Last night I dreamt of the space between the stars.
The darkness, the blackness,
The thrilling rift between the riots
Was saying to me in a voice so muffled and hot,
So hidden and so stifled,
So unbelievably moody and inclement,
That voice was telling me what I need to be.
I felt the slow stripping of my mind,
As if I was an onion.
I saw in my mind’s eye,
In the mirrored lagoon of nymphs swimming around in my head,
What I needed to be.
I saw a small girl
As tall as a tree
Who knew the weight of a human heart
And wasn’t afraid for people to ask
On the topic of her quite broken heart
Hanging on by a gossamer thread to her ribs.
She loved herself
And the life she lived
And loved her broken heart as well,
As it turned cold and warm and loved them all.
You're dead but you breathe as though you're alive
You're alive but you act as though you're dead
A rapid heartbeat silenced by a shock of silence
Silence invades your mind
Causing temporary peace
Until your thoughts go to war
They fight for a chance to be heard
But they know that no one will listen
As the realization sets in
The silence becomes deafening
Even life threatening
Everybody wants to be heard
But nobody wants to listen.
Is anyone out there?
I'm all alone.
Can anyone hear me?
Is anyone there to find me
And tell me everything's going to be okay
The one lie that everyone wants to hear
The one that makes everything a little bit better
But it is yet a lie
It's false hope
Nothing gets better
The world is a lie
And we are all trapped in its web
Spiraling down into darkness
No one is there
Just your false hopes
Your dreams soon turn to the unimaginable
Your happiness turns to bitter loneliness
Your life turns to ash
All thats left of you sits in a pit of despair
Still believing in the little lie
Late afternoon walks with mommy around the neighborhood
We picked flowers that smelled good too.
Breakfast in bed for mommy on mothers day
Don't spill any syrup or you'll have to pay
Home cooked meals once a week
Mommy's stressed and doesn't want to eat
Brother and sister are tall and skinny
They got mommy's genes. Not me
Mommy's head is hurting
Please be quiet, she is sleeping
Mommy loves her kids very much
But can't she see my life is rough
Mommy where were you when I needed you the most
Oh well I'll go drown myself or hang myself from this noose.
But it's good to know you loved me too.
Pure light and sound
Just plain light and sound
That’s what our bodies of made of
Not sugar and spice that we know of
Not everything nice as we talk about; as we say
Just the five elements which obstruct the way
Blocking the source of the light and sound,
To which we are by the elements bound
The light, the sound and the elements so found
Together play games so that they are not found
While we labour through life so unsound,
Until we reach the grave which is a mound
Seeking the mystery of our so called life;
Which is filled with both joy and strife
Until we discover the light and sound
Which makes our life go round and round
Since the day I was brought in
to this Home Sweet Home
My mom adores me
My dad loves me
My sisters cuddle me
My brother plays with me
Teaches me new tricks each day
My life is complete
My house is a castle
Meals are superb
Everything is perfect
Should I complain?
But today as I am sitting by the window
Watching people crossing by
Unfamiliar faces I see,
unlike my mom, dad, sisters and brother
I can see vehicles moving fast and slow
From this bedroom window...
I see other kids playing and giggling
Oh this is so exciting, I thought.
I can see butterflies kissing the flowers
In my mother's garden...
I wonder what kind of life is out there?
I wonder I wonder I wonder
Is the world outside this window
more colorful than mine?
Is there any other species like me?
Is there any other cat in the window like me?
Do this, do that
a reward you'll get-
-in appreciation, they said,
but exhaustion they forgot.
Do this, do that,
that'll help your grades
this year they said.
from good to bad.
Don't play, don't play
mug up your books they said
future will be fun they said,
the biggest lie our life has had.
I won't study, I said,
You'll ruin yourself, they said,
Do what you want-
- it's your life, they said,
and I think it was well said.
dear lord i
want to do
things i will
not regret eternally
i sleep in
your hammock love
i am no
but rather waking
to the silence
of my hut
to the how-are-you-this-mornings
of the secret friend
each other as
the semis roar
by on the
highway headed for
nyc or maybe
dear lord thank
you for life
for this hut
for this blanket
please wrap your
grace around those
who are doing
without wrap it
around me that
i may wrap
it around others
heal us and
we'll be healed
save us and
we'll be saved
The hallway seemed to sway with the motion of the tears filling my eyes. I tried to keep going to get to the door, but I collapsed there in the hall. The weight crashing down on me. She was dead. My only love was dead. I’d been with her for six years and we’d been waiting to get married. That was all over now. They had killed her. I laid my head in my hands and let it all go. I fell spiraling down into the darkness at the edge of my consciousness. My very last thoughts echoing in my head as I slipped into this grief coma, they would all pay, they would pay.
The clock on the wall ticked loudly as I made my way to Mr. Jefferson’s office. The hallways were empty, an unusual thing for a Monday morning in a business firm. I tried not to let it get in my head. I had a job to fulfill. If I didn't get this one right the boss would surely wring my neck. She wasn't the most understanding person, and tolerated no mistakes. A dark cherry wood door lay at the end of the long hallway with a silver plate spelling out Mr. Jefferson’s office. All the other doors I had passed had, had similar ones.
