I started accepting
That is what you haven't
This is all what you have
I haven't experienced Mother's love
Hence...i don't understand
The Word Mother
I remember that crucial stage
Of my life
When i was suffering from
The worst time
Yes...I remember those days
She was behaving like an enemy
Rather than a mother
At that time...I need her
I was completley alone
I have cried each and every night
I need then only my mother
But it was not in my destiny
It is not in my destiny
Hence...i don't understand
The Word Mother
I have Mother...but not her love
Whenever ...i get a shove
My Mother don't hold me
I am supportless i.e i have not Mother's love
Hence...i don't understand
The Word Mother
There are a few types of music
Music when you're happy
Music when you're sad
Music that makes you think of someone
And music that doesn't mean anything to you
Until certain things happen In your life
And it just moves you, speaks to you.
Pushes you through the through
Glides you through the smooth
Music that I listen to when I'm only thinking of you.
But I never tried poetry
And now I realize
Poetry can be used
To explain love in great detail
An image in a readers mind
But love can mean many things
To the writer.
So the reader has to relate to it in someway
Dig deep within the lines
It's like finding a diamond in the rubble
But when they do their eyes come alive.
See a poem has to flow
Tell a story in someway
Poems that only make sense to me
My mind is thinking of new
Lines every, single, day
See I never wrote poetry before I came here.
I see it as a land of peoples
Story's and Dreams
A land of people who
Get heat-broken and Shattered
And write about the things they've seen
People that write about the dark valleys in their mind
People who write poems about their lovers,
as you see their words come alive.
People who write about their struggles and addiction
A place where everything in their mind is in one place
and most of it is non-fiction.
But poetry for me
Are my Demons scrawled
Across these pages
And my story's to tell
This place is where I drown them
They lay there in that thing
The thing I used to call the Wishing Well.
If they're here, they're not in my mind
Emotion in my lines
But the reader has to Look, Imagine and Relate
But when they do, their minds come alive.
Now I know this
Poem may not be the best
And It's not meant to be
Because this is a poem that will only make sense to me
Just another Demon
I have thousands and this is just one less.
But now I come here everyday
In the hope I can feel something and relate to somebody else in some sort of way
People who I don't know but I can read and read
Pages upon pages and for a moment my mind becomes less tense and I start to believe.
I didn't mention the Angels
Because they're quiet
They only come when I rest
I think a lot
But I know they're always silent
During the Test.
I woke up this morning slumped in a chair
Needed you more than ever but you weren’t there
Where did you go?
I could smell you on my sweater
I woke up expecting us to be together
You left no letter, so I’m writing you this one
I feel all alone, can’t reach you on the phone
Was it something I done? Something I said?
I’m crawling to the kitchen now, need pills for my head
I’m confused as to why you’re treating me badly
This is far from the first time, so this letter sadly
Is the last I’ll send you, in the past I’ve defended you
You defended me too, or at least pretended to
You’ve broke more than you mended
Lost count of friends of mine you’ve offended,
You ruined family gatherings, so why should it be
I find myself missing you, am I crazy?
You’re no good for me,
Good god my head is pounding
Maybe it’s just coz I feel so groggy I need grounding
A good cup of coffee should do the trick
Already late for work, I’ll call in sick
Or did I ring last night? Come to think of it
Have I been to work at all this week? What day is it?
It’s coming back to me, I spoke to someone,
My manager actually told me I’ve broken my contract
Don’t come back she said, this is worse than I thought
Did you know about this? Is that why you’ve walked?
After all it was your fault I lost the damn job
Too much time together
That’s what my friends keep telling me
My neighbour came round last night, he was yelling at me
If I ruined his flowers again he’d call the police
Huh! What a joke, drunk and disorderly
I never feel drunk anymore, it’s just ordinary
As I take a seat back in the chair I woke up in this morning
Head in my hands breathing deep, thoughts forming
All the tell-tale clear cut signs I’ve been ignoring
The pains in my belly, the headaches are a warning
Now I realise
I’m looking at things through new eyes
My wife left months ago, for another guy
It was weeks ago my manager fired me
I haven’t looked for work, who would hire me?
My best friends don’t come by no more, never call me
There was a time when they would’ve gone to war for me
I took no heed, they told me my life is shambolic
Without realising, I’ve become an alcoholic
I’ll never change, I take a can and pull the tab
Hear the tsssk and bring it up to my lips
Drink fast and sink into oblivion, my destructive bliss.
You come home late in your short skirt
You're such a flirt, that's what really hurt
I pretend to be asleep as you enter
You see at this game I'm a beginner
In my universe you've become the center
I'm never sure what to say or do
When I get the blues
So I act a fool
Under your breath you start to giggle
You crawl in bed and start to wiggle
My emotions get so fickled
Inside I start to cringe
Cuz you need to make amends
Fast asleep I still pretend
Yet I guess you have your plan
And it's all that I can stand
When you whisper "You're my man!"
