognize the only face embedded in my soul, drop my valuables, say something like my identification card, give you a quick smile and a sorry and run off and disappear into the wave of the crowd.
You would just stare at the card. Be reminded of a life so distant, possibly a life forgotten, probably forcefully. Be reminded of how a girl, crazy and wild, young in her years, had come and gone from your life. Be reminded of the question you always used to ask yourself "what happened?"
I would hide to see your face grow white. You had just seen a ghost. A ghost of your past, who you had forcefully left behind. Now, after decades of separation, years spent not even giving it a second thought, years spent away, you were reminded again. The fire was lit again. The fire which made you pick up the card, stare at the number and automatically dial it up. I would say "hello", at which you would cut the call still unsure of what you would say. Scanning, devising a plan, you would call again, only this time you would talk.
"Hello", I would say confused.
"I found your wallet miss, remember you bumped into me earlier?"
"oh yes thank god for you sir. Tell me where you are and I shall come and pick it up."
and with that you would let yourself go.
after all, a "hi" i all we need to melt, to fall, to die, all over again right?
and with that I woke up to the alarm screaming in my ears to remind me that reality still persisted, and that it would take more than a dream to get you back.
The last few passengers hopped on catching their breaths with a huff and a puff and taking the remaining seats where they could, while handling their bags in one hand and their mufflers and hats with the other. It was just an ordinary day for them. A day when work and reaching their office on time was the only thing they could think about. A day when half their time on the launch was spent worrying if the Tiffin box packed so lovingly by their wives toppled over to create a mess. A day when they couldn't stop and stare. A day when materialism came before appreciating nature’s beauty.
Kolkata woke up one fine chilly morning to a sky set ablaze. There was always something about Kolkata and its lights that intrigued me. The perfection with which every corner was lit just as much as it should be, the hidden eye candy which could only be seen if you look into your soul to appreciate. Worshipers from all over flocked to the ghats to offer their prayers. And with the mindless honking of the city behind them and the open river in front, they dipped themselves in continuously to be forgiven of their sins. As they lifted their folded hands above their heads to pray and dipped themselves, they made the water all around them make huge ripples which were lost in the vastness of the mighty river. And with that, they were forgiven of their wrong doings, or at least that’s what they believed.
The engines roared to life as one of the crew, miserably opened the ropes and threw them on board after ringing a bell. I stood in one corner of the launch eyeing Kolkata, taking every bit of it in - its morning awakening, its old red bricked buildings, or at least the ones which still stood straight, its ghats green with moss and over crowded with devotees, its icy cold winter morning, and the current of the river beneath the launch floor. Kolkata had woken up to one of the coldest days in recent history. 9 degrees and the wind was up. On the Ganga it felt as if I had come away to some faraway land, away from the hustle and bustle of the city, to find peace. Silence surrounded me and the only sound faintly audible was the low whistle of the breeze brushing past my cheeks kissing them which felt like tiny needles poking me all at once.
The water looked like liquid glass, floating away to infinity and beyond, as far as my eyes took my vision. As the launch turned to face its destination the Howrah Bridge came into view. Standing tall with its two gigantic pillars the sun peeped from between the cables to shine on the water creating a river of gold while the sun’s reflection seemed a ball of fire just within our reach. The bridge cast huge shadows causing a sudden darkness to arise in the water which otherwise seemed ablaze.
Across the river the world waiting for me felt distant. Was civilization actually that beautiful? Or did nature just wrap its covers around to hide the flaws of mankind, his ruthlessness, his ignorance towards other beings and its lack of humanity? The dashes of green popped out of the corners of towering buildings, as sun cast its golden rays on them creating shadows on the opposite side.
The small boats sailed on as the launch took me from bank to bank. The rowers sat at the back on the edge with their rows half immersed in the water. And as the currents made them flow by, the ripples came and hit our launch and travelled back into the vastness and disappeared. They sailed through the disturbed water, and its shadows sailed alongside. The rivers serenity was contrasted with the blobs of weed floating by, entangled with driftwood and mixed with shiny cloths, probably the leftovers of the previous durga puja celebrations.
The sky was a game of colors by now. The sun, still a ball of fire, was slowly creeping upwards, the light grey clouds just behind it shot rays of gold down through the gaps they found on the world below, the sky otherwise was a play of grey, blue, red and orange set in order from the ground upwards without a definite point of distinction. A group of three birds, crows most probably, flew overhead enjoying the sun’s late arrival to the cold morning.
My hands reached for the railing. I gripped the rods tightly looking for security. I looked around me to spot the different lives sailing with me. Some on their phones, some sat with their eyes glued to the cold blank floor, as if they didn’t deserve to be uplifted by nature’s display of her beauty, some staring down at their watches to scrutinize each second to realize how late there were while others stood with a blank expression staring out onto the river, probably going over what they did wrong, playing the images on repeat, making themselves miserable. Me? I stood leaning on the railing looking out also. But I wasn’t in my misery. My misery was behind me. I looked forward to life. And for now I looked forward to my destination. And amongst the crowd I was alone. This was my moment and mine alone. No one could have robbed me of this moment, and no one can make me forget.
The river gave me peace of mind. Its tranquility and its continuity made an energy of constancy flow within me. A belief that this too shall pass, that every moment shall pass. Never ending was its path. A path which life had chosen. Who are we to disrupt it? Who are we to stop? Life flowed on. And times were not always smooth sailing. There will be waves rocking you, making you lose your balance, there will be rocks at the bottom, sometimes holding you together while other times damaging your base. With time and distance the river will get polluted, but it all depends on what you want to show and what you choose to see. It will be used, to its maximum capacity, with only a handful of souls to stop and think about it and do something about it to the best of their abilities. Things varying in all sizes will cross it, sail by without paying any heed to the water beneath it making them sail smoothly, never appreciating it, and soon it becomes a part of them which they pay no attention to it. It will always be there though. Its existence will always prevail over it being ignored. And when you stop to think, it’ll be there pushing you along the way, to your destination, where you will have to say goodbye to the picture perfect moments, the soul touching feelings and the voice within you which screams in its silence to set yourself free.