I knocked on the door quietly waiting for an invitation inside. I took a deep breath and steady myself. Telling myself I had to do this. There was still no beckoning to come in so I knocked louder, but was only greeted by silence. I opened the door quickly and peered in. Mr. Jefferson laid slumped over his paper work in the messy piles on his desk.
A bullet through his head. Well this was just great now the boss had another reason to chew me out. I closed the door quietly and made my way to the body. Blood spilled from the back of his head and off his shoulders dripping into the puddle on the floor. I took my phone from my pants pocket and called Leo.
“Hey, Leo we got a problem, Jefferson’s already dead. They’re a step ahead of us. What’s my next move?” the line was silent for a minute until he replied, “what was the cause of death?” I looked at the back of Jefferson’s head one more time to make sure that was no other abrasions. “Bullet wound in the back of his head, no sign of struggle either.”
“Alright, I’ll inform the boss. You should probably make your way back to the headquarters. I can tell you now the boss isn't going to be happy.” I sighed I already new that. The bitch had been riding my ass all month now. It wouldn't hurt her to give us all a break once in a while. I closed my phone. I made my way out the door. No doubt someone else would find Jefferson and would immediately go for the video tapes.
Luckily I didn't come here alone, I brought my computer genius along, that could erase us from every tape and cover his tracks. I gave a polite smile to each person I passed and had to fight to walk calm and smoothly out the front doors. Brain already waited inside the car looking anxious. We were both fairly new to the working in the field. Usually the boss assigned me on small assignments. I got inside the drivers side and pulled out right away. “Jefferson was already dead when I got there, bullet wound to the back of the head, what I don’t understand is how no one heard it, or why he didn't struggle,” I told Brian. “Maybe a silencer on the gun? And perhaps his lack of struggle was because there was a gun pointed at his head?” I thought it over. It was possible but that was different from all the others. “They usually cover their tracks better than that though,” I looked over at Brain whose face was crinkled by his deep thoughts. “Maybe they were in a rush?” The wound had looked freshly made. “Perhaps,” I said still mulling it over. “I suppose we’ll just have to wait for the police reports.”
As I had figured Liana was furious. “How is it that four out of seven of the people I've told you to get information from then take out have ended up already dead when you got there?” She spit angrily in my face. Liana was a scary lady but she didn't scare me.
“I don’t know you tell me,” I said and smiled at her. I could feel the audience behind me stop what they were doing and cringe. “Do you think this is funny?” Liana said quietly.
Her face had gone rigid and her fist clenched so tightly at her sides, the knuckles had turned a ghostly white.
I knew which battles to fight and which to surrender. “No, nothing is funny,” I spat out clenching my jaw. I really hated this stupid job. If it wasn't for Liana keeping my brother alive I wouldn't be here. And just as I thought it Liana cheerfully reminded me, “do remember darling, your brothers life lies in my hands. One wrong move and it’s bye bye brother, understood?” Her dark eye’s drilling into mine. The feeling of hatred seeped from my body as it was overflowing inside me now. “Understood,” I growled.
“Good, now get out. I’ll call you when I have your next assignment.” She turned but stopped to look back,
“ and next time do not mess up,” then walked back into her office slamming the door.
I let the breath I had been holding out and left quickly before they all burned holes into me with their heavy glares. I made my way to Kyle’s room. The walls were painted dark blue with small silver stars painted all over. I had painted it for him, he loved the stars. “Kyle?” I said shakily looking down at the boy. His tiny body shaking in pain. He wouldn't eat. The vomiting broke his bones sometimes. His bones stuck through his skin like his skin had only been draped over his frail bones. The tears flowed from my eye’s and down my face. He was only fifteen.
He was so sick, I just wanted him to be okay. Healthy again. The reason I’d signed up to join this place was because they promised to save him. They said as soon as I finished the biggest assignment they would heal him. But I grew more and more doubtful.
Kyle had been infected, by the scientist. A super parasite they’d created. It caused brain disorders, like anorexia. Kyle’s brain was being attacked making him suicidal and making him believe he was anorexic. Making him believe he had to do these things. When it first started he was only depressed. He began cutting himself. When I saw the deep cuts in his arms and on his stomach I asked him about it and his answer had been, “I didn't want to do I just had to“ . At the time I’d misunderstood him.
Now I knew. He literally had been forced by the parasites inside his brain.
His eye’s were closed and I could see the struggle it took for him to intake each breath. His arms, thin ropes, laid at his side. It took a massive amount of energy and strength for him to even turn his head. “I will fix this Kyle, believe in me when I tell you that, I love you.” I kissed his cold forehead and left shutting the door slowly.
He lived a lie while
he was with me, It
started when I ended
up in the ER after we
saw that horror movie
and he could no longer
be his true self, the last
bit was gone and he
tried a little too hard
to be what I wanted.
In the end, that drove
him away and now
he's living the life he