I'm tired of living my life taking orders from fate in a language I cannot comprehend let alone understand
It's too intricate and complicated to start to untangle all the excuses we're using to confuse things
I can find momentary happiness at the end of the bottle and some solace in the pills
I can lose myself to the pain anger and passion when I take possession of another soul that succumbs
To all of the darkness and silly rigidity of all of my sorry dreams and pathetic hopeful fancy
You thought it was love when I choke fucked you until you came like stars singing and fading
I just thought of someone else I love hate can't have to hold and humiliate
I guess it's about the same thing

Even though we're worlds apart
Even though I think you're too crazy
I still find myself smiling at you on the telly
Laughing your heart out over the silliest things

I never know what colour your hair nor nails will be
The tight slacks and nose-ring you love so much
I would certainly curl my lips and pull a frown  
When I Contrast those with my shirt and tie

Your love for life just shines through
One look at you and the world's a nicer place
It's people like you who make others smile
That deserve to be happy contented and blessed

What I see is what you show the world
I don't know what goes on behind the lights
I don't know how you are when you're alone
I don't know if you ever carry a surly look

I sometimes think it would be nice to see you
Without the leggings, the painted nails, the crazy hair
But then I also think I don't want to
So I can always smile when I see you :)

9 cigarettes,
9 hours.
And this love dies with my last pack.
For I cannot let,
The venomous things in life,
Take mine.
I will be poisoned no longer.
For this time...
Mind outsmarts,
The heart.

I carry the weight of a million troubles
Watching my family tear apart
And everything we had, fell to rubble.

The selfish stubborn that flows about
My sister and mother are broken
I'm stuck in a middle and can't get out.

You stupid ignorant child
Don't you even care
Your relationship's defiled.

Oh but I must have forgot
Everythings about you
Even if our family will rot.

I dread the thought of seeing you
It turns my stomach
I know she dislikes it too.

That isn't how it should be
We should all be excited
Why can't everyone be happy.

I hate this way of life
Please grow up
I can't live with constant strife.

I'll see you very soon
So very soon indeed
The desperate month of June.

See you soon my dear sister
Are you prepared
Because I'm ready for a twister.

On the Outside Looking In

How sad it is when brave heart meets mad assassin!
On day lit street,
How cruel it is,
When daylight spreads her stunning wrap as shroud,
Young fellow,
Tragic life lost!
Appalling,
Barbaric bastards,
Sin incarnate!
Let hell have no mercy on their vile souls,
Look inside,
Analyse,
Fire fed incubus,
Increment,
Pure disgust,
Realise,
Mass mess,
Damage done,
Community relations busted,
As two rampaged alone,
Dancing with devils,
Horrendous!
Religion whirls in chaos,
Paradise lost,
Solution zero, not grounded,
Tragic,
Agendas confused,
Misunderstood,
Hellish cost!
Crucify others with tongue alone,
Here I sit and ask that all this evil ends,
I know that it's impossible to have a world of friends!

By ladylivvi1

© 2013 ladylivvi1 (All rights reserved)

I'm reading a book
About life and death and stars
And everything in between
Like love and hospitals
And all I can do
Is sit here and cry
Because it is beautiful

The living and the dying
Is translated into words that I understand
Heartbreaking phrases
And hysterically awkward conversations
And it's all there:
Life
Death
Love
Hospitals
Kisses in Amsterdam
Love in Indiana
Life

The nights are long
Once the sun sets, the thoughts come back
Something about the absence of light drawing my mind back
To the darkest of times
The gun in my mouth, blood stained sheets
A handful of pills in my lap, so easy to swallow them all
Tying nooses for practice, just in case I ever need them

All those things?
They really happened
And they feel like so long ago
But in reality, it was just
8 months ago
That I decided to fuck it all
Roll the dice, end my life

It was the only failure in my life that ever made anyone proud
Which is sad
But most things in life are sad
Just like me
A broken boy, age 16
So young, to be so damaged
Released from the hospital because i was "fixed," whatever the hell that means

Struggling everyday now just to wake up, move past those nightmares
Over caffeinated, lacking sleep
Splitting headaches, fear of anyone I meet
Anxiety so constant a bother
It never lets me be free
So any and all interactions are tinged with more dark thoughts
Like, "i'm messing this up, she must hate me"

All day is like this
Forcing laughter, always tinged with hysteria
I don't know if anyone notices
I highly doubt it; nobody ever notices me
But even if they do, they say nothing
But I suppose there is nothing right to say
To some lost soul, losing his sanity

Dear You,

My unknown love,  
Did you see the rain gather in puddles?
Or were you too distracted by the city life?
Watch the headlights as you run across the street
Or focus on the light turning red,

Did you see me drink that glass?
Or hear me cough

Do you like the way it turned out?
All the pieces fit perfect

Or, are you like me,
Pretending
That this is what you want