Don't wake me from this dream
It's not a bad dream
Hell I don't know what it means
First I start to waste away
Then you feel the need to play
Perhaps I'll figure life out someday...
Kindred spirit, the privilege is mine, it's just that I,
I never finish because there is nothing going on, nothing to go on.
All right, all right, all right,
I don't write as much as I used to,
but in all fairness (to myself)
I feel a bit more loose.
Never mean to,
but I guess I argue
a lot in order to hide
how much I really don't care;
Celina said it's not okay
but that at least I know
I only want to be in my body
when you are touching it.
That tone an angel loaned
to you can ripple through
the void, make a soft,
translucent puddle out of reality,
can you see me
on the other side?
Don't say I'm angry,
it's just that
no one has ever really tried
to impress me, so I'm scared
Remember you are here,
don't be weird about the types of things
sentimentality will bring,
will string along to the
forefront of an open sore;
no one pours the sink a whiskey
drink until the girls are crying out above the stars,
better yet stirring them from afar
for their own faults, for being
fickle with their hearts.
You know I don't sleep much,
You know I don't dream of such
pretty things but I could imagine
how you, in a different life,
were gifted eternal wings.
Those that brought you to me.
Get over it.
Where are the men
Those that stand up and admit their sin
Hiding behind leaves
Where are the men who are faithful those that are not cheaters
The ones that care more about growth in God than sneakers
Where are the men that have not been conditioned
Rape by they kin now they grown and switching
Oh its deep like a giant squid swimming
Where are the men that understand that there wounds need healing
The men that do right dictated by the direction of the Holy Spirit not there feelings
Where are the men that get married and stay
Those that raise there families mightily like Christ rising from the dead
The men that make decisions with their heads
And not the one between their legs
Where are the men who don't need kegs
Trying to balance life with crutches and wooden pegs
Where are the men that know what manhood is
The men that don't have multiple baby mother's and random kids..
Where are the men?
I look in the mirror and see one
The others are my friends
There are other real men that exist
Many grown boys
Like 17 year old that look 25 but are kids
baby freckles, barely visible specks of orange burst to the surface
of these great, white lakes. my thighs. you know the ones—
they slap together when I walk.
amazing! the miracle of life on stage before your eyes, my canvas
is a breeding ground of new beginnings. from zygote to fetus
to full sized fucking being in three minutes or less.
gestation has never been so quick and painless!
I give birth some 2600 times a day—amazing!
infants crawl tirelessly on my pasty ginger shell. copper-colored children
with free reign to my body, none quite like another;
more like snowflakes than children.
and they melt away so easily when I abandon the heat of the sun...
I am a mother denied. I mourn my loss.
Curb-stomping pumpkins, and smashing jack o'lanterns
Fall's my favorite season but shit October's doggie days for me
Stagnant rivers, and pockets full of leaves
I try to run a little faster just to escape these things catching up to me
Big furrys and little monsters at my knees
I need to feed on something sweet
So give me your neck girl,
I need your flesh, give me your blood, your best
Give me your glitter, your neon breasts
Oh, get me the hell out of this monsters nest
Adrenaline pumped into me, I feel every blood platelet intimately rushing through me.
Radioactively synthesized, authenticity arise
Don't wait on me babe, I'm just trying to synchronize
Worry about me, and I'll let the tension build
Till I get the attention fill I need, babe.
Raid my mind with all your battleships and detremental cerebral
Break me down until you find something worth keeping
I've bartered the black market selling love for lust, and my dreams for less
I barter my pleasures, but I always want more
I've lived a shallow life, assured
I've become a monster, and a whore, all while trying be something
So much more
Now I follow with the beasts boohoo
I didn’t want to let myself fall back into the trap
I didn’t want to remain within a passive shell of my previous self.
I knew it was time to be active,
Or history would have repeated itself.
I was honest,
I was authentic,
I spoke my mind,
And let my tongue free.
This time, I took control.
At some point in life,
A person has to choose to stop meandering.
They have to refuse to be blown around by the winds of life.
At some point, a person has to become an active participant in his or her own life.
And, this was my time.
I took control of the situation,
And I started looking out for me.
Pardon me, if didn’t consider how you felt
Or if I was being too blunt,
But sometimes you need to look out for yourself before you consider others.
Sometimes, you need to watch your own six…
Because you don’t know if the person behind you is really behind you.
Sometimes, the ones that you’d die for are the ones that are pulling the trigger.
If Caesar was betrayed by his closest friend,
What more does that say about the average person and those that are around them.
Know when to take control,
And know when to watch your own six.